I am moving to East Lansing. I have no idea why. It got to a point where I found I didnt have as many reasons to stay as I thought. I could be happy here with Victor, I really could... Its the happiest I have been in years, but I look at the torment he puts himself/me through for the expense of a relationship and I cant keep subjecting myself to ( Read more... )

I am Mediocre. Disposition can be a funny thing. Its self fulfilling prophecy. You believe you're not good enough, so you end up not being good enough. I keep trying to trace back to the first day that I decided I just was not meant for greatness. I really cant. It was probably middle school. Grade school, it can make you surrender pieces of ( Read more... )

Jon leaves in a couple days. Its very nerve wrecking only for the simple fact he helped me create this big mess and now I am left alone to take care of it. And I dont even know if thats really whats bothering me or if its just that its one less person I will have access to. My whole goal has been to create this...family of friends, and as gay as ( Read more... )

It did not take long for me to forget about this journal... my bad. Boop! Seven days later... So we went to a corn maze. Andy had Ande over. Ande got into a fight...seemed like he was kicking someone to with the amount of black makeup he had on his shoes. Seeing his face bruised this morning was a highlight to my day. Wont lie.

I'm not saying he ( Read more... )

Andy is in love with Ande Greene. I call him Ugly Greene. I dont actually know what he looks like...but I picture him ugly. I'm kind of jealous but not in a hugely jealous way. Just in a "I miss him hanging out with me in my room" kind of way. But you know that will go away I am sure. I dont know if its about Andy..or if its just about me. Or Jon?  ( Read more... )

Today was uneventful. I got the flu shot Friday so I am not suprised I slept through 90% of today, and the 10% I was awake, I was getting high. I am so shameful when stoned. I am glad I dont keep a ledger of how many donuts I eat in one sitting. Apparently I ate a whole bag of tootsie rolls last week. I was skeptical as there were no wrappers. And ( Read more... )

Joe spent the night last night. Platonic cuddling. Joe is a great friend. I almost find myself wanting more with him, but at this point, he is my Joe...so its kind of like kissing a brother. Good porn sure, but bad for relationships. We watched the South Park movie. I just started getting into Southpark. Its pretty funny. I underestimated it ( Read more... )

After trying to start this journal 30 different ways, I’m just going to go.

Analyzing the boys floating around my head is always a fairly messy project. Typically I spend way too much time overanalyzing it all which in no way impacts the results I get. So I’m going to try to sum up the boys of the past 3-4 years with one sentence. Eric, I adore ( Read more... )