The Door to Darkness - Book 1: Hiromi - Chapter 4 & Chapter 5
Last time on The Door to Darkness-
Merlin: My lady, your ass smells divine! Oh and you are the chosen one along with your sue spawn!
Hiromi: Color me shocked! [whips a few slaves while her baby flies around using magic rainbows]
Hiromi: I want sex! Stop your research! It could kill us all even though I know nothing about it! SEX~!
Ansem: Duh - me not as smart as you - research continue!
Hiromi: Certainly this will spell our DOOM! The stars have spoken! 2012~
Minnie Mouse: Mickey can’t find out I’m pregnant. And you’re the father!
Zim: DOOOOOOOOOOM~
Gir: Waffles~!
Mikey: Wait, Zim isn't a Disney character - what a scandal!
[soap opera opening music plays]
Join us for those whose lives take place on the other side of - THE DOOR TO DARKNESS!
-
The Door to Darkness 1-4
by ~gethsemane-butler
Mikey: Bringing you all the fan fiction; you didn’t want to read.
Book I: Hiromi
Chapter IV
After exiting the library, Hiromi entered her bedchamber to go about her nightly rituals.
Mikey: She bathes in the blood of virgins in a desperate attempt to stay young and fertile.
After so doing, she crossed the room to the crib and found Mai
[Knife flies into Mikey‘s head]
Mikey: Heh- I’ll be okay…
sleeping peacefully, completely oblivious to her presence.
Mikey: If only we; the readers, could be so blessed.
Also I find it funny that this one year old is so calm and peaceful. The worst she has done is play with hair and fuss quietly.
I’ve dealt with small children. They are whiny, selfish, and loud - [thinks back to earlier chapters] if one grabbed your hair you’d better pray the little devil decides it’s bored and let’s go because it will try to pull your hair out. And guess what, it’ll probably succeeded too.
How I envy you, little one, Hiromi thought as she lovingly stroked her daughter's dark curls. Innocent and completely oblivious to your fate...
Mikey: I would be frightened of anyone; and I do mean anyone, who stands over a child and thinks like this.
how I wish I could be so oblivious!
Mikey: Gethsemane; you are oblivious.
Merlin's words had not receded from her mind with the passage of the hours since he had taken his leave. He had only stayed a short while longer, though at length showed himself from the room, as he had some sort of business that needed desperate attention.
Mikey: Let’s play re-write this to make sense.
Merlin’s words had not left her mind. She wished he could have stayed longer, but he had urgent business to take care of; leaving her with no one to consult on the matter.
See, not hard - and I even “spiced” it up just a little like Gethsemane herself would have wanted.
She did not immediately slip into her bed,
Mikey: First she slipped on a banana peel, then a rubber duck, then a…
but walked to the two windowed doors leading to the terrace.
Mikey: I can’t take this anymore, do something - I mean something meaningful. If you cut out the useless bits (relatively speaking) this story would be finished in like three chapters instead of three hundred!
But I guess that wouldn’t make you look “smart” ‘eh?
Rain was still falling in thick torrents, though there was no thunder or lightning to accompany it.
Mikey: TIME OUT! Last chapter you mentioned that lightning flash as soon as your sue left the library so this doesn’t make sense. Did the lightning rush home because it forgot to turn the stove off?
Or maybe you are trying to be over dramatic you pompous faux intellectual - I hope you fall off your damn “terrace”.
She stood before them, staring into the rain, barely visible against the blackness.
Mikey: What happened to it being a torrent of water? Now it’s a drizzle barely visible at night! Next she’ll realize it wasn’t raining, but snowing!
If our world plunges into darkness...will it be eternal night...or will there be nothing left?
Mikey: [Eye twitches] Wha? You know what I‘m sure everyone has some kind of comment for this so - ‘insert your own issue here‘.
Me, I don’t have the time to list all that is wrong with that. No time for the linguistic issues, no time for the story telling issues, no time to point out the use of ellipses, no time to point out how incredibly stupid is sounds all around.
Nope - such a thing would be much to time consuming for me.
I will leave it on this note. [bashes own head against wall]
Perhaps it no longer mattered what would remain of the world, if indeed there were any remnants at all.
Mikey: Hey~, yeah Gethsemane, pay attention to your tense! It sounds like the place has already been destroyed. We just aren’t that damn lucky ‘k.
Unless; of course, my theory is correct and your character is a nutball paranoia freak who thinks the world is going to end if she sneezes the wrong way - which honestly would make for an interesting main character-
If it was an intended flaw!
Merlin had said that both she and her daughter would have a hand in the world's salvation or its destruction.
Mikey: Yes, thank you for reminding us. We had forgotten since you hadn’t mentioned it in so~ long.
