[One-Shot] Take Two (for tomochoco 2014)
Title: Take Two (aka why Rae-Rae is never writing anything else ever again)
Prompt: 11. Ex-boyfriends give it another shot
Pairing: FujiKita
Warnings: for feels and cheating.
Rating: It's not porn.
Dedicated to: The many pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I have eaten in the past. Thank you for being the perfect Valentine I’ve ever had. And also to everyone who has ever written this pairing before, because now I understand why it hurts to write these two.
A/N: I decided to take this down a very different path rather than it being awkward and/or bubbly. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but the word vomit wouldn’t stop once the story got rolling. Enjoy!
arashijun | faded-lace 1 2 3 | lady-michiru | mousapelli 1 2 3 | ohhai-yo | rikikomori | tokyoskater | vflmaeuschen 1 2
“Are you still moping?”
Yokoo sat beside Kitayama who was hunched over against the break room table. He was not moping.
“Mitsu, let it go. It’s almost been a year.”
“I’m not moping.” Kitayama protested.
“You’re right. You’re just sitting here staring at Taisuke like it’s going to change the outcome.”
Kitayama sighed and banged his head on the table. He screwed up, he admitted to that much, but that didn’t change that he still had feelings. Feelings that he hoped Fujigaya would still reciprocate.
“Has it really been that long?”
“Eight months, but who’s counting.” Yokoo sat back in his seat and looked at Fujigaya. “He’s moved on. You probably should, too.”
“Has he really?”
“You hurt him, Mitsu. He’s not going to want to jump back into things with you.”
“He didn’t even let me explain.”
Fujigaya glanced over at the pair, keeping a steady gaze on Kitayama. When Kitayama finally picked his head up off the table, he hurried to look away.
“Well if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck.” Yokoo rose and patted Kitayama on the shoulder. “I’m not saying it will end in the magical rainbows you’re hoping for, but if it’ll get you to actually build your bridge and get over him maybe you should explain things to him.”
Kitayama sighed and glanced back towards Fujigaya again as he rose to follow Yokoo back to practice. A definitive ‘fuck you’ would be better than nothing, he guessed.
Kitayama kept an eye on Fujigaya while he packed his bag after practice. He wasn’t sure how to approach him. He knew they had to talk. They needed to talk. They had barely spoken to each other the entire time since they broke up, and that alone wasn’t good for the groups dynamic. Maybe he could use that as an excuse to start a conversation. Then again, had he listened to his mother’s “don’t dip your pen in the companies ink” speech, he probably wouldn’t even be in this situation in the first place. Damn these feelings. He hadn’t even realized he was staring the whole time, that is, until a cough broke him out of his inner monologue.
“What do you what, Kitayama?”
He looked around the room. He and Fujigaya were the only ones left.
“Well?”
“I…” He stuttered. Of course he did. He tried again, but to no avail. He had all the right words in his head, but the brain-to-mouth connection was malfunctioning. He sighed and just shook his head. “It’s nothing. Sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
Kitayama quickly shoved everything in his bag. “I’m just sorry.” He rushed past Fujigaya and out of the building towards his car. Tomorrow looked better.
In his rush, he missed the sadness in Fujigaya’s eyes.
Much to Kitayama’s partial relief, Fujigaya was pulled away for filming the next morning. That gave him the whole morning to think about how he was going to approach the subject. He felt Yokoo sit next to him while working on his skates.
“I had an interesting phone call last night.” Yokoo started. “You’ll love this.”
“I have a feeling I won’t.” Kitayama tried to tune him out by focusing on the tires of his skate. Maybe Yokoo would just go away.
“Taisuke called me last night.” Shit. “He told me, now he didn’t mention any names, someone was staring at him so hard last night after practice he thought he was being sized up by a stalker.” The wrench in Kitayama’s hand slipped and hit the floor, making the others in the group look in their direction. He quickly waved them off and looked back at Yokoo.
“A stalker? Really?”
“I swear on Yuta’s obsession with Yamapi, if you ruin the groups dynamic any further I will come after you and make sure you never wear the color red again.”
“What do you even mean by that?”
“If you mess this up and hurt him even more, I will take you out of the leader position. I look better in red anyways.”
Kitayama gawked at Yokoo as he stood and joined the others across the room like he hadn’t just threatened to dethrone their oldest member of his position. No pressure, really.
He put all his focus into working up some new skating choreography with Senga in hopes that he would forget everything. He had almost succeeded until Fujigaya waltzed into the practice room. A spare glance was all it took to send Kitayama’s focus off and his ass to the floor. Senga stopped to check on him. Yokoo just rolled his eyes.
“What happened, Mitsu?”
“Gravity, Senga. Gravity happened.” He grabbed the hand Senga offered and pulled himself up. “I don’t think that move is going to work. Let’s try something else.”
“But you had it. If you just put your weight on-“
“I said change it.” Kitayama hissed. Oops. He sighed and apologized when everyone looked over towards him, making up some story that he was tired and sat to take off his skates. Senga shrugged his shoulders, obviously not bothered by it too much, and said that he’d work of making the move easier. When he nodded, Senga took off towards Nikaido to convince him to help work on it. Kitayama used that moment to escape to the bathroom.
He missed Yokoo pushing Fujigaya after him.
