Only because I'm soradiofriendly's #2 Greatest Fan of All Time...

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The headmistress who presides over my Linguistics class wants each student to survey 30-40 people and synthesize the results into a 'dialect map,' something something, blah blah blah, due next Monday. Since I haven't started yet, I would be more than appreciative if anyone who reads this could "help a brother out."

Instructions: All you need to ( Read more... )

I understand it now, I see it now. It's like a bear is sitting on my lap, and we are both looking off--blankly and wearily--in the same direction.

Brainstorm of the Day (I'm a genius...who steals his ideas from The Church of Euthanasia):

Instead of outlawing abortion, why not enforce vasectomy? Lower risk, and less mess ( Read more... )

After eating pizza, my pores always open up like the shower valves at Auschwitz ... Or do they close like steel warehouse doors in gray buildings where wicked men make snuff films?Why does my Steven Wright-ish brand of humor always come off as creepy and anvil-heavy? (That's a rhetorical question, asshole ( Read more... )

In a vain attempt to clear space on my bookshelf and avoid studying for a stupid test for just a little bit longer, here is a list of items I plan on putting up for sale on Amazon.com. If anyone is interested in anything listed, comment/e-mail me (it's on my info page) and name your price.

New additions (3/8/06) in bold.

Captain O.G.

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I missed dinner last night, but didn't really notice ( Read more... )

I probably hit my head on the basement ceiling while going down the steps in an excited manner after placing a boldly nonconformist dinner order (meatball sub, sans cheese, and a side of fries from the pizza place), and the owie on my skull-case and its resident throb seemed to hang around for seconds that felt like hours. I picked up the bass and ( Read more... )

Stolen from one of irate_patient's friends.


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Over a "lunch" of Crispix in milk and 2 bananas, I opened up a birthday/V-Day package from _misanthropist_. Contained within was a treasure trove of personal effects and sentimental items that made my heart swell ( Read more... )