I really wish Dane was home. I miss him very much. He always made me feel better when things were going crappy.
It's really lonely sometimes.

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feeling better. I tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Everything will work out exactly as God intends. I would rather land a plane built by Him than built by me alone.

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Dane told me today that his unit was changed to deployment ready. I obviously knew that he Could be deployed but I guess there was some denial.
I dream up so many things and suddenly I feel as though everything will be the opposite of what I expect.good news is he will only be deployed for 1 yr sometime in the 6 yrs he joined. Cross your fingers we ( Read more... )

I saw the psychiatrist today. I officially have mood disorder(not otherwise specified). He prescribed pristiq in the morning, wellbutrin at lunch and added Elavil so I can sleep. I was taking wellbutrin twice a day. I felt like a zombie.he said I seemed dysphoric. That was an understatement.
Anyway, it's good to just make some progress in this ( Read more... )

3rd week of September. It seems like a very long long long time away!!

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I am supposed to check in online or by phone daily btw 5a and 2. I forget frequently to do this. I usually remember at 3 in the afternoon if I didn't do it before work. I have gone under the radar in the rnp since I started. I'm pretty certain if I don't start to make this a priority I'm going to get a non compliance letter.
I don't understand how ( Read more... )

For a very long time it has been just Dane and I. he is my best friend and I want him around. I miss him. This time without him has forced me to humbly reach out to women in the program and out. I am so grateful for all of them. it's a different relationship when I'm not completely selfish.I thank God daily for clearing my mind and my heart. People ( Read more... )

I know I'm getting better because I'm enjoying things I did before I started drinking, I'm not diagnosing myself I'm leaving it to the professionals and my life is not completely self driven any longer. AA has given me a broader spectrum of possibilities and activities. I'm so grateful.
the past 9 months have shown me alot. I forgot what balance ( Read more... )

I went on an AA retreat this weekend. It was really amazing. no tv,cell or iPod. We played games outside,meditated and listened to speakers all weekend. It is the most at peace I've felt in a long time. I dreamt of Dane both nights. That was the only thing weighing on my heart. I miss him immensely. Sure I have plenty friends to spend time with but ( Read more... )

I have a perfectly normal day with a mild amount of stress. I ate healthy, only had one cup of coffee, took my meds. Suddenly in a happy conversation I am reminded of a resentment. The overwhelming feeling of irrational anger and fear overcome me. I rant and let it stew until I have to HAVE something to settle my restless mind. I pray. I see a ( Read more... )