boo hoo cry me a river

[oflifeandpoetry]

This semester is over and i have accomplished nothing. i honestly don't even know where this semester went. the part that disgusts me the most is that i don't know where it went because i can't remember most of it. everything is foggy and i only know that certain things happened because i have pictures and video clips to prove it. i hate this

Comments

[iluvhyperboles]

I followed your comment from English Majors to here and I want to tell you some more things

[oflifeandpoetry]

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I've needed words like that. I read your comment on the post I made in the community and I thank you very much for that as well. I really am trying too look at it the way that you said, but it's so hard when you're failing at what you're most passionate about. It is also hard to have an immigrant mother who has never been to college. There are just so many things she doesn't know or understand. The guilt I feel from letting her down, the pain I feel from it weighs heavily in the pit of my stomach.

It also doesn't help that I learned everything the professor taught me and I got an F.

Thank you though; thank you for believing in me despite the fact that you don't know me; thank you for caring!

I will keep your advice in mind and go back to it in times of despair as well. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to write to me.

[iluvhyperboles]

I know it's hard, nothing is ever easy, but just do your best. I tell my students that allll the time (i am in China) because they, too, get this perception that if they fail one thing they are doomed for life (they also seem to think they can graduate and be managers of companies and if they don't get the manager position right away they will give up, talk about eye rolling preaching there hahaa I think i taught them the phrase start from the bottom up that day!). I used to be the person drowning in lack of confidence, I had horrible times in college! And now, suddenly I am a moviational speaker. I honestly don't know how that happened. Perhaps that will happen to you, too! Perhaps its a survival skill that I am like this because I don't think I could be in China if I had any doubts about myself (and coming here was one spontaneous idea, too!). I am glad you will take my advice, though. You can do it XD

[anonymous]

As someone who went through all of this, including the hair pulling (I would physically pull out my hair), the late night attacks of panic, the feeling of self-disgust and hatred to the point where I wanted to cut myself and starve myself into nothing, I say it isn't worth it. Why beat your self up so badly over something like this? Please don't do it. It really isn't worth it, and don't let nasty comments from self-righteous people on LJ (I followed your comment from english_majors) make you feel that it is. It seems that some of your problems with schoolwork may be influenced by outside factors (family, relationships). In that case, I would suggest that you see a counselor at school- it really helps just to have someone on your side to talk with. And the adderall too- it isn't worth it unless you have ADHD or something. Why don't you think about taking some time off? Have you tried studying abroad? Sometimes distance can make you gain perspective and break out of bad patterns

[wildelion]

Well I think you can guess how I ended up here. I must tell you, your journal is like a rollercoaster. Such emotions and such thoughts. I think I understand now why writing for your literature class was so horribly difficult for you. To constrain yourself in such a medium is frightening, especially at first. I truly hope things work out for you and once again I am sorry if my tone was read wrong. We all have horrible semesters, papers that won't write themselves and those life issues that won't leave us alone. Money, Family and Self. We all cope with them differently. Keep writing, you're wrong "this entry is not even worth it", sometimes letting it all flow out is the only way to understand yourself.

[anonymous]

I followed you from english_majors too. Considering what went on in your life, if you ever apply to grad schools, you could probably account for what went on in your year by having a doctor or counselor state your case. Also, most universities look at the last two years of program, if you ever decide to apply to grad school.

From your entries, you seem very intelligent (and you're at a top-tier school, too). I hope things get better.

I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

Try not to repeat everyone else

[artboy1979]

I'm going to try my best not to repeat what others have already told you. I'd say you've been given some good advice