[Lamento] Between Two Thieves, Part 4
Title: Between Two Thieves
Fandom: Lamento - Beyond the Void
Part: 4/6
Rating: overall R
Characters/Pairings: BardoxMana, RaixKonoe
Warnings: violence, backstory spoilers, hints of sex
Disclaimer: Lamento belongs to Nitro+Chiral.
Notes: Thanks to akuma_no_kage for betaing, and sexual_ennui and jllai_smile for the moral support.
Summary: We tend to crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. ~ Fulton Oursler
Story Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Epilogue
Between Two Thieves
Chapter 4
The next few days passed quickly, with work commanding most of his attention, allowing for the hurt to fade and the issue to settle harmlessly in the back of his mind, there but not nagging his conscience. Bardo preferred it that way, when the bothersome things in life had to step aside because something needed to be done, and it was always easy to find a new excuse not to dwell-a chair that needed fixing, sheets that required mending, a meal that was waiting to be cooked.
He supposed that this might very well make him a coward, but he had long since learned that life loved to smack him around... so why not choose the path that meant the least discomfort?
It helped, of course, that Rai was staying in his room and thus unable to watch and judge him with his unmerciful gaze.
Konoe seemed to be busy around the town, running errands and visiting people. When he was not up and about, he was with Rai, so Bardo rarely got the chance to exchange more than a few words of greeting. It was more than a week later, after the rush of dinner had passed and he was eating his own late meal, that Konoe entered the dining room, smiling when Bardo hastily wiped a stain of sauce off his chin.
"I didn't even have a chance to look at these until now," the young cat said, waving the pages of a letter as he walked over. "Thanks for looking after them for me."
Bardo nodded, chewing and swallowing before he answered. "It's no problem."
Konoe slid onto the bench beside him, setting down the letter and pulling a small set of writing utensils from the pouch at his belt.
"How is Asato?" Bardo asked, motioning to the letter with his fork.
"Eh?" Konoe stopped pulling at the cork of a small ink bottle with his teeth.
"We didn't have much time to talk last time he was here."
The cork gave with a plop, and Konoe carefully set the bottle down on the table. "Oh, he's doing great! He's busy with errands for Kira right now, but he says that we should come visit some time."
"To Kira?" Bardo said, blinking. "They've changed that much in such a short time?"
Konoe looked up from his reply, his small, neat script a stark contrast to Asato's broad scrawl. "Asato wouldn't invite us if there were any difficulties."
"Well, no, of course not. I guess it's just because I can still remember the time when entering Kira territory would sooner get you a gut full of sword than a 'hi, nice to meet you'."
Konoe shook his head, snorting in amusement. "Asato says we should come in summer. He says Yukoku Valley has beautiful waterfalls, and we could go swimming. And fishing. And…"
"Aah, stop that, you know I can't take time off here," Bardo said, his ears drooping.
"Come on. It would just be for a couple of days. It'd be fun, all four of us together again," Konoe said, eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Even if I did manage to, I don't think your man would be thrilled to have me tagging along," he murmured.
Konoe looked at him.
Bardo shoved a forkful of food a bit more enthusiastically into his mouth than necessary, just so he would not have to elaborate.
"Psh," Konoe said eventually, giving a dismissive flick with his quill. "Rai wouldn't even want to go in the first place. His idea of fun is-well." He ducked his head, a slight redness tingeing his cheeks. "But I'll convince him. And you'll be coming along, too."
Bardo smiled a little at his determined expression, before something else occurred to him. "How are you two doing, anyway? I don't mean to pry, of course…"
He waved his hand, hoping it would help to illustrate what he was trying to say. To be truthful, he had been a little worried about the pair, especially about what bounty hunting would do to Konoe, who valued life so much. At the very least, he had expected him to change, just as he himself had changed so many years ago.
Konoe, though, still had the same air of ingenuousness and freshness about him, and his smile was bright and happy as he answered, "Things are… good."
Bardo smirked. "Just 'good'?"
Konoe flushed slightly at his teasing tone. "Well, no. Better than good. I think I've gotten the hang of things, and Rai's doing a lot better, too. We've been up in Setsura last month, and…"
Bardo blinked, his eyebrows almost rising to his hairline. "You've been to Setsura?"
"Yeah," the young cat said. "I thought we should go. Rai didn't exactly tell me everything, but I know some things. I thought… it would be good for him to obtain some sort of closure."
There was no need to ask what Konoe was referring to. Bardo had had a lot of time to think on certain things, things he had not wanted to see all those years ago. It made him wonder just how much Konoe knew of the coldness and the abuse, in the way he simply seemed to know certain things. He could not picture Rai making his childhood the topic of a campfire conversation, but…
…But what do you know? You never tried talking to him about the things that were really important, and then it was too late.
Still, that Rai should go to visit his parents' graves just because his lover had asked him to do so…
"In the end, it was Rai's decision to go," Konoe said, as if guessing his train of thought. "He said his feelings for them haven't changed, and that's alright. I wanted him to do it for himself… not for their sake."
Something fierce briefly flashed in his eyes, before he returned his gaze to the pages of the letter.
Bardo quietly nodded to himself, now more certain than ever that Konoe knew. A few minutes passed in silence while he mulled over what he really wanted to ask. It did not seem right to turn their catching up to such serious topics, but he felt that he needed to know, if only for his own peace of mind.
Eventually, he cleared his throat. "You said he's doing better. Is his habit…?" He trailed off.
It seemed so utterly ridiculous to keep calling it a "bad habit". Konoe knew what it was all about, so phrasing it like Rai's madness was comparable to a weakness for tobacco or biting one's nails seemed like a pointless attempt at kidding himself.
"He still gets like that, sometimes," Konoe said softly, his ears lowered. "But…" His face brightened. "…he's getting better. He can hear me now, in here."
He tapped the spot above his heart, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as his gaze seemed to shift for a moment, looking not outward but in, as if he were listening for something inaudible.
Bardo watched as Konoe's eyes cleared, his concentration returning to their conversation. He had never fought with a sanga, but he had heard many stories about the bond that would develop between them and their touga. How many of these stories were true and how many were simple exaggerations, he did not know, but he felt loath to ask Konoe about it. It did not seem right to intrude upon something so private.
Try as he might, though, he could not suppress a little envy at the fact that Konoe had this connection to Rai, that he was gifted with the ability to understand him. As whiny as it sounded, it seemed so unfair that he was the only one who had to go on feeling so ridiculously out of his depth. Bardo never knew what to say or do around Rai, whether it was the child of the past or the man of the present-both gave him a feeling like he was walking on eggshells. And as much as he had never known how to communicate with the taciturn boy in his care, he knew even less what to do with this angry, callous person Rai had become.
But if Konoe had found a way, maybe there was still hope.
-----
Bardo was tidying up at the reception when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.
Rai was slowly making his way down the steps, still favoring his left side. At the bottom, he stopped, a look of pain twisting his features momentarily, his hand twitching towards his side. When he caught sight of Bardo watching him with concern, he glared and immediately dropped his arm, before turning away and heading for the back door.
"Hello to you, too," Bardo called after him, mildly offended at being so pointedly dismissed.
Of course, there was no reply.
Bardo frowned. Konoe had to be away; he could not imagine the young cat condoning the fact that Rai was up and, from the looks of it, about to head outside. Rai might have hated being cooped up in his room, but Bardo had thought him smarter than to go walking around with such a serious injury.
He slipped out from behind the reception desk to follow after his stubborn guest. "Are you sure you should be out of bed? Can't imagine Konoe would be happy if he knew."
Rai bristled, but he kept walking. "I don't recall you becoming my keeper."
Bardo snorted. "I'm not. I'm just the guy who wants to keep you from killing yourself, or your sweetheart, when he has to heal you again."
"What-"
Rai whirled to face him, but his wound protested the abrupt movement. He stumbled, cringing, his hand clamping down on his right side in spite of himself.
Bardo caught him reflexively, holding him steady, and Rai was too busy trying to control the pain to even consider jerking out of his grasp. Bardo sighed. If the wound reopened, just because Rai was behaving like a stubborn child...
"Come on, Rai. What's that stunt supposed to prove? None of us will think you any less of a stud just because you're laid up from an injury that looks like a monster tried to take a chunk out of your side." He sighed and continued in a gentler tone, "I know you're smarter than that. Let's go back, alright? Here, I'll-"
"You can stop pretending, you know."
