Whyte her fambles, red her gan
And her quarrons dainty is
Couched a hogshead with me then
In the darkmans clipped and kissed

All night in the arms of the most beautiful girl in the universe.
What better way to usher in another stretch of 365.25 Earth rotations?

HAPPY New Year everyone.

P.S. Yes I'm gloating.

( Read more... )

Ho ho ho ( Read more... )

An acquaintance of mine recently commented that another acquaintance had an explicitly snobby arse.

The other acquaintance maintained that her arse had no personality whatsover.

I brought them solutions.

And now I bring them to you, in case you require them as well.

But mostly I'm just updating so my account doesn't expire.

Solutions:

Improve your ( Read more... )

19.11 (7.11 pm for the mathematically uninclined): Life is good
7.12 pm: Lights go out. I stop mid-step. Life not good anymore.
7.15 pm: Lights not back yet. Right leg begins to hurt.
7.18 pm: Lights still not back. I learn that six minutes of standing on one leg can get painful.
7.20 pm: Idiot lights look like they're on vacation. I decide to ( Read more... )

Right, so what happened was this. I went up to this little coffee place up in the airport at Abu Dhabi. An airport named, quite imaginitively, Abu Dhabi International Airport. It's not a bad airport by any standards. Nice decor. Dark blue tiles for the floor and a light green for the huge stalk in the middle. Feels like the world's largest bathroom ( Read more... )

Tomb flowers will bloom ( Read more... )

Note to self #1: Soup on the fire is very, VERY hot even if no steam is visible in the spoonful you've just scooped out of it.

Note to self #2: Hot substances, upon contact with exposed portions of the human anatomy, elicit a reaction known commonly as 'burning'.

Note to self #3: 'Burning', as defined in Note to self #2 is a process that entails ( Read more... )

My brother (in an evident hurry): Oy, seen my white sandals?
Me: White sandals? You don't have white sandals.
B: Yes, I do. I wear them all the time.
M: No, you don't. You wear your grey sandals all the time.
B: They're not grey, they're whiteM: What do you mean they're white? They're a dark, black kinda white. That's grey ( Read more... )

My room-mate is greatly enamoured of Jim, his pet roach. I am at significantly less friendly terms with Jim, however, than my room-mate, and it is thus often my room-mate's purpose to relieve me of my unnecessarily negative attitude towards a creature so regal and majestic. Rarely do Jim or his owner miss an opportunity to open my eyes to the roach ( Read more... )