Culture clashes

[olmue]

My very polite, very respectful 10YO daughter got talked to sternly today while in the pick-up line after school today.

"Is that your car?" the older teacher asked.

"Yeah."

"Yes, ma'am."

Daughter raised her eyebrows, confused. Maybe the teacher didn't hear her? "Yeah."

"Yes, ma'am," the teacher reprimanded

Comments

[robinellen]

This is tough. :( D's Tennessee-an friend calls his parents 'ma'am' and 'sir,' but tbh, when D sees how his friend then does what he wants (rather than respecting his parents' wishes), he sees disrespect. Doesn't matter what's said; actions count more. Of course, that's what we teach him too -- we don't want to hear that you're sorry after the fact; we want you not to do it in the first place because you know we won't approve. Seems pretty simple...but for his friend, having that failsafe of using the 'respectful' language seems to cover a multitude of sins (and I can see why it would be very confusing and even upsetting for your kids to have to handle and adjust to).

[olmue]

Some of my kids deal with the issue by not talking directly to teachers at all. Problem solved, in their opinion.

It would be one thing if it was just a thing people did here that they didn't do anywhere else. But when doing/not doing it has clearly the direct opposite effect/meaning depending on where you are...then you have a recipe for trouble!

[watchmebe]

This is interesting. I've lived in the South my entire life, and LOVE where I'm from-- but yes. There is very much a hierarchy, largely based on age. That "yes MA'AM" thing pisses me off, fwiw. :)

[olmue]

:) I was born in NJ, moved to Arkansas at age 9, moved to Utah at 18, and as an adult have spent great blocks of time in both north and south. It always takes me a long time to adjust no matter which direction I move (I remember Michigan feeling SO cold and unfriendly and unfeeling after South Carolina! They really were nice--but they had an entirely different framework to show it with.)

I think maybe your "elders" are being nice here by taking an interest in you and making sure you grow up right. And you show you're listening by all the sir and ma'am stuff, so if you don't, then it sounds like you're shoving all their care and helpfulness back in their face. (At least, that's what I'm telling myself, as I'm trying not to visibly grit my teeth. :) )

[robinellen]

This is tough. :( D's Tennessee-an friend calls his parents 'ma'am' and 'sir,' but tbh, when D sees how his friend then does what he wants (rather than respecting his parents' wishes), he sees disrespect. Doesn't matter what's said; actions count more. Of course, that's what we teach him too -- we don't want to hear that you're sorry after the fact; we want you not to do it in the first place because you know we won't approve. Seems pretty simple...but for his friend, having that failsafe of using the 'respectful' language seems to cover a multitude of sins (and I can see why it would be very confusing and even upsetting for your kids to have to handle and adjust to).