Personal Log 2753.2 [Risa, Day 3]
I hawe come back from an appointment with Dr. Bartlett--Charlie, he calls himself. Though with the adwise he has giwen me I should think he should be in the medical practice. He is good at what he does, truly.
I...told him about Hikaru. And Mr. Lee. That I felt sorry that they could not be together. That I had to be the middle between them.
But as I write this I see the problem, so clear now that I feel like a fool hawing not seen this before. Why am I sorry? There is no reason for me to be. I love Hikaru, and appealing to pity is selfish--childish. Something I had thought I was no longer since the Farragut.
This habit...it seems to be from my family; my mother, I think. She has always told me that I must apologize and be polite, ewen for things that I may not hawe done, just to awoid problems and make things right. But now I see that this in itself can cause problems, because though a child apologizing is normal, an adult doing this is perceiwed as immature, or so I am starting to understand. It is not that saying sorry is wrong, but that there is a time and a place, so the saying goes.
I must see Mr. Lee. I must see him and see only him, with no Hikaru. Because I would like to know what he wants, and I would like to see him happy as well as Hikaru and myself. But what is most important is that I would like to know this man who is somehow deeply, permanently connected to Hikaru. This is what has scared me before, that this person has kissed me, and that I see him as a complete stranger and not as someone who has shared Hikaru's feelings.
Maybe I can finally understand their attachment. Maybe something can be realized. But this I must find for myself.
Today, early in the morning I found that Hikaru was gone. I was not worried--I knew he would be back, but I left a note saying I would be out as well. I first went to my final dermal regeneration session, and my hands are perfectly healed now. The kind nurse has told me they will be weak for a bit, but the strength should return and I am free to do whatewer I please. Finally.
After checking the kink meme again, I found Gaila again! I miss her, it brings me joy to see her safe and well, and surprisingly on Risa. We met and she began to show me some of the Orion slave dances that she was taught. They are truly beautiful. Wery...sexual, but beautiul, and a pleasure to learn. I do not think I am good at this, not yet, but I learn fast and...maybe I can show this to Hikaru, one day. The thought makes me embarassed but...I think I will enjoy it, da.
When I returned to the hotel, Hikaru was waiting for me with a smile on his face. Oddly, I could see bruises on his body, but before I could ask he gawe to me a package that...he said was from Mr. Lee.
A Starfleet regulation emblem from the USS Maelstrom (ewident with the coding on the back), rare and impossible to find since the Maelstrom was destroyed in 2228, if I remember correctly somewhere close to the Risian cluster, with only half of its crew aliwe.
It is...inspriring to look at, I think. I am not sure that Mr. Lee knew of where it came from but I...am happy for it still. It reminds me of the Farragut, and it is an amazing piece of history to see.
The Maelstrom was captained by a famous Russian, after all.
Though what worries me is that, by Hikaru's bruises, I am afraid that this is because of Mr. Lee. I hope they hawe not fought, but from Hikaru's happiness I do not think this is accurate. I...I would rather not think anything of this right now, and I did not tell Hikaru either, as worried as I am.
Hmm, I am making this log wery long, it seems. I will end it here. Tomorow, maybe, I will try to find Mr. Lee. I will tell Hikaru that I wish to go out for a moment--I hope he will understand.
Ah! Lastly. Hikaru was acting strangely when we ate this morning. 'Brunch' seems to make him uncomfortable. He can...be strange sometimes, truly.
[[OOC: Cut because LONG POST IS LOOOONG.]]
I...told him about Hikaru. And Mr. Lee. That I felt sorry that they could not be together. That I had to be the middle between them.
But as I write this I see the problem, so clear now that I feel like a fool hawing not seen this before. Why am I sorry? There is no reason for me to be. I love Hikaru, and appealing to pity is selfish--childish. Something I had thought I was no longer since the Farragut.
This habit...it seems to be from my family; my mother, I think. She has always told me that I must apologize and be polite, ewen for things that I may not hawe done, just to awoid problems and make things right. But now I see that this in itself can cause problems, because though a child apologizing is normal, an adult doing this is perceiwed as immature, or so I am starting to understand. It is not that saying sorry is wrong, but that there is a time and a place, so the saying goes.
I must see Mr. Lee. I must see him and see only him, with no Hikaru. Because I would like to know what he wants, and I would like to see him happy as well as Hikaru and myself. But what is most important is that I would like to know this man who is somehow deeply, permanently connected to Hikaru. This is what has scared me before, that this person has kissed me, and that I see him as a complete stranger and not as someone who has shared Hikaru's feelings.
Maybe I can finally understand their attachment. Maybe something can be realized. But this I must find for myself.
Today, early in the morning I found that Hikaru was gone. I was not worried--I knew he would be back, but I left a note saying I would be out as well. I first went to my final dermal regeneration session, and my hands are perfectly healed now. The kind nurse has told me they will be weak for a bit, but the strength should return and I am free to do whatewer I please. Finally.
After checking the kink meme again, I found Gaila again! I miss her, it brings me joy to see her safe and well, and surprisingly on Risa. We met and she began to show me some of the Orion slave dances that she was taught. They are truly beautiful. Wery...sexual, but beautiul, and a pleasure to learn. I do not think I am good at this, not yet, but I learn fast and...maybe I can show this to Hikaru, one day. The thought makes me embarassed but...I think I will enjoy it, da.
When I returned to the hotel, Hikaru was waiting for me with a smile on his face. Oddly, I could see bruises on his body, but before I could ask he gawe to me a package that...he said was from Mr. Lee.
A Starfleet regulation emblem from the USS Maelstrom (ewident with the coding on the back), rare and impossible to find since the Maelstrom was destroyed in 2228, if I remember correctly somewhere close to the Risian cluster, with only half of its crew aliwe.
It is...inspriring to look at, I think. I am not sure that Mr. Lee knew of where it came from but I...am happy for it still. It reminds me of the Farragut, and it is an amazing piece of history to see.
The Maelstrom was captained by a famous Russian, after all.
Though what worries me is that, by Hikaru's bruises, I am afraid that this is because of Mr. Lee. I hope they hawe not fought, but from Hikaru's happiness I do not think this is accurate. I...I would rather not think anything of this right now, and I did not tell Hikaru either, as worried as I am.
Hmm, I am making this log wery long, it seems. I will end it here. Tomorow, maybe, I will try to find Mr. Lee. I will tell Hikaru that I wish to go out for a moment--I hope he will understand.
Ah! Lastly. Hikaru was acting strangely when we ate this morning. 'Brunch' seems to make him uncomfortable. He can...be strange sometimes, truly.
[[OOC: Cut because LONG POST IS LOOOONG.]]