The show must go on [2/6]

[elanielyn]

Bird of the summer - A fine frenzy

As they turned older they were given more freedom and their own RV to live in; it was not very big but they managed with one big bed for Jin and Pi and an extra fold up one that Kame used. They had to practice more hours each day, but they got their own numbers during the circus performance and at least Jin and Pi were allowed to drop their studies as soon as they turned sixteen.

Jin was not sure about what triggered it, but soon after he turned seventeen the circus stopped being enough for him. He wanted to meet new people, to get a normal job and a normal live and be somewhere he could feel intimacy was possible. And he wanted to know. Who his parents were, because he knew he was not the son of anyone of the men in there, and neither was Yamapi.

It took him time to share his thoughts with Yamapi, but he felt more reassured once he knew his best friend had been feeling the same for a while. They talked about it, but it was harder telling Kame about their feelings; things were easy between Jin and Yamapi because they had been together all their lives and they could almost guess what the other was thinking, but it was different with Kame. The boy could see the change in their behavior and was already a bit upset at being left out when they finally decided to tell him.

However, his expression turned suddenly serious when they did, and he refused to talk about the topic or answer their questions when they asked if he didn’t miss the life he had before arriving at the circus, because Kame had been old enough back then to remember how a normal life was. Looking back at his memories, Jin later realized it made sense: Kame had been so short and thin when he had arrived, malnourished, and there had been a big bruise on his jaw. Kame had got used soon to his new environment and had never shown a behavior that suggested something traumatic in his past, not that Jin had noted as a kid.

After growing up some little hints had started to make sense - the fear of darkness for the first few months, the never wanting to be left alone or the way he used to shrink a bit whenever an adult yelled or raised their hands in a sudden motion - but neither Jin nor Pi had ever asked, and judging by Kame’s attitude it was not likely they would have gotten an answer anyway.

Telling Takki had taken them more time. Even though they both wanted to know, they loved and respected the ringmaster, and they didn’t want to hurt anyone being rude or tactless. Much to their surprise, though, Takki took it incredibly well. About their families, he explained, they knew nothing. Nagase had found Jin when he was barely two weeks old, wrapped in blue blankets and, tucked in between, a note stating his name in case anyone found the baby; doing research they found out Jin’s mother had died during childbirth, and his father had killed himself after the pain of losing her wife. They had found Yamapi almost a year later, and even though his parents were alive, they had turned out to be a drug dealer and a prostitute that weren’t even married; Yamashita was the boy’s real family name, but Takki had named him Tomohisa himself. Seeing the babies would have a better life with them that back in society, all the people at the circus had decided to raise them there; no one made too many questions about circus people.

Jin had expected to feel something when finding out about their real families, even though he hadn’t been sure what exactly he was expecting to feel. Just something, like yearn or hate or at least a deep sadness after finding out the tragic destiny of their parents, maybe something similar to what he had seen in all the dramas about the topic. It was a bit of a disappointment to realize he did not feel any especially strong emotion apart from a vague feeling of distant sadness that wouldn’t have differed much for what he would had felt watching a tragic event on the news. Looking around he realized he had never considered them as his real family, because he already had one: Takki, Tsubasa, Nagase, Yamapi, Kame. Those were his family. Yamapi’s strong squeeze on his hand told him his friend felt the same.

No one stopped the boys from leaving. Tsubasa took care of finding an apartment they could rent to live together, and they were given some money to help them get on until they could find a job. Jin asked Kame if he wanted to go with them, but the boy shook his head with a determined frown without a second thought; the circus was the only safe place he had known in his life, and he wasn’t about to risk losing it. Kame saw them off with a hug and a sad smile, and moved into Takki’s RV again the same night they left.

