LJ Idol Week Seven - On My Way Home, I Look at Stars

[ohelectricshock]

I wake up in my own bed, exhilarated and drunk with passion from the night before. The Lodge is so far away from the city that my walk home from Mike's was lit by starlight alone, and I collapsed into dreams feeling alive in a way that I haven't in months

Comments

[whipchick]

Interesting to see the next chapter in the relationship. What a dreadful time for you.

[ohelectricshock]

Yeah, this is definitely the worst part of it. Things get better from that point on :)

[halfshellvenus]

Given that your desperate love for Alex was what led you to try polyamory in the first place, his bitching about how YOUR use of it is "all wrong now" is just maddening.

So selfish and self-centered, and every time I read about this behavior I think he needs a swift kick in the ass. :(

[ohelectricshock]

It was so incredibly frustrating. I felt like I had finally done what he wanted and I was being punished for it, and I knew that if he had been getting reassurance with other partners he probably would have been less unreasonable which made it even more upsetting.

[belenen]

For me, the worst part of the sexual abuse inflicted on me was the realization that it was possible for another human being to strip me of my agency. That can happen at a threat -- it doesn't require the follow-through to be incredibly damaging. What you went through was traumatic, and there is no way to compare it to anything else. You are reacting in exactly the appropriate way, because it is your experience.

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you so much for this. You've managed to articulate what I haven't been able to and it's so reassuring. <3

[waitingonsunday]

I came across this reading LJ Idol entries and, wow, this parallels so much in my life, on top of being beautifully written. Can't wait to see next week's entry.

[ohelectricshock]

I am sorry that you are experiencing similar things to what I have. If you ever feel like you need support from someone who understands, I'm always here if you need a lifeline. One of the things I felt I was lacking the most when I was going through all of this was someone to listen to me and understand what I was going through. Thanks so much for reading and I'm glad that you're looking forward to reading more :)

[bleodswean]

Still resonating with your personal and intimate glimpses. This one was difficult.

[ohelectricshock]

It was very difficult for me to write. I definitely feel as though this wasn't quite as raw or emotionally driven because at the time I was trying to numb the way I felt by not allowing myself to feel as much as I had with other things. I am glad that this is still able to resonate with people despite that.