Practical Joke
Title: Practical Joke
Author: Nytel
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to Pegasus, nothing really specific though.
Summary: What do you do when you find the CAG and his lead pilot in a compromising situation? Read to find out.
Disclaimer: I do not own Battlestar Galactica or any of its components.
This is posted in two parts because it's too big to post as one. Please note that this is slightly AU because I wrote it before Pegasus aired. Also, I don't have a beta so I apologize if I missed any spelling or grammar mistakes in my editing.
***
Kara Thrace was annoyed. She was currently trying to sleep on a cold and hard metal floor, with nothing but a blanket and a very small pillow for comfort. She rolled over onto her side and in the process managed to kick the base of someone’s bunk. She swore under her breath as her foot throbbed with pain.
Kara wiggled around a bit before turning over onto her other side. She made sure not to kick the bed this time. It was nearly impossible to tell where the bed was in the dark. Instead she managed to hit her knee on the bench in the middle of the room.
“Frak!” she cried, forgetting that everyone else in the room was trying to sleep. Well, maybe not forgetting, more like not caring.
At her exclamation she heard many frustrated sighs. Then she recognized Hot Dog’s voice. “Excuse me, sir. Would you mind keeping it down? Some of us have to fly CAP tomorrow.”
Someone else in the room chuckled as his tone bordered on insubordinance. “Yes Hot Dog, I do mind.” Kara retorted in a rather nasty voice. “This isn’t exactly the best bed on the ship.” She was now glaring in Hot Dog’s direction, though she was sure that he wouldn’t be able to see her in the dark.
Kara then heard someone moving around in the bunk across the room from her. She was pretty sure that it was Lee. “That’s why we picked straws Lieutenant, because someone had to sleep on the floor and no one wanted to volunteer.” Kara had thought correctly. That was definitely Lee’s voice emanating from the bunk, and to be quite frank, he sounded rather pissed off.
Lee then continued. “You picked the short straw so you’re on the floor. End of discussion.” Kara then heard Lee moving around again, presumably rolling over onto his side.
Kara then looked in Lee’s general direction with the most evil look she could manage. Bastard. She thought. It’s not my fault that my knee hurts so god damn much. It’s hard enough to find a comfortable position to sleep in on a bed.
Kara lay on the floor, listening to the deep breathing of the other occupants of the room. She didn’t know how long she remained on her back, but after awhile the ridges in the floor pressing into her back became too much to bear, and there was the fact that her knee was still in pain from when she had hit it on the bench.
Kara tried to turn onto her side quietly, but was unsuccessful. She managed to hit the bench again, and this time something heavy and solid fell off it and the hit the floor with a loud clanging noise. “Frak!” she whispered trying to keep the damage to a minimum.
In response all the commotion that Kara was making, all the other occupants of the room cried out, “Starbuck!” in very annoyed voices. All with the exception of Lee, who had said, “Kara!” instead. Either way, they were all clearly very mad
“What?!” she said. “It’s not my fault that it’s impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep in when your knee’s frakked up, and being on a cold hard floor with ridges makes it a hundred times worse!”
“And it’s not our fault that Pegasus sent over a quarter of their crew to stay on Galactica for a week so that they could see how we’re running our ship, and because of that we’re being crammed into living quarters.” Kara easily recognized Lee’s voice, and the fact that he was even angrier now than before.
She heard a frustrated sigh from one of the top bunks and then Helo’s voice. “Would someone just trade places with her? Otherwise, none of us will get any sleep.”
Kara waited for someone, anyone, to volunteer to trade her spots, unfortunately there appeared to be no takers. “No one?” she asked rather desperately. Her knee was really starting to hurt now.
“Apparently not.” Lee said. “After all you did draw the short straw.”
“Oh, frak you Lee.” Kara said.
When no one else spoke for a few seconds Kara said. “Well I guess that I’ll just try to go to sleep now. I just might have to toss and turn for a while before I finally drift off.”
Kara heard a few groans of disbelief at her last statement, yet there was still no one who was willing to switch with her.
Just when Kara thought she was going to have to spend the rest of the night on the floor, Lee’s voice broke the silence. “Fine.” He sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth. “You can come sleep here Kara.”
A smile spread across Kara’s face, and within seconds she was beside Lee’s bunk with the blanket and pillow clutched in one hand. “Ok Apollo,” she began. “Now’s the time when you get out of the bed and on to the floor.”
