sometimes it really hard to unwind. i keep thinking about my life... and what i'm doing. i've been doing art shows, one last month, one this month, one next month. plus school. plus work. i really just want some time to smile and get drunk. i am unhappy right now. i need to find a way to smile tomorrow. sleep now... or at least an attempt ( Read more... )

It was 12 years on sunday. I was only 14 when it happened. It seems like a lifetime away now. I'm not anywhere close to the person I was then... I'm much different now. It's been strange in that I'm not really upset about it anymore. It will always hurt, and I'll always miss my mom, but I don't really feel sad about myself or my life. I've ( Read more... )

There aren't many things that I find extremely comforting in this world. For the most part I find it all to be a little bit more anxiously crazy and parnoid then comforting. I'm alone in the world, as always I suppose. I sit back and watch friends die, throw their lives away, and know there isn't much I can do. We all make our own choices, I ( Read more... )

hard time dealing with death. would like to forget. would like to wish it away. i'm up and its getting to be early. the sun will be up soon. i should sleep. but i can't. i keep thinking of what awaits me. of what happens. i guess the fear of death is a good thing, better then fearing god. i hope they burn my body. i don't want to be ( Read more... )

I guess its hard to say you didn't see it comming, but its always very sad for me when one of my friends passes on. Death is not a very happy subject for me. It's just that strange end, where there is nothing, just blackness. I much prefered it when Gump was alive and making me laugh and having fun. It's already been two weeks, but I just heard ( Read more... )

... but not me, i'm still angry.

i'm taking shots like from a gun... i think i'm gunna die.

time is running out. its almost up. i'll be dead so soon.

he called while I was in the car with Rachel. said he had what i had, that he's having emergency surgery tomorrow. said he hopes its nothing like mine was, he sounded scared. i didn't know what to say. i'm scared. i almost started crying. i didn't say anything to rachel right away. it still seems like some sort of bad dream. hopefully it's ( Read more... )

sometimes i don't know what to think... what to feel... how to deal... maybe its okay to ride blind into the night sometimes. i can't say its always the most secure feeling, but sometimes its hard to see anything but whats right in front of you. nothing quite hurts like everything all at once. i am nothing. i am everything. maybe my pain and ( Read more... )