Alone in the bathroom, Kitayama hunched over a sink and splashed water on his face. What was wrong with him? Senga didn’t do anything. There was absolutely no reason to snap at him. He was right, even. He had that move, but Fujigaya walked in and threw him off. Literally. He was just distracted enough, too. Screw him, he thought, throwing him off like that.
“Do you always take to talking to yourself in the bathroom?”
Kitayama blinked and looked up in the mirror. Shit. Was all that really said out loud?
“Do you need encouragement to take a piss?”
“What do you want, Fujigaya?”
“I came to check on you. That was a pretty nasty fall.”
“I’ve had worse.”
“That’s not the point. Are you okay?”
He took a nice, long look at Fujigaya, trying to read anything that his face might be giving off-nothing.
“Keep staring, I might do a trick.”
“Would that trick be disappearing?”
“I’m trying to be cordial here, Kitayama.”
“Well you’re doing a fantastic job of that.” He dried his face and hoped the sarcasm would come through strong enough for Fujigaya to get the hint and leave him alone. When he looked back up, Fujigaya was still there. “Look, I’m fine. Just go away.”
“Are you sure?” Fujigaya’s eyes softened just enough for Kitayama to notice. His heart fluttered. Just as quickly the look left, taking the feelings with it. Kitayama just nodded, not trusting his voice to give a proper answer. As he watched Fujigaya turn to leave, he had a temporary lapse in judgment.
He sighed. "Tai, wait." The poor choice of words was obvious in the way Fujigaya froze at the door. He didn't say any more than that though, fearing it would chase him away.
"Don't call me that."
"It slipped. I'm sorry."
He looked hurt, and Kitayama immediately regretted trusting his mouth to say anything right. He took a step towards Fujigaya, apologizing again, and froze as he watched the other rush out of the bathroom. He decided it was best if he hung behind a little while longer, especially since he knew Fujigaya would run to Yokoo first.
Five minutes seemed to be long enough, and when he returned to the practice room he noticed two things: one was that Fujigaya was missing, and two was how Yokoo was eyeing one of the red costumes like he was trying to figure out how much fabric would need to be added to fit him. When he asked where Fujigaya went he was given the generic 'he wasn't feeling well' answer.
"He seemed upset though," Tamamori continued. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
He fixed his eyes on Yokoo, who gave him a knowing look before answering. "I'll go check on him."
Before leaving though, he yanked the red costume out of Yokoo's hands.
It feels like an eternity, standing at the door to Fujigaya's house. He knows his family won't be thrilled to see him, but if he says he's doing his leader duties and checking on him, maybe they'll let the past slide. He knocked on the door and quickly changed his story in his mind to one where Yokoo sent him to check on him. That seems more plausible. When there wasn't an immediate answer he looked around the yard. No cars. Maybe he didn't come home?
Can't knock him for not trying, he thought as he turned away from the house. When he heard the door open behind him though, he stopped.
"Haven't you done enough damage?"
Kitayama turned around and looked at Fujigaya in the eyes. They were bloodshot, puffy--he had been crying.
"What are you doing here?"
"Being cordial?" Fujigaya's face remained cold. That didn't work. "Look, can we talk?" He stepped closer to the door.
"I have no desire to talk to you."
"Will you listen then? Just let me say what I want and then I'll leave." When he reached the door, Fujigaya hesitated to let him in. "Please? Yokoo will murder me when he finds out I showed up and then didn't do anything." A logical answer, really. It seemed to suffice though as Fujigaya stepped aside to let him in.
He slipped his shoes off and waited for Fujigaya to lead him upstairs. It had been a while since he'd been over, but it hadn't changed much. Once in Fujigaya's room, he waited by the door to let the other have plenty of space. He also wanted to have a quick escape route in case this conversation went very south.
"You've been crying."
"You have five minutes before I regret inviting you in."
"Where do you want me to start?"
He could tell Fujigaya was thinking over his words carefully. He worried on his bottom lip, wrapped his arms around himself--he was shutting down, and fast.
"I really didn't mean to call you by that name, I swear. Old habits die hard, and when I saw how you looked it slipped. I'm really sorry."
"What are you trying to do? Add salt to the wounds? You've been acting strange for months, why now?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm still holding on for a second chance." There. He said it.
If the scoff Fujigaya made wasn't a clear indication of how this conversation was going to go, his next words definitely were. "Second chance? Second chance?! You barely deserved the first chance!" Ouch. "What makes you even think that I am going to give you a second one?"
"I don't."
"What?" That caught him off-guard.
"I don't think you'll give me another chance. I sure as hell know I don't deserve it." He paused to see if Fujigaya would say anything. When he didn't, he continued. "I messed up. I know I did. I betrayed your trust, and I know I don't deserve to have that back, but please believe me when I say that it wasn't how it looked."
"It looked like you were kissing some chick at a bar."
Yokoo's duck analogy came back to mind. "Okay, that was how it looked, but you never let me explain"
"Why do you have to? Did you take her home and fuck her, too?"
"What? No!" Did Fujigaya really think that?
"How many others were there? Did you just string me along to keep the group together?" The rage in his voice drowned out anything that Kitayama was trying to say.
"You aren't letting me say anything!"
Fujigaya kept talking over him. "I should have known something was up! You were always dodgy with me."