Kara just barely made out the smirk on Lee’s face before he spoke. “Just because I said that you could sleep here, doesn’t mean I’m not.”
It took a few moments for the words to sink in. Lee was offering to share his bed with her. Interesting. Kara, not being the one to pass up a great opportunity, pulled down the sheets on Lee’s bed and hopped in beside him.
Kara could hear a few chuckles for the other beds but ignored them as she pulled the covers back up and shifted around to get comfortable. It actually wasn’t that hard, considering that the bed was warm and soft in comparison to her previous one.
Just as Kara began to drift off to sleep, she heard Lee whisper in her ear. “Happy now?”
“Yes.” She said before closing her eyes again and falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.
***
Cally stretched her arms over her head and rolled on to her side. She was due in the hanger deck in about fifteen minutes, but she did not want to go. She was tired of working the early shift, but in the end she would do what she had to.
Cally cringed as the cold air hit her legs when she pulled the blanket down. She then quickly climbed down the ladder from her bunk to the floor. Hot Dog was just climbing down from his rack too. Cally thought that Helo might also be awake, but it was hard to tell because he was still lying on his bed.
Cally walked the few steps to her locker and opened it so that she could pull out her suit. She grabbed it in her right hand and tried to pull it from the locker but it was stuck. She gave it a small tug, but it still wouldn’t move. Cally tried for a few seconds to get her suit out quietly, but it wasn’t working. Finally she pulled on it as hard as she could and it dislodged itself. The sudden movement sent Cally backward a few steps and she lost her grip on the suit. It flew over to somewhere in the other side of the room.
She turned and glanced around but it was hard to see anything in the dark. Damn, she had less than fifteen minutes to make it to the hanger deck and now she couldn’t even see where her suit was.
Cally sighed. Then she heard Hot Dog ask in a whisper. “Everything Ok Cally?”
“I can’t find my suit.” She whispered back. “I pulled it out of my locker and it landed somewhere over there.” She indicated the general direction with her hand, hoping that Hot Dog could see well enough to know where she pointing to.
“I can’t see it.” Hot Dog said, still keeping his voice quiet.
“Just turn on the lights.” Said another voice. Cally was sure that it was Helo.
“Sorry sir, we didn’t mean to wake you…”
“You didn’t, I was already awake.” Cally was barely able to make out Helo’s form getting up from the bed and walking over to the light switches by the doorway. “The rest of these guys are such heavy sleepers, they probably won’t even notice the light.” And with that Helo switched on the lights. They weren’t really that bright, but Cally still squinted when they flickered on.
Immediately Cally spotted her suit lying almost directly opposite her locker. It was, after all, bright orange and not difficult to find with the lights on. As Cally picked up her suit she noticed something that she had definitely not expected to see. The legendary Starbuck and Apollo were cuddling together.
Cally knew that her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn’t help it. This was just something that she had never expected to see.
Before she could dwell on her thoughts much longer Helo spoke. “Something wrong specialist?”
Cally opened and closed her mouth a few times to try and talk, but nothing was coming out. She then pointed at Starbuck and Apollo. She looked over her shoulder to see how Helo was reacting to their surprising positions. He had a huge grin spread across his face. Hot Dog on the other hand looked just as shocked and unsure of how to react as she had been.
Within seconds Helo was laughing, and rather loudly too. He appeared to be trying to restrain himself, but was not succeeding.
“Sir,” Cally whispered. “Maybe you could be a little quieter.”
Helo nodded in acknowledgment because he appeared to be unable to say anything. He was still laughing, so hard in fact that he was doubled over. Then Cally noticed that Hot Dog had started laughing too, and within seconds she had joined them. She had to admit, this was just too damn funny.
Cally wasn’t surprised when Lieutenant Gaeta and Petty Officer Dualla woke up. When both Gaeta and Dee looked at Cally questioningly she pointed at Starbuck and Apollo as a response.
Dee immediately joined in laughing, but Gaeta looked horrified to have even seen such a thing. Surprisingly Starbuck and Apollo still slept on, oblivious to what was going on around them.
When the laughter of the group died down Helo asked. “Gaeta, do you still have that camera?” He had an almost evil looking grin on his face.
“Yes.” Gaeta responded sounding rather nervous.
“Hand it over.” Helo said as he extended his hand in the direction of Gaeta’s temporary rack. Gaeta reluctantly got up and grabbed the camera out of his locker and handed it over to Helo.
