Smosh Fic: Distraction

[orangefriday]

Title: Distraction
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ian/Anthony, Ian/Melanie, Anthony/Kristen (Kalel)
Genre/Warnings: Angst, Smut, One-Shot
Summary: "He needs to know if he'll be alone again, to notice everything, without Ian as a distraction. (He needs to know if Melanie will be Ian's distraction today.)"
Author's Notes: Inspired by the amazing ivyblossom and her BBC

Comments

[rahhicecream]

Oh wow, I have no words
GREAT fic! I always get excited when I see your pic on the page :)

[orangefriday]

Aww thanks! So glad you read it and liked it!

[mercurial_fan]

You... What... You just left it there?! I loved the writing style in this fic, very well done. I still need a happily-ever-after though :p

[orangefriday]

HAPPY ENDINGS SUCK!

(lol jk)

I think it's sort of happy...just a little. It's barely there. Anthony's fine, with Kalel. Ian is fine, alone. They're just fine. :/

(about to get all life/analytical/philosophical) I think life's like that a lot of times. Nothing wraps up neatly right away and time just wraps it up for you.. slowly.. maybe not the way you want it to or the way it's "supposed" to. So leaving Ian and Anthony in that state, to me, seems natural. Since the nature of their relationship is always so unspoken and unheard of. Both of them never letting who they're dating go and each other go when everything was happening. But then, in the end, they both let each other go but hold onto the friendship.

LOL! I hope you liked my analogy there. I don't think it makes complete sense (since I can't put what I think in words sometimes XD - and I call myself a writer... =_=)

[mutual_death]

Heh heh...you said sense-since. :P

Seriously though...that's usually what I aim for in my angsty fics: realism.

[mercurial_fan]

Oh that's deep... XD But couldn't they have gotten the ending with the hot gay sex? :p JKJKJK, the story is great as it is :D

[usrnamesarecool]

Oh god, this was so beautiful in a sad sort of way

[orangefriday]

Aw :) Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! Anyway, I'm looking forward to another one of your fics. I'm just going to sit here (quietly) and waaaaiiit. >;)

[michaelangelo24]

I read it. :P

Okay, I will concede that this is smut. I won't bother you as much about writing a sex scene. Now I'll just pester you until you write some fluff instead. ;)

I'm not really in the mood to critique, but there is one thing that stood out for me: the brackets. There are so many of them and they are fairly obtrusive. I think it would work better if you got rid of all of them.

I suppose I could list all the good stuff about this fic, but they're always so general. You probably already know what works, since you have more confidence in your writing than most people... ;P

[orangefriday]

The brackets stay! Lol! They're meant to display... Anthony's thoughts. Inner, inner, inner thoughts. They interrupt the flow of things like normal natural thought processes inside the mind... That's my justification for it. It's like an aside (in Shakespeare) but it happens real time. But yes, the brackets will take some getting used to if this were any longer. Plus, IF YOU WATCHED SHERLOCK AND READ THAT FIC, you would know I was inspired by the whole bracket-business in that fic.

I personally never like using brackets. It looks amateur to me. But but but for the sake of literary exploration, I used them. Hehe! Italics may have worked too but it doesn't have that whole "pull you out of the action and listen to the character's rambling assumptions which may or not be wrong" feel.

Well, I rambled too. But thank you for reading, as always. I can always count on you for a challenge and great critique ;)

And gosh, finally, I've pleased the baron of smut (LOL! Does that sound wrong?)

[michaelangelo24]

Italics would have been better, since you don't want the reader to be pulled out, even for thoughts. That's just my opinion.

So go write something fluffy. :P

[raeofthestage]

I would please like more!!!!!!!!! I do not care that it is a one shot.... I demand more. Kthaxbai

[orangefriday]

LAWL! I'm prone to write side stories or back stories or continuations... so maybe. Maybe. No guarantees!

Thanks for reading!

[raeofthestage]

okay....... i guess I can live with that...