But which is it? The world cannot possibly have two different destinies!
Mikey: Sure it can - ever think one of you is meant to save it and the other is meant to destroy it.
Hopefully in that order?
She glanced over her shoulder at her sleeping daughter, and within her rose a sickening sensation, though what it was she could not positively identify.
Mikey: It’s vomit dear; we all taste it.
Mai is only a child! How could she possibly have such a destiny placed upon her tiny shoulders?
Mikey: Once again - we’ve been through this all already!
Thoughts whirling violently about in her head, she turned and made her way to the bed once again, finally settling beneath the blankets. Her head was throbbing now, and, had she not been laying down, she knew that perhaps she would have felt quite dizzy.
Mikey: Wha? You do feel dizzy, you said so!
When your not repeating shit your contradicting it - either through action or word. Often in the same paragraph! That’s not clever you twat!
You know what, I feel sick.
It seemed that it was only now that the full understanding of what Merlin had told her had come crashing down upon her, suffocating her, drawing her down within themselves like quicksand.
Mikey: Hey it’s like reading a Meyer’s story; information that should have been obvious to the character only becomes obvious to the character as drama needs it to be. Sure they should have noticed something was up before, but if they knew then the story wouldn’t work.
In other words - shitty writing for the sake of fake drama.
You two could start a writing club for shitty writers.
She inwardly berated such thoughts, and it was only moments before sleep overcame her.
Mikey: She inwardly berated herself? Why would she do that? That doesn’t connect with what she said before…
What does that have to do with her understanding the extent of what she was told? (after a whole day of pondering)
Why?!
Why?!
Why?!
[Breaks down into tears]
Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING! YOU! DO! MAKES! SENSE!
NOTHING!
HOW! CAN! YOU! HAVE! A! FAN! BASE!
Your character doesn’t try to stop Ansem in any plausible way, she comes off as a petty tyrant, she angst about crap constantly, her inner monologue (if you will) is insanely tedious, she’s boring (which can’t be stressed enough), she’s paranoid, she believes in fate with it being depicted as a good thing (personal issue), and she’s some kind of chosen even though she has shown no leadership skills, no greater intellect, no selflessness, and - oh yeah - no personality.
--------
When she awoke again, she found that she was no longer within her own chamber,
Mikey: Ansem had her locked up well she slept to quell the people. Execution at 3!
but rather lying on cold, blue rock.
Mikey: So he went with exile then?
She looked about her and found that the sky had not at all lightened, but was instead dark, stormy grey. A short distance away stood a woman, with her back to Hiromi, her dark hair gently dancing in the soft breeze that whispered through the rocky plain.
Mikey: It was doing the robot!
Hiromi slowly rose to her feet, shivering in the chilly air, and slowly approached the woman. She called out to her, but the woman did not seem to hear her, or even acknowledge her presence.
Mikey: Given the sue’s personality (for lack of a better word); the women’s just ignoring her like most do.
The woman then lifted her arms slightly, leaned forward, and, before Hiromi could stop her, flung herself from the precipice.
Mikey: That’s right, the sue is so unbearable that characters are actually killing themselves; in the fanfic itself, just to get away from the bitch.
Oh and there is that thesaurus again!
Hiromi dashed forth to the edge,
Mikey: And slipped off - dying. The End-
Oh wait, she has a daughter…
and found the woman lying motionless,
Mikey: It’s a trap by the resistance I hope; it’s been a long time coming but the tyrant is going down!
facedown on the ground below.
Mikey: [push] Oh, my mistake.
Just hurry up and die so we can deal with your daughter! It’s not like we don’t all know what the hell this is anyway!
Hiromi turned to her right and dashed down a rocky incline,
Mikey: There she was surrounded by Heartless who ignored her since her heart was nothing but darkness to begin with. Hell they’d probably run from her!
desperately trying to keep her balance as she hurried along it, and at length came to the bottom.
Mikey: Oh please~ this fanfic started at the bottom.
She hurried to the woman and knelt beside her. Ever so gently, Hiromi turned the body so as to see the woman's face.
Mikey: It was the face of Lucy Barker back for vengeance - that’s right she remembers Salvation bitch!
Hiromi; and by Hiromi I mean Gethsemane, is then jumped on by every canon character she has killed and/or derailed to make her shitty ass fantasy fulfillment fics work!
She screamed upon seeing that the bloodied and bruised face was that of her own.
Mikey: And here you have it folks! Her character has literally killed herself to try and get out of her own evil clutches! The is how bad Gethsemane is people - her characters are self aware and stuck in a situation much like I have No mouth and I must scream except it sucks…
-----
"Hiromi!"