It was cool at first, living together in a new place and having fun. They went out, met new people, and they even managed to find jobs; Jin worked folding t-shirts in a shop and Yamapi got hired as a waiter, but even those plain occupations seemed good for them. They had separated rooms, which was a plus because none of them was used to have so much space for themselves and, in Pi’s words, it was a relief to escape from Jin’s snores. Kame visited them a couple of times during the first month and they were more than happy to show him around the city, though it was hard to see the sadness in his eyes and saying “I miss you”. They were not used to miss each other. Or to miss anyone, for that matter.

It got worse after the first two months. The circus had to move on to its new location, and nostalgia grew in Jin and Pi as the excitement about their new lives gradually started to die. They missed the adrenaline of flying through the air, the trepidation that assaulted them the moment before they had to let go of the trapeze; they missed the leaping of their hearts the moment their hands touched in the air and they felt safe again, the burning of the lungs when the performance was over and the wild cheering of the crowd. Their new jobs were so dull in comparison, and so were the new people they had met. Jin and Yamapi even started sleeping together in the same bed again, but still the soft presence of Kame - the light creaking of his fold-up bed with all his turning and tossing and the shooting, regular pace of his breath when he finally fell asleep - were missing.

The circus people had paid the first month of their rent, and the two of them had managed to make enough money to pay the second month and buy themselves a pair of train tickets and tickets for the circus. They bought two seats in the highest row of the audience stands and made sure to wear caps, not wanting to be recognized. They were nervous as they sat in their places, looking at the people around them: kids with their parents, married couples and teenagers on a date. Jin laughed nervously; it felt weird to be sitting there with the audience instead of being the object of their awe.

Their hearts actually skipped a beat when the music started to play and the spotlights focused on the arena. Jin’s hand searched for Pi’s and held it tightly as they waited for the start of a performance they knew by heart. A few seconds later the elephants started walking into the arena to the public’s delight. Both Tsubasa and Takki were riding on one animal each, dressed with their ringmasters outfit. As Tsubasa drove the elephants around the arena and made them perform their tricks, Takki directed his to the centre and stood on his feet, holding a microphone to his mouth.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Children of all ages! Thank you for coming today! Prepare your hearts for the most breathtaking performances, because today you will have said things you have never seen before, things that seem to defy the laws of physics! Welcome to the circus!”

The crowd roared as Takki raised his arms in a dramatic gesture. The elephants marched for a couple of laps before heading out of the arena while Takki introduced the first number and Koichi and Tsuyoshi stepped in doing somersaults. They did tumbling and acrobatics, jumping around the arena, hoisting and throwing each other around; Koyama and Shige joined in with their trampolining after a few minutes. Taguchi walking across the tight rope was the next number to be introduced, and Tegoshi with his lions and tigers and Massuda with his monkeys and snakes followed, making the kids scream excitedly and laugh at the animals’ tricks.

Pi couldn’t help a smile at the familiar jokes of the six clowns as Subaru threw his diabolo at Shingo and Yoko’s head to make them fall off their unicycles while Ohkura and Yasu contorted into funny postures and Maru juggled and threw balls at everyone. The audience stands filled with laughter and amusement, and some surprised gasps when the loud cannon threw Ryo over their heads, the human cannonball signaling the end of the clowns’ number. Nagase was the next one to step into the arena, carrying both Koki and Nakamaru over his shoulders and throwing them around a couple of times just to pick them up easily before they fell; there were kids cheering wildly as Nagase grabbed Koki and Nakamaru in one hand each and lifted in the air using only his arms, letting the muscles show, while Koki swallowed a torch and Nakamaru a sword, pulling it out at the same time his companion let out a huge flame through his mouth.

