I expected it to be worse than it was. Last year was bad, and the year before worse. But this Halloween the voices stayed quiet ( Read more... )

I figured out why I listen to depressing music...

It touches those parts of me that I try to hide for fear the light will destroy.

I wish I could go back in time to when I thought I had all the answers. Presently, I don't think I have any answers, just questions pounding away at the inside of my skull till I can't hear or think. My medicine equates coping with stress as living in a bubble. I can't tell sleep from waking, if I am dreaming or if I can even wake up.

I am the only thing that stands in my way. I don't believe in myself, that I am good enough to have friends or achieve the things I dream. I seem to be passing this on to Pooka. She told her counselor that she isn't the type of kid that anyone would want if they didn't have to, and I thought it was Angie always being so down on her, but maybe it ( Read more... )

I am trying to find myself, and maybe I am. I feel pulled in so many directions. I have a really good thing, with work and the house, Angie and Belle, and hopefully soon returning to school. I just worry I'll lose it if I can't get my brain to cooperate soon. I am tired of the roller-coaster of emotions.

Change is this thing that just sort of happens in my life. I can't control it or predict, maybe at best I can use the suggestion box. It just shows up one day for better or worse. Recently, my changes have been medicine induced. The clearer thinking, being able to prioritize, being a more involved parent. But there are some changes I have to ( Read more... )

Little in my life ever made sense. But you do.

It is quiet here. The fear is subsiding, replaced with an emptiness.

I am broken down. Not in thought or feeling, none the less unsatisfied with the direction of my life.

It is my last night in my first apartment. The air is cool and smells sweetly of honeysuckle. I should be excited... somehow I just feel sad.

Stumbling upstairs and down again, weaving my way through people, everyone being so sweet to me on my first night of drunken revelry. Rachel paused and my hands grazed her spine, taking in her words, satisfied for the little things...

I contain, I attempt restraint...