LJ Idol Week Two - All That Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.

[ohelectricshock]

I'm a mess. I feel like I've been a mess for months. I guess I'm just going through an adjustment phase of realizing that I'm not the only person that my boyfriend wants to get naked with. I understand that, I do, I mean, the rational part of me does. The other part, the part of me whose self worth is wrapped up in his opinion of me, fails to

Comments

[muchtooarrogant]

This was heart-rending, but beautifully written as well. I could feel the narrator moving through what they perceived to be love, overwhelming self-doubt, and yet somehow holding on to what they felt to be right. Very well done.

Dan

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you! I appreciate this comment so much, that's exactly what I was hoping to achieve.

[kagomeshuko]

I don't understand not being monogamous. I mean, I know I've sinned, but I didn't go out to have sex to go out and have sex. It had to do with the wants of the boyfriend that I thought I would marry.

Our takes on this topic were very different, though both sad in ways!

[ohelectricshock]

<3

[witchwife]

This sounds so hard. I can only imagine the sick feeling you probably have right in your gut. It sounds like you've already made your decision though - even if it's not put into words.

Perhaps I'm wrong and you're still living this.

In any case, I'm so impressed with the amount of strength you showed in knowing yourself and what -you- want. Even if it's just a nagging feeling at the back of your mind.

[ohelectricshock]

Yeah, hearing him say that he needed to know our relationship was going to be open soon after barely giving me any time to understand what an open relationship REALLY is, not just the idea that suddenly we could have sex with whomever. I feel like I put in a lot of work over those six months trying to "rewire," for lack of a better word, myself in terms of what I believed relationships to be. I think having that experience of re-evaluating something I found to be a fundamental and universal truth was invaluable, but I think during that experience and the subsequent events after we opened our relationship, it just resulted in my own distancing from him.

I am, thankfully, no longer living this. It's still recent and vivid enough in my mind that I felt like it was important for me for me to commit to a slightly more coherent account than what is currently scrawled in my journals :)

[basric]

He sounds like a narcissist. If he cares for you he'd give you all the time you needed to decide if an open relationship is something you can accept. If he can't give it to you gather yourself together and kick him to the curb. There's a person out there who will. Well written with emotion.

[ohelectricshock]

This makes me laugh because I do believe you are correct. Fortunately I realized (albeit many months later) that this wasn't healthy for me anymore, and I managed to let him go. Thanks so much for reading :)

[veronica_rich]

It's hard to read this without wanting to leave advice. But I won't. It's a good glimpse into a different mindset and I read through, interested to the end.

[ohelectricshock]

That's all I can hope to ask for :) Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it so much.