Nakamaru threw his knives at Nagase, exploding the balloons around him and knocking various things from his hands and head, and Koki played his tricks with fire, blowing it at the stands and dancing around with his torches. He blew a huge flame toward the arena entrance to finish the number, and just as the fire died the magicians walked into the arena. Their magic tricks made the audience gasp in surprise and amazement, along with laughter and applauses as each of them performed their individual tricks: Matsumoto spun plates on high sticks while Sho walked around on a huge ball making the kids cry out every time he looked about to fall, Aiba pulled the strings of a puppet with Ohno doing ventriloquism by his side to make the puppet answer questions from the public, and Nino made the children laugh until their cheeks were dark red acting as a mime. Jin himself laughed until he was teary eyed and found himself unable to close his mouth as he watched them perform their tricks; he would rather die than admit it to Matsumoto, but he loved the magicians performances.

The magicians stood forming a human pyramid with Matsumoto at the peak. The man adopted a dramatic posture with his arm up in the air and snapped his fingers so it was timed perfectly with the moment the aerial silk was dropped, Ueda hanging from it. Takki’s voice was heard from the speakers introducing the performer just as the man let himself fall to the end of the long silk. It was a beautiful performance, but Jin could feel Pi’s hand tightening around his own and he knew why it was: their number should be next. Their hearts started beating faster as Ueda performed the last movements, bowed and left the arena.

The next performance was Kame and his horses. He would usually go after Jin and Pi’s own number, but Takki announced him and the crowd roared; Kame’s horses had always been popular with the audience. Jin and Pi watched with round eyes, cheering louder than anyone else as the boy performed his tricks. Kame’s performing attire was as tight as a second skin and shining with sequins under the spotlight; it made their friend look beautiful and twice as elegant moving between the equines. Jin could swear Kame’s eyes locked with his for a moment when his friend bowed to the audience, making the older boy’s heart skip a beat. He had never imagined he could miss so bad it hurt watching a performance of which he had been witness for most of his life.

Kame’s was usually the last number of the show, but with Jin and Pi away there were still some minutes to be covered. The clowns entered the arena again, pushing Taguchi inside a huge wheel. He started performing gymnastics inside it while the clowns juggled and played with their diabolos, devil sticks and unicycles. A few moments they stopped to bring the wood board for knives throwing and Koki and Nakamaru appeared on top of the audience stands with two microphones. Koki pretended to look around for a bit as Nakamaru climbed down from the stands to the arena, then turned to look at his companion again.

“Have you found that person yet?”

“No, not yet!”

“You have to hurry up! I need a volunteer for my next number! Who do you think could do it? It has to be someone brave!”

“I know, I know! I’m looking! Uhm… Who could it be…”

In a second dozens of hands rose in the air along with loud shouts and screams and some kids standing and jumping up and down trying to catch Koki’s attention. Both Jin and Pi gulped and hunched his shoulders forward as if trying to become smaller, though it was no use as it seemed Koki was walking directly toward them. Jin’s stomach churned as the performer stood behind him with a big grin and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Yuuichi! I think I have found the right person! This boy here looks just perfect!”

Nakamaru squinted his eyes and focused them on Jin. “He looks good indeed! What’s his name, Koki?!”

Jin gulped as Koki placed the microphone in front of his mouth, but life in the circus had trained him well enough as to get his voice loud, clear and steady. “Akanishi Jin.”

“Alright, Akanishi-kun! Do you think you can do it? Come down here!”

Jin sighed, but Koki was already tugging on his arm and he saw no way out. He threw a side glance to Pi as he got up; his friend looked just as upset as he was. Down in the arena Koki walked Jin to the wooden broad and instructed him how to place his arms and legs with a naughty smile that equaled the ones the clowns were showing; even Taguchi’s everlasting grin looked somewhat disturbing. Koki patted Jin’s head jokingly.

“Bet you never imagined you’d take part in a circus number as a volunteer, did you?”

Jin didn’t even shiver as Nakamaru threw the knives at him, having volunteered during practice or for fun at least a hundred times already. It made the younger kids cheer at him loudly, and the one that had been sitting in front of him even asked to shake his hand once he was back at his seat. Jin offered Pi a weak smile, and they both watched intently as Takki and Tsubasa appeared back in the arena, riding one elephant each.

