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When a lack is an asset, or, The Uses of Sorrow
That my personality and relationships are a patina I take pains to paint over my actual reality. I smile all the time because there are no real emotions connected to my smile-- only masks never change. I make sure to be unfailingly nice to everyone, tactfully and cheerfully practicing extra positivity, encouragement, or kindness when I can during ( Read more... ) -
Me on How I Am In Relationships, 2013:
What do I actively resist? Shitty as I know it sounds, in romantic contexts I actively resist knowing my partner too well, too vulnerably, and I resist being known very well in return.
I don't want someone to be vulnerable with me, as a monogamous partner, because it gives me too much responsibility. I do not want to be responsible for another ( Read more... ) -
Something I Wrote In 3/2013, in a Facebook Message
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24/03/2013
A few years back this philosophy major was telling me about something he said was called 'Systems Theory'. Anyway, the philosophy he described holds that nothing in or of a system can ever fully or adequately explain or define the system. Because we are part of this reality, we can never know it fully. Because people can only think ( Read more... )
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Tattoo idea
Life lesson ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
It is a Saturday night, I weigh ~123 lbs, I spent the day climbing (poorly, because I had zero energy), and at the Apple store for David's computer (meh). I am now waiting on some brownies (excitement) to be delivered and reading The Politics of Experience (difficult to understand his mental path- the way he links ideas together-, but I really want ( Read more... ) -
from a few days ago, that I never finished
I used to think that when I was finally happier with myself, the world would be easier. I'm finally more at peace with myself, but the world has just gotten more difficult.
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I feel I must interject here. You're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself.
It's getting harder as I get older to lose things. I remember people and being specific places with those people and it hurts to think that I'll never have those people in those specific places again. People change too much and times change too much, and it's awfully hard to get anyone to the same place twice. I was listening today to the music my ( Read more... ) -
if I can think it just right
I'm over her. Really. I no longer really think she'll want me one day, and I no longer believe that I'd take her if she suddenly did ( Read more... ) -
run to the end
It's winter break, 2010. Technically, this is my third year of university. I'm going to be here for two more years. I could, with joint-enrollment, have been 20 when I graduated with a bachelors. Now... now, I'll likely be 21 or 22. And that's not horrid. That's the average. That's my problem with that. It's average. I so miss being above average. ( Read more... )