"You were the only one, Taisuke!" That got his attention. "You were it! I know what you saw was bad, and it's so cliché to say she came onto me, but she did." He took a cautious step forward. "She was a friend from school, and I hadn't seen her since. We were catching up, and she got the wrong idea when she kissed me." Another step. "When you showed up, my heart shattered and I ran after you."
Kitayama stopped in front of Fujigaya and waited. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for--for Fujigaya to say something, do something, anything. But he looked up at him and waited.
"Taisuke, please say something." He brushed Fujigaya's arm gently, not wanting to set him off. When he jerked away though he knew what the outcome would be.
"Get out."
"Tai-"
"Get out!"
He didn't move. He knew he should, Fujigaya looked like he could do some damage with his rage, but he also knew if he left with how things were at that moment they wouldn't get anywhere, and he'd be seeing a lot of orange in his future.
"Why aren't you leaving?"
"If I leave this won't get anywhere. I've dodged this long enough."
“Please just go away.”
“Why though? After all this time I’ve finally told you what happened that night and all you can say to me is leave?”
That was the wrong thing to say, he found out. “What do you want me to say then?! ‘Oh, good to know you weren’t banging the chick like I thought you were, let’s get back together!’? It doesn’t work like that! I don’t care if it was a misunderstanding as you claim it to be, you cheated on me regardless.” Kitayama opened his mouth to say something, but Fujigaya kept going. “You can’t expect me to forgive you that easily now that I have answers. It doesn’t work like that, Hiromitsu. It just doesn’t.”
Kitayama’s ears perked a little at the sound of his given name rolling off of Fujigaya’s lips. He hadn’t heard him say it since that night. Maybe there was hope after all.
“And you sure as hell aren’t getting a second chance.”
“What do I need to do?”
Fujigaya looked dumbfounded. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t deserve a second chance, but what do I have to do to gain your trust back? I would rather have that more than anything.”
Fujigaya’s eyes softened again. “You’re serious.”
“What do I need to do to gain your trust again?”
“Why are you like this?”
“Because I still care about you, whether you believe me or not.” He waited for a reaction, and when he got nothing he kept going. “I’ve thought about that night every day trying to figure out what I could have done differently to avoid that. I would much rather have us be on good terms then have nothing between us at all.”
He could see Fujigaya’s gears turning. Maybe he was considering that second chance after all. All Kitayama wanted was a glimmer of hope that things could be right between the two of them. Just a small indication of that was all the wanted.
“I need some time.” Fujigaya finally answered.
“Time?”
“Yes, time. I need some time to think everything through, and I need to sort things out on my own.”
He could live with that, he thought. “Then you’ll let me know?”
“Maybe.”
That stung a little, but he nodded all the same. “Take all the time you need.”
“I plan to. Now please, get out.”
Kitayama actually left this time, and when the door to Fujigaya’s house closed behind him he felt the best he had in months. Everything was out in the open now, and Fujigaya had given him hope that their friendship could be saved.
On the other side of the door, Fujigaya sank to the floor.
Kitayama really needed a new ring tone on his phone when it decided to go off in the middle of the night. He blindly reached for it on his night stand and answered without looking to see who the caller was.
“Kitayama, I told you to fix it!”
“Wha-?” He sat up and rubbed his eyes, hoping it would wake him up.
“I told you to fix it! I hope you like orange!”
“Yokoo, quit yelling, it’s 3AM….”
“I just got off the phone with Taisuke,” Uh oh. “what did you do?”
“I told him the truth. And I didn’t get my magical rainbow happy ending, if that’s what you’re calling about” He could have it though, but he’s sure Yokoo has already heard it.
“He’s a mess!”
That got his attention. “What?”
“What did you tell him?”
He hesitated, but the annoyed ‘Mitsu!’ on the other end of the phone brought him back. “I told him what happened that night. I told him how I didn’t deserve a second change, but wanted to work to gain his trust back.”
“Was that it?”
“I told him that I still cared for him, and then I left.” More or less.
Yokoo sighed on the other end of the phone. “Okay.”
“That’s it?” Kitayama was expecting more yelling.
“What are you planning on doing now?”
He thought for a moment. “I’m not planning on doing anything. Not right now at least.”
“What do you mean nothing?”
“Taisuke asked for time, and that’s exactly what I’m giving him.” He waited for more yelling and got nothing. “I don’t want to mess this up again, and at this point I’m happy he’s considering anything with me at all. I know I said a lot, but if it didn’t get said then it wasn’t going to be said at all.”
“Mitsu…”
“And yes, I am serious. If we end up just as friends, I’m fine with that.”
“Do you want more than that though?”
Kitayama had to really think about his words. He knew this whole conversation would end up with Fujigaya eventually. “Of course I do, but I don’t deserve him. I’m not going to hang onto the hopes that he’ll take me back. He made that very clear. If he wants to rebuild our friendship, that’s perfect for me. I’m not going to rush anything or get my hopes up though.”
He figured that was a good enough answer when Yokoo just grunted in response. They talked for a few more minutes, mostly work stuff he missed, before hanging up. The clock still read early, but knowing his track record he wouldn’t wake up in time for work. He made a pot of coffee to keep him company and tried to find something on TV to mildly entertain him until he had to leave.