“Ladies and gentlemen!”

“Boys and girls!”

“Children of all ages!”

“This puts an end to our show for today!”

“We hope you have enjoyed our performances as much as we have enjoyed performing for you!”

“And we hope to see you here another day, because the show will go on!”

The crowd roared in a standing ovation as all the performers walked into the arena to bow and wave the audience goodbye, but as they left again the applause died out and people started to leave. Jin and Pi couldn’t quite bring themselves to get up from their seats so early, so they were actually the last ones to leave the big top, looking sad and quite upset. Most of the audience was still lingering outside and they tried to find their way out of the circus when a hand grabbed at Pi’s elbow, making them turn around. Jin bit his lip the moment he saw Kame smiling sadly at them. The boy had changed into an old pair of sweatpants after the performance, but he was still wearing the shiny sequins-covered top and the extravagant make up. He handed them a brown envelope.

“Takki told me to say you’re a pair of idiots if you thought you could come here unnoticed, and that he won’t let you pay for the tickets, so the money for them is in there.” Pi nodded, folding the envelope up and putting it away in his jean’s pocket. The three boys fidgeted awkwardly, not quite daring to look at each other. “I… guess you’re leaving again, right?”

There was no answer, but it was enough for Kame to understand. He looked at his feet, biting his feet and obviously trying to keep his tears away, though he was not having much success there. Before he could think about what he was doing Jin wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him into a tight hug, and soon enough Pi joined them. Jin felt Kame burrowing his face into his neck, and Pi squeezing his shoulder as he held Kame’s middle with his other arm. Kame’s breath was hot and Jin thought he could fear something wet as Kame’s hands tightened around his middle.

It took them a long time to finally break the hug and look at each other with eyes that were just a little too red and wet. They didn’t know how to break the silence, unable to find the words for a goodbye. At the end they just waved to each other before the three of them turned around to walk away, because none could find the courage to say “I miss you”, or “please come back”. Yamapi unconsciously looked for Jin’s hand with his own; he felt like every step they took as they walked away from the circus made his heart painfully clench a bit.

If you ever come back - The Script

However the feeling stood with them and the nostalgia they felt grew. Jin and Pi came to a decision a few weeks later without even needing to talk about it aloud; Jin woke up one morning to find Pi already packing their clothes and belongings. They left their jobs, cancelled the apartment’s rent, got two tickets to the last train heading to circus location before it changed again and left the city, all the same week.

It was already dark when they arrived to the city, and the circus location was a couple of kilometers away from the last houses. Jin and Yamapi walked side by side on the quiet road, barely exchanging a few words between them. They had all their clothes and belongings stuffed in their backpacks, but they barely felt their weight with the excitement of going back home. The circus location was silent too, only the cicadas singing past midnight. Yamapi reached his hand back to grasp Jin’s as they quietly sneaked around the RVs, the cages with sleeping animals and the big trucks and trailers. The faces and names painted on all of them helped the boys indentify their occupants, most of whom where snoring so loudly it could be heard outside.

Kame had told them he had moved back into Takki and Tsubasa’s RV after they left, so they headed there first even though they were not very sure how to call their friend without waking the two adults; they didn’t have cell phones, they had never needed them when all their friends were in the circus. However, as they got closer they could see the vehicle was moving quite visibly. Yamapi’s hand tightened around Jin’s and he crossed an amused glance with Pi, both of them smirking naughtily; it had only been a few years since they had finally understood why they had been offered sleepovers at the other RVs so often when they were kids.

Jin knocked on the window of their own RV softly; Kame had always had a light sleep and any noise was enough to wake him up. As expected, Kame opened the door after a few moments, blinking sleepily at them. It took the boy a moment to process the sight of both his friends smiling brightly and signaling at him to be quiet.

“What… What are you guys doing here?”

