Yellow Pages

[not_so_suave]

[Locked due to spent emotional turmoil]

We’re all aware that a certain someone’s gone/homeless/possibly dead. And we ALL know what that certain someone [in all decent honesty] should be doing at this very moment. But that unfortunately for his jack-assery is not going to happen. I should know; I’ve known the man for the better portion of my life.

Comments

[super_cuts]

What the

I didn't expect to come back to the computer and see an angry novel written about me. I'M a coward? *I* screwed over the family? You don't know shit about what was going on, what I--Jesus! It doesn't matter. Stop whining about fruit and whatever and find a new bodyguard and get back to work before you go broke and the boys go stir crazy.

[not_so_suave]

[Lock from the Boys]

Oh, how RICH, Brock.

Me? Go broke? I’ll have you know I have a pretty generous eggs nest to fall back on if need be. Your worry? GENUINE.

I think you should be a lot more concerned with your own “fiscal” situation, BUB. With things how they are, I don’t know who in their right mind would hire an ex-OSI jackass let alone a CUR accused of last minute TREASON.

Dick.

[/Lock]

[super_cuts]

[lock from the Boys]
Egg nest? That's a fancy way to call your loans from your brother?

No need to worry about me, Doc, I've been getting enough jobs, I may have quit OSI, but at least I have a reputation for doing my job COMPETENTLY.
[/lock]

[not_so_suave]

[Lock from the Boys]

He--... Wh--... I’m not going to even amuse your probing with an answer, Mister!

And in regards to capability and aptitude? At least I don’t give up, take a squat, and pinch off my family to leave them hanging like some piece of crap! PUN INTENDED.

Quitting, Brock, is in no way competent.

You. YOU are a quitter.

[/Lock]

[1londoncalling]

Now, you dont need another person to nurture your boys, though if you're incapable I doubt a bodyguard can do much of that. I always thought bodyguards were there to keep you alive, not so much become Mrs. Doubtfire. When Wendell was my bodyguard, yes he did try to reach my little Simon, but that boy is hard to reach as it is. Not to mention Wendell was a god awful bodyguard.

Bubblewrap and explosives does not a security system make.

Christ, it was like I suddenly had another child. Honestly, sometimes you're better off alone. Though Sinn did have such a marvelous nurturing influence on Simon... she wasnt so much a bodyguard as she was a minion. That treacherous snake of a woman.

In anycase, if anyone answers you add entitled Wendell T. Stamps, do get a hold of me. He and his fat face still have my key and my spare coupling.

[not_so_suave]

[Lock from Brock]

It’s not so much the “nurturing” as it is the “safety” hazards we--as a family--face on a daily basis. Believe me, you. I don’t even know where to begin with this whole little... FIASCO. Lord knows the boys don’t need the extra cultivation as it is; they get enough mental stimulation from lesser things.

Not to sound too “dad of the year” [heaven forbid], but I’m more concerned about the threats facing us than how disturbed bored the boys get. Between death and cerebral fatigue, I think I’d go with the safer roundabout, so to speak.

That, and the very odd, though lingering sensation of “betrayal” is still rather fresh... I mean, even WITHOUT sons this situation would be pretty effed up.

Maybe all old Rusty needs right now is a few hours of "me time" at the local watering hole. Or a bath.

And a fucking sense of security.

[/Lock]

[g_quagmire]

Wow...uh...you need a drink or something?

[not_so_suave]

Or two. Or three.

[g_quagmire]

I know a place that's clean with good drinks.

[not_so_suave]

You? Clean? Is it a tavern, or a pub..?

[peter_white]

Hey, it's not easy to find a card that says, "Sorry your bodyguard left you, hope you don't get killed." Me and Billy put a lot of thought into that. Well. Mostly Billy.

But you know we're always here for you, right Rust? Y'know, if you need someone to hang out with or something.

Anyways, glad to see you on here. This site is way addicting and though there's some shady characters I've also met a lot of really cool people. You actually might even be able to find a new bodyguard here, if that's really what's gonna have to happen.

[not_so_suave]

Sure, sure. That’s what friends are for after all, right? Just promise me you won’t treat this like some horrible type of “breakup” in the near future; I‘ve already gone through enough hell drama with him to last me a good few months if it didn't already take a year off my life. I suppose this is my payback for all of those eventless dry spells I have a tendency to bitch about...

Well, DID.

[Lock to White]

Honestly, though... This whole situation is completely idiotic. I can’t even believe something this ridiculous is actually, y’know... HAPPENING. Did I... Did I do something wrong as an employer? Unbalanced wages..? Lackluster communication?

I feel like I’m going through menopause or something. And I’m being completely serious here.

[/Lock.]

Seeing as I don’t get mauled within the next few weeks, I’ll be sure to thank you later. Somehow.

You know, I’ll think of something.

[peter_white]

Uh, well, to be fair, you're totally making it sound like one.

[Lock to Rusty]

I mean, I can't pretend to know about the whole situation, but everything had seemed fine to me. Same as it always was. When I originally found out he'd left, I figured he just needed a little break or something. Go visit some old friends or...do whatever it is he does in his free time. And now I feel all bad about it because I kept reassuring the boys that he was gonna come back.

[/Lock]

Well hey, you seem to have done okay so far!

[not_so_suave]

Way to fuck up a perfectly platonic moment, White.

[Lock to Pete]

The thing is... It WAS normal. Well, for the most part. You know how things usually go down here, what with the villains, the gama rays going off, the death threats. Nothing new, let me just say that.

This whole thing with the OSI, though? I didn't even know they were really serious involved with the whole thing until the gruesome little "finale".

I wonder what the hell complicated everything. It's like some ultimate wad of shit backed the whole flow of things up.

[Lock]

Oh, and your deception is heartwarming, by the way. Have I ever told you that you weren't ever really a great liar?

[herr_doktor_13]

You rely too much on others und nicht enough on yourself. Why don't you try und take responsibility for your own Kinder instead of handing them off to someone else, eh? I'm ein Mann of science und I still find time to pay attention to mein favored creations.

[not_so_suave]

Alright there, Erwin Rudolf. Enough of the “daddy” bull crap.

There’s no perfect doctrine stating that a man of science has to give a whoop about his own kids/creations/whatever the hell you want to call them.

Do you think I have the kind of time to spare on every single one of my own laser knock-offs and shrink-ray patents? Sure, if you’re a green scientist just starting out in the world of genetics and biochemistry things sure seem a lot more exciting. But when you get your first arch nemesis [or three]...

BOOM!

Your time slips down the sewage line of life faster than an undercooked Brisby Burger. Next thing you know, your 45 years old and receiving death threats every other evening of your life from masked cohorts in onyx leotards and crimson goggles.

The simple “rapture”? The “glee” of creation? Let me tell you buddy, the feeling grows kind of stagnant the older you get unless the US Government is concerned.

That being said, I will completely disregard your fuzzy paternal dream life and resume my own hellish version.

[herr_doktor_13]

Sweetheart, I'm ninety-eight years old. Don't tell me vas ist like recieving death threats either; between der Party und mein foul-tempered Sohn (He's taken quite ein shining to your boys by der way. Ist nice to see him trying to be...social.), I've had enough for ein tausend life-times.

You must enjoy wallowing in your own misery.

[not_so_suave]

. . .

Have you patented a youth elixir of some sort? I can't fathom one without long term side effects being the tanking point.

"Wallowing": A verb I would rather not associate with. Why don't we replace it with "soak" or "stew"? Either way I'm going to be stuck in a moot point.