For a moment, Bardo thought that he had misheard, had not quite caught the words spoken in that low, dangerous tone. "...What?"
"I said," Rai repeated, shrugging off his hands and straightening angrily. "You can stop it. Drop the act."
Bardo shook his head. He had no idea what Rai was talking about, but the accusing tone coupled with Rai acting as if he were covered in blister-weed was making him angry, as well. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"T'ch," Rai said, lifting his chin and glaring scornfully. "I don't know what you're playing at, but you can drop the pleasantries. After all, we both know what kind of guy you really are, don't we?"
For a moment, Bardo could do nothing but stare. The words felt like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
He could not believe... Rai had to mean something else. There was no way he could still be focused on that, after all this time, after all the turbulent events following their reunion. Bardo could take a lot of abuse without batting an eyelash, but if Rai thought that he could continually unleash the ugliness that was right at home in his stone-cold heart, he was sorely mistaken.
He narrowed his eyes. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Rai scoffed. "That's so like you. Must be nice, having such a clean conscience."
Bardo wanted to hit him. He wanted to grab Rai by the collar and punch the contempt right out of him. What did Rai know about conscience? What did he know of lying awake at night, wondering about what-ifs and might-have-beens, trying to push his own failures out of his mind? What did he know of guilt and worry?
The sharp sting of his nails biting into his palms brought him some measure of clarity.
"At least I have a conscience," he said icily, turning on his heel and stalking towards the exit.
Rai called something else after him, but Bardo did not hear, did not want to hear, because if he did, he knew that he just might rip the self-centered imbecile to shreds. He was through with playing the whipping boy for Rai's issues.
I won't let you suffocate me with your hatred. Choke on it, for all I care.
The door slammed shut behind him.
-----
The main street was bright and cheerful, filled with the hustle and bustle of countless cats.
Bardo stayed at the fringes of the throng, but hardly paid any attention to the flurry of activity around him. He kept walking without any goal or sense of direction, glaring at nothing in particular, his clenched fists thrust deep into his pockets. He barely even noticed that the other cats were giving him a wide berth and staring after him as he passed. All he could focus on was the seething anger roiling in his gut, threatening to boil over and making him want to lash out against the nearest available target.
He could not recall ever having been so furious. He was almost glad that he had left when he had; otherwise, he might have really done something like punching Rai's lights out, no matter if he was wounded or not.
Rai had no right to react like that, to throw his kindness back in his face when all he had wanted was to help and keep the foolish cat from injuring himself even further. And where did he get off on saying those things, as if Bardo was expecting something by trying to care for him?
We both know what kind of guy you really are.
The insinuation stung like nothing else, when he had always tried his best to fix things, to do what was right. Wasn't it enough that he had spent the last ten years regretting the way things had turned out, that whenever he allowed his mind to wander, it would rest upon all his mistakes and shortcomings?
Why couldn't Rai simply give it a rest after all this time, why did he have go on and heap those accusations on top of everything else?
Like Bardo had some kind of hidden motive, trying to care for that half-mad twisted boy, like he thought he could gain… what? What worth did Rai believe he had, that he was so convinced Bardo wanted something from him?
But you do, don't you. You do.
Bardo growled out loud and ruthlessly smothered the little voice forever whispering dissent inside his own head. What was so wrong with hoping to repair their relationship, with wishing things could go back to the way they had once been?
Obviously everything, at least from Rai's point of view, who seemed to think the appropriate reaction to people concerned for his welfare was being a raging asshole. Come to think of it, Bardo had never seen him direct anything but harsh words at Konoe, either. Could Konoe have been so wrong, thinking that Rai was changing, that things were turning out for the better?
Bardo had no idea what Konoe saw in Rai, whether he was simply idealistic to the core or whether he was deluding himself, blinded by love. Really, what did Konoe see that made him remain by Rai's side so faithfully?
And what do you see yourself, that makes the abuse worth it?
Bardo let out an explosive breath, raking a hand through his hair as he walked. He was no longer certain whether what he was seeing was even there anymore. All that seemed to be to Rai these days was a stinging coldness and perpetually burning fury, which he was always ready to convey to the world in the form of caustic remarks and insults. It seemed almost impossible that this arrogant, callous man should be the same as the quiet, withdrawn child he had taken care of.
He hated how his mind kept invoking that little white kitten whenever he was trying to let go-it had been the same when he had been trying to convince himself that he would never see Rai again, and it was the same now, when Bardo was trying to be properly furious at him. And instead, regret was encroaching upon his justified anger, worry was once again trying to assert itself. He found himself wishing, and not for the first time, that he could rip out that part of himself and throttle it with his bare hands.
Damn him, damn him damn him damn him, for still caring about Rai like a masochist, for always swallowing the bitter pill and trying, time and again, to find some measure of goodness left in this vengeful man!
Abruptly, Bardo stopped walking and pinched the bridge of his nose.
All of this was not getting him anywhere. If he had reached the point where anger at Rai was turning into anger at himself, then something was seriously wrong. And it made him tired. So terribly, terribly tired to be thinking about all of this until he was just running in circles inside his own head.
One thing was certain, though. He could not, would not return to the inn in this state. He was still hurt, he was still angry, and facing Rai right now…
And then there would be Konoe, who, without a doubt, would have learned everything by the time Bardo came home, and would probably want to know what he had been doing fighting with an injured man, who had probably gone and done something stupid…
No. No. Enough of this.
He was so sick of dealing with the torrent of emotions Rai had managed to stir up. He needed to go to a place where he could calm down, where he could let go of everything for a while and just regain his equilibrium. Something that did not require him to think, something that would, at least for a while, sweep away the hurt and allow him to calm down.
A faint smile stole across his lips at the thought.
He knew what he was going to do.
-----
During the day, the red-light district appeared very different from the way it looked during the night.
Bardo was accustomed to people filling the street and the glow of the lamps lit outside nearly every building, bathing the surroundings in scarlet light and lending the entire place a distinct air of excitement and mystery. The street did not look nearly as impressive in daylight, with the lamps extinguished and hardly a person in sight, save for a few rough-looking characters entering a tavern. The owner of one of the gambling houses was sweeping the porch, preparing for the evening business; Bardo recognized his face, a passing acquaintance from his time as a bounty hunter, when he had used to frequent all sorts of seedy establishments.
His destination lay near the end of the road, though; there were more enjoyable ways of losing his mind than dice and alcohol. Less side effects, too.
From the outside, the brothel looked almost like an ordinary inn, even more so now that the lamps were not working their magic.
Bardo walked up the steps and rapped his knuckles against the door.
A few moments passed before he could hear footsteps from within, and then the small shutter in the middle of the door slid open, revealing a pair of eyes regarding him suspiciously.
"Ye-es?" a nasal voice asked, muffled through the wood of the door.
Bardo rolled his eyes at the suspicious tone. "Really, Naru, don't tell me you can't remember your own customers?"
The owner huffed, sliding the shutter closed and opening the door. Bardo stepped in, immediately finding himself surrounded by the familiar hues of red from the lamps and furniture, as well as a subtle, but distinct floral scent.
"It has been some time since you last chose to grace us with your presence, sir," Naru replied stiffly, walking over to the reception desk and opening his register. "I suppose you will see Mana? Or perhaps someone else this time?"
"If she's free," Bardo said, watching as he flipped through the book.
"Yes."
Naru was watching him closely as he counted out the coins, and Bardo had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. He had never met anyone so distrustful before.
Except for one person. But we won't think about that right now, will we.
Accepting the money, the other cat wrote down Bardo's name in the register. "I trust you know the way?"
"Heh, of course."
He started towards the stairs leading to the first floor.
"Oh, and there better not be any extras like last time," Naru called after him, his tone displeased.
Bardo affected an innocent face. "Whatever do you mean?"
When the owner snorted, he continued up the steps, a small smirk twitching on his lips. Of course, that had been an outright lie meant to annoy Naru; he knew very well what had happened the last time, when Mana had turned the clock on the nightstand to face the other way, and agreed to a little after-service.
He supposed that it might seem strange to some people that a man like him had never tried to start a family, preferred a prostitute's services to a lasting relationship, but he had never really been interested. He liked Mana well enough; she was honest-sometimes even brutally so-and witty, both qualities that made him appreciate her for more than just her talents.
He walked down the length of the upstairs corridor and knocked on the last of the elaborately carved doors.