His mind wandered back to his argument with Fujigaya. Was that the right thing to do, to throw everything on him at once? He needed to know, he tried to rationalize. He deserved to know the truth, hurtful or not. He sipped his coffee and frowned. He was right, wasn’t he?
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and when February came around he was beginning to wonder if Fujigaya had decided not to bother. Things had been getting better between the two, at least. They could hold basic conversations without arguing with each other or sending one storming out of the room. It was a nice change, and the rest of the group definitely appreciated the new atmosphere. Kitayama had stopped going to Yokoo for updates at this point-he knew he wouldn’t be getting any answers anyways. The waiting was driving him crazy though. They were approaching a year since they broke up the first time, and he had hoped something would have changed before then.
Yokoo finally approached him during rehearsal. “Are you still moping?”
Kitayama banged his head on the break room table. This was feeling awfully familiar.
“He’s made up his mind, if you were wondering.”
Kitayama jerked his head up. “He has? Is he going to tell me?”
“He made it up a while ago.” Kitayama felt his heart sink a little.
“Oh.”
“I’m sure he’s just waiting for the right moment.” Yokoo stood and patted Kitayama on the shoulder.
That’s it then, he thought. Fujigaya didn’t want anything with him other than a professional relationship. He tried to wrap his mind, and his heart, around that idea. It hurt, but he’d have to live with it. He deserved it anyways, but he was a little let down they wouldn’t be more than professionals.
His inner monologue was running wild, and he missed Yokoo whispering something into Fujigaya’s ear. He also missed the small smile that flashed across Fujigaya’s lips.
Kitayama should have figured he’d be by himself on Valentine’s Day, but the feeling still stung either way. He wasn’t sure if the sinking feeling was from being rejected by everyone to hang out today, residual stinging from Fujigaya’s decision to keep their relationship professional, or remembering how a year ago today he made the biggest mistake of his life. The first option seemed less sad, so he went with that. The knock on his door caught him off guard. Didn’t everyone say they were busy? He opened the door and froze.
Fujigaya held up a case of beer. “It’s a little sad to drink alone.” Kitayama forgot how to move, and almost forgot to breathe until Fujigaya asked if he was going to let him in. He nodded and stood to the side and watched the other waltz in and make himself at home.
He took the beer Fujigaya offered him before asking any questions. “Why are you here?”
“I told you, it’s sad to drink alone.”
“No one else would drink with you?”
“I wanted to be here.”
Kitayama opened his beer and took a long sip. “Why?”
“Can we sit?”
He realized they were still standing by the front door. He pretended to be a good host and lead them to the couch to sit. He took another long sip of his beer.
“You know,” Fujigaya started, “I gave this a lot of thought.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Yokoo already gave me a clue.”
“No, I need to say it.”
Kitayama nursed his beer and braced himself for the worse. He nodded.
“I waited so long because I wanted to be absolutely sure. I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision for me, as well as for you.”
“You should just focus on you. Don’t let me influence your decision on anything.”
“You are my decision though.” Kitayama froze and waited for a better explanation. “This isn’t just about us finding closure, it’s about us starting over.”
“Oh.”
Fujigaya set his beer down on the table and turned to face Kitayama. “I thought for a long time about what you meant when you said you still cared. I didn’t know whether you meant just as friends or if you meant something more.” Kitayama nodded, knowing better now not to trust his voice. “Yokoo told me you talked that night, after our argument.”
Of course he did. Kitayama just rolled his eyes a little. That ass-hat would never be good at keeping secrets.
Fujigaya continued, “After he told me that you still wanted to be more than just friends, I had a lot to consider.” There it is-the flutter of hope. “I had to rethink my feelings for you, whether they were still there or not, and whether or not I was willing to trust you again.”
This is it, he thought as he set his beer down, this is the answer he’s been waiting for.
“I don’t think I can trust you yet,” Kitayama felt his heart sinking fast, “however I can’t hide from the fact that I still care about you, too. I care about you a lot.” Fujigaya moved closer to Kitayama. “I’m also willing to take back what I said, about not giving you a second chance.”
Kitayama was shocked. “Really?” Fujigaya only nodded in response. “Do you mean as friends or as a couple?”
“As a couple.” Kitayama’s face lit up like he was being presented with a plate of food. “If you are as serious as you say you are about wanting this to work, then I’ll be just as serious about it as well.”
He knew he would regret this later, but he had to know. “What made you change your mind?”
“That day when Yokoo told you I had made up my mind, the disappointment in your face when you thought we would be nothing more than colleagues did it.”
“What?” He was confused.
“You looked heartbroken, and that’s when I knew you were that serious about wanting us to work out.”
Kitayama didn’t realize he had been watching the whole time. Yokoo is a sneaky little bastard.
“If you make me regret this decision, Kitayama Hiromitsu, I swear you will be killed.”
“I won’t make you regret this, I promise!”
Kitayama couldn’t hide his smile even if he tried. He couldn’t believe Fujigaya was giving him another chance. He was sure that there was absolutely no chance for them. Fujigaya had made it clear multiple times. He didn’t even realize how close Fujigaya had gotten until he felt a soft pair of lips against his. He stared in shock before his eyes fluttered shut. His didn’t realize how much he missed this until that moment.
