I am trying to make sense of myself. I am fascinated with people like my husband, who can just…. be. I’ve never been so good at that. I have always been somewhere else in one way or another. For the last 4 or 5 years I’ve been constantly in the future. Planning, plotting out parts of my life I want to improve.

Get the braces. Go to school. Meal plan ( Read more... )

Things change. Oh, they change and change. And change again, and change again, and eventually it’s unrecognizable. It’s that boat, ship of Theseus. The ships parts rot away, they’re replaced - until eventually every board, every sail is different from the original. Is it the same boat? Am I the same person?

I know I’m not. I can tell by the way it ( Read more... )

a very selfish ramble ( Read more... )

life is just weird as hell recently and i can't really get a firm grasp on it. like, are all these things happening? actually?

i started working out and meditating every day and despite the fact that i've got some kind of cold i feel so much better than i normally do around this time of year. i skipped the rougher parts of the cycle altogether - or rather, i didn't allow any episodes to destroy anything which is cool. honest, so relationship is still intact. never giving ( Read more... )

i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and manic depression in 2012 and i never fucking googled it once

so perfect. where at one moment i felt paralyzed with uncertainty, covered in sharp edges, i am now a loosely folded silken sheet. everything is new. every intimacy is literal magic. every meal is decadent. every shift we work together is enjoyable. every joke is side splitting. even sleeping next to you is ethereal. you are a human, but an ideal ( Read more... )

travel, help other people, save dogs 🐶, have amazing sex, eat awesome food

in no particular order

i still don't sleep so well but damnit if it's not cool to have a hella productive anxiety instead of a stagnant one

i made 1000 dollars last week working my normal hours 💁🏻

FUCK everything is so cool rn ( Read more... )

my throat is sore and my brain and stomach are both churning in a similar way, ready to upheave ( Read more... )