I dont feel like that last post anymore because there is hope. I was just really emotional. I am doing better. The lapband is out and I am feeling good. My hernia is also fixed. It gets hard when you feel like theres no where else to go, theres no one who understands what your going through. I've been through alot and often felt like when is it ( Read more... )

I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel horrible right now and very suicidal. I am sorry I dont even like seeing this in my own journal right now it makes me sad to know that I feel this upset inside. I cant even belive I would write that but thats the only thing I feel so far today. I hate everything and everyone. I am not a happy person and I ( Read more... )

I wonder if anyone I know has found this journal. If you have now you see what I go through. I just dont understand people. Why do they suck so much? I am really starting to dislike everything. I obviously have a problem. I binged last night and I am really sad about it. I know its because of how wound up I feel inside it has to be. I know its mind ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like I am in a living hell although I dont really have a right to say that. I just think stuff that people go through in life sucks and its all bullshit. Well, I am not really understanding the way the world works. I am suffering.. daily. Hello? What the fuck are you doing? Where are my health care providers in this situation. Who ( Read more... )

Not that it matters, but I am just going to write this and not put it under lock. I am so clueless why things work the way they do. I am so tired of not feeling well. I am just so sad for myself. Yep I am really. I am sad that I accept others bringing me down. But I see so much good in them I just keep taking all the crap I recieve. I am up to here ( Read more... )

You are fucking happy. You got it? WTF is your problem girl. You have alot in your life that is good. Why are you a bitch? Fuck being a bitch. I have alot to be thankful for. I want to be done with fatness.. I am so tired of being tired. Smile now and never stop doing that. I cannot wait to become the me I have always been. This fat is hiding me ( Read more... )

Hmm not doing to good right now. I am really upset just thinking about the time frame I have to get this done. I dont know how to act about it either. I want this surgery to get me out of this fucked up state I am in. I dont know why I have a food problem but I do know this rny will help me stop being a binge eater and a sweet eater. I eat like a ( Read more... )

Well, so I just do not know where to start at this point. I just came back from getting my hair done. Let's just say I shouldnt have. Its bad. I am very upset about it. I look like a lemon. Its yellow. Who the fuck cant highlight blonde hair right to this degree. I mean, I couldve done a better job. I am real pissed about it, she even knew she ( Read more... )

I am so nervous nervous nervous! I kicked my own ass and did everything that they could tell me to get done for an approval. I really hope this happens for me. I do deserve it I think. I have been fat for too long. I am ready to be healthy and live my life.

What I have noticed... My breathing is labored and my asthma is worse ( Read more... )