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the thing that is making me cry most lately.
i've always been the one that wanted to get away, that screamed 'i can't wait to move out of this fucking house and get away from you' at my parents, my brothers and sisters. but now? i feel like i have a massive empty hole in my chest. i miss them so. much. its never been like this before. more than anything i want to be able to just jump on a bus ( Read more... ) -
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i miss buddhafield and how i felt while i was there. it was so easy to act how i wanted to act rather than how my emotions make me act - does that even make sense? things bothered me less, i was more able to deal with my anger and not take it out on alex, i got less frustrated and angry at myslf, i was happy with myself. now im home and working ( Read more... ) -
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alex just left for a week to go work at the big green festival and i cannot go because i have to work. it is raining and grey and i have to walk to work up and down many massive hills and right now? i cannot see anything good about my life at all. -
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i wish i didnt get so angry.
i wish comfort eating was not my way of coping when i dont live up to my own expectations. -
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alex is sitting next to me making horrendous noises on the computer, i curse the day he discovered frooty loops. today was, and is continuing to be a little strange, i feel like i'm transitioning from one world to another. its weird to think that yesterday i hadn't seen myself in a week, hadn't used a phone in a week, hadn't even been in a house at ( Read more... ) -
thing i have done lately
switched off my phone for 7 days while i lived in a field, ate totally vegan for 7 days, didnt look in a mirror for 7 days, showered outside, was totally honest with complete strangers, was completely open about how i felt and who i was, cooked crepes, cried and screamed in the middle of a massive marquee with lots of other women, took my top off ( Read more... ) -
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i had a realisation today, ive gotta stop comparing my life to that of others, i was looking at old school friends of facebook, thinking 'theyre all better off than me' when i looked out the window and saw 3 horses eating grass two steps outside the wall of windows that makes up one side of our room, in the background green grass, blue ocean and a ( Read more... ) -
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i wish i could care more. i wish i didnt feel so numb. i wish i could show any other emotion other than sadness. i wish i wanted to hug people. i wish i felt like i could connect with the world. i wish i was okay. but im fucking not.
