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[nutritdestruit]

I keep wanting to kill myself, which is not good. My weight-- meaning, really, my identity-- seems more and more hopeless. I want the close relationship that I had with my mother when I was sick back (sick meaning low-weight). Everything seemed so much bigger, and I felt a love in everything. Any gesture of affection was so monumental; my mom

Comments

[magickpotion]

You write beautifully even in its tragic nature. That is something to respect yourself for. I really wish you strength.

[nutritdestruit]

Thank you.

[ingeborge]

Wow, I really empathize with you

[nutritdestruit]

Firstly, thank you for your encouraging words.
You are still underweight, obviously, so may not yet be getting the full benefits of a healthy weight. Gaining weight WILL most likely make you more happy and productive. Keep in mind that your body is undergoing refeeding, which = huge bloat.
I don't know you personally, but I'll bet that you have positive weight-unrelated qualities. After a long time of disordered eating, it feels like there is no soul left in one's body. It has to be rebuilt.
Take care.

[ingeborge]

Thank you, that made me feel better...Those words coming from someone who was a severe Anoretic(52lbs!) means more to me than some one else who has always been 'healthy' saying it.
I can't help but feel that their view is skewed sometimes, or that they are just trying to avoid triggering, or insulting me. Somehow its more believable coming from some one who shares my image-of-perfection..

And thanks, again.

BTW, if you ever want to chat(I'd love to)my AIM SN is Irishkegal, and my email adress is sinopead@yahoo.com. Of course you can find all this on my userinfo page, but I thought it would be quicker this way...there I go rambling again, heheh.

Well...bye, then.

[nutritdestruit]

(A reply 5 years later...)

Yeah, I'd love to talk sometime. AIM is checkyourhatsir, but I'm hardly ever on it-- you can email me whenever =]