App
Character: Kuzco
Series: The Emperor's New Groove
Age: 17
Canon: The Emperor's New Groove is the charming story of a selfish young emperor who learns the error of his frivolous ways. Thanks to an assassination plot gone wrong, Kuzco gets turned into a llama by his mutinous ex-advisor and is forced on a journey through the wild to reclaim his empire. After his adventure with the loyal peasant, Pacha, at his side, he learns humility and compassion for others and is overall enlightened as to the kind of emperor, and person, he should be.
But this app isn't about the new and improved emperor. This app is about Emperor Kuzco pre-llama, whose priorities revolve around looking good, getting his groove on, and maybe doing a little emperor work on the side. To keep up appearances mostly. Being the ruler of his own country has gone to this guy's head and when combined with his own childish personality, you've got a genuine, self-declared "king of the world". He's a man used to the sweet life and has difficulties doing, thinking, or saying anything unrelated to him in some way. Kuzco also tends to zone out during conversations that aren't all about him, drifting off into internal monologues about that piece of food he can see stuck in their teeth.
Sample Post:
The name is Kuzco. Emperor Kuzco. You see that? Emperor. Means I'm important, special, the head honcho here and someone as important as me deserves a better welcoming committee than a bunch of animals. You, herd of llamas and one duck? You're not. What's with the duck though, this one of those equal opportunity gigs? You're just dumb animals that should really work harder if you want to impress someone like me. Got it? But you get points for trying. I like the sign too, nice touch, next time write my name a little bigger. Ooh, with sparkles and flashing lights too! You can leave out the "one of us" thing at the bottom though. And the picture of a llama with my face on it, that's, yeah. That's creepy.
Back to me. I got a brochure from Yzma almost makes me feel bad for planning to fire her when I get back, but eh, what can you do for this place and at a very convenient time too. I was just thinking of building myself a new summer home, you know, to get away from all the hubbub. It'd be a great birthday present to myself, don't you think? According to this pamphlet, when the sun hits the lake juuust right, the trees "shake with the knowledge that something wicked this way comes." Huh, never heard that one before. But if it's wicked and wicked means cool then I'm sold!
This place could use a little work though. Splash of paint, couple of tropical little huts, big picture of me right about here. And there and there and maybe a big flashy sign that says "All Hail Emperor Kuzco!". You know, the essentials. We'll start with a renaming. Camp Kuzco You Kuzco. Camp Kuzco You Die. Camp Fuck You Ku-
... I think we'll just drop it down to Camp Kuzco and call it a day. Man, am I beat. Someone bring me one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it and find my theme song guy. He got escorted away by some big men in furry purple robes a while ago. Friendly bunch, them.
Ah, you! Shabby looking man with the drinks, you're just in time! What've you got? Uh huh. Uh huh. Huh. Anything not "on the brains"? No? Ah, well, I can deal for a glass. You might wanna get someone to look at that skin problem, by the way. Pretty sure it's not supposed to be falling off like that. And some new clothes and maybe a new face to go with it because yours is the second ugliest I've ever seen. In the best way possible of course.
...
Hey, waiter, there's something in my dr-
... Oh that's just wrong.
Voting post here.