Fragments of a Shattered Life 25
Title: Fragments of a Shattered Life
Part: 25/34-ish
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Explicit violence, non-con
Genre: Angst
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Tosh, Owen
Summary: After POTW Jack's life takes a turn for the worse and he desperately needs help. A Doctor Who/Torchwood crossover. Note that this is a very dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N:
Previous Chapter here ohinyan.livejournal.com/7606.html
Chapter 25: Falling
Ianto didn't come.
For an hour after he got home Jack awaited Ianto's arrival with nervous anticipation, his determination to finally overcome all his inhibitions undiminished.
But, as two hours passed and there was no sign of Ianto and no word from him, his resolve faltered and insecurity reared its ugly head. “He doesn't want you,” warred with “there must have been an emergency and he's been called away.” But if Ianto arrived now Jack knew he would no longer be able to go through with it.
After three hours Jack was pacing around the room muttering to himself, “You're a fool ! How could you ever think that someone like Ianto would want you, could love you. The Doctor was right. You're shop soiled, a filthy whore, damaged goods. No one in their right minds would want you.” For the first time in three years Jack felt like a whore. He had been willing to sell himself to keep Ianto and Ianto had obviously been able to see it.
After four hours Jack went to the roof, after five he slit his wrists.
From long and bitter experience Jack knew exactly how to cut to prolong his death as long as possible. In most of the 140 years since the Game Station the only respites he had had from the horror of his existence were the too short times of death. The longer the dying, the longer the death. And now he tried to escape the emotional devastation he felt at Ianto's rejection the only way he knew. Bleeding out slowly was a good death. Minor pain to start with followed by floating on a cloud of numbness. And best of all, if you did it right, it took hours to die.
As dawn broke he came alive with a gasp. He hurriedly gathered the clothes he had removed
the previous night. He was freezing but it was much easier to clean blood from himself than clothes. He moved quietly down the fire escape to the flat with trepidation. He last thing he wanted was for Ianto to discover what he had done. Fortunately, or not as it meant that Ianto had stayed out all night, Ianto was nowhere to be seen. Jack allowed that fact to sink in as he quickly showered.
Jack's thoughts were in turmoil. Despite the magnitude of what he had offered him, Ianto had not come. It was a total rejection and showed Jack that he had been mistaken to think that Ianto loved him In their two years together Jack had fallen hard for Ianto. He had loved and trusted him totally. He would never have been able to offer him a full sexual relationship if he had not. But obviously (now) that love was one-sided and, knowing that, Jack could not stay with Ianto. He had spent over 100 years hanging on to a love that had never existed and he wasn't going down that route again. He would have to leave and immediately.
He quickly packed his things. Just taking a few clothes. He left all the personal things that Ianto had given him. What need would he have of mementos of a man who had never loved him. He debated leaving a letter. He couldn't just disappear without a word. He knew what it was like to have that happen. But what could he say. Goodbye Ianto I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you, or I realised that you didn't love me. In the end he decided to leave it at Goodbye Ianto.
Just as he was placing his note on the hall table Jack changed his mind. He hadn't actually talked to Ianto about the previous night. Perhaps there was an explanation. An emergency with the rift that didn't allow him to contact Jack or come home. If he left now, without finding out, he'd always have in the back of his mind that perhaps he had been wrong and that Ianto did want him.
So 8am saw Jack arriving for work at the Hub as usual. He was in a heightened state of emotion
anticipating the encounter with Ianto with fear and longing. But his years of imprisonment had equipped him with the ability to show nothing of what he was feeling in his body language or on his face.
Ianto was in his office. Jack made coffee and took it up to him. “I missed you last night,” he said quietly, giving no sign of the momentous importance of that statement. Ianto looked up. “Oh right, sorry I should have let you know, I had lots of paperwork I wanted to catch up on.” Jack managed to smile and say “of course no problem” while inwardly his last hope was destroyed.
With his heart broken, Jack got through a few more hours in the Hub before excusing himself for an early lunch. He returned quickly to the flat, weighted his note down with the watch that Ianto had given him after Jack saved his life, grabbed his bag and left. He debated where to go. He couldn't stay in Cardiff and, though he thought it unlikely that Ianto would bother to look for him, just in case he did he didn't want to do anything too obvious. Having been paid by Torchwood for over two years, he could empty his bank account and have enough money to get somewhere to live and last several months. But he'd need to find work of some sort eventually.
He briefly considered going to find Martha. He knew from what she had told him on the research station that she came from this time period, and he had used Torchwood's resources to look her up. He knew where she lived and worked. But he was too early. She wouldn't even have met the Doctor yet, never mind him.
London was the biggest city around and he would be able to get lost there. So, three years after falling through the rift to Cardiff and being found by Torchwood, Jack melted away, aiming for London.
AN: I'm now going to hide. Please don't kill me !
Ianto's POV will come in the next chapter.