"Come in, come in," a distracted female voice called from within.
Mana was sitting at her dresser, brushing her hair and checking her appearance in a small obsidian mirror. When Bardo closed the door, she set down the brush and turned her head, a look of surprise flitting across her features.
"Well, well, and who do we have here?" she said, rising with a rustle of her dress. "I don't think I recall meeting you, sir. What is your business with me?"
Bardo smiled slightly at the joke, but did not find himself up to their usual banter.
Mana seemed to notice this as well, because she frowned, peering at him closely. "Hey. What's with that face?"
"What face?" Bardo said evasively, turning his smile up a notch, even though he knew it was no use. Playing dumb with Mana never really worked.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't tell me. But if you use me as a scratching post, I won't play nice."
"I wouldn't dare."
Mana smirked, trailing her fingers up his arm. "Mm, good."
-----
Rai was standing by the window, staring fixedly at the street below.
It was a poor alternative to slicing something into tiny, perfect pieces, but the damnable wound in his side would not allow him to do anything else. Every time the memory of that insipid smile and those fake niceties managed to surface in his mind, he would have dearly loved to let someone or something feel his rage. The best choice would have been the old bastard responsible for the entire situation, but of course, he had had to do what he did best, and run away.
His nails dug into the windowsill, making the wood groan in protest.
The sheer gall of the man had taken him by surprise. Rai had been under the impression that he had made it clear that he wanted as little to do with Bardo as possible, would not even have been here if not for Konoe and his overly fastidious nature, but he had forgotten that the man had turned pretending into an art form.
Still, that he should have the consummate presumptuousness to act like nothing had happened at all, like they were friends… that he would think Rai to be stupid enough to fall for the same act all over again... He had no idea what Bardo thought he could gain by pulling off this charade; he was not a child anymore, foolish enough to hope-
"...Rai?"
He had not even heard Konoe enter.
His partner was standing by the door, flicking his tail and looking at him in concern.
…Probably because he was trying his hardest to break the windowsill. Rai inwardly shook his head at himself, and slowly relaxed his grip.
"Is something wrong?" Konoe asked, stepping forward.
Rai really would have preferred for him not to be here at the moment, but saying as much would only be counterproductive. Konoe had a habit of doing the exact opposite of what he was told, especially when he felt that something was amiss.
"...Nothing," he replied after a short pause, turning back to the window in order to avoid that searching gaze.
Konoe hesitated only briefly before coming to stand beside him. After a moment, he shifted to rest a gentle hand between Rai's shoulder blades.
The warmth of Konoe's palm slowly seeping into his body was like a spell, easing the tension of his muscles. Rai sighed quietly, allowing himself to relax minutely into the contact, and Konoe seemed to take this as permission to start rubbing his back in small, light circles.
After a while, he asked softly, "Did you have a fight with Bardo?"
Rai tensed.
"I'm right, aren't I," Konoe said, more a statement than a question, so he chose not to answer. "What happened?"
Rai sighed. He would have preferred to keep Konoe out of this entirely, but given his partner's predisposition to finding things out on his own, he knew he had little choice.
"Nothing," he finally said. "He just keeps sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."
The look Konoe was giving him told him clearly that Konoe was not happy with this overly simplified explanation, but was willing to let it slide. Instead he leaned closer, offering comfort. It seemed ridiculous that he should need comfort for what was, in essence, a reprise of an old drama, but Rai had learned long ago that feeling Konoe's warmth tended to do strange things to him.
"I don't think he meant anything by it," Konoe said after a while. "He's worried about you."
Rai barked out a laugh. Of course it would seem that way on the surface. Of course.
"You don't know him. You don't know him like I do," he said, a bitter smirk twisting his lips.
Konoe frowned. "Maybe not, but... people can change. I don't know what happened between you two, but isn't it possible for him to have changed from back then? You've changed, haven't you."
Rai grit his teeth. It was getting frustrating, sifting through what he did and did not want to tell Konoe. "That's different. For him, nothing's changed. He's still living in the past."
"And you hate that?"
"I hate lots of things about him. He just doesn't know when to leave well enough alone."
Konoe nodded slowly. After a while, he said, "Still… I-"
Rai kissed him.
It was the quickest and most pleasant way to shut Konoe up, since he really did not want to talk about it anymore. Konoe made a small noise of surprise low in his throat and went still, but otherwise did not resist the sudden intimacy. Rai cupped his face with one hand, tilting his head back for easier access, slowly running his tongue over Konoe's lips.
After a moment, Konoe began to respond, moving his mouth against Rai's, drawing closer and curling a hand around his biceps.
Rai very nearly purred, resting a hand against the small of Konoe's back, pushing their bodies closer together. This was so much more gratifying than brooding and feeling angry, Konoe's warm reception of his advances stirring a different kind of fire, a slow, pleasant burning in the pit of his stomach.
He trailed his fingers down, circling the root of Konoe's sensitive tail before closing around it, rubbing lightly. Konoe's breath hitched and he squirmed at the touch.
Rai almost smirked into the kiss, enjoying the way the soft fur was bristling against his fingers.
"Ah-!"
He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth, Konoe responding with more muffled noises and grabbing a fistful of his hair in an almost painful grip.
After spending the past week doing nothing except staying in his room and recovering from the blood loss, this change of pace was more than welcome. And judging by Konoe's enthusiastic response, he had missed this as well.
With a practiced tug, Konoe's shirt slipped out of his pants and Rai slid a hand inside, running his fingers over the heated skin of his belly, the small bump of his hipbone, and lower…
The slight pricking of Konoe's fangs on his bottom lip made him pause, an unmistakable sign that Konoe was not pleased.
He broke the kiss, drawing back and staring down at his partner's flushed face in puzzlement. "…What's wrong?"
It took a moment for Konoe to regain control of his breathing. "O-okay, you win. I won't say any more," he said, panting softly. "But we're not going to do that until you're well again!"
"Tch", Rai replied, trying to conceal his disappointment. "Fine."
"Don't make that face," Konoe said. "I just don't want to risk reopening the stitches. But…" Something of the old embarrassment flitted across his face as he rose on tip-toe to press a kiss to the corner of Rai's mouth. "We could… keep doing that for a while, if you like."
It was difficult to resist such an offer, even if it was not exactly what Rai had been hoping for.
"When I'm well again… I'm going to hold you to that, you know," he murmured, lips brushing Konoe's ear.
Konoe laughed. "I know you will."
Rai found he had nothing to say to that, so he simply bent down to meet Konoe halfway.
-----
"Oh my. Did you sleep on rocks for a week or something?"
Bardo gave a weak groan as her knuckles dug mercilessly into his shoulders, the pleasure-pain of muscles unwinding flooding him with relief. He had not even known that he was this tense.
"Honestly," Mana said, kicking the red duvet out of the way to make some room, and rolling him into her lap. "You've been acting strange today."
Her fingers found his shoulders again, and Bardo hummed. "I guess I have."
Mana snorted somewhere above his head, and continued rubbing his sore shoulders. Bardo sighed, turning his head to rest his cheek against her thigh, and allowed himself to drift for a bit, lulled by the comfortable warmth and scent of her body.
The conflict with Rai had really taken its toll on him. He felt tired, drained from his own anger and disappointment. There really was a difference between knowing about Rai's dislike for him, and having it shoved in his face like that.
He knew that he would have to think about what he was going to do sooner or later-if he was going to do anything-but for the moment, he simply wanted to enjoy this, revel in the good feelings for a bit and forget about the painful discord, at least for a little while.
Eventually, Mana's touch turned into an absent-minded caress, her fingers lightly trailing over his neck and arms. She was looking at him contemplatively, but Bardo pretended that he was not aware of it.
After another while, Mana's voice cut through his hazy thoughts, "I said it before, but… if there's something bothering you, you really can tell me."
"Huh?"
"I don't mind." A mischievous smile spread across her face. "I get old men complaining to me all the time."
"Hah! I'm not old!"
"Of course you're not," Mana said. "And last time, you were totally not whining that your back was killing you, either..."
"Oh yes, go on, rip out my heart and stomp on it," he huffed.
Mana laughed and leaned back against the cushions. Then she said, "But in all seriousness… you can, you know. I'm not your wife, or your girlfriend. I'd just like to be someone with whom you can be comfortable."
