The Bride-to-Be

[openedlocket]

Comments

[wildcatiburn]

For some reason this reminded me of a comedic scene with the two characters arguing about who's going to deliver the bad news, jostling each other while whispering "you do it" "no, you do it!". So I quite enjoyed it, even if it's not meant to be funny :)

Have you considered not voicing their thoughts on what she is? I kind of feel that with the two advisers acknowledging that she is a witch or sorceress without any explanation of why they think that, the story requires a bit more background that you're able to fit in a short piece.

[wildcatiburn]

That second paragraph of mine needs some serious help... "voicing their thoughts" instead of "not voicing", doh.

[openedlocket]

Glad you enjoyed it, even if it was in that peculiar way :)

Well, I did consider it but, I have to admit, I crammed writing this all in a few hours, and I didn't have as much time to fine tune it. I'll think of revising this and adding some more of the backstory. I think it would help it greatly.

Thanks for the suggestions :D

[openedlocket]

Thanks. I was definitely uneasy with how this turned out but I'm glad some people are enjoying it.

Hm, body language...I like it. I'm actually imagining of ways I could improve this piece using this suggestion and I think it'll explain a lot.

Er, I have to watch out for that.

Thank you again for your comments and suggestions. They're a great help. :D

[keppiehed]

Oh, you! Hush yourself, you are always better than you give yourself credit for! :D I always enjoy your work, including this, and I agree with your previous comments on the matter, and I think you are going in the right direction. Always forward, Locket, and you are doing it! Every week shows surprising growth, so just keep pushing it. You are doing beautifully!

[openedlocket]

Your heartwarming comment is heartwarming :) I get really self critical sometimes, mostly in vain so it appears. But I guess that's what keeps me trying harder and I'm glad my efforts are going somewhere. Thank you so much :)

[xalter_egox]

I don't know what made you so worried about this :P It's lovely~ Though I do enjoy your children pieces the best, you know you've got my full support in whatever topic you wish to write. :D Don't be afraid to move out of your comfort zone, dearie. You'll be amazing at whatever you do. =)

[openedlocket]

Aw, thank you so very much, my dear. I was really sleepy when I wrote this and I felt like I rushed it. But I'm glad it's better than what I thought.

Thank you >:D< I'll keep trying.

[belluminabyssus]

I really liked the concept of this piece, though like other people have said, I would have liked to know a bit more background. Why do they think she's a witch? Who does the King think she is? I would have also liked more visuals -- what does the setting look like? What does Annalise look like? Etc.

I also think that sometimes the writing was a little dry; too much telling, not enough showing. I agree that this is not one of your best, but it's not bad, either. It just needs some work and fleshing out! :)

[openedlocket]

True, I think describing Annalise would've helped me express how intimidating she could be. The setting would've improved it a lot too.

Thank you for your tips. I think you're writing about fleshing this out :D