this last month has been an eye opening experience. i truly think i am embarking on a new chapter of my life. one in which i truly am begining to feel somewhat mature.
i not only am realizing more and more each day how to make myself happy
but i am also realizing how at this point in my life, it is sooo important that i learn to love every square ( Read more... )

heres the update in a nutshell:

• juan and i broke up(it was messy...and still is)
• i went on the most amazing tour of germany. seriously the best time i have had in YEARS
• i fell in love...which is wonderful, complicated, enlightening, interesting, scary, uncertain and probably ultimately doomed
• i am moving to PORTLAND(ok, technically i already live in ( Read more... )

i've got pages of reasons to hate myself

a million mistakes made in haste
I 've got a problem with opening my mouth
when I'm feeling sorry for myself

I've been told i'm too honest
when I'm really the opposite

you see
I'm just tired of lying

to myself.

thats it
i'm done

during todays walking meditation I found myself struggling very hard with being patient ( Read more... )

Halloween was probably one of the best I've had in years. so much fun....which kinda makes me sad because I know if Juan was in town I probably wouldnt have had as much fun...man thats depressing...

anyways The night was as perfect as it could have been: I didnt get horribly drunk and make out with strangers(though I had a long conversation with one ( Read more... )

today would have been your 25th birthday.

my new way of coping with my recent depressive episodes is to incorporate more structure into my life. I understand this has more to do with control during times of emotional chaos then with an actual need for structure(which I already have lots of) but hey, it's better then killing myself...

the most important aspect of this new schedule is to ( Read more... )

I am so glad that I went to Berkeley this past week, but I sincerely dont think I was there for long enough. It felt like just when I had said

'hI" to everyone, it was time to go :(
I didnt get to have the conversations I wanted to have with people

I did what I had to do, and was inspired beyond belief.  My IWPS list of favorite things is short ( Read more... )

last night I dreamed Juan and I got into a car crash and the car went off a bridge into the river below

it was wet outside, and the roads were slippery

I told him he not to drive so fast, but he didnt listen...