Jin grinned and threw his backpack into the vehicle carelessly; Kame had to duck it and frowned at the older boy as it crashed against what sounded like a chair. “We’re back, of course. Put on your shoes and a jacket, come on. We’re off for a walk.”

“Do you even know what time is it?”

“Somewhere past midnight, who cares.” Yamapi replied, pulling a jacket out of his bag before throwing it inside too. “Come on, hurry up.”

Kame had gotten used to the two boy’s antics too long ago to question their decisions anymore, so he just did what they said and made sure to close the RV’s door before they left. It was too late to wake the horses up, but none of them minded walking along the road in the cool night. There were no cars, so they didn’t need to walk in a line. They didn’t chat much either; it was enough being together again. Kame made sure to hold both his friends’ hands tightly and he couldn’t care less about what the world would think of it.

When they arrived at the hill foot Jin broke off into a crazy race, pulling his two friends along. The grass was wet with dew and made their trainers shoes slip every now and them, but nothing could stop them. It was almost dawn when they finally reached the top of the hill; their hearts were drumming madly in their chests and their lungs burnt with every breath they took. As Yamapi bent down with his hands on the now muddy knees of his jeans to catch his breath and Kame leaned on him, Jin let himself fall on his back with a wide grin.

“I’m so glad to be back.”

Kame smiled back, pulling on Yamapi’s hand so they sat at both sides of Jin and pulled him up into a sitting position too. The town was silent in the dark, only some lights on in a few of the houses as life started again after the night. A few kilometers away was the big top of the circus, hiding the RVs and trailers parked behind it from sight. The sun rose from the east, just behind the circus, bathing it with golden rays that slowly started to reach the town. Jin wrapped his arms around both his friends’ shoulders and pulled them close against his body while they enjoyed the dawn together again. Yamapi sighed contentedly.

“There’s nowhere else in the world I’d want to be.”

Kame smiled, shivering a bit in the cold morning air and huddling a little closer to Jin in an attempt to get some warmth. Yamapi took his jacket off and wrapped it around the boy’s shoulders. Kame squeezed his friend’s hand to express him gratitude.

“I’m so glad you two came back.”

Jin laughed, ruffling Kame’s hair. “We really couldn’t miss your birthday, could we?”

~*~*~*~*~

Stay Young - We the kings

The three boys stop up at once, making the rest of the people sitting at the dining table turn to look at them. Takki raised a questioning eyebrow at them. Jin put up the most innocent smile he had, though the ringmaster was not to be fooled.

“Done with dinner already, boys?”

“Yes! May we please be excused?”

“You are being too polite to be up to anything good. You should have got Kame to do this, he’s much more believable.”

Jin gulped and the boys squirmed a little, exchanging side glances between themselves. Pi not-so-subtly elbowed Jin’s ribs and the boy made a last desperate attempt. “Please?”

“Alright, alright. Off you go, but don’t get into much trouble!”

The three boys grinned, quickly putting the plates aside and running to their RV. The circus was located near Onna, a town in Okinawa. They always went to the south during winter because the weather was warmer and better for the animals - and for the performers too, most of them wore only skimpy maillots and tights and no one wanted to perform in that with cold weather, thank you very much.

Luckily for them the stables were located quite far from the dining area, so Kame and Pi went to saddle the horses and take them a couple of hundreds of meters away from the circle of RVs taking care to not let the adults notice. Jin was left behind because he always got nervous around the equines, and that made the animals nervous in turn and therefore loud. The older boy was left in charge of packing their pillows and blankets because south or not it was still cold during the night in February, some snack and a couple of towels. He stuffed it all in a sports bag that they would hang on one of the horses’ rump, and left to meet his friends. Only Babieca and Bonami were saddled, because Jin was not a very good rider and he was not confident enough to ride by himself at night. Pi rode on Babieca with the sports bag, and Jin rode on Bonami behind Kame, firmly clutching his friend’s middle to avoid falling off; Kame liked to make the horses go just a little too fast.