"Hmm..." Bardo replied, but hesitated to answer. A part of him was still trying to return to the hazy mindlessness of the afterglow, while another part was not sure what he would say, if he were to say anything. 'I'm sulking because I had a fight with my friend' sounded so terribly pathetic. It was nice of Mana to extend the offer, though-it was not in her nature to pry; he had to present a truly worrisome sight for her to be so insistent about it.
The silence remained for a while, and Bardo was almost ready to doze off when Mana picked up the conversation once more. "It wouldn't have anything to do with Mr. Tall-White-and-Grumpy?"
"Eh?" Bardo said, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at her upside down.
"I hear him and the little cutie he managed to net are back in town. Has all the bounty hunters in a tizzy. Or at least, the ones that come to me." She rolled her eyes.
"You sure you haven't got some evil mind-reading powers?" Bardo asked, only half joking.
Mana's eyes twinkled. "Positive, darling. So, do I win something for guessing right?"
"I'll bring you some cookies next time," he said earnestly, shifting up to lean against her shoulder.
She smiled. "No wonder you're tense, then. That guy's enough to give anyone a migraine. Makes me wonder what the cutie's doing with him, really. You'd think he'd have the sense to settle for a nice boyfriend."
"Konoe? That's..." Bardo hesitated. He was not even sure himself. "...complicated."
"I can imagine. Lovely face, but a nasty personality."
"Heh." Bardo paused. "There used to be a time… he wasn't always like that," he added slowly, unable to help the wave of nostalgia that came with the thought.
"Oh, really?"
"You sound bitter."
She sniffed. "I wasted a perfectly good bottle of perfume on that guy. I liked that perfume."
Bardo could not believe his ears. "You threw perfume at Rai?!"
Mana shrugged, her ears flattening to the top of her head. "Oh, that was his name. And yeah, he made me. He was the rudest thing ever, barging in and tossing my customer out like that. Demanding as hell, and no manners. I hope he at least had the grace to take care of the poor cutie."
He blinked at her. "What?"
"Well, the poor dear started rutting right here in my room."
"Are you telling me they had sex on this very bed?"
She smirked. "The cutie was looking fairly ruffled when he came back out."
Bardo gave the bed a thorough once-over. "...Kinky."
"I thought you'd say that."
Silence descended in the wake of their banter, turning Bardo's mind to the pressing issues he had been trying to avoid. He could not hide here forever-because that was what he was doing, he was hiding, hoping for the storm to calm in the meantime. He knew very well that this was a fool's hope, though. This time, nothing would be going away; even in the absolutely ludicrous event that Rai should never say anything to him ever again, the feelings would still remain, the coldness and the loathing.
That was not how Bardo wanted things to be for the rest of their days.
The most self-protective measure would be to avoid Rai as much as possible, perhaps-if he had possessed that kind of ruthlessness-even ban him from the hotel, but Bardo was well aware of how low his own self-preservation instincts were when it came to his friends. It was the crux of the entire problem, really; he wanted to spend time with Rai, wanted to be able to speak to him, to be able to maintain that feeling of camaraderie that he had with Konoe and Asato.
He wished they could find their old rhythm again, the easy way they had worked side by side, how they had just seemed to fit together in a way that was not easily put into words, but nonetheless understood. Granted, Rai had been a child then, but…
After leaving him to his thoughts for a while, Mana shifted, her voice becoming unusually serious and quiet. "About what you said… is he giving you trouble?"
Bardo's mouth curled in a faint smile. "In a way, yes. But not like you're thinking, no. There's just… some bad history between us, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it anymore. It's… tiring."
Mana stayed silent.
"It used to be easier. A lot easier. I wish… we could go back to the way it was, you know? And I try, but…"
"To turn back the clock?" Mana asked contemplatively, a shadow passing over her features momentarily. "That never works, darling."
Bardo turned around to stare at her, stunned.
"Circumstances change. People change. You can't reverse that. And you change, too. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, or five, or ten. And sometimes I ask myself… even if I could reverse that-you know, just go back and erase what changed me-would I really want to? And then I find… no, I wouldn't want that."
Bardo found he could not reply to that. It was like being smacked in the forehead by a ton of bricks-what Mana was saying was true. He had been so focused on the changes in Rai that it had never occurred to him that he himself had changed, as well. And the thought of going back to the way he had been more than ten years ago sent an involuntary shiver down his spine-that had been the person foolish enough to call on a devil.
"So you think I should leave it alone? Learn to let go and all that?" he finally asked.
"I didn't say that, and you know it," Mana returned, a note of irritation creeping into her voice. "I'm just saying… if you go in expecting things to go back to the way they were, you're always going to end up disappointed. But that doesn't mean you can't try to turn it into something new."
"Something new…"
"It's going to be hard work, darling. Lots and lots of hard work. But it can be done."
"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Bardo noted, studying her pensive face, which revealed nothing.
Mana laughed, short and sharp.
"You could say that," she said cryptically, before changing to a lighter tone. "So, I guess you've got your work cut out for you with the one-eyed wonder."
"Don't I know it," Bardo moaned, reaching up to rub a hand across his brow. "I just don't know what to do anymore. And I guess I'm a bit miffed that it's always got to be me who has to make an effort."
"Oh, come on. I know his ilk. The day you'll see him talking about his feelings…"
"…would be a sign of the apocalypse, yeah."
"That guy is as stubborn as he is proud. Don't think I would have thrown that perfume if there had been another way to get him to take a hint."
"I don't think he'd be favorably disposed towards me if I tried that," Bardo said, but could not keep his lips from twitching.
Mana chuckled. "He needs to be hit over the head with a clue bat, though. Rather like someone else I know."
Bardo blinked. "Who?"
"Oh, you might know him. Tall, handsome… brings me cookies…"
"Hey, that's not fair!" he protested, ears drooping. "You can't compare me to him."
"Heh, I suppose not," Mana said, patting his head in mock consolation. "…His skull is even thicker."
"Are you saying my skull is thick? How rude!" Bardo swatted at her, and she laughed, deftly catching his hand.
"There, that's more like you," she said, sounding satisfied.
"Yeah," Bardo said, sobering a little. "Thanks, Mana."
She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Don't mention it."
"No, I'm serious. Thanks."
"Ah, stop it, you're embarrassing me."
"I'm pretty sure it's impossible to embarrass you," Bardo said, smiling.
"Heh." Mana turned her head, reaching for something on the nightstand. "Speaking of embarrassing… when do you have to get back?"
Bardo shifted to glance at the little clock she was holding. "Not for a while yet."
"Ah."
"It would be more than enough time for a little… ah, after service," he said, a gleam stealing into his eyes.
"Psh, so like you to suggest that."
"Like you weren't waiting for me to suggest it," he retorted, not bothering to hold back a grin.
"I wasn't. Pervert."
"Yeah, dirty old cat, that's me."
"I thought you said you weren't old?"
"Mn, care to let me prove it?"
"Just a moment, let me get the-wah, hey! Pervert! Eek!"
The rest got lost somewhere between the sheets.
- TBC -
-----
A/N: Okay, this chapter is probably going to require a bit of an explanation, especially the Bardo/Mana thing, so I'll cover that first:
- No, this ship is not canon. I'm not even sure whether there are any implications in the game that Bardo knows Mana, but in the immortal words of sexual_ennui , "you can't tell me that a 40+-year-old kitty hasn't visited the town brothel at least once." Besides, I adore Mana. She's sharp, witty, and will kick the shit out of you if you mess with her - I mean, she even threw perfume at Rai! You don't get more awesome than that. XD I just think she and Bardo would make great friends, and besides, at this point, Bardo needed someone to talk to.
- Sadly, this is the only appearance Asato will make in this story. I've got a spin-off planned that will give him some screentime. Three guesses as to what that'll be. XD
- Yes, Konoe and Rai go to Setsura in Rai's ending. And Rai says pretty much what I wrote. Accuracy, I loves it. XD
- Naru is Monsieur Le Chat, aka the gay-French-looking cat owning the brothel. He does not have a name, but since Bardo knows him, it would be pretty silly not to give him one.
- Yes, I cheated you out of some Rai/Konoe festivities. Can't really do anything with Rai injured as he is. XD And Rai does have that habit of attempting to distract Konoe from talking by doing... things.
- Banter. I so adore banter. And Mana calls Rai "the eyepatch brat" in the game. That makes me giggle. So I kinda tried to carry that over a bit.
