Kiss & Cry // Kis-My-Ft2
For elindar ♥
Kiss & Cry
Kitayama/Fujigaya
PG-13, 1898 words
Four pieces of varying lengths and genres, loosely connected and inspired by Kisumai's debut single tracks.
Everybody Go
After Tamamori falls off the stage, Fujigaya follows him around the stage like a hawk, while Kitayama in turn follows the both of them around. Truth be told, he's more worried about Fujigaya than Tamamori - he'd seen the sheer panic in Fujigaya's eyes when Tamamori had tripped, and knows how shaken Fujigaya would be that he hadn't been able to catch the younger boy's fall.
As soon as they get off stage, Miyata sticks to Tamamori like a second skin. They have no couch in this dressing room, so he brings over a couple of chairs and a pile of his own clothes, so that Tamamori can prop up his leg in comfort. After patting Tamamori down everywhere ("It's unnecessary to check my crotch for injuries!"), Miyata brings over another chair and settles in it so that he can put an arm snugly around Tamamori.
Yokoo rolls his eyes at the display, but tosses them both bottles of water, then herds Senga and Nikaido to the showers. Kitayama is about to make himself scarce as well when Fujigaya stalks up to the pair on the chairs and belligerently thrusts an ice pack into Tamamori's face.
"Why can't you be more careful!" he explodes, surprising everyone, "You could have been seriously hurt!"
Tamamori blanches at the tone, but accepts the ice anyway. "Well it's not like I tried to fall off the stage."
Fujigaya's eyes flash and he looks about ready to launch into a tirade when Miyata stands up with a surprisingly hard look on his face. "Stop it," he says firmly, "You're not helping."
Kitayama steps in front of Fujigaya at this point and pushes him none-too-gently towards the door. Fujigaya's glaring challenges at Miyata, but Kitayama is strong and manages to wrangle him into the hallway regardless.
Once Tamamori is out of his sight, the fight seems to go out of Fujigaya all at once and he slumps onto one of the plastic folding chairs right outside their dressing room. He clenches his hands into fists in his lap, but that doesn't stop them from shaking. More than anything, Kitayama wants to cover Fujigaya's trembling hands with his own steady ones, but he knows better than to add to the conflict of the situation. Instead, he just stands there and looks at Fujigaya for a long moment, and waits for Fujigaya to come to him first.
Still, as they listen to the rise and fall of Miyata's voice comforting Tamamori, Kitayama feels compelled to start talking so Fujigaya won't have to hear. "He'll be fine. He's just shaken up. If he's still limping tomorrow we'll make him see a doctor, but he's walking better already. Tama-chan's resilient, he'll be okay."
"I was so close, I could have caught him," says Fujigaya bleakly.
"No, you couldn't have. If it was at all possible, you would've done it."
After another long pause, Fujigaya leans forward just a little and rests his forehead against Kitayama's chest.
"I just-"
"I know," says Kitayama, putting a hand lightly on top of Fujigaya's head.
"I love-"
"I know."
When Kitayama falls off the stage months later, Fujigaya looks at him with a pale face, but stays across the room and doesn't say anything.
Luckily, they have a couch this time in the dressing room, so Kitayama lies down on it to rest his back. He has to twist his neck into a weird angle if he wants to see Fujigaya from this position, so he doesn't try, just closes his eyes and breathes deeply.
He doesn't realize he's fallen asleep until he wakes up and the room is quiet. Everybody's left, it seems, so he maneuvers himself slowly into a sitting position. There's a bit of pain, but more the dull ache of bruising than anything that might be lasting damage.
"Oi, what are you doing!" Apparently, he isn't alone. There's Fujigaya, flinging his book down onto the chair he was just sitting in and rushing over.
"Um, going home?" offers Kitayama. He glances at the clock. "Shit, it's later than I thought. Going home for sure, then."
"YOU-!" Fujigaya stops himself abruptly and shuts his mouth with an audible snap of the jaw.
