incoherence aside, i actually like the format of this. the single paragraph makes me think it's just a continuous thought in taipi's mind as he looks down at kitayama and replays the night's events behind his eyes. i like it.
and guh.
oh and i've been wanting taipi to top too lately, so this totally hit the spot.
Fujigaya topping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ I LOVE YOU! ♥
it's considerably short and looks odd at first when you look at the single paragraph but when I started reading it all made sense. the stream of consciousness would have been broken if you had inserted breaks I think. this way allows for the picture, the scene, to appear in the minds of the readers. no breaks allowed me to focus on that scene, to create the picture in my mind without jumping from one thing to the next, from taking a break and having parts of the picture vanish from my mind again.
added to that, there's fujigaya's perspective. his thoughts and feelings - most importantly and most notably, his confusion.
I really liked:
The scent of Kitayama's cologne, musky and classic, mixed with Fujigaya's own lighter, floral-based ditto, seemed to fill the room to the brim. Kitayama's skin, warm and still a bit sweat-damp, made Fujigaya feel raw and overheated wherever their touch overlapped. It was all coming together to make Fujigaya feel a little overwhelmed - his senses
( ... )
lolol Kiraraaa your comment practically is longer than the fic again XDDD;
But I really am super happy the one paragraph came across the way I wanted it to, since yes it was supposed to be, like, building up all the scenes/emotions on top of one another without letting up. (...I was rather afraid it'd just look pretentious or something :x)
Pretentious likeee... I see a lot of fic (not necessarily in JE fandom) that's formatted ~stylistically~ but without any actual point or impact on the story itself, which I personally dislike and find pretentious. ... So mostly I'm just being paranoid and critical. XD;
KARA WHAT IS THIS. ♥ DID I JUST READ AFTER SEX SESSION? AND FUJIGAYA HAD JUST TOPPED AND THERE WAS KITAYAMA (WITH _ROPES) THERE WITH HIM. seriously. i thought i was going to read some pwp but i should have learned already that even though you'd write porn or what-happens-after-porn or let's-think-about-porn-they-just-did it's never plotless or without some deeper meanings ;~; ♥ they had just sexed up each other but there were all the FEELINGS and... wahhh T__T
I won't play your love games, Kitayama had saidmaaan, i love how you write him. i love how you write both of them
( ... )
first of all: FYEAH fujigaya topping. there are too few fics of that, i could really use some change every once in a while, heh. exactly like this one! *__*
second of all, the atmosphere you created with the one paragraph and fujigaya's thoughts was great. really like a stream of consciousness which was fitting and compelling. and i just really liked the overall setting, fujigaya looking down at sleeping kitayama with all those thoughts asjkdhkdf T__T ♥ I LIKED IT. also, ropes omg. and kitayama, who left me confused and curious as well XD (moar? 8D)
so yeah, hi and thank you for a nice bedtime story. ♥
Comments 24
incoherence aside, i actually like the format of this. the single paragraph makes me think it's just a continuous thought in taipi's mind as he looks down at kitayama and replays the night's events behind his eyes. i like it.
and guh.
oh and i've been wanting taipi to top too lately, so this totally hit the spot.
Reply
Reply
Reply
I LOVE YOU! ♥
it's considerably short and looks odd at first when you look at the single paragraph but when I started reading it all made sense. the stream of consciousness would have been broken if you had inserted breaks I think. this way allows for the picture, the scene, to appear in the minds of the readers. no breaks allowed me to focus on that scene, to create the picture in my mind without jumping from one thing to the next, from taking a break and having parts of the picture vanish from my mind again.
added to that, there's fujigaya's perspective. his thoughts and feelings - most importantly and most notably, his confusion.
I really liked:
The scent of Kitayama's cologne, musky and classic, mixed with Fujigaya's own lighter, floral-based ditto, seemed to fill the room to the brim. Kitayama's skin, warm and still a bit sweat-damp, made Fujigaya feel raw and overheated wherever their touch overlapped. It was all coming together to make Fujigaya feel a little overwhelmed - his senses ( ... )
Reply
But I really am super happy the one paragraph came across the way I wanted it to, since yes it was supposed to be, like, building up all the scenes/emotions on top of one another without letting up. (...I was rather afraid it'd just look pretentious or something :x)
\o/ ♥ Thank you!
Reply
I can only speak for myself but I think you succeeded \:D/ (pretentious? how? like "omg it's a huge blob of text"? o:)
♥
Also, this is random but the rope thing reminds me of the "Fortune Cookie Game" I play with my friends when we get Chinese food...
How to play: "Read out your fortune and add 'in bed with a rope' at the end."
My favorite fortune so far:
"Behind every man, there is an even better man, in bed with a rope"
My latest fortune in that game:
"Fortune favors the brave, in bed with a rope"
Reply
Reply
I won't play your love games, Kitayama had saidmaaan, i love how you write him. i love how you write both of them ( ... )
Reply
lolol ilu a;lkjgd ahahaha
THEY'RE COMPLICATED ;;;
You need to stop leaving me these amazing comments or my head is going to get even bigger than it already is :<<< ♥♥♥
Reply
second of all, the atmosphere you created with the one paragraph and fujigaya's thoughts was great. really like a stream of consciousness which was fitting and compelling. and i just really liked the overall setting, fujigaya looking down at sleeping kitayama with all those thoughts asjkdhkdf T__T ♥
I LIKED IT. also, ropes omg. and kitayama, who left me confused and curious as well XD (moar? 8D)
so yeah, hi and thank you for a nice bedtime story. ♥
Reply
I am so amused that you girls keep calling porn bedtime stories ;alkjgd Doesn't it just make you more awake!? lol but thank youuuu ♥
Reply
*impressed to the limit. went to seek for words to comment smth decent*
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment