I miss you so much sometimes. I dream of you constantly. You dominate my thoughts and fantasies. I find myself wishing you here so hard my lips begin to bleed. You exist perfectly in my memories, better then you ever existed in reality ( Read more... )

i pussied out last baby on having a shower. i hate party planning that involves coming up with games to play and has a theme. I'm much better with be here at this bar for x's birthday. No bars for the shower. My friends Beth and Jennifer are adamant about having a shower this baby around. all i really need is a baby crib and some boy clothes in 3+ ( Read more... )

It's A Boy ( Read more... )

Today at work I ran into someone i haven't seen in way too long. It was great to see him, since i'd been dreaming about him almost every night for a couple of months now. At first i thought i was hallucinating him, which was scary because if all my dreams started bleeding through into the really real world then we'd all be in trouble. But it was ( Read more... )

So i've started watching "the office" and i have to say that it's pretty great. My favorite thing about sitcoms is that they are only 1/2 an hour.

Nap time.

I love nap time. I love having at least an hour to myself. The ceiling in my computer room is really scary. There are leaks along almost every beam. The dry wall will need to be replaced. The roof caving in is to real to imagine. A home so damaged and it's all out of my control. we can't sell, we can't fix, we're stuck here.

fuck.

I'm at the last third of the book. I like reading again. Danessa isn't very interested in the book, but the baby is. I can feel it listening to me reading aloud. Or maybe that's just gas.

Danessa is crying crying crying all day today. Growing in new teeth sucks. Secretly I'm happy I get to go to work. When I'm there i'll miss her. When I'm there I'll feel guilty for not being a good enough mother. When I'm there things are different. When I'm here she cries her hurt and annoyed cry. It won't stop

Today is my birthday

I can feel the new baby now. It’s right under me as I sleep. I’m so worried that the health care won’t go through and that I’ll be denied health insurance. I’m so worried that two children will be too much to handle. I’m worried about everything these days. How will we pay all of our bills on time? What will become of us? Where do I go from here ( Read more... )