(Untitled)

[off_the_hookah]

Dear Santa Claus,

This year you probably want to know whether or not I've been naughty or nice. Well, here's the news: I've been naughty.

But it was worth it.

So, don't bring me any presents, you big, fat, judgmental bastard.

Sincerely,

Neil McLaughlin

Comments

[priceonyourhead]

You just hate Santa because he's secure with his body image.

[off_the_hookah]

Red doesn't do anything for him.

[priceonyourhead]

See, and that's why I'm getting presents and you're not.

[off_the_hookah]

Oh, I'm getting presents alright. I have help from the inside.

[tookeen]

At least you're honest.

[off_the_hookah]

It's the best policy. So they say.

I'm going around the system, though. I've an insider...

[off_the_hookah]

If I had a child, I wouldn't want them sitting on his lap.

That's because you're younger. In my day, laddie, you couldn't hold a candle.

[off_the_hookah]

Alright then, let's hear your 'best'.

[one_fry_short]

[off_the_hookah]

True, but I get a kick out of calling him a fat bastard. I think he's come to expect these letters every year.

I'm pretty satisfied. This year has been good to me. Variations on what I already have?

[one_fry_short]

[off_the_hookah]

He was, wasn't he? That character was so grotesque, I mentally blocked out that fact and remembered him being Irish.

Damn it - I've always wanted a zamboni.

What do you want? Last call. No more shopping after today.

[off_the_hookah]

It was a bit of a joke, Allison. I already pondered whether or not Santa was a Tale, but if he is, he hasn't revealed himself.

That said, I would truly love a present from you. I just hope you like what I bought you.