The dance contest, or so called Bikini contest, was lots of fun and the best part was Mayling and Chris were there to cheer me on. The trip is whenever I want it to be and it includes the flights for two to Las Vegas and a two night stay at the RIO. I just have to figure out when I want to go and call the radio station as they are the ones who I ( Read more... )

I am never there when it happens. Only once was I present at a death and that was due to the fact I lived in the room next door to hers. Death seems so mysterious, especially as I watched her decline to the point of being bed ridden. Her death makes me think of what I would do and when I would choose euthanasia. What point would it be at? I would ( Read more... )

I know what I am capable of and what I want. But what I want is not all that I am capable of. Does this make a difference? I think it does. I do not feel happy any longer. There is this sickness inside disabling me from my heart felt breaks....there are cracks and cheats along the way. Did he have to sleep with the other girl? Why did she think he ( Read more... )

He frightens himself by remembering my image reflected by his familiar friends. His story will stay between the mattress like a pre-teen magazine as I am stuck will his unwillingness to disregard the truth from reality; he doesn't care about me as much as I want. He doesn't care about me enough to do what he wants. It would be constant slut ( Read more... )

Yesterday, for the first day, I was twenty-one and there was no difference except people now scrutinize my id because I can order drinks and get into clubs. It is funny how no one really believes that I am actually twenty-one, especially when they look at my id because it still has the red bar across it and doesn't really look like me because my ( Read more... )

I could not have thought out a better birthday surprise for myself than last night as Mayling and Mushi, with Jona ofcourse, came over to my apartment with a angel food cake, chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate fudge cupcakes (twenty-one of them), and a dolphin balloon for kicks. Tonight we are going to go out to a club, one that is eighteen ( Read more... )

We all want our Birthdays to come when they are a week away, but when they are four hours away all I want to do is sleep. I want to wake up in a warm bed in front of a nice fire with someone holding me and some happy upbeat music playing in the background. I want a wonderful breakfast in bed and my cat curled up at my feet. My family would be in ( Read more... )

I never know what to say when I wait. I feel like I have been waiting for a long time now and I am not sure what I am waiting for. Sometimes I lie in bed thinking I am tired and other times I will make myself drink lots of water hoping to wake me up. It never does. Nothing is never doing anything. There are times when my arm begins to feel like it ( Read more... )

How much is happiness what we create and what is actually real?
I think we have this prejudice toward being unhappy inorder for us to know what happiness really is.
I don't really know.

02/02/2004 ( Read more... )