LJ Idol Week Two - All That Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.

[ohelectricshock]

I'm a mess. I feel like I've been a mess for months. I guess I'm just going through an adjustment phase of realizing that I'm not the only person that my boyfriend wants to get naked with. I understand that, I do, I mean, the rational part of me does. The other part, the part of me whose self worth is wrapped up in his opinion of me, fails to

Comments

[rayaso]

I appreciated the skill with which you wrote this. I cannot say I "enjoyed it" or "liked it," only because only a sadist would take joy from your pain. It was painful to read. I am concerned for you, and I hope you manage to work this out in a way that ultimately makes you happy. It certainly takes more courage than I possess to write about this in a public forum.

[ohelectricshock]

Oh wow, thank you so much! It was probably one of the most trying periods of my life but it was also one of enormous growth and change, and I did manage to work it out in a way that makes me happy :) I appreciate your concern so much, but don't worry! I'm okay now. It just feels like an important exercise for me to revisit this time and write it all down. It's definitely terrifying sharing some of the most intensely personal things in my life with a group of strangers; but that's also part of the reason why it appeals to me :)

[eska818]

Your pain continues to speak to me on a personal level. I know there's no real consolation for this sort of hurt, but you write it well.

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you so much, I'm so glad that my writing can reach anybody on a personal level. That's all I want out of this experience of getting it all down <3

[beautyofgrey]

This was so very raw and honest. ♥

[ohelectricshock]

Thanks so much for reading <3 it's scary being this honest but it's also immensely liberating!

[eternal_ot]

Ohh.. i can relate to your feeling of loving someone so much as to change yourself for keeping the person happy..but trust me it's not worth it...let go!! good things are around the turn!...*BIG HUG*

[ohelectricshock]

Absolutely, definitely not worth it in the end. Letting go of this relationship was the hardest thing I've ever done but I am much happier for it. *Big hug right back* <3

[majesticzaichik]

I remember the beginning of this story very well, which actually says a lot this early in the competition. I was curious to see if you'd continue it, and you did an even better job with this piece than your last one. Polyamory works for couples if they both are actively persuing other relationships. It's very complicated and interesting, especially when children come into play. There have been a number of polyamorous Idol contestants who have offered incredible insight into their worlds. Sadly, it seems like you and you ex weren't on the same page early into the relationship. I'm sorry that I can tell it went down hill even more after this : (.

[ohelectricshock]

Oh wow, this is a wonderful thing to read. Thanks so much, I was especially nervous about this piece and I expect I'll only feel more and more of that as the weeks progress (assuming I'm around for that, hahaha.) It can absolutely work for couples, and by the time we actually decided to consider our relationship open, the first few months were only supposed to be guilt free flirting with people unless a prospective partner came along for either one of us. I think he did his best to be patient with me, but once an idea gets into his head he can't give it up until he tries it, and patience really isn't his strong suit. I feel like I achieved a small measure of success when I was reading about open relationships, and for a time I felt like I could successfully be in one, I think I just couldn't do it with him. It was too much. Don't be sorry, though :) it all worked out okay in the end.