She awoke,
Mikey: If anyone here thought that wasn’t a dream sequence please take a day to recover - the effects to the brain can be permanent if you don’t pace yourself.
finding herself being shaken,
Mikey: What they won’t do to try to kill her at this point.
and, looking into the darkness, found the shadowed form of her husband at her side.
Mikey: Only a glint of light shown from the knife he raised high. END THIS!
He was staring at her, fearful and frantic.
Mikey: Now that he was in her sight, her sue powers will start effecting him; he was to late…
"I heard you screaming in the library!" he exclaimed. "What's happened?"
Mikey: Nice covering your bases, but how close could the library be to the bedroom? I’m sticking to my theory.
Also once again, isn’t he an insensitive aloof bastard nowadays!
She became aware of the fact that she was trembling, almost violently so,
Mikey: Your not my dear, I’m shaking you - violently as you may have noticed.
and felt a liquid warmth streaming down her cheeks.
Mikey: She’s peeing from her eyes. Ewwwww~
"I...it was...I dreamt that I flung myself from a cliff..." she stammered hoarsely.
Mikey (as Ansem): What a great idea - do that!
"What could have possibly inspired such a nightmare?" Ansem asked her.
Mikey: She’s a paranoid psychopath; think about it people.
She shook her head. "I'm not certain if indeed anything inspired it."
Mikey: Nope, nothing people. Despite worrying her little head off before going to bed she can’t even imagine a reason why she’d have a nightmare.
Before you ask; yes, she is really this vapid.
"It is all this talk of destruction," he said darkly.
Mikey: See; she doesn’t get it, but he does! Is she intentionally making her character stupid or is she just a bad writer? (Guess)
"Merlin had no right to meddle in our affairs, and you suffer because of his words!"
Mikey: I think she’s suffering from some kind of brain damage, but enough about Gethsemane - more about the sue.
"It is not Merlin's fault!" she cried.
Mikey (as Hiromi): “I was this crazy and paranoid before I derailed him into my personal seer and ass-kisser!”
"Do not blame him for something over which he has no control!
Mikey: Yeah, she has all the control over it, blame her!
I have known him all of my life, Ansem; he would never intentionally cause me any harm, nor would he cause Mai harm!"
Mikey: You’ve repeated this to yourself long enough that it must be true now!
Personally I think he’s trying to do away with both of you…
"He comes here claiming that you and Mai have a hand in the destruction of our world, and yet what does he have to support his claims? Constellations, mysteries, and convoluted predictions!"
Mikey: Exactly! Anyone still in doubt that this character; at the least, isn’t self aware? He’s basically saying what I have this whole time - she’s being paranoid!
"He told me himself that that was all that had been revealed to him. He is preparing us, though for what I do not know."
Mikey: You don’t know much do you?
"He is not preparing you; he is distressing you!" Ansem muttered.
Mikey (as Ansem): And your annoying when you're distressed; can you stop that?
(as Hiromi): Angst!
"All of this nonsense about the future, salvation, and destruction...it will behoove you not to mind what he has said."
Mikey: Pft, she did not just use the word behoove. I’m sorry I need a moment. [laughs his ass off]
Also remind me I have to go and liberate her thesaurus from her evil clutches later.
"Do you honestly believe that he simply wished to distress me?
Mikey: No, you where distressed to begin with. Stop pushing the blame on Merlin to make your angst look realistic. It doesn’t work!
Do you believe that is his motive? You do not know him at all!"
Mikey: He’s the king - Merlin is a great sorcerer who is living in his kingdom! Ansem is this worlds ruler, how the bloody fuck would he not know him well?
Did he say "screw the great sorcerer" or something? Gah, this is stupid? Do you even explain why your sue knows Merlin so well?
"Perhaps I do not know him as well as you do, Hiromi," he acknowledged, "but
Mikey (as Ansem): You know everyone important better than me anyway. I brought you a letter from YOUR friend King Mickey that says how much he adores you!
Of course, that’s only if the sue remembers he exists.
yet I know nonsense when I hear it."
Mikey: And in this case its quite obvious.
[cries] But she’s still going to be right!
She glared at him. "It is not nonsense!"
Mikey: Balderdash, poppycock,. twaddle, rubbish, claptrap, or even jabber; but never nonsense
"You are young, Hiromi, and still naive to the workings of our world. In time, you will learn."
Mikey: Wait, how much older is he than her? Maybe she married him for power? That’d explain the lack of a sex scene…
His voice had softened now, as had his eyes.
Mikey: He is so~ cruel as of late.
Hiromi looked away from him; let him think her ignorant if it pleased him.
