LJ Idol Week Eight - If You Leave

[ohelectricshock]

I have become a poison. Every word spilling out of my mouth is virulent, every touch flowing from my fingertips laced with toxin. He tells me how disrespectful I've been, how everything I do is permeated by a layer of distrust. Whenever we chance upon eye-contact he looks away. It feels like he hasn't smiled at me in months

Comments

[beeker121]

Open relationships are incredibly difficult, and what you've written of Alex strikes me as someone who didn't so much want a totally open relationship as he wanted to be with two people and have it be okay.

Good for you for taking a strong if difficult step to figure out what YOU want.

I've been enjoying the development of this story.

[ohelectricshock]

Yes, you are completely right. In one of our more honest conversations he admitted to me that when he thought about it he wanted the freedom of open relationships for himself, but not for me. That was just another thing to add to the list of reasons why breaking up was (at least in my) best interest.

[cheshire23]

That just makes me so angry when I see it, the whole one-sided openness thing. Just...not cool at all.

[eternal_ot]

Freedom atlast!..:D Yippie.. I am Happy for you...:)*smiles along*

[ohelectricshock]

Yayayayay! :)

[adoptedwriter]

This is beautifully expressed. AW

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you so much, I really loved your piece this week as well <3

[halfshellvenus]

this is everything I've ever wanted him to say to me, that he wants it just to be us again, for the rest of our lives, forever, but a part of me is aware that it's already too late.
Yes-- it was too late after he suggested the open relationship in the first place. He can't now claim to be satisfied with a situation that he earlier felt absolutely HAD to have a stick of dynamite thrown into it.

It's so clear that what he really want was to allow himself to be with multiple people, and not you.

And what a relief, to walk away. I'm sure it was terrible at the time, but you were so lucky to lose him.

[ohelectricshock]

Definitely. He did end up admitting that to me, in the end, that he had wanted that freedom for himself but not for me. I think it hurt us both so much to hear him say that. It was such an important decision for me to make, and while I had doubts and fears that I was losing someone I cared for so much, things could never be as they were and I didn't want them to be.

[tatdatcm]

The progression of this story reminds me of the old adage "be careful what you wish for, it might come true".

Alex is kind of a jerk/idiot who really didn't think things through when he made demands of you.

You wrote this so well, expressing the pain of the breakup, but also the hope of a future and something better.

I'm enjoying reading about your story because you're presenting it so well. I feel invested in these "characters" and am wondering what will happen to them. Good job. :)

[ohelectricshock]

Yes, absolutely. I remember him quoting that at one point. That was one of my biggest issues with the entire progression of this relationship, that he was driven forward so much by his passions and while that made for a very intense connection, it also drove him away from me when something else that he thought he needed took over his consciousness.

Thank you so much for reading, it brings me so much happiness to see that my muddled stream of consciousness writing can resonate with people.