Cally was surprised when Helo handed the camera to her, but before she could ask why Helo explained. “We’re going to get back at Starbuck for keeping us up Ok? That means that we all need to have a part in this.”
“What about Captain Adama?” Gaeta asked.
“Well, you just can’t pass up an opportunity to humiliate the CAG.”
Once everyone nodded he continued. “Gaeta we are using your camera, Cally you take the picture, Dee you can develop the picture, and Hot Dog you can show the picture around.”
“What exactly is your part in this sir?” Hot Dog asked, knowing that he was given the most ‘dangerous’ job in their little prank.
“Well,” Helo said. “It was my idea.”
Hot Dog appeared to contemplate this turn of events for a few seconds before nodding. Cally was pretty sure that he just wanted to get back at Starbuck for keeping him awake.
Cally took the lens cap off of the camera and looked through the viewfinder. She focused in on the sleeping duo. Cally hadn’t noticed the specifics before but Starbuck was lying mostly on top of Apollo and she seemed to be using him as a pillow. Starbuck’s arms were wrapped around Apollo’s torso and he in turn had his one arm draped across her back. Their situation was made all the more interesting by the fact that Starbuck was wearing only a sports bra and a pair of low rise track pants, and Apollo was wearing only his gym shorts.
Cally double checked the focus of the picture before she clicked the button and took it. Maybe it was the flash, or just the sound of the picture being taken, but Starbuck began to stir.
Cally quickly handed off the camera to an extremely nervous Gaeta, who hastily shoved it back in his locker. All five of the group held their breath waiting to see if Starbuck was in fact going to wake up.
Thankfully she didn’t. But what did happen was that by moving around Starbuck had created another interesting position for her and Apollo. Starbuck was now lying on her side facing toward Apollo. He had managed to scoot in closer to Starbuck and her chest was now firmly pressed against his. Starbuck had nestled her head underneath of Apollo’s chin and her hair was draped across his shoulder. But the best part was that Apollo had his hand very close to, if not on, Starbuck’s butt.
Before any of the others could react Dee had grabbed the camera out of Gaeta’s locker and had taken another picture of the sleeping couple. Dee then set the camera on her bed and said, “Since I’m not going to be able to sleep, I think that I’ll go develop this before I’m due at CIC.”
Helo nodded before whispering, “Don’t forget to show us the finished copy.”
“I won’t.” Dee said as she started to change into her clothes. “Hot Dog, come see me after you’re done flying CAP and I’ll have a copy for you.”
He nodded, still looking nervous at having to be the one to show everyone else the picture. If he was caught then all the blame would fall on him, but that was just a risk you had to take when playing a practical joke on someone.
***
When Lee woke up he freezing cold and it didn’t take him long to figure out why. Kara had managed to steal all of the blankets during the night, and in addition most of the bed. Lee was crammed up against the wall, but Kara on the other hand seemed to be quite comfortable.
Lee quickly glanced at his watch and noticed that it wasn’t that long until he was due at a meeting with his father, Colonel Tigh and President Roslin. He needed to grab a quick shower and a bite to eat, and then be on his way. But first he would need to get out of his bunk, and that could prove to be difficult seeing as Kara was in the way and he didn’t want to wake her up.
Lee slowly and cautiously tried to climb over Kara. He had managed to get one foot on the floor but then Kara rolled over in her sleep and hit his leg that was still on the bed. Lee went flying face first into the floor and was only partially successful in breaking the fall with his hands.
“What the frak are you doing Lee?” Kara asked sleepily.
“ I was trying to get out of my bed, but someone was in the way.” When Lee glanced over at Kara she merely shrugged.
She was still lying on his bed, wrapped up in the covers. In fact, Lee thought that he could easily get used to the sight.
Lee’s eyes widened in shock as he realized what the implications of his thoughts were. Kara must have noticed.
“Something wrong flyboy?” she asked semi-jokingly.
“No.” Lee said quickly. “Nothing at all.”
In one quick move Lee hoped to his feet and walked over to his locker. He grabbed his towel and a change of clothes out of his locker. As he left the room he glanced back over his shoulder. By all accounts it appeared that Kara had gone back to sleep, she had even drawn the curtains part way closed around his bunk.
Before Lee closed the hatch behind him he turned off the lights. He was rewarded with a quiet, “Thanks Lee.”
He smiled and closed the hatch. Now he had to hurry so that he could shower and eat before he was due at the meeting.
TBC