it's hard to wait around for something
    you know might never happen;
but it's even harder to give up
    when you know it's everything you want.

If she loves you, if she really loves you, you’ll know it. If you can wake up to her staring at you and it’s not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent ( Read more... )

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote 'hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a ( Read more... )

This is the last you'll hear of me, at least for a while. I'm not going to write in here anymore. It's a useless and self-deprecating pass time. Maybe a poem once in a while, if I ever feel the need. But that's it. Today was a mistake and a half. I won't let it happen again. There's a lot I'd like to say, but it's not worth it anymore. My tears are ( Read more... )

Music is the only thing I do that makes me feel like I am actually worthy of being loved. It's true. It's the only thing I can create with my own hands and mind and leave behind. It's the only true gift I can give to someone because each piece of music I write it's like I leave a part of my soul in there for the world to hear. I feel like it's my ( Read more... )

Today was the best day I've had in a while. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was because I didn't have class, and not whole lot of work to do. I went to work in the morning for four hours, and then I went to the practice room to work on the song for music comp seminar. All the doubts I had about my piece were pushed away the other day when my ( Read more... )

I may not write in here frequently, or at least not until recently, but I just went back and read things from a year or even two years ago, and it's insane how long I've had this thing for. It's been there since the beginning of high school for me. It's been a place where I have expressed my utter rage and also my complete terror over the things I ( Read more... )

It's hard to forget someone when they were once so embedded into your life. Almost every aspect of your life has some kind of meaning between you. It's hard to move on and not think about them when there is no escape in your mind. Not even in my dreams. Because he shows up there, too, against my wishes and there's nothing I can do. I want to be ( Read more... )

Today was a tough day. I only feel a little bit better after talking. I feel like I talk to anyone who will listen to me about my problems. I'm hanging out with people almost everyday, trying to get out there and make friends but it still hurts. And I run into people I know and I say hi but I feel like such a liar when I say I'm good because I'm ( Read more... )

This poem took a lot out of me. But I needed it ( Read more... )

Today was weird. My roommate showed up with her family while I was still in pjs this morning. And then her family was trying to move my furniture around to make her furniture arrangement better. Well I didn't have a say in my furniture arrangement last year and I didn't have my family come in and make a big deal. I know they only wanted it to be ( Read more... )