Been a while. Went on a coe/bulimic kick and got to be the heaviest I've ever been. Then for the past couple of months I've been with a friend of mine who has a similar past and we've tried the get better thing. I'm down 12 pounds in a month, which is good. At a party last Friday, a girl I know got drunk and gave me the same schpeal she always does ( Read more... )

Yeah, I'm still around. It's the end of the semester, so everything is crazy hectic. The friend who was all concerned about me a month or two ago came to me this past week and told me she's been restricting again since last semester. And, for better or worse, it's been kind of fun to have someone to go grocery shop with. She's insanely interested ( Read more... )

A guy I work told me yesterday that sometimes when he looks at me he thinks of the music video for Fiona Apple's "Criminal."

He didn't mean it as a compliment. But I definitely took it as one.

Binge. Of course, I hate binges because of the weight. But I kind of look forward to the unthinking, unfeeling neutral place you go into. My eyes glaze over while I'm chewing. I don't feel anything and I don't worry about anything. I know in my head I'm going to freak out about the calories later, but I just can't give a shit ( Read more... )

So, between my cheap litte digital scale, my parents slightly-less-cheap digital scale, and the doctor's office scale, I have three very different readings. Which one should I go with?

11 pounds lost. Yeah, yay for me. Only a third of the way to my ideal weight. I'm going to dinner with a big group of people to our favorite restaurant. When people go here, it's expected for you to eat a lot. So I'm going to sabotage my meal a little--nothing that other people will notice. Then I'm going to purge it, which will be a little tricky ( Read more... )

I found myself daydreaming about the fights my mother and I had the last time I got too thin when I still lived at home. I am losing weight, I can tell. But I have no patience, and I want to be there NOW. I want people to worry about thin I'm getting. At the very least, I am eagerly awaiting the first, "You've lost weight ( Read more... )

Bad day. Bad, bad day. But a bad day where I'm back at the weight I was at the beginning of my second year of college, which was during my happy and stable period. But I'm still ten pounds more than I was at the beginning of this year, when I started getting all fucked up again. So, twenty pounds to my lowest weight ever--which I think I can do by ( Read more... )

Possibly a little weird, but if you're like me you know you ought to take little, little bites of food. But sometimes you forget, or get rushed, or whatever. So I bought baby spoons at the grocery store today. We'll see how it works. It ought to be good...you can't take big bites if there's no room on the spoon for more food.

My Stackers are here!! I'm so excited. I wasn't even expecting them today. So I took one, and if/when I start bouncing around the room, I'm going to walk to the really far away grocery store (about 40-45 minutes away) to get the binder I need for Spanish. Because we have notebook checks, which I thought I grew out of after 5th grade. Anyways, I ( Read more... )