Mikey: You are ignorant. [takes a sip of wine]
He had no part in this world's future, or, if he did, it was not quite so large as she had originally thought. His name was not written in its future, perhaps, but his studies had unleashed the darkness; she did not believe that it could be easily controlled.
Mikey: [spits] Did - did I just read that? Is she really saying that his opinion doesn’t matter on the basis of the fact that he doesn’t have a part in the future? He’s your husband and the wise, just ruler of your world and you don’t give a shit about him because apparently he’s not gonna be as great as you thought he was according to the stars?
Oh my god I was right! She’s a power-hungry bitch!
Also Ansem does have a part in the games - A BIG PART! Did you not beat the games? I mean yeah, he’s not the #1 most important, but he’s definitely in the top ten!
Then again; a sue can only settle for the top…
One day, she thought as she lay down once again, with Ansem beside her, you will regret all you have done in meddling with the darkness.
Mikey: And now she’s gloating that as a sue she will be right. I mean yeah, he does in canon. He also works to fix his mistakes, but it’s not like the sue gives a shit about that. Besides, she’s better than him so she’ll live (well probably die) with no regrets.
Will you force your daughter to pay the price?
Mikey: The New York Times raves: a redundant romp for the whole family.
---
[Sighs]
It hurts me to read this shit…
I guess I should just continue, but I wish I had help…
Oh I can‘t forget - [Writes a note to rescue Gethsemane‘s poor thesaurus then sticks it next to his ‘cancel book club meeting‘ sticky note]
By the way - I hate all this Fate shit. I can forgive the use of something like Destiny because that’s usually used to represent something one must do to prevent something bad from happening meaning you can choose not to do it, but you’ll need to face the consequences of such a choice.
I can even accept the concept of SOME things being fated to happen.
However Fate suggest life is predefined and we have no choices; I hate shit like that. The worse part is Gethsemane talks about it as a good thing because she’s written that her damn sues fates are ; of course, to do something great! Personal issue , but I hate her for it…
---
The Door to Darkness 1-5
by ~gethsemane-butler
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. V
Mai Speaks...
She’s the talkative type - as you can see.
Gah! The next part burns to read! Script it!
[six years time skip; Mai is seven now]
Mai: I was innocent and ignorant of destiny [sparkles].
Mikey: Shit about how we are pawns of fate and crap like that. Lots of pointless flowery crap and redundant shit. She mentioned she would have thrown herself off a cliff f she had known - we all wish she did the damn tease.
Mai: But I was a child then, of all but seven years old, when I experienced my first encounter with Destiny.... (What she actually says near the end of this pointless scene that is really just a retread of the prologue)
Mikey: I assume that means she had her first sexual encounter, but that seems so wrong.
Anyway that was much better. I admit I’m happy that sue daughter angst over fate a little - not that it redeems her since it just makes the whole thing even stupider since it only exists to try and make you sympathize with her.
-------
Mai had risen earlier than usual, even before the cold light of early dawn had stretched itself over the land like a misty veil.
Mikey: [Eye twitching] Nothing gets better. Cold light over land like a misty veil!?
She had awoken with a start from a very strange dream,
Mikey: Of course, I’m sure it won’t be prophetic in anyway.
Sora had strange dreams so of course the sues have to, because Sora isn’t half the chosen one they are!
and for a moment she sat upright in her bed, trying to remember what she had dreamt. All she could remember was the sensation of free-falling and the soft murmur of voices, though she could not understand them.
Mikey: Oh my god, it’s not even and original dream - you’re just taking Sora’s. Your mother stole Mickey’s (much more justified) concerns over Ansem’s research and now you’re stealing Sora’s dream from the opening of the first game.
I’m surprised you didn’t just start this chapter by having her land on a stained-glass picture of one of the Disney princesses just to make the thievery complete!
She climbed out of bed and dressed herself instead of calling on her nurse.
Mikey: I’m guessing this is to prove how independent she is, that or because mommy had most of the servants killed for their varies attempts to kill her; the two-bit tyrant.
She ran a brush through her dark hair, wincing when she snagged the tangles.
Mikey: My god, tangles! You poor thing! [rolls eyes]
When she finished, she crept out of her room and into the corridor.
Mikey: That wily tramp - I mean scamp!
All was dark and silent; she assumed that she was the only one stirring within the castle.
Mikey: She was right of course; everyone fled the place during the time skip.
She glanced down the left side of the corridor, then the right. Indeed, she was the only one.
Mikey: Because she peeked down one corridor? How big is this castle?
Gleefully she hurried down the corridor towards the main upstairs hall, and, upon reaching it, turned to her right and dashed down the winding staircase.
Mikey: Tripped and broke her neck - okay I’m outta here! [gets up]
She could not see quite as well in the dark, and nigh screamed when she felt her body slam into a hardened wall of warmth.
Mikey: [Sits] Wow I was right, she’s bleeding to death!
Seriously though, nigh?
The ensuing sound was not a cry of surprise, but a warm chuckle of amusement.
Mikey: Yeah, that’d be me. I couldn’t help but imagine you as a corpse.
"Papa!" Mai cried as she looked up.
Mikey: Gah, to sugary!
Above her towered her father, who smiled down upon her dotingly, his amber eyes warm.
Mikey: His eyes then went blood red and he killed her. His research had proven she was not his daughter, but the evil M. Sue Parasite. With that canon and logic where restored.
"What has you up so early, dear one?" he asked her.
Mikey (as Mai): Well~ I was running around like an idiot for no reason and I tripped - aren’t I endearing.
(as Ansem): No.
"I had a strange dream," she replied. "All I remember
Mikey (as Mai): was stealing plot important events from main characters. I’m also considering stealing plot points from Disney characters, but only if my author finds time between two guys fawning over me. Tee-hee~!”
is falling...and people whispering, but I couldn't understand what they were saying."
Mikey: They where saying - “didn’t this dream happen in the first game?”
"That is a strange dream.
Mikey: Gee, I wonder if it was a strange dream?
Would you like to go for a walk with me? I couldn't get to sleep, either."
Mikey (as Ansem): I was thinking about how I could get rid of you like I did your mother…
Oh come on - the mom is so obviously dead - maybe not right now, but you know she will be!
Mai smiled and nodded. "Okay."
Mikey (Mai): Tee-hee~ !
She placed her hand in her father's, and together they walked into the castle courtyard just as the first light of dawn began to peek over the horizon.
Mikey: Then Mai started to sparkle in the sunlight…
The town was barely beginning to stir when Ansem and Mai entered the marketplace.
Mikey: That’s right, the town wakes up as the sue does!
Merchants were beginning their morning rituals, preparing their wares as the sun began to rise.
Mikey: The slave trade was doing well this morning.
The air smelled sweetly of the many blossoms that populated the town, all fed.
Mikey: You fed the blossoms? You know what, I’ll go with it…
Upon seeing their king and princess, they all bowed deeply and reverently.
Mikey: Mostly out of fear…
Ansem smiled at them,
Mikey: Well the sue just stared malevolently…
taking several moments to converse with each,
Mikey: The king took time to talk to every merchant and villager…
Good to know he put that research aside for this totally meaningful scene~
Also watch as she takes this moment to not mention even one of the many Disney and Final Fantasy characters that lived in this place. Not even Scrooge McDuck who was friends with Ansem and Mickey Mouse. How does one pass up a chance to use Scrooge Mc-fuckin‘-Duck!?
You know what Gethsemane, I think you only notice the pretty boys in this damn game - that’s why Ansem doesn’t seem to get a sex scene in your twisted tale, because he wasn’t a pretty boy! That’s why sue daughter will most certainly have plenty of them with her pretty boys she shall have at her disposal.
You only threw Merlin in to sate those who where wondering if any would show; and even then, just so he could kiss your sues ass an prove to the world that she and her hell spawn are so~ much better than the canon characters and everyone should understand how canon wouldn’t even be without their existences.
Go fuck yourself, bitch - wait no - I don’t think about THAT fanfic.
while Mai stayed dutifully at his side, nodding and replying when she was spoken to.
Mikey: Well guiding her “father” around like a puppet.
She allowed her mind to wander, though for the sake of etiquette feigned interest.
Mikey: Much like how you fake intellect really.
After several moments of conversations with his subjects, Ansem turned and, with Mai at his side, walked towards a small, barely visible path beneath a grove of sakura trees.
Mikey: I don’t remember seeing any Sakura Flowers in the freakin’ Radiant Gardens you little- screw it.
The air here was heavily perfumed with the sweet smell of the blossoms, and all around them floated soft petals that came to rest upon the ground in a sea of pale pink.
Mikey: In a scene stolen from almost every romantic anime - ever, but I’m sure her fans will eat it up - praising her so called “symbolism“.
"I've never been here before," said Mai. "What is this place?"
Mikey: [Sighs] a place Gethsemane pulled out of her ass to make the meeting between you and your sweet heart that much more “meaningful“.
"A large grove of sakura trees. Here is where I asked your mother to marry me," Ansem replied, his expression softening as he reminisced.
Mikey: It’s also where he killed her.
The two continued deeper into the grove until they came to the other side. Echoing all around them was the sound of cascading water. Mai hurried ahead of her father, following the sound until she came to the bank of a small lake,
Mikey: It was there Ansem drowned her.
which was surrounded on all sides, save for the tunnel of sakura,
Mikey: Tunnel of Sakura? Um, okay glancing over the fifty different anime jokes I could make. (I was kind of tempted to do a Cardcaptor Sakura one, but…) Are you suggesting they just walked out of a flowing tunnel of flowers? Please say these blossoms are being used to represent death!
by high walls of rock, down which cascaded a torrential veil of clear, misty water, the very lifeblood of the world.
Mikey: Once again I imagine blood everywhere!
That or Final Fantasy VII; I miss Aries - she was in Kingdom Hearts too...
This was the main spring that fed the town. Beneath this one, she knew, were many other smaller springs that branched from this one.
Mikey: Ignoring the awkwardness of this for fear that my brain would implode- she knows this because she is a sue - and they know pretty much everything. What they don’t know will be handed to them as plot (for the lack of a better word) demands.
Mai looked about for several moments until her eyes fell upon a peculiar shape on the opposite side of the lake's shore.
Mikey: Gee - whatever could it be? Hmmmm, could it be the guy will grow up to be one of your sex toys and kiss your ass well causing you contrived faux angst?
OH my; did I spoil that?
She glanced over her shoulder at Ansem, who stood a small distance away, deep in thought, and hurried over to the figure.
Mikey (Ansem): Now where shall I hide the body?
She found, to her surprise, the figure to be that of a boy, no older than her own age, with golden skin and long silver hair. He was breathing, though unconscious.
Mikey: Hmmmm, could this character be important? Could it be - a canon character for the raping?
"Papa!" Mai screamed. "Come quickly!"
Mikey: And she’s found herself a boyfriend!
And I find myself wishing for alcohol!
-
Next time on The Door to Darkness.
Mai: I’m pregnant - and Minnie’s the father!
Ansem: I’ve got cancer!
Goofy: I’m actually A rocket scientist!
Mikey: I’ll see you - next time [notices the knife is still jammed into his head]
Ouch~ [collapses to the floor]
-
Forward ->
<- Back
Table of Content
(Mikey would also like to apologize for taking so long)
Merlin: My lady, your ass smells divine! Oh and you are the chosen one along with your sue spawn!
Hiromi: Color me shocked! [whips a few slaves while her baby flies around using magic rainbows]
Hiromi: I want sex! Stop your research! It could kill us all even though I know nothing about it! SEX~!
Ansem: Duh - me not as smart as you - research continue!
Hiromi: Certainly this will spell our DOOM! The stars have spoken! 2012~
Minnie Mouse: Mickey can’t find out I’m pregnant. And you’re the father!
Zim: DOOOOOOOOOOM~
Gir: Waffles~!
Mikey: Wait, Zim isn't a Disney character - what a scandal!
[soap opera opening music plays]
Join us for those whose lives take place on the other side of - THE DOOR TO DARKNESS!
-
The Door to Darkness 1-4
by ~gethsemane-butler
Mikey: Bringing you all the fan fiction; you didn’t want to read.
Book I: Hiromi
Chapter IV
After exiting the library, Hiromi entered her bedchamber to go about her nightly rituals.
Mikey: She bathes in the blood of virgins in a desperate attempt to stay young and fertile.
After so doing, she crossed the room to the crib and found Mai
[Knife flies into Mikey‘s head]
Mikey: Heh- I’ll be okay…
sleeping peacefully, completely oblivious to her presence.
Mikey: If only we; the readers, could be so blessed.
Also I find it funny that this one year old is so calm and peaceful. The worst she has done is play with hair and fuss quietly.
I’ve dealt with small children. They are whiny, selfish, and loud - [thinks back to earlier chapters] if one grabbed your hair you’d better pray the little devil decides it’s bored and let’s go because it will try to pull your hair out. And guess what, it’ll probably succeeded too.
How I envy you, little one, Hiromi thought as she lovingly stroked her daughter's dark curls. Innocent and completely oblivious to your fate...
Mikey: I would be frightened of anyone; and I do mean anyone, who stands over a child and thinks like this.
how I wish I could be so oblivious!
Mikey: Gethsemane; you are oblivious.
Merlin's words had not receded from her mind with the passage of the hours since he had taken his leave. He had only stayed a short while longer, though at length showed himself from the room, as he had some sort of business that needed desperate attention.
Mikey: Let’s play re-write this to make sense.
Merlin’s words had not left her mind. She wished he could have stayed longer, but he had urgent business to take care of; leaving her with no one to consult on the matter.
See, not hard - and I even “spiced” it up just a little like Gethsemane herself would have wanted.
She did not immediately slip into her bed,
Mikey: First she slipped on a banana peel, then a rubber duck, then a…
but walked to the two windowed doors leading to the terrace.
Mikey: I can’t take this anymore, do something - I mean something meaningful. If you cut out the useless bits (relatively speaking) this story would be finished in like three chapters instead of three hundred!
But I guess that wouldn’t make you look “smart” ‘eh?
Rain was still falling in thick torrents, though there was no thunder or lightning to accompany it.
Mikey: TIME OUT! Last chapter you mentioned that lightning flash as soon as your sue left the library so this doesn’t make sense. Did the lightning rush home because it forgot to turn the stove off?
Or maybe you are trying to be over dramatic you pompous faux intellectual - I hope you fall off your damn “terrace”.
She stood before them, staring into the rain, barely visible against the blackness.
Mikey: What happened to it being a torrent of water? Now it’s a drizzle barely visible at night! Next she’ll realize it wasn’t raining, but snowing!
If our world plunges into darkness...will it be eternal night...or will there be nothing left?
Mikey: [Eye twitches] Wha? You know what I‘m sure everyone has some kind of comment for this so - ‘insert your own issue here‘.
Me, I don’t have the time to list all that is wrong with that. No time for the linguistic issues, no time for the story telling issues, no time to point out the use of ellipses, no time to point out how incredibly stupid is sounds all around.
Nope - such a thing would be much to time consuming for me.
I will leave it on this note. [bashes own head against wall]
Perhaps it no longer mattered what would remain of the world, if indeed there were any remnants at all.
Mikey: Hey~, yeah Gethsemane, pay attention to your tense! It sounds like the place has already been destroyed. We just aren’t that damn lucky ‘k.
Unless; of course, my theory is correct and your character is a nutball paranoia freak who thinks the world is going to end if she sneezes the wrong way - which honestly would make for an interesting main character-
If it was an intended flaw!
Merlin had said that both she and her daughter would have a hand in the world's salvation or its destruction.
Mikey: Yes, thank you for reminding us. We had forgotten since you hadn’t mentioned it in so~ long.
But which is it? The world cannot possibly have two different destinies!
Mikey: Sure it can - ever think one of you is meant to save it and the other is meant to destroy it.
Hopefully in that order?
She glanced over her shoulder at her sleeping daughter, and within her rose a sickening sensation, though what it was she could not positively identify.
Mikey: It’s vomit dear; we all taste it.
Mai is only a child! How could she possibly have such a destiny placed upon her tiny shoulders?
Mikey: Once again - we’ve been through this all already!
Thoughts whirling violently about in her head, she turned and made her way to the bed once again, finally settling beneath the blankets. Her head was throbbing now, and, had she not been laying down, she knew that perhaps she would have felt quite dizzy.
Mikey: Wha? You do feel dizzy, you said so!
When your not repeating shit your contradicting it - either through action or word. Often in the same paragraph! That’s not clever you twat!
You know what, I feel sick.
It seemed that it was only now that the full understanding of what Merlin had told her had come crashing down upon her, suffocating her, drawing her down within themselves like quicksand.
Mikey: Hey it’s like reading a Meyer’s story; information that should have been obvious to the character only becomes obvious to the character as drama needs it to be. Sure they should have noticed something was up before, but if they knew then the story wouldn’t work.
In other words - shitty writing for the sake of fake drama.
You two could start a writing club for shitty writers.
She inwardly berated such thoughts, and it was only moments before sleep overcame her.
Mikey: She inwardly berated herself? Why would she do that? That doesn’t connect with what she said before…
What does that have to do with her understanding the extent of what she was told? (after a whole day of pondering)
Why?!
Why?!
Why?!
[Breaks down into tears]
Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING! YOU! DO! MAKES! SENSE!
NOTHING!
HOW! CAN! YOU! HAVE! A! FAN! BASE!
Your character doesn’t try to stop Ansem in any plausible way, she comes off as a petty tyrant, she angst about crap constantly, her inner monologue (if you will) is insanely tedious, she’s boring (which can’t be stressed enough), she’s paranoid, she believes in fate with it being depicted as a good thing (personal issue), and she’s some kind of chosen even though she has shown no leadership skills, no greater intellect, no selflessness, and - oh yeah - no personality.
--------
When she awoke again, she found that she was no longer within her own chamber,
Mikey: Ansem had her locked up well she slept to quell the people. Execution at 3!
but rather lying on cold, blue rock.
Mikey: So he went with exile then?
She looked about her and found that the sky had not at all lightened, but was instead dark, stormy grey. A short distance away stood a woman, with her back to Hiromi, her dark hair gently dancing in the soft breeze that whispered through the rocky plain.
