I tried and it didn't work out.

[nosugarsadded]

I wrote this entry almost 6 years ago. It sums up how I've lived (or tried to live) for the past decade or so. But, I don't think it's working. I'm not getting the results that I expected. In fact, my life has slowly devolved into a flaming pile of shit. Everything in my life has been getting shittier, except a few things that seemed to be getting

Comments

[queenofhalves]

i'm really sorry things have been so hard. if you don't want a response other than sympathy, don't feel like you need to read on

[nosugarsadded]

Thank you for the response! (If I didn't welcome them, I would have posted completely privately.)

I've been chewing on all of this for the past couple of weeks and talking it over with a few people. "Have more boundaries" seems to be the common suggestion, but I don't want to. My compulsion is to open myself up more and more, since more love and compassion, rather than less, seems like the way to make everything better. I want to live in a world where infinite, open, honest love really doesn't make a lasting difference, but it seems like it doesn't work that way. I don't understand why.

I'll take a look at The Dance of Anger.

[jenndolari]

I feel ya. I totally feel ya. And I'm sorry.

[nosugarsadded]

Things are definitely always changing. But in my life, they have been changing for the worse for at least the past six years. Since the beginning of 2007, I've been experiencing at least one of the big top-ten-most-stressful situations every eight months, and they've all be for the worse. The awesome times are few and far between, enough that it's really not worth it anymore. I keep trying, and prying my heart open so it doesn't seal up with scar tissue and atrophy. I interact with fewer and fewer people, hoping that I'll be treated with gentleness, openness and honesty. But I keep getting screwed over.

[nobodobodon]

Nobody wishes he could protect you from that. Alas, I cannot.

[nosugarsadded]

Yeah. Thanks.

[kittie1156683]

nosugarsadded