The beach was dark and warm. There was a small forest just before the sand started, and Kame tied the horses there while the other two boys went to fetch some dry wood to make a fire. Even from the trees they could hear the soft murmur of the breaking waves. They took their shoes off to walk on the sand, enjoying the texture of the grains under their feet. Jin and Pi dumped the wood on the sand and Kame brought out a box of matches to start the fire. They sat around it, smiling to each other over the flames and doing small chit-chat.

“Hey, guys… I race you to the water!”

Just as Jin finished his sentence the three of them jumped to their feet, quickly stripping themselves off their clothes and running to the shore. Kame was lighter and more used to run, so he was faster than them. However, Jin was stronger; he wrapped his arms around his friend as soon as he caught up with him and the two of them stumbled clumsily for a while with Yamapi’s laugh echoing in the back before Jin managed to lift Kame off and hang him from his shoulder. He ran slower with his friend’s weight and struggling, so Pi soon was ahead from them and diving into the water out of sight.

“I won, you suckers!”

Jin dipped a toe in the sea, dimming it too cold for his liking. He grinned at Yamapi. “I think I’m letting Kame have second!”

“What?! Wait, no-!”

There was a loud splash as Jin threw Kame into the cold sea water, making the younger boy sputter and cough as he managed to emerge again. Kame glared, wadding his way toward Jin.

“I swear I’m going to kill you!”

Jin squealed, trying to run away. Kame caught up with him and started dragging him back to the water, which he managed with a little help from Yamapi. Jin squeaked as his two friends pushed him underwater, making him swallow some and cough. The water was not so bad once their bodies got used to the cold and they played around for a while, pushing and dunking each other underwater and swimming for a bit, though both Jin and Pi complained Kame shouldn’t float on his back when they were naked, because it was plainly gross.

Jin fished out the towels from the sports bag and they huddled around the fire to dry themselves a little before slipping back into their clothes. The sky above was dark and full of shiny stars; they could recognize come constellations. The only sounds that could be heard were the rustling of the leaves, the soft steps and snorts from the horses, the murmur of the weaves and the crackling of the fire. Jin took a deep breath, smiling widely when Pi dug in the bag for the bag of marshmallows to cook over the fire.

Jin and Yamapi kept exchanging excited glances as they ate the marshmallows, checking their wristwatches every few minutes and grinning widely every time. Jin finally got up when midnight passed and went to dig around some bushes to find a portable fridge they had hid there that morning during Kame’s practice time. Inside there was a cake with two big red candles shaped like a one and a six.

Jin and Yamapi grinned at their friend’s surprised face. Jin took out the cake and closed the portable fridge to place it on top. “It’s ice-cream cake, your favorite.”

“B- but when…?”

“We brought it here this morning. We wanted to surprise you.”

Kame gulped, looking at his friends with wide eyes as Pi cuddled closer to him and Jin took a small branch from their fire to light the candles before sitting down beside Kame too. The boy seemed to be too shocked to talk, just looking at the cake with wide round eyes while his two friends sang a lame badly tuned version of the “happy birthday” song. As he was still unresponsive when they finished Jin laughed and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Now you have to make a wish.” Kame nodded, closing his eyes tightly for a moment. “Done?” Kame nodded again and Jin grinned at Pi over the boy’s shoulders. “Blow the candles now!”

Kame squeaked when the other two boys tackled him down on the sand once he blew the candles. Both Yamapi and Jin flung their arms over Kame’s body, snuggling close together. Jin planted a sloppy kiss on Kame’s right cheek and Pi followed suit on the other side.

“Happy 16th birthday, Kazu-chan!”

Kame just laughed, not even caring he was getting sand in his hair, and sighed contentedly. As Jin and Pi put off the fire and brought out the pillows and blankets and the three of them cuddled together to sleep, Kame vaguely wondered if it had been too greedy of him to wish for other ten years like the last ones.

To part I | To part III