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[noteverygirl]

Comments

[orlog]

i never thought you were miserable all the time. in fact i only remember you laughing and smiling.

[noteverygirl]

ha ha, you only remember me tripping over my own feet!!

[orlog]

it was such a charming moment!

[finnegans_cake]

actually i have been thinking of you a lot lately and realized that i know you may have problems somewhere buti have rarely seen them, i have seen you happy more often than anything else and i feel bad for even thinking that sadness is in any way a significant part of your outward personality

LOVES!!!!!!

[noteverygirl]

i know my problems come out in little things. but im very happy that you and court can see past them.

of course, you dont have to live with them, which is a totally different thing for D, who has seen enough "little things" to make them into a big one.

but, court did say i could live in your cubby if i needed to....!

PS

[noteverygirl]

i heard that you took back your view from before!

[anonymous]

Have you tried to go back and read your past journals? There are so many times you wrote about how happy you were, and you also have good sense of humor when bad things happened (like when your car broke down). I think you are a happy person inside but you are also very shy..shy to show your TRUE happiness maybe even with D. I don't know..I only know you through your journal, I'm not judging you, just observation. I'm so sorry for what happened

[noteverygirl]

i dont undervalue your opinions as a stranger, at all. all opinions are valuable

[anonymous]

i am not those things, they are a bad part of me, a hormone, a habit learned from parents, ingrained thoughts, whatever, the point is they are not me, they are not my dreams, not what i want, not how i truely feel. there have been times when these impulses have been so strong, i have felt as if i truely believed them, and stated that; it is a cloud, its a phantom, a bad apple, and it is something that i have had no choice in possessing, and it expresses itself. it is like a spirit possessing me, making me think and see in its twisted way.You express this so well, dude. As I come to realize more and more that I'm also super-prone to depressionanxiety, I try and remind myself that it's something that just happens to me, like diabetes or some other illness, and it's not an intrinsic part of who I am. I'm still in the beginning stages of dealing with all of this, but I feel like seeing it as something happening to me, that I don't choose, makes it into something I can try and control and hopefully, one day, get over

sry

[matildawormwood]

That was me!

Re: sry

[noteverygirl]

i do understand it, his sitution and view and reasons and feelings. but its still hard to not just break down and cry. i can keep telling myself that i know i will be ok, and believe it, and know things will turn out for the best, and believe that, but the pain just wells up inside me still. its so damn hard to balance. its so hard to not revert to hoping for things that cannot be definate like they once seemed to be. one second i will feel so empowered and strong and determined, and the next i feel like a total wreck.