"I'm okay, Fujigaya," Kitayama hurries to say. "I promise. It was just jarring, and I'll probably have some bruises, but I'm fine." He stands up, quickly but carefully, doing his best not to wince. "See? No problem."
"But you can't always tell with a back injury..."
"I'm fine," Kitayama insists, "You don't need to worry about me."
Fujigaya looks at him for a moment, expression inscrutable, then nods and turns away.
Kitayama doesn't bother to change, figuring he'll just take a cab tonight and no one will see him. He grabs his bag and waits by the door for Fujigaya to pack up his stuff. It takes the younger man a while, because he keeps fumbling and dropping his things, and Kitayama is puzzled until he sees how much Fujigaya's hands are shaking when he picks up the book he'd tossed aside.
"Taisuke," he says softly, walking towards the other man. He reaches for Fujigaya's trembling hands, and Fujigaya just lets the book drop limply to the floor. "Look at me, Taisuke." But when Fujigaya turns to look at him, Kitayama is arrested by all the emotions he sees, forgets what he's about to say entirely. So he kisses him.
As expected, it's Fujigaya who pulls away first. But the look he gives Kitayama is, unexpectedly, full of joy.
Kitayama gapes in return for a moment before asking, a little incoherently, "What about Tamamori?"
"What about Tamamori?"
"Don't you love-"
"Stupid," says Fujigaya, "What do you know?"
(In the end, Fujigaya carries all of Kitayama’s things for him, and spends their entire shared taxi ride berating him for being stupid enough to walk off a stage.)
S.O.KISS
Fujigaya falls in love like any other normal person, but then never actually falls out of it, so that by the time he's 25, his heart is in the possession of upwards of a dozen people.
It's not the same as infidelity, though he confuses even himself when he tries to explain why not. Kawai accuses him of doing it to be coy, and Fujigaya considers it for a moment - just to make sure - but that's not it either.
"Really, I just don't understand how I'm supposed to stop loving somebody once I've started. Can you really just forget all the things that made you fall in love?"
In response, Kawai blinks and shrugs and looks at him slightly askance, and then sets him down as hopeless.
But the day Kitayama corners him in a dark corner of the fourth floor stairwell and kisses him, Fujigaya, for the first time, cannot call to mind a single other person he's loved.
The older man's lips are firmer, harder than they look - a lot like Kitayama himself. In no particular hurry, but insistently and commandingly, his lips steal Fujigaya's breath away.
When the kiss ends, Kitayama doesn't pull away. Instead he keeps his forehead against Fujigaya's and his lips just within kissing distance as he says, a little darkly, "I'm better than all of them."
"You are," agrees Fujigaya easily.
"Well, I hope you have no delusions that I'm going to share you with anyone else."
KISS FOR U
The nighttime air is dark and heavy, and as Fujigaya bids Kitayama farewell, rain falls from under their feet.
"If I need you..." begins Fujigaya.
With the lightest of touches, Kitayama reaches up and caresses Fujigaya's face with his fingertips, like feather-soft kisses. "Just call to me and I'll come."
Fujigaya closes his eyes and nods. He does his best to not lean into Kitayama's touch, bites his tongue so he won't beg Kitayama to stay again, and wills himself to believe Kitayama's words. It's not that he doesn't trust Kitayama, but he's seen the other give up entire worlds for one new love - he himself is proof of that - and he knows Kitayama is capable of doing so again.
In the end, it's Fujigaya who says "Go now, before the wind gets colder"; and Kitayama leaps.
It kills him a little to see Kitayama's wings break apart in his freefall, an explosion of feathers that will fall on the earth as snow, but Fujigaya watches anyway until he can't see Kitayama anymore, even in his own mind's eye.
若者たち
Neither of them knows how it happens, but despite having gone to the bar with a huge group of people, it winds up being just the two of them left together. An awkward silence settles over them for a little bit, and Kitayama is trying to wrack his brains for something to say when Fujigaya sighs into his glass and mutters something Kitayama can't hear.
"What? Come again?"