Much to his disappointment, Fujigaya pulled back and sighed. He rested his forehead against Kitayama and smiled as he mumbled three words into his skin.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Prompt: 11. Ex-boyfriends give it another shot
Pairing: FujiKita
Warnings: for feels and cheating.
Rating: It's not porn.
Dedicated to: The many pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I have eaten in the past. Thank you for being the perfect Valentine I’ve ever had. And also to everyone who has ever written this pairing before, because now I understand why it hurts to write these two.
A/N: I decided to take this down a very different path rather than it being awkward and/or bubbly. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but the word vomit wouldn’t stop once the story got rolling. Enjoy!
arashijun | faded-lace 1 2 3 | lady-michiru | mousapelli 1 2 3 | ohhai-yo | rikikomori | tokyoskater | vflmaeuschen 1 2
“Are you still moping?”
Yokoo sat beside Kitayama who was hunched over against the break room table. He was not moping.
“Mitsu, let it go. It’s almost been a year.”
“I’m not moping.” Kitayama protested.
“You’re right. You’re just sitting here staring at Taisuke like it’s going to change the outcome.”
Kitayama sighed and banged his head on the table. He screwed up, he admitted to that much, but that didn’t change that he still had feelings. Feelings that he hoped Fujigaya would still reciprocate.
“Has it really been that long?”
“Eight months, but who’s counting.” Yokoo sat back in his seat and looked at Fujigaya. “He’s moved on. You probably should, too.”
“Has he really?”
“You hurt him, Mitsu. He’s not going to want to jump back into things with you.”
“He didn’t even let me explain.”
Fujigaya glanced over at the pair, keeping a steady gaze on Kitayama. When Kitayama finally picked his head up off the table, he hurried to look away.
“Well if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck.” Yokoo rose and patted Kitayama on the shoulder. “I’m not saying it will end in the magical rainbows you’re hoping for, but if it’ll get you to actually build your bridge and get over him maybe you should explain things to him.”
Kitayama sighed and glanced back towards Fujigaya again as he rose to follow Yokoo back to practice. A definitive ‘fuck you’ would be better than nothing, he guessed.
Kitayama kept an eye on Fujigaya while he packed his bag after practice. He wasn’t sure how to approach him. He knew they had to talk. They needed to talk. They had barely spoken to each other the entire time since they broke up, and that alone wasn’t good for the groups dynamic. Maybe he could use that as an excuse to start a conversation. Then again, had he listened to his mother’s “don’t dip your pen in the companies ink” speech, he probably wouldn’t even be in this situation in the first place. Damn these feelings. He hadn’t even realized he was staring the whole time, that is, until a cough broke him out of his inner monologue.
“What do you what, Kitayama?”
He looked around the room. He and Fujigaya were the only ones left.
“Well?”
“I…” He stuttered. Of course he did. He tried again, but to no avail. He had all the right words in his head, but the brain-to-mouth connection was malfunctioning. He sighed and just shook his head. “It’s nothing. Sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
Kitayama quickly shoved everything in his bag. “I’m just sorry.” He rushed past Fujigaya and out of the building towards his car. Tomorrow looked better.
In his rush, he missed the sadness in Fujigaya’s eyes.
Much to Kitayama’s partial relief, Fujigaya was pulled away for filming the next morning. That gave him the whole morning to think about how he was going to approach the subject. He felt Yokoo sit next to him while working on his skates.
“I had an interesting phone call last night.” Yokoo started. “You’ll love this.”
“I have a feeling I won’t.” Kitayama tried to tune him out by focusing on the tires of his skate. Maybe Yokoo would just go away.
“Taisuke called me last night.” Shit. “He told me, now he didn’t mention any names, someone was staring at him so hard last night after practice he thought he was being sized up by a stalker.” The wrench in Kitayama’s hand slipped and hit the floor, making the others in the group look in their direction. He quickly waved them off and looked back at Yokoo.
“A stalker? Really?”
“I swear on Yuta’s obsession with Yamapi, if you ruin the groups dynamic any further I will come after you and make sure you never wear the color red again.”
“What do you even mean by that?”
“If you mess this up and hurt him even more, I will take you out of the leader position. I look better in red anyways.”
Kitayama gawked at Yokoo as he stood and joined the others across the room like he hadn’t just threatened to dethrone their oldest member of his position. No pressure, really.
He put all his focus into working up some new skating choreography with Senga in hopes that he would forget everything. He had almost succeeded until Fujigaya waltzed into the practice room. A spare glance was all it took to send Kitayama’s focus off and his ass to the floor. Senga stopped to check on him. Yokoo just rolled his eyes.
“What happened, Mitsu?”
“Gravity, Senga. Gravity happened.” He grabbed the hand Senga offered and pulled himself up. “I don’t think that move is going to work. Let’s try something else.”
“But you had it. If you just put your weight on-“
“I said change it.” Kitayama hissed. Oops. He sighed and apologized when everyone looked over towards him, making up some story that he was tired and sat to take off his skates. Senga shrugged his shoulders, obviously not bothered by it too much, and said that he’d work of making the move easier. When he nodded, Senga took off towards Nikaido to convince him to help work on it. Kitayama used that moment to escape to the bathroom.
He missed Yokoo pushing Fujigaya after him.