C&C is much appreciated. *bows and exits*
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Fandom: Lamento - Beyond the Void
Part: 4/6
Rating: overall R
Characters/Pairings: BardoxMana, RaixKonoe
Warnings: violence, backstory spoilers, hints of sex
Disclaimer: Lamento belongs to Nitro+Chiral.
Notes: Thanks to akuma_no_kage for betaing, and sexual_ennui and jllai_smile for the moral support.
Summary: We tend to crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future. ~ Fulton Oursler
Story Index | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Epilogue
Between Two Thieves
Chapter 4
The next few days passed quickly, with work commanding most of his attention, allowing for the hurt to fade and the issue to settle harmlessly in the back of his mind, there but not nagging his conscience. Bardo preferred it that way, when the bothersome things in life had to step aside because something needed to be done, and it was always easy to find a new excuse not to dwell-a chair that needed fixing, sheets that required mending, a meal that was waiting to be cooked.
He supposed that this might very well make him a coward, but he had long since learned that life loved to smack him around... so why not choose the path that meant the least discomfort?
It helped, of course, that Rai was staying in his room and thus unable to watch and judge him with his unmerciful gaze.
Konoe seemed to be busy around the town, running errands and visiting people. When he was not up and about, he was with Rai, so Bardo rarely got the chance to exchange more than a few words of greeting. It was more than a week later, after the rush of dinner had passed and he was eating his own late meal, that Konoe entered the dining room, smiling when Bardo hastily wiped a stain of sauce off his chin.
"I didn't even have a chance to look at these until now," the young cat said, waving the pages of a letter as he walked over. "Thanks for looking after them for me."
Bardo nodded, chewing and swallowing before he answered. "It's no problem."
Konoe slid onto the bench beside him, setting down the letter and pulling a small set of writing utensils from the pouch at his belt.
"How is Asato?" Bardo asked, motioning to the letter with his fork.
"Eh?" Konoe stopped pulling at the cork of a small ink bottle with his teeth.
"We didn't have much time to talk last time he was here."
The cork gave with a plop, and Konoe carefully set the bottle down on the table. "Oh, he's doing great! He's busy with errands for Kira right now, but he says that we should come visit some time."
"To Kira?" Bardo said, blinking. "They've changed that much in such a short time?"
Konoe looked up from his reply, his small, neat script a stark contrast to Asato's broad scrawl. "Asato wouldn't invite us if there were any difficulties."
"Well, no, of course not. I guess it's just because I can still remember the time when entering Kira territory would sooner get you a gut full of sword than a 'hi, nice to meet you'."
Konoe shook his head, snorting in amusement. "Asato says we should come in summer. He says Yukoku Valley has beautiful waterfalls, and we could go swimming. And fishing. And…"
"Aah, stop that, you know I can't take time off here," Bardo said, his ears drooping.
"Come on. It would just be for a couple of days. It'd be fun, all four of us together again," Konoe said, eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Even if I did manage to, I don't think your man would be thrilled to have me tagging along," he murmured.
Konoe looked at him.
Bardo shoved a forkful of food a bit more enthusiastically into his mouth than necessary, just so he would not have to elaborate.
"Psh," Konoe said eventually, giving a dismissive flick with his quill. "Rai wouldn't even want to go in the first place. His idea of fun is-well." He ducked his head, a slight redness tingeing his cheeks. "But I'll convince him. And you'll be coming along, too."
Bardo smiled a little at his determined expression, before something else occurred to him. "How are you two doing, anyway? I don't mean to pry, of course…"
He waved his hand, hoping it would help to illustrate what he was trying to say. To be truthful, he had been a little worried about the pair, especially about what bounty hunting would do to Konoe, who valued life so much. At the very least, he had expected him to change, just as he himself had changed so many years ago.
Konoe, though, still had the same air of ingenuousness and freshness about him, and his smile was bright and happy as he answered, "Things are… good."
Bardo smirked. "Just 'good'?"
Konoe flushed slightly at his teasing tone. "Well, no. Better than good. I think I've gotten the hang of things, and Rai's doing a lot better, too. We've been up in Setsura last month, and…"
Bardo blinked, his eyebrows almost rising to his hairline. "You've been to Setsura?"
"Yeah," the young cat said. "I thought we should go. Rai didn't exactly tell me everything, but I know some things. I thought… it would be good for him to obtain some sort of closure."
There was no need to ask what Konoe was referring to. Bardo had had a lot of time to think on certain things, things he had not wanted to see all those years ago. It made him wonder just how much Konoe knew of the coldness and the abuse, in the way he simply seemed to know certain things. He could not picture Rai making his childhood the topic of a campfire conversation, but…
…But what do you know? You never tried talking to him about the things that were really important, and then it was too late.
Still, that Rai should go to visit his parents' graves just because his lover had asked him to do so…
"In the end, it was Rai's decision to go," Konoe said, as if guessing his train of thought. "He said his feelings for them haven't changed, and that's alright. I wanted him to do it for himself… not for their sake."
Something fierce briefly flashed in his eyes, before he returned his gaze to the pages of the letter.
Bardo quietly nodded to himself, now more certain than ever that Konoe knew. A few minutes passed in silence while he mulled over what he really wanted to ask. It did not seem right to turn their catching up to such serious topics, but he felt that he needed to know, if only for his own peace of mind.
Eventually, he cleared his throat. "You said he's doing better. Is his habit…?" He trailed off.
It seemed so utterly ridiculous to keep calling it a "bad habit". Konoe knew what it was all about, so phrasing it like Rai's madness was comparable to a weakness for tobacco or biting one's nails seemed like a pointless attempt at kidding himself.
"He still gets like that, sometimes," Konoe said softly, his ears lowered. "But…" His face brightened. "…he's getting better. He can hear me now, in here."
He tapped the spot above his heart, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as his gaze seemed to shift for a moment, looking not outward but in, as if he were listening for something inaudible.
Bardo watched as Konoe's eyes cleared, his concentration returning to their conversation. He had never fought with a sanga, but he had heard many stories about the bond that would develop between them and their touga. How many of these stories were true and how many were simple exaggerations, he did not know, but he felt loath to ask Konoe about it. It did not seem right to intrude upon something so private.
Try as he might, though, he could not suppress a little envy at the fact that Konoe had this connection to Rai, that he was gifted with the ability to understand him. As whiny as it sounded, it seemed so unfair that he was the only one who had to go on feeling so ridiculously out of his depth. Bardo never knew what to say or do around Rai, whether it was the child of the past or the man of the present-both gave him a feeling like he was walking on eggshells. And as much as he had never known how to communicate with the taciturn boy in his care, he knew even less what to do with this angry, callous person Rai had become.
But if Konoe had found a way, maybe there was still hope.
-----
Bardo was tidying up at the reception when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.
Rai was slowly making his way down the steps, still favoring his left side. At the bottom, he stopped, a look of pain twisting his features momentarily, his hand twitching towards his side. When he caught sight of Bardo watching him with concern, he glared and immediately dropped his arm, before turning away and heading for the back door.
"Hello to you, too," Bardo called after him, mildly offended at being so pointedly dismissed.
Of course, there was no reply.
Bardo frowned. Konoe had to be away; he could not imagine the young cat condoning the fact that Rai was up and, from the looks of it, about to head outside. Rai might have hated being cooped up in his room, but Bardo had thought him smarter than to go walking around with such a serious injury.
He slipped out from behind the reception desk to follow after his stubborn guest. "Are you sure you should be out of bed? Can't imagine Konoe would be happy if he knew."
Rai bristled, but he kept walking. "I don't recall you becoming my keeper."
Bardo snorted. "I'm not. I'm just the guy who wants to keep you from killing yourself, or your sweetheart, when he has to heal you again."
"What-"
Rai whirled to face him, but his wound protested the abrupt movement. He stumbled, cringing, his hand clamping down on his right side in spite of himself.
Bardo caught him reflexively, holding him steady, and Rai was too busy trying to control the pain to even consider jerking out of his grasp. Bardo sighed. If the wound reopened, just because Rai was behaving like a stubborn child...
"Come on, Rai. What's that stunt supposed to prove? None of us will think you any less of a stud just because you're laid up from an injury that looks like a monster tried to take a chunk out of your side." He sighed and continued in a gentler tone, "I know you're smarter than that. Let's go back, alright? Here, I'll-"
"You can stop pretending, you know."