"He wants me to quit." This time, Fujigaya turns to look at Kitayama, and the older man sees anger and sadness and also a little bit of defeat in his eyes.
"Your father? I thought he already accepted you being an entertainer and all."
"I'm not going anywhere, he says, so I might as well quit and find a real job. Since I got my degree, I should go to a job agency." He slams back the rest of his drink and signals to the bartender for another, "When's our next day off? I'll go then..."
Kitayama pulls Fujigaya's hand down and shakes his head at the bartender. "Stop it, you're drunk."
"No!" Fujigaya pulls his hand back violently, his anger clear in the very way he moves, "You don't understand! It's - he's right. I'm a failure. I'm a failure in this business and I'll always be one.... Do you know how long I've been in the jimusho? I wish I didn't know, wish I could say I've lost count. Fuck, twelve years is a longass time to keep track of."
The despair in Fujigaya's eyes is so lucid Kitayama has to look away lest it breaks his heart. And the thing is, he does understand. He understands how hard it is to keep going when it feels like they're just running in place, like a nightmare they can't wake up from. He understands how hard it is to choose glitter and excitement over stability and longevity. But he has no words of wisdom to offer, because the only thing they've got to go on these days is tenacity, and if Fujigaya is running out of that, then...
"Kiss me," Fujigaya demands abruptly.
"Here?! But-!"
His words are cut off by Fujigaya's impatient kiss. It tastes like whiskey: bitter and fiery and resentful. Kitayama has never been one to enjoy whiskey much, but he thinks he could love the way Fujigaya's tongue burns, wet and sloppy, against his own.
When they pull apart, though, he's surprised to see Fujigaya's eyelashes dewy with unshed tears. "You are so overwrought," he says with a small laugh. "Come on, I'll take you home." He tugs on Fujigaya's arm to go, but the younger man resists and stays seated, looking at him with a forlorn expression.
"Twelve years, Mitsu," Fujigaya whispers, "I don't want to remember."
"Okay," Kitayama says, "Okay. I'll help you forget. Just come with me, and together we'll make everything feel like it's new and amazing again."
Kiss & Cry
Kitayama/Fujigaya
PG-13, 1898 words
Four pieces of varying lengths and genres, loosely connected and inspired by Kisumai's debut single tracks.
Everybody Go
After Tamamori falls off the stage, Fujigaya follows him around the stage like a hawk, while Kitayama in turn follows the both of them around. Truth be told, he's more worried about Fujigaya than Tamamori - he'd seen the sheer panic in Fujigaya's eyes when Tamamori had tripped, and knows how shaken Fujigaya would be that he hadn't been able to catch the younger boy's fall.
As soon as they get off stage, Miyata sticks to Tamamori like a second skin. They have no couch in this dressing room, so he brings over a couple of chairs and a pile of his own clothes, so that Tamamori can prop up his leg in comfort. After patting Tamamori down everywhere ("It's unnecessary to check my crotch for injuries!"), Miyata brings over another chair and settles in it so that he can put an arm snugly around Tamamori.
Yokoo rolls his eyes at the display, but tosses them both bottles of water, then herds Senga and Nikaido to the showers. Kitayama is about to make himself scarce as well when Fujigaya stalks up to the pair on the chairs and belligerently thrusts an ice pack into Tamamori's face.
"Why can't you be more careful!" he explodes, surprising everyone, "You could have been seriously hurt!"
Tamamori blanches at the tone, but accepts the ice anyway. "Well it's not like I tried to fall off the stage."
Fujigaya's eyes flash and he looks about ready to launch into a tirade when Miyata stands up with a surprisingly hard look on his face. "Stop it," he says firmly, "You're not helping."
Kitayama steps in front of Fujigaya at this point and pushes him none-too-gently towards the door. Fujigaya's glaring challenges at Miyata, but Kitayama is strong and manages to wrangle him into the hallway regardless.