Alone in the bathroom, Kitayama hunched over a sink and splashed water on his face. What was wrong with him? Senga didn’t do anything. There was absolutely no reason to snap at him. He was right, even. He had that move, but Fujigaya walked in and threw him off. Literally. He was just distracted enough, too. Screw him, he thought, throwing him off like that.
“Do you always take to talking to yourself in the bathroom?”
Kitayama blinked and looked up in the mirror. Shit. Was all that really said out loud?
“Do you need encouragement to take a piss?”
“What do you want, Fujigaya?”
“I came to check on you. That was a pretty nasty fall.”
“I’ve had worse.”
“That’s not the point. Are you okay?”
He took a nice, long look at Fujigaya, trying to read anything that his face might be giving off-nothing.
“Keep staring, I might do a trick.”
“Would that trick be disappearing?”
“I’m trying to be cordial here, Kitayama.”
“Well you’re doing a fantastic job of that.” He dried his face and hoped the sarcasm would come through strong enough for Fujigaya to get the hint and leave him alone. When he looked back up, Fujigaya was still there. “Look, I’m fine. Just go away.”
“Are you sure?” Fujigaya’s eyes softened just enough for Kitayama to notice. His heart fluttered. Just as quickly the look left, taking the feelings with it. Kitayama just nodded, not trusting his voice to give a proper answer. As he watched Fujigaya turn to leave, he had a temporary lapse in judgment.
He sighed. "Tai, wait." The poor choice of words was obvious in the way Fujigaya froze at the door. He didn't say any more than that though, fearing it would chase him away.
"Don't call me that."
"It slipped. I'm sorry."
He looked hurt, and Kitayama immediately regretted trusting his mouth to say anything right. He took a step towards Fujigaya, apologizing again, and froze as he watched the other rush out of the bathroom. He decided it was best if he hung behind a little while longer, especially since he knew Fujigaya would run to Yokoo first.
Five minutes seemed to be long enough, and when he returned to the practice room he noticed two things: one was that Fujigaya was missing, and two was how Yokoo was eyeing one of the red costumes like he was trying to figure out how much fabric would need to be added to fit him. When he asked where Fujigaya went he was given the generic 'he wasn't feeling well' answer.
"He seemed upset though," Tamamori continued. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
He fixed his eyes on Yokoo, who gave him a knowing look before answering. "I'll go check on him."
Before leaving though, he yanked the red costume out of Yokoo's hands.
It feels like an eternity, standing at the door to Fujigaya's house. He knows his family won't be thrilled to see him, but if he says he's doing his leader duties and checking on him, maybe they'll let the past slide. He knocked on the door and quickly changed his story in his mind to one where Yokoo sent him to check on him. That seems more plausible. When there wasn't an immediate answer he looked around the yard. No cars. Maybe he didn't come home?
Can't knock him for not trying, he thought as he turned away from the house. When he heard the door open behind him though, he stopped.
"Haven't you done enough damage?"
Kitayama turned around and looked at Fujigaya in the eyes. They were bloodshot, puffy--he had been crying.
"What are you doing here?"
"Being cordial?" Fujigaya's face remained cold. That didn't work. "Look, can we talk?" He stepped closer to the door.
"I have no desire to talk to you."
"Will you listen then? Just let me say what I want and then I'll leave." When he reached the door, Fujigaya hesitated to let him in. "Please? Yokoo will murder me when he finds out I showed up and then didn't do anything." A logical answer, really. It seemed to suffice though as Fujigaya stepped aside to let him in.
He slipped his shoes off and waited for Fujigaya to lead him upstairs. It had been a while since he'd been over, but it hadn't changed much. Once in Fujigaya's room, he waited by the door to let the other have plenty of space. He also wanted to have a quick escape route in case this conversation went very south.
"You've been crying."
"You have five minutes before I regret inviting you in."
"Where do you want me to start?"
He could tell Fujigaya was thinking over his words carefully. He worried on his bottom lip, wrapped his arms around himself--he was shutting down, and fast.
"I really didn't mean to call you by that name, I swear. Old habits die hard, and when I saw how you looked it slipped. I'm really sorry."
"What are you trying to do? Add salt to the wounds? You've been acting strange for months, why now?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm still holding on for a second chance." There. He said it.
If the scoff Fujigaya made wasn't a clear indication of how this conversation was going to go, his next words definitely were. "Second chance? Second chance?! You barely deserved the first chance!" Ouch. "What makes you even think that I am going to give you a second one?"
"I don't."
"What?" That caught him off-guard.
"I don't think you'll give me another chance. I sure as hell know I don't deserve it." He paused to see if Fujigaya would say anything. When he didn't, he continued. "I messed up. I know I did. I betrayed your trust, and I know I don't deserve to have that back, but please believe me when I say that it wasn't how it looked."
"It looked like you were kissing some chick at a bar."
Yokoo's duck analogy came back to mind. "Okay, that was how it looked, but you never let me explain"
"Why do you have to? Did you take her home and fuck her, too?"
"What? No!" Did Fujigaya really think that?
"How many others were there? Did you just string me along to keep the group together?" The rage in his voice drowned out anything that Kitayama was trying to say.
"You aren't letting me say anything!"
Fujigaya kept talking over him. "I should have known something was up! You were always dodgy with me."