For a moment, Bardo thought that he had misheard, had not quite caught the words spoken in that low, dangerous tone. "...What?"
"I said," Rai repeated, shrugging off his hands and straightening angrily. "You can stop it. Drop the act."
Bardo shook his head. He had no idea what Rai was talking about, but the accusing tone coupled with Rai acting as if he were covered in blister-weed was making him angry, as well. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"T'ch," Rai said, lifting his chin and glaring scornfully. "I don't know what you're playing at, but you can drop the pleasantries. After all, we both know what kind of guy you really are, don't we?"
For a moment, Bardo could do nothing but stare. The words felt like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
He could not believe... Rai had to mean something else. There was no way he could still be focused on that, after all this time, after all the turbulent events following their reunion. Bardo could take a lot of abuse without batting an eyelash, but if Rai thought that he could continually unleash the ugliness that was right at home in his stone-cold heart, he was sorely mistaken.
He narrowed his eyes. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Rai scoffed. "That's so like you. Must be nice, having such a clean conscience."
Bardo wanted to hit him. He wanted to grab Rai by the collar and punch the contempt right out of him. What did Rai know about conscience? What did he know of lying awake at night, wondering about what-ifs and might-have-beens, trying to push his own failures out of his mind? What did he know of guilt and worry?
The sharp sting of his nails biting into his palms brought him some measure of clarity.
"At least I have a conscience," he said icily, turning on his heel and stalking towards the exit.
Rai called something else after him, but Bardo did not hear, did not want to hear, because if he did, he knew that he just might rip the self-centered imbecile to shreds. He was through with playing the whipping boy for Rai's issues.
I won't let you suffocate me with your hatred. Choke on it, for all I care.
The door slammed shut behind him.
-----
The main street was bright and cheerful, filled with the hustle and bustle of countless cats.
Bardo stayed at the fringes of the throng, but hardly paid any attention to the flurry of activity around him. He kept walking without any goal or sense of direction, glaring at nothing in particular, his clenched fists thrust deep into his pockets. He barely even noticed that the other cats were giving him a wide berth and staring after him as he passed. All he could focus on was the seething anger roiling in his gut, threatening to boil over and making him want to lash out against the nearest available target.
He could not recall ever having been so furious. He was almost glad that he had left when he had; otherwise, he might have really done something like punching Rai's lights out, no matter if he was wounded or not.
Rai had no right to react like that, to throw his kindness back in his face when all he had wanted was to help and keep the foolish cat from injuring himself even further. And where did he get off on saying those things, as if Bardo was expecting something by trying to care for him?
We both know what kind of guy you really are.
The insinuation stung like nothing else, when he had always tried his best to fix things, to do what was right. Wasn't it enough that he had spent the last ten years regretting the way things had turned out, that whenever he allowed his mind to wander, it would rest upon all his mistakes and shortcomings?
Why couldn't Rai simply give it a rest after all this time, why did he have go on and heap those accusations on top of everything else?
Like Bardo had some kind of hidden motive, trying to care for that half-mad twisted boy, like he thought he could gain… what? What worth did Rai believe he had, that he was so convinced Bardo wanted something from him?
But you do, don't you. You do.
Bardo growled out loud and ruthlessly smothered the little voice forever whispering dissent inside his own head. What was so wrong with hoping to repair their relationship, with wishing things could go back to the way they had once been?
Obviously everything, at least from Rai's point of view, who seemed to think the appropriate reaction to people concerned for his welfare was being a raging asshole. Come to think of it, Bardo had never seen him direct anything but harsh words at Konoe, either. Could Konoe have been so wrong, thinking that Rai was changing, that things were turning out for the better?
Bardo had no idea what Konoe saw in Rai, whether he was simply idealistic to the core or whether he was deluding himself, blinded by love. Really, what did Konoe see that made him remain by Rai's side so faithfully?
And what do you see yourself, that makes the abuse worth it?
Bardo let out an explosive breath, raking a hand through his hair as he walked. He was no longer certain whether what he was seeing was even there anymore. All that seemed to be to Rai these days was a stinging coldness and perpetually burning fury, which he was always ready to convey to the world in the form of caustic remarks and insults. It seemed almost impossible that this arrogant, callous man should be the same as the quiet, withdrawn child he had taken care of.
He hated how his mind kept invoking that little white kitten whenever he was trying to let go-it had been the same when he had been trying to convince himself that he would never see Rai again, and it was the same now, when Bardo was trying to be properly furious at him. And instead, regret was encroaching upon his justified anger, worry was once again trying to assert itself. He found himself wishing, and not for the first time, that he could rip out that part of himself and throttle it with his bare hands.
Damn him, damn him damn him damn him, for still caring about Rai like a masochist, for always swallowing the bitter pill and trying, time and again, to find some measure of goodness left in this vengeful man!
Abruptly, Bardo stopped walking and pinched the bridge of his nose.
All of this was not getting him anywhere. If he had reached the point where anger at Rai was turning into anger at himself, then something was seriously wrong. And it made him tired. So terribly, terribly tired to be thinking about all of this until he was just running in circles inside his own head.
One thing was certain, though. He could not, would not return to the inn in this state. He was still hurt, he was still angry, and facing Rai right now…
And then there would be Konoe, who, without a doubt, would have learned everything by the time Bardo came home, and would probably want to know what he had been doing fighting with an injured man, who had probably gone and done something stupid…
No. No. Enough of this.
He was so sick of dealing with the torrent of emotions Rai had managed to stir up. He needed to go to a place where he could calm down, where he could let go of everything for a while and just regain his equilibrium. Something that did not require him to think, something that would, at least for a while, sweep away the hurt and allow him to calm down.
A faint smile stole across his lips at the thought.
He knew what he was going to do.
-----
During the day, the red-light district appeared very different from the way it looked during the night.
Bardo was accustomed to people filling the street and the glow of the lamps lit outside nearly every building, bathing the surroundings in scarlet light and lending the entire place a distinct air of excitement and mystery. The street did not look nearly as impressive in daylight, with the lamps extinguished and hardly a person in sight, save for a few rough-looking characters entering a tavern. The owner of one of the gambling houses was sweeping the porch, preparing for the evening business; Bardo recognized his face, a passing acquaintance from his time as a bounty hunter, when he had used to frequent all sorts of seedy establishments.
His destination lay near the end of the road, though; there were more enjoyable ways of losing his mind than dice and alcohol. Less side effects, too.
From the outside, the brothel looked almost like an ordinary inn, even more so now that the lamps were not working their magic.
Bardo walked up the steps and rapped his knuckles against the door.
A few moments passed before he could hear footsteps from within, and then the small shutter in the middle of the door slid open, revealing a pair of eyes regarding him suspiciously.
"Ye-es?" a nasal voice asked, muffled through the wood of the door.
Bardo rolled his eyes at the suspicious tone. "Really, Naru, don't tell me you can't remember your own customers?"
The owner huffed, sliding the shutter closed and opening the door. Bardo stepped in, immediately finding himself surrounded by the familiar hues of red from the lamps and furniture, as well as a subtle, but distinct floral scent.
"It has been some time since you last chose to grace us with your presence, sir," Naru replied stiffly, walking over to the reception desk and opening his register. "I suppose you will see Mana? Or perhaps someone else this time?"
"If she's free," Bardo said, watching as he flipped through the book.
"Yes."
Naru was watching him closely as he counted out the coins, and Bardo had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. He had never met anyone so distrustful before.
Except for one person. But we won't think about that right now, will we.
Accepting the money, the other cat wrote down Bardo's name in the register. "I trust you know the way?"
"Heh, of course."
He started towards the stairs leading to the first floor.
"Oh, and there better not be any extras like last time," Naru called after him, his tone displeased.
Bardo affected an innocent face. "Whatever do you mean?"
When the owner snorted, he continued up the steps, a small smirk twitching on his lips. Of course, that had been an outright lie meant to annoy Naru; he knew very well what had happened the last time, when Mana had turned the clock on the nightstand to face the other way, and agreed to a little after-service.
He supposed that it might seem strange to some people that a man like him had never tried to start a family, preferred a prostitute's services to a lasting relationship, but he had never really been interested. He liked Mana well enough; she was honest-sometimes even brutally so-and witty, both qualities that made him appreciate her for more than just her talents.
He walked down the length of the upstairs corridor and knocked on the last of the elaborately carved doors.
"Come in, come in," a distracted female voice called from within.
