Steve told me this weekend that he loves me more than he has hair... awww...

fuck shit ass fuck

My roommate, Kali, works at Holiday Inn Express. On Friday, she checked in a woman who was traveling by herself. On Saturday, the staff found that the woman had committed suicide. Kali's reaction: "I can't wait to get back to work and find out what room she was in because you know it's going to be HAUNTED now!"

Yesterday was Friday the 13th. I woke up with a red, irritated eye because my contact (which I'm supposed to be able to wear for 30 days) ripped, I left my driver's license in my cargo pants so I wasn't allowed to drive my car on base and my boss had to convince the guards at the gate to let me in, and I got stung by a bee.

"On my way to work today I was shaving in the car and I had a girl in the passenger seat, and somehow the top from my electric razor came undone and the windows were down and I hadn't cleaned my razor in weeks, so hair exploded and blew everywhere and all over the girl and we had to stop at a gas station with a free vacum and clean out my car and ( Read more... )

Today, I saw someone arrested at gunpoint ( Read more... )

Question: What happens to you when you have no life?
Answer: You become a workaholic.

Question: What happens to you when you become a workaholic?
Answer: You have no life.

So.... you want to get married???  Alright then.... that's your prerogative.... I can accept that.   BUT.... I do feel obligated to share some vital information with you.   You know.... I never thought I'd ever quote Sex and the City, but here it is.  Here's the TRUTH about marriage.....

ALL MARRIED COUPLES STOP HAVING SEX EVENTUALLY.

Still want to ( Read more... )

Real World, here I come!

Chill... I'm not going to be on MTV or anything..... but I am graduated!  Woo Hoo!  This feels awesome, pretty good, okay... well... actually not too different than the way I felt last summer.  Huh..... what is wrong with me?!  Maybe the fact that I'm in my old room at the moment with the pink flowered wallpaper and all my ( Read more... )

Today is a good day ( Read more... )