"You were the only one, Taisuke!" That got his attention. "You were it! I know what you saw was bad, and it's so cliché to say she came onto me, but she did." He took a cautious step forward. "She was a friend from school, and I hadn't seen her since. We were catching up, and she got the wrong idea when she kissed me." Another step. "When you showed up, my heart shattered and I ran after you."
Kitayama stopped in front of Fujigaya and waited. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for--for Fujigaya to say something, do something, anything. But he looked up at him and waited.
"Taisuke, please say something." He brushed Fujigaya's arm gently, not wanting to set him off. When he jerked away though he knew what the outcome would be.
"Get out."
"Tai-"
"Get out!"
He didn't move. He knew he should, Fujigaya looked like he could do some damage with his rage, but he also knew if he left with how things were at that moment they wouldn't get anywhere, and he'd be seeing a lot of orange in his future.
"Why aren't you leaving?"
"If I leave this won't get anywhere. I've dodged this long enough."
“Please just go away.”
“Why though? After all this time I’ve finally told you what happened that night and all you can say to me is leave?”
That was the wrong thing to say, he found out. “What do you want me to say then?! ‘Oh, good to know you weren’t banging the chick like I thought you were, let’s get back together!’? It doesn’t work like that! I don’t care if it was a misunderstanding as you claim it to be, you cheated on me regardless.” Kitayama opened his mouth to say something, but Fujigaya kept going. “You can’t expect me to forgive you that easily now that I have answers. It doesn’t work like that, Hiromitsu. It just doesn’t.”
Kitayama’s ears perked a little at the sound of his given name rolling off of Fujigaya’s lips. He hadn’t heard him say it since that night. Maybe there was hope after all.
“And you sure as hell aren’t getting a second chance.”
“What do I need to do?”
Fujigaya looked dumbfounded. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t deserve a second chance, but what do I have to do to gain your trust back? I would rather have that more than anything.”
Fujigaya’s eyes softened again. “You’re serious.”
“What do I need to do to gain your trust again?”
“Why are you like this?”
“Because I still care about you, whether you believe me or not.” He waited for a reaction, and when he got nothing he kept going. “I’ve thought about that night every day trying to figure out what I could have done differently to avoid that. I would much rather have us be on good terms then have nothing between us at all.”
He could see Fujigaya’s gears turning. Maybe he was considering that second chance after all. All Kitayama wanted was a glimmer of hope that things could be right between the two of them. Just a small indication of that was all the wanted.
“I need some time.” Fujigaya finally answered.
“Time?”
“Yes, time. I need some time to think everything through, and I need to sort things out on my own.”
He could live with that, he thought. “Then you’ll let me know?”
“Maybe.”
That stung a little, but he nodded all the same. “Take all the time you need.”
“I plan to. Now please, get out.”
Kitayama actually left this time, and when the door to Fujigaya’s house closed behind him he felt the best he had in months. Everything was out in the open now, and Fujigaya had given him hope that their friendship could be saved.
On the other side of the door, Fujigaya sank to the floor.
Kitayama really needed a new ring tone on his phone when it decided to go off in the middle of the night. He blindly reached for it on his night stand and answered without looking to see who the caller was.
“Kitayama, I told you to fix it!”
“Wha-?” He sat up and rubbed his eyes, hoping it would wake him up.
“I told you to fix it! I hope you like orange!”
“Yokoo, quit yelling, it’s 3AM….”
“I just got off the phone with Taisuke,” Uh oh. “what did you do?”
“I told him the truth. And I didn’t get my magical rainbow happy ending, if that’s what you’re calling about” He could have it though, but he’s sure Yokoo has already heard it.
“He’s a mess!”
That got his attention. “What?”
“What did you tell him?”
He hesitated, but the annoyed ‘Mitsu!’ on the other end of the phone brought him back. “I told him what happened that night. I told him how I didn’t deserve a second change, but wanted to work to gain his trust back.”
“Was that it?”
“I told him that I still cared for him, and then I left.” More or less.
Yokoo sighed on the other end of the phone. “Okay.”
“That’s it?” Kitayama was expecting more yelling.
“What are you planning on doing now?”
He thought for a moment. “I’m not planning on doing anything. Not right now at least.”
“What do you mean nothing?”
“Taisuke asked for time, and that’s exactly what I’m giving him.” He waited for more yelling and got nothing. “I don’t want to mess this up again, and at this point I’m happy he’s considering anything with me at all. I know I said a lot, but if it didn’t get said then it wasn’t going to be said at all.”
“Mitsu…”
“And yes, I am serious. If we end up just as friends, I’m fine with that.”
“Do you want more than that though?”
Kitayama had to really think about his words. He knew this whole conversation would end up with Fujigaya eventually. “Of course I do, but I don’t deserve him. I’m not going to hang onto the hopes that he’ll take me back. He made that very clear. If he wants to rebuild our friendship, that’s perfect for me. I’m not going to rush anything or get my hopes up though.”
He figured that was a good enough answer when Yokoo just grunted in response. They talked for a few more minutes, mostly work stuff he missed, before hanging up. The clock still read early, but knowing his track record he wouldn’t wake up in time for work. He made a pot of coffee to keep him company and tried to find something on TV to mildly entertain him until he had to leave.