Mana was sitting at her dresser, brushing her hair and checking her appearance in a small obsidian mirror. When Bardo closed the door, she set down the brush and turned her head, a look of surprise flitting across her features.
"Well, well, and who do we have here?" she said, rising with a rustle of her dress. "I don't think I recall meeting you, sir. What is your business with me?"
Bardo smiled slightly at the joke, but did not find himself up to their usual banter.
Mana seemed to notice this as well, because she frowned, peering at him closely. "Hey. What's with that face?"
"What face?" Bardo said evasively, turning his smile up a notch, even though he knew it was no use. Playing dumb with Mana never really worked.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, don't tell me. But if you use me as a scratching post, I won't play nice."
"I wouldn't dare."
Mana smirked, trailing her fingers up his arm. "Mm, good."
-----
Rai was standing by the window, staring fixedly at the street below.
It was a poor alternative to slicing something into tiny, perfect pieces, but the damnable wound in his side would not allow him to do anything else. Every time the memory of that insipid smile and those fake niceties managed to surface in his mind, he would have dearly loved to let someone or something feel his rage. The best choice would have been the old bastard responsible for the entire situation, but of course, he had had to do what he did best, and run away.
His nails dug into the windowsill, making the wood groan in protest.
The sheer gall of the man had taken him by surprise. Rai had been under the impression that he had made it clear that he wanted as little to do with Bardo as possible, would not even have been here if not for Konoe and his overly fastidious nature, but he had forgotten that the man had turned pretending into an art form.
Still, that he should have the consummate presumptuousness to act like nothing had happened at all, like they were friends… that he would think Rai to be stupid enough to fall for the same act all over again... He had no idea what Bardo thought he could gain by pulling off this charade; he was not a child anymore, foolish enough to hope-
"...Rai?"
He had not even heard Konoe enter.
His partner was standing by the door, flicking his tail and looking at him in concern.
…Probably because he was trying his hardest to break the windowsill. Rai inwardly shook his head at himself, and slowly relaxed his grip.
"Is something wrong?" Konoe asked, stepping forward.
Rai really would have preferred for him not to be here at the moment, but saying as much would only be counterproductive. Konoe had a habit of doing the exact opposite of what he was told, especially when he felt that something was amiss.
"...Nothing," he replied after a short pause, turning back to the window in order to avoid that searching gaze.
Konoe hesitated only briefly before coming to stand beside him. After a moment, he shifted to rest a gentle hand between Rai's shoulder blades.
The warmth of Konoe's palm slowly seeping into his body was like a spell, easing the tension of his muscles. Rai sighed quietly, allowing himself to relax minutely into the contact, and Konoe seemed to take this as permission to start rubbing his back in small, light circles.
After a while, he asked softly, "Did you have a fight with Bardo?"
Rai tensed.
"I'm right, aren't I," Konoe said, more a statement than a question, so he chose not to answer. "What happened?"
Rai sighed. He would have preferred to keep Konoe out of this entirely, but given his partner's predisposition to finding things out on his own, he knew he had little choice.
"Nothing," he finally said. "He just keeps sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."
The look Konoe was giving him told him clearly that Konoe was not happy with this overly simplified explanation, but was willing to let it slide. Instead he leaned closer, offering comfort. It seemed ridiculous that he should need comfort for what was, in essence, a reprise of an old drama, but Rai had learned long ago that feeling Konoe's warmth tended to do strange things to him.
"I don't think he meant anything by it," Konoe said after a while. "He's worried about you."
Rai barked out a laugh. Of course it would seem that way on the surface. Of course.
"You don't know him. You don't know him like I do," he said, a bitter smirk twisting his lips.
Konoe frowned. "Maybe not, but... people can change. I don't know what happened between you two, but isn't it possible for him to have changed from back then? You've changed, haven't you."
Rai grit his teeth. It was getting frustrating, sifting through what he did and did not want to tell Konoe. "That's different. For him, nothing's changed. He's still living in the past."
"And you hate that?"
"I hate lots of things about him. He just doesn't know when to leave well enough alone."
Konoe nodded slowly. After a while, he said, "Still… I-"
Rai kissed him.
It was the quickest and most pleasant way to shut Konoe up, since he really did not want to talk about it anymore. Konoe made a small noise of surprise low in his throat and went still, but otherwise did not resist the sudden intimacy. Rai cupped his face with one hand, tilting his head back for easier access, slowly running his tongue over Konoe's lips.
After a moment, Konoe began to respond, moving his mouth against Rai's, drawing closer and curling a hand around his biceps.
Rai very nearly purred, resting a hand against the small of Konoe's back, pushing their bodies closer together. This was so much more gratifying than brooding and feeling angry, Konoe's warm reception of his advances stirring a different kind of fire, a slow, pleasant burning in the pit of his stomach.
He trailed his fingers down, circling the root of Konoe's sensitive tail before closing around it, rubbing lightly. Konoe's breath hitched and he squirmed at the touch.
Rai almost smirked into the kiss, enjoying the way the soft fur was bristling against his fingers.
"Ah-!"
He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth, Konoe responding with more muffled noises and grabbing a fistful of his hair in an almost painful grip.
After spending the past week doing nothing except staying in his room and recovering from the blood loss, this change of pace was more than welcome. And judging by Konoe's enthusiastic response, he had missed this as well.
With a practiced tug, Konoe's shirt slipped out of his pants and Rai slid a hand inside, running his fingers over the heated skin of his belly, the small bump of his hipbone, and lower…
The slight pricking of Konoe's fangs on his bottom lip made him pause, an unmistakable sign that Konoe was not pleased.
He broke the kiss, drawing back and staring down at his partner's flushed face in puzzlement. "…What's wrong?"
It took a moment for Konoe to regain control of his breathing. "O-okay, you win. I won't say any more," he said, panting softly. "But we're not going to do that until you're well again!"
"Tch", Rai replied, trying to conceal his disappointment. "Fine."
"Don't make that face," Konoe said. "I just don't want to risk reopening the stitches. But…" Something of the old embarrassment flitted across his face as he rose on tip-toe to press a kiss to the corner of Rai's mouth. "We could… keep doing that for a while, if you like."
It was difficult to resist such an offer, even if it was not exactly what Rai had been hoping for.
"When I'm well again… I'm going to hold you to that, you know," he murmured, lips brushing Konoe's ear.
Konoe laughed. "I know you will."
Rai found he had nothing to say to that, so he simply bent down to meet Konoe halfway.
-----
"Oh my. Did you sleep on rocks for a week or something?"
Bardo gave a weak groan as her knuckles dug mercilessly into his shoulders, the pleasure-pain of muscles unwinding flooding him with relief. He had not even known that he was this tense.
"Honestly," Mana said, kicking the red duvet out of the way to make some room, and rolling him into her lap. "You've been acting strange today."
Her fingers found his shoulders again, and Bardo hummed. "I guess I have."
Mana snorted somewhere above his head, and continued rubbing his sore shoulders. Bardo sighed, turning his head to rest his cheek against her thigh, and allowed himself to drift for a bit, lulled by the comfortable warmth and scent of her body.
The conflict with Rai had really taken its toll on him. He felt tired, drained from his own anger and disappointment. There really was a difference between knowing about Rai's dislike for him, and having it shoved in his face like that.
He knew that he would have to think about what he was going to do sooner or later-if he was going to do anything-but for the moment, he simply wanted to enjoy this, revel in the good feelings for a bit and forget about the painful discord, at least for a little while.
Eventually, Mana's touch turned into an absent-minded caress, her fingers lightly trailing over his neck and arms. She was looking at him contemplatively, but Bardo pretended that he was not aware of it.
After another while, Mana's voice cut through his hazy thoughts, "I said it before, but… if there's something bothering you, you really can tell me."
"Huh?"
"I don't mind." A mischievous smile spread across her face. "I get old men complaining to me all the time."
"Hah! I'm not old!"
"Of course you're not," Mana said. "And last time, you were totally not whining that your back was killing you, either..."
"Oh yes, go on, rip out my heart and stomp on it," he huffed.
Mana laughed and leaned back against the cushions. Then she said, "But in all seriousness… you can, you know. I'm not your wife, or your girlfriend. I'd just like to be someone with whom you can be comfortable."
