Comments | onionlullabys: [Kink Table] [#26]

elanielyn in onionlullabys

[Kink Table] [#26]

Jul 06, 2010 21:38

Title: Kink Table #26
Pairing: Akamepi
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Sad but true.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: DP or Double Penetration.
A/N: My beta this time was changetje and paddyabroad because she's pointing out so many mistakes we hadn't noticed >>. Thank you~ Also, why does it seem like the Kink Table will never be done D:

( Now their kisses go three ways )

fandom: je, p: akamepi, kink table, group: kat-tun, r: nc-17, group: news, l: oneshot, s: akanishi jin

Comments 24

changetje July 6 2010, 19:44:08 UTC

No problem :D

Ieh, I love this fic~ Akamepi is so interesting when there's more to it than just porn, like in here. And aklsda;sl'das' the whole thing is just extremely hot *____* And aww, the cuddling up afterwards is just too cute <3

norilys July 6 2010, 20:37:28 UTC

This is incredible hot... *takes a quick cold shower and come back to type a proper comment*

*sighs* I was really hot... Buy beyond that, I felt really in love for the story behind the story... The background with their friendship and the competitive Kame and Pi, always wanting to be number 1 for Jin.... And everything ending in this...

And the cuddling... Awwwwwwwwww~~ That just melted my heart!!! &hearts

yumenokoe July 6 2010, 20:53:00 UTC

that was cute and hot! :D
Kame is the rough one? looool wild Kame-chan sure is sexy nee? XD XD
thanks for sharing!! :)

paddyabroad July 6 2010, 21:28:13 UTC

Personal bias aside, I liked the parts of chara description, impatient/rough Kame and those little details make it lively. I was a bit confused at the tense changing, and since it stopped mid-fic I am not sure it was the best way to pull it off.

Fourth paragraph first part does not work in my brain. Kame is shorter after all, so Jin pulling down? Huh? Also Kame has only one mouth, kissing Jin and his chest at the same time?

Other than that you get better on flows, imo. ^^

elanielyn July 6 2010, 21:36:01 UTC

Personal bias include Pi being involved and... uke!Jin, I suppose? No luck on that, Kame-chan's too skinny to take it xD

Tense changing probably made much more sense in Spanish than in English orz I'm really no good with it, but this fic worked like this in my mind since the start which was like, idk, half a year ago before I actually stopped being too lazy to write it.

Jin would be laying on his back then, since they're already preparing him and that other mouth was Pi's, your personal bias might had kicked him out of the scene :P

Thank you~ ♥

paddyabroad July 6 2010, 21:45:44 UTC

Yeah and thus makes up the reason of me not joining the omg-hot commentary, XD But bias is not good criticism and i know.

I think it was only in 2 paragraphs? Not sure, if in the end there had been some more too, maybe. But might just be a pet peeve of mine too, because bad fic sometimes have tense changes at random XD"

OH! Did you emntion they were lying yet??? XDD That might be it then, because in my mind Pi was still behind Jin, so no chance for him to be that mouth either....

elanielyn July 6 2010, 21:48:37 UTC

lol biases are fun as long as they don't mess with your perception of the fic.

I was kind of trying to interlace how they had came to be with the current action? idk, probably the idea and how it read in my mind both look better than what's there lol.

It just goes with the ~flow~ xDDD

death_note13 July 6 2010, 22:26:52 UTC

hi you can have my soul again. ♥

and again.

and again.

Did I mention how much I love this? xD and dear, your prompt table will never be finished, because kink never ends >D