Once Tamamori is out of his sight, the fight seems to go out of Fujigaya all at once and he slumps onto one of the plastic folding chairs right outside their dressing room. He clenches his hands into fists in his lap, but that doesn't stop them from shaking. More than anything, Kitayama wants to cover Fujigaya's trembling hands with his own steady ones, but he knows better than to add to the conflict of the situation. Instead, he just stands there and looks at Fujigaya for a long moment, and waits for Fujigaya to come to him first.
Still, as they listen to the rise and fall of Miyata's voice comforting Tamamori, Kitayama feels compelled to start talking so Fujigaya won't have to hear. "He'll be fine. He's just shaken up. If he's still limping tomorrow we'll make him see a doctor, but he's walking better already. Tama-chan's resilient, he'll be okay."
"I was so close, I could have caught him," says Fujigaya bleakly.
"No, you couldn't have. If it was at all possible, you would've done it."
After another long pause, Fujigaya leans forward just a little and rests his forehead against Kitayama's chest.
"I just-"
"I know," says Kitayama, putting a hand lightly on top of Fujigaya's head.
"I love-"
"I know."
When Kitayama falls off the stage months later, Fujigaya looks at him with a pale face, but stays across the room and doesn't say anything.
Luckily, they have a couch this time in the dressing room, so Kitayama lies down on it to rest his back. He has to twist his neck into a weird angle if he wants to see Fujigaya from this position, so he doesn't try, just closes his eyes and breathes deeply.
He doesn't realize he's fallen asleep until he wakes up and the room is quiet. Everybody's left, it seems, so he maneuvers himself slowly into a sitting position. There's a bit of pain, but more the dull ache of bruising than anything that might be lasting damage.
"Oi, what are you doing!" Apparently, he isn't alone. There's Fujigaya, flinging his book down onto the chair he was just sitting in and rushing over.
"Um, going home?" offers Kitayama. He glances at the clock. "Shit, it's later than I thought. Going home for sure, then."
"YOU-!" Fujigaya stops himself abruptly and shuts his mouth with an audible snap of the jaw.
"I'm okay, Fujigaya," Kitayama hurries to say. "I promise. It was just jarring, and I'll probably have some bruises, but I'm fine." He stands up, quickly but carefully, doing his best not to wince. "See? No problem."
"But you can't always tell with a back injury..."
"I'm fine," Kitayama insists, "You don't need to worry about me."
Fujigaya looks at him for a moment, expression inscrutable, then nods and turns away.
Kitayama doesn't bother to change, figuring he'll just take a cab tonight and no one will see him. He grabs his bag and waits by the door for Fujigaya to pack up his stuff. It takes the younger man a while, because he keeps fumbling and dropping his things, and Kitayama is puzzled until he sees how much Fujigaya's hands are shaking when he picks up the book he'd tossed aside.
"Taisuke," he says softly, walking towards the other man. He reaches for Fujigaya's trembling hands, and Fujigaya just lets the book drop limply to the floor. "Look at me, Taisuke." But when Fujigaya turns to look at him, Kitayama is arrested by all the emotions he sees, forgets what he's about to say entirely. So he kisses him.
As expected, it's Fujigaya who pulls away first. But the look he gives Kitayama is, unexpectedly, full of joy.
Kitayama gapes in return for a moment before asking, a little incoherently, "What about Tamamori?"
"What about Tamamori?"
"Don't you love-"
"Stupid," says Fujigaya, "What do you know?"
(In the end, Fujigaya carries all of Kitayama’s things for him, and spends their entire shared taxi ride berating him for being stupid enough to walk off a stage.)
S.O.KISS
Fujigaya falls in love like any other normal person, but then never actually falls out of it, so that by the time he's 25, his heart is in the possession of upwards of a dozen people.
It's not the same as infidelity, though he confuses even himself when he tries to explain why not. Kawai accuses him of doing it to be coy, and Fujigaya considers it for a moment - just to make sure - but that's not it either.
"Really, I just don't understand how I'm supposed to stop loving somebody once I've started. Can you really just forget all the things that made you fall in love?"
In response, Kawai blinks and shrugs and looks at him slightly askance, and then sets him down as hopeless.