His mind wandered back to his argument with Fujigaya. Was that the right thing to do, to throw everything on him at once? He needed to know, he tried to rationalize. He deserved to know the truth, hurtful or not. He sipped his coffee and frowned. He was right, wasn’t he?
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and when February came around he was beginning to wonder if Fujigaya had decided not to bother. Things had been getting better between the two, at least. They could hold basic conversations without arguing with each other or sending one storming out of the room. It was a nice change, and the rest of the group definitely appreciated the new atmosphere. Kitayama had stopped going to Yokoo for updates at this point-he knew he wouldn’t be getting any answers anyways. The waiting was driving him crazy though. They were approaching a year since they broke up the first time, and he had hoped something would have changed before then.
Yokoo finally approached him during rehearsal. “Are you still moping?”
Kitayama banged his head on the break room table. This was feeling awfully familiar.
“He’s made up his mind, if you were wondering.”
Kitayama jerked his head up. “He has? Is he going to tell me?”
“He made it up a while ago.” Kitayama felt his heart sink a little.
“Oh.”
“I’m sure he’s just waiting for the right moment.” Yokoo stood and patted Kitayama on the shoulder.
That’s it then, he thought. Fujigaya didn’t want anything with him other than a professional relationship. He tried to wrap his mind, and his heart, around that idea. It hurt, but he’d have to live with it. He deserved it anyways, but he was a little let down they wouldn’t be more than professionals.
His inner monologue was running wild, and he missed Yokoo whispering something into Fujigaya’s ear. He also missed the small smile that flashed across Fujigaya’s lips.
Kitayama should have figured he’d be by himself on Valentine’s Day, but the feeling still stung either way. He wasn’t sure if the sinking feeling was from being rejected by everyone to hang out today, residual stinging from Fujigaya’s decision to keep their relationship professional, or remembering how a year ago today he made the biggest mistake of his life. The first option seemed less sad, so he went with that. The knock on his door caught him off guard. Didn’t everyone say they were busy? He opened the door and froze.
Fujigaya held up a case of beer. “It’s a little sad to drink alone.” Kitayama forgot how to move, and almost forgot to breathe until Fujigaya asked if he was going to let him in. He nodded and stood to the side and watched the other waltz in and make himself at home.
He took the beer Fujigaya offered him before asking any questions. “Why are you here?”
“I told you, it’s sad to drink alone.”
“No one else would drink with you?”
“I wanted to be here.”
Kitayama opened his beer and took a long sip. “Why?”
“Can we sit?”
He realized they were still standing by the front door. He pretended to be a good host and lead them to the couch to sit. He took another long sip of his beer.
“You know,” Fujigaya started, “I gave this a lot of thought.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Yokoo already gave me a clue.”
“No, I need to say it.”
Kitayama nursed his beer and braced himself for the worse. He nodded.
“I waited so long because I wanted to be absolutely sure. I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision for me, as well as for you.”
“You should just focus on you. Don’t let me influence your decision on anything.”
“You are my decision though.” Kitayama froze and waited for a better explanation. “This isn’t just about us finding closure, it’s about us starting over.”
“Oh.”
Fujigaya set his beer down on the table and turned to face Kitayama. “I thought for a long time about what you meant when you said you still cared. I didn’t know whether you meant just as friends or if you meant something more.” Kitayama nodded, knowing better now not to trust his voice. “Yokoo told me you talked that night, after our argument.”
Of course he did. Kitayama just rolled his eyes a little. That ass-hat would never be good at keeping secrets.
Fujigaya continued, “After he told me that you still wanted to be more than just friends, I had a lot to consider.” There it is-the flutter of hope. “I had to rethink my feelings for you, whether they were still there or not, and whether or not I was willing to trust you again.”
This is it, he thought as he set his beer down, this is the answer he’s been waiting for.
“I don’t think I can trust you yet,” Kitayama felt his heart sinking fast, “however I can’t hide from the fact that I still care about you, too. I care about you a lot.” Fujigaya moved closer to Kitayama. “I’m also willing to take back what I said, about not giving you a second chance.”
Kitayama was shocked. “Really?” Fujigaya only nodded in response. “Do you mean as friends or as a couple?”
“As a couple.” Kitayama’s face lit up like he was being presented with a plate of food. “If you are as serious as you say you are about wanting this to work, then I’ll be just as serious about it as well.”
He knew he would regret this later, but he had to know. “What made you change your mind?”
“That day when Yokoo told you I had made up my mind, the disappointment in your face when you thought we would be nothing more than colleagues did it.”
“What?” He was confused.
“You looked heartbroken, and that’s when I knew you were that serious about wanting us to work out.”
Kitayama didn’t realize he had been watching the whole time. Yokoo is a sneaky little bastard.
“If you make me regret this decision, Kitayama Hiromitsu, I swear you will be killed.”
“I won’t make you regret this, I promise!”
Kitayama couldn’t hide his smile even if he tried. He couldn’t believe Fujigaya was giving him another chance. He was sure that there was absolutely no chance for them. Fujigaya had made it clear multiple times. He didn’t even realize how close Fujigaya had gotten until he felt a soft pair of lips against his. He stared in shock before his eyes fluttered shut. His didn’t realize how much he missed this until that moment.
Much to his disappointment, Fujigaya pulled back and sighed. He rested his forehead against Kitayama and smiled as he mumbled three words into his skin.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”