Last night I found out I had been deceived by my partner, multiple times, about a year and a half ago. I don't want to bring it up and I am having a hard time figuring out why.
Maybe you don't want to bring it because it's just not something that's important to you? Or because you can forgive it, and don't need an explanation?
(Note: I am not the original poster.) That seems like a big assumption. I think a lot of people have a hard time bringing things up, even things that are really important (or especially things that are really important) when they think they may 'rock the boat.' It can be really scary because you don't know what will happen.
Also, it can be hard to find an appropriate time. You don't want to just be all 'soooo...about your cheating on me' over dinner, you know?
I know that an old friend is having an affair behind her husband's (who is also an old friend) back. She actually made up an excuse so the guy would have to move into their house. This is someone that they knew in high school 25 years ago, but came into contact with again through Facebook.
It's so hard for me to keep my mouth shut because I know how much she is lying to him and he believes every word she says.
I've tried so hard to separate the two...her cheating on him versus being their friend. What I have done is separated myself and don't go visit or talk to her as much...
I'm sure he knows what is going on, but after being together for 20 years, I'm sure he is just afraid of being alone and started over or is hoping that this too shall pass.
Either way, I keep reminding myself that this is their business and to stay out of it and not be the bad guy. These are grown ass people, after all.
It's hard, though, but so far I've managed to keep my mouth shut on all counts.
Had a heavy talk with the SO the other night, and they came right out and said how much they would be fucked, financially, if I asked them to leave. There's no joy in knowing this, and no way to say, "Then please stop acting in ways that would make me want to," without sounding like a completely heartless ass.
Sometimes
anonymous
November 10 2010, 23:27:26 UTC
what NEEDS to be said, NEEDS to be said.People can be dense sometimes and being upfront about your needs and expectations is never a bad move.If there is one thing I have learned in my old age....you cannot expect to have your needs met, if you're the only one who knows what they are.
I am having schadenfreude so hard that it's coming out my eyebrows, but have been keeping mum about it because I simply don't care enough to incite the drama, but, selfish though it may be, I feel awesome about myself compared to certain people who annoyed me and ticked me off.
I don't believe that living well is the best revenge; feeding your enemies through a wood-chipper and into a pit of alligators is.
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We're still together.
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Also, it can be hard to find an appropriate time. You don't want to just be all 'soooo...about your cheating on me' over dinner, you know?
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I wasn't trying to make assumptions, just offering a few ideas.
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It's so hard for me to keep my mouth shut because I know how much she is lying to him and he believes every word she says.
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Is keeping her friendship worth allowing his suffering? Is her doing this lessening her value as a friend? Only you can answer these for yourself.
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I'm sure he knows what is going on, but after being together for 20 years, I'm sure he is just afraid of being alone and started over or is hoping that this too shall pass.
Either way, I keep reminding myself that this is their business and to stay out of it and not be the bad guy. These are grown ass people, after all.
It's hard, though, but so far I've managed to keep my mouth shut on all counts.
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I don't believe that living well is the best revenge; feeding your enemies through a wood-chipper and into a pit of alligators is.
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Where the hell can I rent a wood-chipper?!
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I mean, that's where I'd look first.
I want to know where to find a pit of alligators.
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As far as the alligators, I'm not that far from south GA, lower Al, or Fl....the swamps are full of them :)
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