I never got to hear you laugh ( Read more... )

when i read articles about women who, even 10, 20, 30 years on still feel like their abortion ruined their life, i feel like there's no point in living. i don't want a life where i feel like this. i would rather be dead.

been thinking more about dying lately. i guess not necessarily in any serious sense but it's there. i suppose no thoughts are considered serious until you actually try to make them real ( Read more... )

the moment our little bean appeared on the screen that day was the single happiest moment of my life. 8 weeks, tiny, barely a dot...but there. the moment ended, and reality set in not long after...but just in that second, i felt like this little flicker on the screen was the most wonderful thing in the world.

having a bad night. making it worse by watching videos about fetal development. i miss being pregnant....even 15 months later. i miss that warm happy feeling every day.

i'm jealous of 19 year olds who had babies when they were even younger, never left stratford and potentially didn't finish high school. this is what i'm jealous of. i flip through pictures of girls who i knew once upon a time, and who are still so young yet they have 1- 2- 3-year-olds. i want their 3D ultrasounds, and belly photos documenting their ( Read more... )

this is why i didn't talk to them.
because they trivialize everything
make everything smaller.
i don't care if you don't see it as being real.
it's real when i can feel it moving. that's real.

it's 3:30 am ( Read more... )

you think i'm screwed up. and i am. but you're screwed up too and you don't even see it ( Read more... )

remember that time when i wished my mouth was sewn shut?
that time was called always...
or atleast 20 minutes ago
dear god.
how long can i last hiding in my bedroom?