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Mom Friends and Back Pain...
I wish I could feel interest in writing. I remember always finding relief in visiting my LiveJournal. Now, every time I log in I end up sitting and staring for a few minutes before writing some dumb bullshit that I end up deleting because it has no meaning to me. I feel like my drive for writing is gone, and that bums me out. I feel more ( Read more... ) -
I Need to Stop Calling Them C-Sections....
This is a topic I've really been bothered by for a while. I didn't always have strong feelings about how women who had cesarean births felt after their births. I had very judgemental attitudes in general regarding c-sections and how they have impacted women and children and the entire culture of birth. Those judgements weren't directed at the ( Read more... ) -
The Illusion of Immunity...
Today I randomly became aware of a major key in my unhappiness.
I have lived under the delusion that somehow my preparedness towards becoming a mother, should have somehow saved me from the depression or struggle faced by mothers who didn't have the knowledge or ability to prepare themselves.
"I feel like this really encompasses a lot of what we' ( Read more... ) -
Two Solitudes Trapped in Unhappiness...
I remember being happy when I was pregnant. Ecstatic, really. It had always been the plan to have one child, to eventually become parents ( Read more... ) -
Into the Chasm...
I remember when I used to sit at my computer and write. No matter what it was about. It felt like I could write for hours. Like I had a home behind that keyboard, typing away, spilling myself out like an overturned coffee mug. I remember it. I remember I used to walk away from the screen feeling satisfied, like I had accomplished something. I ( Read more... ) -
Samhain 2013...
This is the first time in years that I've set up my altar on the Sabbat. Every year I pray and give thanks, and even attend the occasional festival. But I can't remember the last time that I took the time to perform this ritual at home. Just like how prayer in church gives comfort but doesn't bring you any closer to the Almighty than you are at ( Read more... ) -
Facebook Hiatus
I know I'm only on vacation from FB for a week, but even spending two days off of it has been hard. I actually caught myself the other day thinking:
"I wish I could tell Facebook how difficult it is to not go on Facebook and talk about how hard it is to not check Facebook."
It's completely fucked up how much my thoughts have changed since I ( Read more... ) -
Thoughts before the baby...
I'm sitting upstairs in the second bedroom, unable to sleep tonight despite how exhausted I am. Baby is wiggling around and keeping me company while I nibble on a bunch of fruits and pickles in bed. It's kind of nice always having him with me right now, spending my awake time talking and playing, me rubbing and poking him while he pushes and ( Read more... )