"Hmm..." Bardo replied, but hesitated to answer. A part of him was still trying to return to the hazy mindlessness of the afterglow, while another part was not sure what he would say, if he were to say anything. 'I'm sulking because I had a fight with my friend' sounded so terribly pathetic. It was nice of Mana to extend the offer, though-it was not in her nature to pry; he had to present a truly worrisome sight for her to be so insistent about it.
The silence remained for a while, and Bardo was almost ready to doze off when Mana picked up the conversation once more. "It wouldn't have anything to do with Mr. Tall-White-and-Grumpy?"
"Eh?" Bardo said, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at her upside down.
"I hear him and the little cutie he managed to net are back in town. Has all the bounty hunters in a tizzy. Or at least, the ones that come to me." She rolled her eyes.
"You sure you haven't got some evil mind-reading powers?" Bardo asked, only half joking.
Mana's eyes twinkled. "Positive, darling. So, do I win something for guessing right?"
"I'll bring you some cookies next time," he said earnestly, shifting up to lean against her shoulder.
She smiled. "No wonder you're tense, then. That guy's enough to give anyone a migraine. Makes me wonder what the cutie's doing with him, really. You'd think he'd have the sense to settle for a nice boyfriend."
"Konoe? That's..." Bardo hesitated. He was not even sure himself. "...complicated."
"I can imagine. Lovely face, but a nasty personality."
"Heh." Bardo paused. "There used to be a time… he wasn't always like that," he added slowly, unable to help the wave of nostalgia that came with the thought.
"Oh, really?"
"You sound bitter."
She sniffed. "I wasted a perfectly good bottle of perfume on that guy. I liked that perfume."
Bardo could not believe his ears. "You threw perfume at Rai?!"
Mana shrugged, her ears flattening to the top of her head. "Oh, that was his name. And yeah, he made me. He was the rudest thing ever, barging in and tossing my customer out like that. Demanding as hell, and no manners. I hope he at least had the grace to take care of the poor cutie."
He blinked at her. "What?"
"Well, the poor dear started rutting right here in my room."
"Are you telling me they had sex on this very bed?"
She smirked. "The cutie was looking fairly ruffled when he came back out."
Bardo gave the bed a thorough once-over. "...Kinky."
"I thought you'd say that."
Silence descended in the wake of their banter, turning Bardo's mind to the pressing issues he had been trying to avoid. He could not hide here forever-because that was what he was doing, he was hiding, hoping for the storm to calm in the meantime. He knew very well that this was a fool's hope, though. This time, nothing would be going away; even in the absolutely ludicrous event that Rai should never say anything to him ever again, the feelings would still remain, the coldness and the loathing.
That was not how Bardo wanted things to be for the rest of their days.
The most self-protective measure would be to avoid Rai as much as possible, perhaps-if he had possessed that kind of ruthlessness-even ban him from the hotel, but Bardo was well aware of how low his own self-preservation instincts were when it came to his friends. It was the crux of the entire problem, really; he wanted to spend time with Rai, wanted to be able to speak to him, to be able to maintain that feeling of camaraderie that he had with Konoe and Asato.
He wished they could find their old rhythm again, the easy way they had worked side by side, how they had just seemed to fit together in a way that was not easily put into words, but nonetheless understood. Granted, Rai had been a child then, but…
After leaving him to his thoughts for a while, Mana shifted, her voice becoming unusually serious and quiet. "About what you said… is he giving you trouble?"
Bardo's mouth curled in a faint smile. "In a way, yes. But not like you're thinking, no. There's just… some bad history between us, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it anymore. It's… tiring."
Mana stayed silent.
"It used to be easier. A lot easier. I wish… we could go back to the way it was, you know? And I try, but…"
"To turn back the clock?" Mana asked contemplatively, a shadow passing over her features momentarily. "That never works, darling."
Bardo turned around to stare at her, stunned.
"Circumstances change. People change. You can't reverse that. And you change, too. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, or five, or ten. And sometimes I ask myself… even if I could reverse that-you know, just go back and erase what changed me-would I really want to? And then I find… no, I wouldn't want that."
Bardo found he could not reply to that. It was like being smacked in the forehead by a ton of bricks-what Mana was saying was true. He had been so focused on the changes in Rai that it had never occurred to him that he himself had changed, as well. And the thought of going back to the way he had been more than ten years ago sent an involuntary shiver down his spine-that had been the person foolish enough to call on a devil.
"So you think I should leave it alone? Learn to let go and all that?" he finally asked.
"I didn't say that, and you know it," Mana returned, a note of irritation creeping into her voice. "I'm just saying… if you go in expecting things to go back to the way they were, you're always going to end up disappointed. But that doesn't mean you can't try to turn it into something new."
"Something new…"
"It's going to be hard work, darling. Lots and lots of hard work. But it can be done."
"You sound like you're speaking from experience," Bardo noted, studying her pensive face, which revealed nothing.
Mana laughed, short and sharp.
"You could say that," she said cryptically, before changing to a lighter tone. "So, I guess you've got your work cut out for you with the one-eyed wonder."
"Don't I know it," Bardo moaned, reaching up to rub a hand across his brow. "I just don't know what to do anymore. And I guess I'm a bit miffed that it's always got to be me who has to make an effort."
"Oh, come on. I know his ilk. The day you'll see him talking about his feelings…"
"…would be a sign of the apocalypse, yeah."
"That guy is as stubborn as he is proud. Don't think I would have thrown that perfume if there had been another way to get him to take a hint."
"I don't think he'd be favorably disposed towards me if I tried that," Bardo said, but could not keep his lips from twitching.
Mana chuckled. "He needs to be hit over the head with a clue bat, though. Rather like someone else I know."
Bardo blinked. "Who?"
"Oh, you might know him. Tall, handsome… brings me cookies…"
"Hey, that's not fair!" he protested, ears drooping. "You can't compare me to him."
"Heh, I suppose not," Mana said, patting his head in mock consolation. "…His skull is even thicker."
"Are you saying my skull is thick? How rude!" Bardo swatted at her, and she laughed, deftly catching his hand.
"There, that's more like you," she said, sounding satisfied.
"Yeah," Bardo said, sobering a little. "Thanks, Mana."
She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Don't mention it."
"No, I'm serious. Thanks."
"Ah, stop it, you're embarrassing me."
"I'm pretty sure it's impossible to embarrass you," Bardo said, smiling.
"Heh." Mana turned her head, reaching for something on the nightstand. "Speaking of embarrassing… when do you have to get back?"
Bardo shifted to glance at the little clock she was holding. "Not for a while yet."
"Ah."
"It would be more than enough time for a little… ah, after service," he said, a gleam stealing into his eyes.
"Psh, so like you to suggest that."
"Like you weren't waiting for me to suggest it," he retorted, not bothering to hold back a grin.
"I wasn't. Pervert."
"Yeah, dirty old cat, that's me."
"I thought you said you weren't old?"
"Mn, care to let me prove it?"
"Just a moment, let me get the-wah, hey! Pervert! Eek!"
The rest got lost somewhere between the sheets.
- TBC -
-----
A/N: Okay, this chapter is probably going to require a bit of an explanation, especially the Bardo/Mana thing, so I'll cover that first:
- No, this ship is not canon. I'm not even sure whether there are any implications in the game that Bardo knows Mana, but in the immortal words of sexual_ennui , "you can't tell me that a 40+-year-old kitty hasn't visited the town brothel at least once." Besides, I adore Mana. She's sharp, witty, and will kick the shit out of you if you mess with her - I mean, she even threw perfume at Rai! You don't get more awesome than that. XD I just think she and Bardo would make great friends, and besides, at this point, Bardo needed someone to talk to.
- Sadly, this is the only appearance Asato will make in this story. I've got a spin-off planned that will give him some screentime. Three guesses as to what that'll be. XD
- Yes, Konoe and Rai go to Setsura in Rai's ending. And Rai says pretty much what I wrote. Accuracy, I loves it. XD
- Naru is Monsieur Le Chat, aka the gay-French-looking cat owning the brothel. He does not have a name, but since Bardo knows him, it would be pretty silly not to give him one.
- Yes, I cheated you out of some Rai/Konoe festivities. Can't really do anything with Rai injured as he is. XD And Rai does have that habit of attempting to distract Konoe from talking by doing... things.
- Banter. I so adore banter. And Mana calls Rai "the eyepatch brat" in the game. That makes me giggle. So I kinda tried to carry that over a bit.
C&C is much appreciated. *bows and exits*
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