Next chapter here: ohinyan.livejournal.com/8156.html
Part: 25/34-ish
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Explicit violence, non-con
Genre: Angst
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Tosh, Owen
Summary: After POTW Jack's life takes a turn for the worse and he desperately needs help. A Doctor Who/Torchwood crossover. Note that this is a very dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N:
Previous Chapter here ohinyan.livejournal.com/7606.html
Chapter 25: Falling
Ianto didn't come.
For an hour after he got home Jack awaited Ianto's arrival with nervous anticipation, his determination to finally overcome all his inhibitions undiminished.
But, as two hours passed and there was no sign of Ianto and no word from him, his resolve faltered and insecurity reared its ugly head. “He doesn't want you,” warred with “there must have been an emergency and he's been called away.” But if Ianto arrived now Jack knew he would no longer be able to go through with it.
After three hours Jack was pacing around the room muttering to himself, “You're a fool ! How could you ever think that someone like Ianto would want you, could love you. The Doctor was right. You're shop soiled, a filthy whore, damaged goods. No one in their right minds would want you.” For the first time in three years Jack felt like a whore. He had been willing to sell himself to keep Ianto and Ianto had obviously been able to see it.
After four hours Jack went to the roof, after five he slit his wrists.
From long and bitter experience Jack knew exactly how to cut to prolong his death as long as possible. In most of the 140 years since the Game Station the only respites he had had from the horror of his existence were the too short times of death. The longer the dying, the longer the death. And now he tried to escape the emotional devastation he felt at Ianto's rejection the only way he knew. Bleeding out slowly was a good death. Minor pain to start with followed by floating on a cloud of numbness. And best of all, if you did it right, it took hours to die.
As dawn broke he came alive with a gasp. He hurriedly gathered the clothes he had removed
the previous night. He was freezing but it was much easier to clean blood from himself than clothes. He moved quietly down the fire escape to the flat with trepidation. He last thing he wanted was for Ianto to discover what he had done. Fortunately, or not as it meant that Ianto had stayed out all night, Ianto was nowhere to be seen. Jack allowed that fact to sink in as he quickly showered.
Jack's thoughts were in turmoil. Despite the magnitude of what he had offered him, Ianto had not come. It was a total rejection and showed Jack that he had been mistaken to think that Ianto loved him In their two years together Jack had fallen hard for Ianto. He had loved and trusted him totally. He would never have been able to offer him a full sexual relationship if he had not. But obviously (now) that love was one-sided and, knowing that, Jack could not stay with Ianto. He had spent over 100 years hanging on to a love that had never existed and he wasn't going down that route again. He would have to leave and immediately.
He quickly packed his things. Just taking a few clothes. He left all the personal things that Ianto had given him. What need would he have of mementos of a man who had never loved him. He debated leaving a letter. He couldn't just disappear without a word. He knew what it was like to have that happen. But what could he say. Goodbye Ianto I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you, or I realised that you didn't love me. In the end he decided to leave it at Goodbye Ianto.
Just as he was placing his note on the hall table Jack changed his mind. He hadn't actually talked to Ianto about the previous night. Perhaps there was an explanation. An emergency with the rift that didn't allow him to contact Jack or come home. If he left now, without finding out, he'd always have in the back of his mind that perhaps he had been wrong and that Ianto did want him.
So 8am saw Jack arriving for work at the Hub as usual. He was in a heightened state of emotion
anticipating the encounter with Ianto with fear and longing. But his years of imprisonment had equipped him with the ability to show nothing of what he was feeling in his body language or on his face.
Ianto was in his office. Jack made coffee and took it up to him. “I missed you last night,” he said quietly, giving no sign of the momentous importance of that statement. Ianto looked up. “Oh right, sorry I should have let you know, I had lots of paperwork I wanted to catch up on.” Jack managed to smile and say “of course no problem” while inwardly his last hope was destroyed.
With his heart broken, Jack got through a few more hours in the Hub before excusing himself for an early lunch. He returned quickly to the flat, weighted his note down with the watch that Ianto had given him after Jack saved his life, grabbed his bag and left. He debated where to go. He couldn't stay in Cardiff and, though he thought it unlikely that Ianto would bother to look for him, just in case he did he didn't want to do anything too obvious. Having been paid by Torchwood for over two years, he could empty his bank account and have enough money to get somewhere to live and last several months. But he'd need to find work of some sort eventually.
He briefly considered going to find Martha. He knew from what she had told him on the research station that she came from this time period, and he had used Torchwood's resources to look her up. He knew where she lived and worked. But he was too early. She wouldn't even have met the Doctor yet, never mind him.
London was the biggest city around and he would be able to get lost there. So, three years after falling through the rift to Cardiff and being found by Torchwood, Jack melted away, aiming for London.
AN: I'm now going to hide. Please don't kill me !
Ianto's POV will come in the next chapter.
Next chapter here: ohinyan.livejournal.com/8156.html