I read this post by kuddliphish and realized I felt the same way. But wait! How can I feel the SAME way when I AM living the "feminist" ideal- that is working and having children
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I think it's long past time for the death of the idea that a "good mother" is any ONE set of things. Some people are good parents by staying home with their children. Others are good parents by refusing to do so. All the people are different, and they make different choices for different reasons.
Oh how I agonized over this post! I was trying so hard to be all inclusive! So this is an addendum in case I did not do as well as I thought and because I thought of something I was going to say and forgot: I think the feminist ideal is just that- an ideal. Someone the rest of us can look at and feel guilty for not being as good as. Sort of my friend-group's equivalent of the skinny girl in Cosmo who doesn't really exist except as a figment of imagination and a lot of air-brushing.
My mom worked out of the home for as long as I can remember -- actually, she tells me that when I was an infant, she was busy founding our county's rape/domestic violence shelter, and she's just take me along and plunk her on her desk! (Apparently a happy baby is an asset for a domestic violence shelter, anyway.)
I know perfectly well that my mom would have been cranky if she'd had to spend all day at home with me, and that she needs to be using her brain and doing stuff that affects the world at large. And I feel like I benefited tremendously from having this example of a mother who did these things. So I absolve you of any need to feel guilty, anyway :).
I know that I'm a better mom for taking the breaks that I do. When I'm grumpy my parenting skills go down by a couple of standard deviations. Much better few hours of a nice nanny and a rested and refreshed mommy than a constant grumpy mommy ;)
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All the people are different, and they make different choices for different reasons.
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I think the feminist ideal is just that- an ideal. Someone the rest of us can look at and feel guilty for not being as good as. Sort of my friend-group's equivalent of the skinny girl in Cosmo who doesn't really exist except as a figment of imagination and a lot of air-brushing.
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I know perfectly well that my mom would have been cranky if she'd had to spend all day at home with me, and that she needs to be using her brain and doing stuff that affects the world at large. And I feel like I benefited tremendously from having this example of a mother who did these things. So I absolve you of any need to feel guilty, anyway :).
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