i'm probably gonna make a big mistake tonight, and truely and honestly, i want to.  i'm a terrible person. my stomach's in knots. 

im tired of this bullshit.  i cant do anything right in her eyes.  its so fucking stupid.  shes been crying over me all weekend she says.  arent i just this horrible person that keeps causing her all this pain.  fuck that shit.  i feel bad but more for our relationship then for the actual her.  she says that talking on the phone has become ( Read more... )

WEINER--Golde, nee Enzer, 86, after a brief illness at Hudson Pointe. Widow of Bernard, mother of Barbara Abrams and Roni Davidi and the late Jan Weiner. Motherin-law of Barry and Elli; sister of Dr. Hyman Enzer, grandmother of Taryn and Jacob Abrams and Ilana and Avi Davidi. She was a talented designer of Sesame Street puppets, Strawberry ( Read more... )

good things: only 33 days till i get to go home, obama is the president elect, i have some friends that really care about me

bad things: a whole month stands between me and getting to get off this fucking rock, my friends are fighting and it feels like middle school all over again

i just want to go home

okay, it's getting better.  it's rediculously beautiful here and it's hard to be unhappy in that sort of environment.  i'm making friends and dude its VET SCHOOL.  but i still kinda wanna go screaming back to the northeast.  i've started missing old friends i haven't seen in ages.  i love it here, i do.  but part of me just wants to go home.  i can ( Read more... )

shit.  i'm writting again.  so no, things aren't going great.  somethings are good i guess.  i'm in vet school.  i'm in grenada.  it's beautiful here, warm.  and i'm learning what i've always wished i could.  but still i see flaws in everything.  i feel like it should be cold and gloomy out.  why is it so beautiful around me?  i thought it would ( Read more... )

i feel like i can't breathe.    the one good thing that i'm thinking about now is that i haven't posted in here in a long time and that means that i've been doing a relatively good job at keeping myself together.  but right now i've gotten off track a little bit.  i spent a couple hours tonight crying on the phone to christina.  she is really ( Read more... )

my relationship with my mother is unhealthy, simply put.  tonight i tried to talk to her about somethings that have been worrying me and i thought she might be supportive but alas she only made me feel worse.  i'm starting to realize that maybe it's not about trying to convince her to slow down and be on my level for a while but rather start to ( Read more... )

i'm officially home.  i miss her more than words can explain.  it's going to get easier right?  i'm supposed to get used to this... my stomach is all in knots and i can't hold back the tears anymore.  this feeling is worse than any feeling of rejection or hurt i've felt before.  because she loves me and misses me just as much as i feel for her.  ( Read more... )

i know i haven't written in quite a while but it's barely 7 o'clock in the morning and i'm already wide awake so i figure i should use this time wisely.  i think to explain where i am right now i need to go back a couple of months or rather yet to the beginning of the year.  i started off 2007 rather dreary.  after deciding that we shouldn't talk ( Read more... )