Telling Mortals Apart

[okosut]

I was just reading a draft of a paper my adviser sent to me. This is a paper that we're in the process of writing. It has four authors, but the vast majority is actually written by him and me. A week or two ago I wrote up a quick version with what I thought were the most important parts, sent that to him, then he filled in a bit more, and sent it

Comments

[thedan]

I guess the second one is by you.

[okosut]

Interesting. Nope, that's my advisor. This is probably the more complimentary guess, if you don't think it's blatant which is which.

[rford]

I actually thought (1) was much better written. It's simpler and makes more sense.

[bluefaith]

Statement 1 by Aragorn
Statement 2 by Elrond

^_^

[okosut]

:D :D :D

I miss you.

[slartucker]

I can't tell which is which but here's my analysis of the differences that jump out at me.

#2 has more wrinkles. That is to say, it isn't necessarily more complex grammatically, but it has more repetitions of certain structures: LOTS of conjunctions and other coordinating words (therefore, if, both...and, when, that, and) vs (if...then, that) and accordingly, it has many smaller predicates. #1 is mostly one predicate that is built up by phrase upon phrase.

Correspondingly, #2 feels more akin to a purely symbolic representation (approaching an equation) whereas #1 is closer to a analogical representation. For me personally, I find #1 much easier to read.

#1 also seems more vague.

[bluefaith]

For me, when reading a technical paper, I find vagueness off-putting.

Also of note: Oliver's statement is passive whereas his adviser's is active.

[slartucker]

Maybe you're using "passive" and "active" in a different way than I expect, but it seems to me both sentences are active.

[okosut]

There are some interesting observations there. I wonder if some of this is because I'm a native English speaker and my adviser isn't. Is a native speaker more likely to write a sentence with fewer wrinkles, as you say?

[evil_lep]

#2 sounds like what I say or write when I'm still in the "I'm figuring this out" mode. #1 is what I try to get when I actually write a paper. (I still haven't written anything that my parents can understand, but I suspect that might be a lost cause.)

[dankane]

I think that #1 is easier to understand here. On the other hand, #2 conveys more information. On the other hand, #2 could possibly be done better in more than one sentence.