But the day Kitayama corners him in a dark corner of the fourth floor stairwell and kisses him, Fujigaya, for the first time, cannot call to mind a single other person he's loved.
The older man's lips are firmer, harder than they look - a lot like Kitayama himself. In no particular hurry, but insistently and commandingly, his lips steal Fujigaya's breath away.
When the kiss ends, Kitayama doesn't pull away. Instead he keeps his forehead against Fujigaya's and his lips just within kissing distance as he says, a little darkly, "I'm better than all of them."
"You are," agrees Fujigaya easily.
"Well, I hope you have no delusions that I'm going to share you with anyone else."
KISS FOR U
The nighttime air is dark and heavy, and as Fujigaya bids Kitayama farewell, rain falls from under their feet.
"If I need you..." begins Fujigaya.
With the lightest of touches, Kitayama reaches up and caresses Fujigaya's face with his fingertips, like feather-soft kisses. "Just call to me and I'll come."
Fujigaya closes his eyes and nods. He does his best to not lean into Kitayama's touch, bites his tongue so he won't beg Kitayama to stay again, and wills himself to believe Kitayama's words. It's not that he doesn't trust Kitayama, but he's seen the other give up entire worlds for one new love - he himself is proof of that - and he knows Kitayama is capable of doing so again.
In the end, it's Fujigaya who says "Go now, before the wind gets colder"; and Kitayama leaps.
It kills him a little to see Kitayama's wings break apart in his freefall, an explosion of feathers that will fall on the earth as snow, but Fujigaya watches anyway until he can't see Kitayama anymore, even in his own mind's eye.
若者たち
Neither of them knows how it happens, but despite having gone to the bar with a huge group of people, it winds up being just the two of them left together. An awkward silence settles over them for a little bit, and Kitayama is trying to wrack his brains for something to say when Fujigaya sighs into his glass and mutters something Kitayama can't hear.
"What? Come again?"
"He wants me to quit." This time, Fujigaya turns to look at Kitayama, and the older man sees anger and sadness and also a little bit of defeat in his eyes.
"Your father? I thought he already accepted you being an entertainer and all."
"I'm not going anywhere, he says, so I might as well quit and find a real job. Since I got my degree, I should go to a job agency." He slams back the rest of his drink and signals to the bartender for another, "When's our next day off? I'll go then..."
Kitayama pulls Fujigaya's hand down and shakes his head at the bartender. "Stop it, you're drunk."
"No!" Fujigaya pulls his hand back violently, his anger clear in the very way he moves, "You don't understand! It's - he's right. I'm a failure. I'm a failure in this business and I'll always be one.... Do you know how long I've been in the jimusho? I wish I didn't know, wish I could say I've lost count. Fuck, twelve years is a longass time to keep track of."
The despair in Fujigaya's eyes is so lucid Kitayama has to look away lest it breaks his heart. And the thing is, he does understand. He understands how hard it is to keep going when it feels like they're just running in place, like a nightmare they can't wake up from. He understands how hard it is to choose glitter and excitement over stability and longevity. But he has no words of wisdom to offer, because the only thing they've got to go on these days is tenacity, and if Fujigaya is running out of that, then...
"Kiss me," Fujigaya demands abruptly.
"Here?! But-!"
His words are cut off by Fujigaya's impatient kiss. It tastes like whiskey: bitter and fiery and resentful. Kitayama has never been one to enjoy whiskey much, but he thinks he could love the way Fujigaya's tongue burns, wet and sloppy, against his own.
When they pull apart, though, he's surprised to see Fujigaya's eyelashes dewy with unshed tears. "You are so overwrought," he says with a small laugh. "Come on, I'll take you home." He tugs on Fujigaya's arm to go, but the younger man resists and stays seated, looking at him with a forlorn expression.
"Twelve years, Mitsu," Fujigaya whispers, "I don't want to remember."
"Okay," Kitayama says, "Okay. I'll help you forget. Just come with me, and together we'll make everything feel like it's new and amazing again."