Mikey: It was doing the robot!
Hiromi slowly rose to her feet, shivering in the chilly air, and slowly approached the woman. She called out to her, but the woman did not seem to hear her, or even acknowledge her presence.
Mikey: Given the sue’s personality (for lack of a better word); the women’s just ignoring her like most do.
The woman then lifted her arms slightly, leaned forward, and, before Hiromi could stop her, flung herself from the precipice.
Mikey: That’s right, the sue is so unbearable that characters are actually killing themselves; in the fanfic itself, just to get away from the bitch.
Oh and there is that thesaurus again!
Hiromi dashed forth to the edge,
Mikey: And slipped off - dying. The End-
Oh wait, she has a daughter…
and found the woman lying motionless,
Mikey: It’s a trap by the resistance I hope; it’s been a long time coming but the tyrant is going down!
facedown on the ground below.
Mikey: [push] Oh, my mistake.
Just hurry up and die so we can deal with your daughter! It’s not like we don’t all know what the hell this is anyway!
Hiromi turned to her right and dashed down a rocky incline,
Mikey: There she was surrounded by Heartless who ignored her since her heart was nothing but darkness to begin with. Hell they’d probably run from her!
desperately trying to keep her balance as she hurried along it, and at length came to the bottom.
Mikey: Oh please~ this fanfic started at the bottom.
She hurried to the woman and knelt beside her. Ever so gently, Hiromi turned the body so as to see the woman's face.
Mikey: It was the face of Lucy Barker back for vengeance - that’s right she remembers Salvation bitch!
Hiromi; and by Hiromi I mean Gethsemane, is then jumped on by every canon character she has killed and/or derailed to make her shitty ass fantasy fulfillment fics work!
She screamed upon seeing that the bloodied and bruised face was that of her own.
Mikey: And here you have it folks! Her character has literally killed herself to try and get out of her own evil clutches! The is how bad Gethsemane is people - her characters are self aware and stuck in a situation much like I have No mouth and I must scream except it sucks…
-----
"Hiromi!"
She awoke,
Mikey: If anyone here thought that wasn’t a dream sequence please take a day to recover - the effects to the brain can be permanent if you don’t pace yourself.
finding herself being shaken,
Mikey: What they won’t do to try to kill her at this point.
and, looking into the darkness, found the shadowed form of her husband at her side.
Mikey: Only a glint of light shown from the knife he raised high. END THIS!
He was staring at her, fearful and frantic.
Mikey: Now that he was in her sight, her sue powers will start effecting him; he was to late…
"I heard you screaming in the library!" he exclaimed. "What's happened?"
Mikey: Nice covering your bases, but how close could the library be to the bedroom? I’m sticking to my theory.
Also once again, isn’t he an insensitive aloof bastard nowadays!
She became aware of the fact that she was trembling, almost violently so,
Mikey: Your not my dear, I’m shaking you - violently as you may have noticed.
and felt a liquid warmth streaming down her cheeks.
Mikey: She’s peeing from her eyes. Ewwwww~
"I...it was...I dreamt that I flung myself from a cliff..." she stammered hoarsely.
Mikey (as Ansem): What a great idea - do that!
"What could have possibly inspired such a nightmare?" Ansem asked her.
Mikey: She’s a paranoid psychopath; think about it people.
She shook her head. "I'm not certain if indeed anything inspired it."
Mikey: Nope, nothing people. Despite worrying her little head off before going to bed she can’t even imagine a reason why she’d have a nightmare.
Before you ask; yes, she is really this vapid.
"It is all this talk of destruction," he said darkly.
Mikey: See; she doesn’t get it, but he does! Is she intentionally making her character stupid or is she just a bad writer? (Guess)
"Merlin had no right to meddle in our affairs, and you suffer because of his words!"
Mikey: I think she’s suffering from some kind of brain damage, but enough about Gethsemane - more about the sue.
"It is not Merlin's fault!" she cried.
Mikey (as Hiromi): “I was this crazy and paranoid before I derailed him into my personal seer and ass-kisser!”
"Do not blame him for something over which he has no control!
Mikey: Yeah, she has all the control over it, blame her!
I have known him all of my life, Ansem; he would never intentionally cause me any harm, nor would he cause Mai harm!"
Mikey: You’ve repeated this to yourself long enough that it must be true now!
Personally I think he’s trying to do away with both of you…
"He comes here claiming that you and Mai have a hand in the destruction of our world, and yet what does he have to support his claims? Constellations, mysteries, and convoluted predictions!"
Mikey: Exactly! Anyone still in doubt that this character; at the least, isn’t self aware? He’s basically saying what I have this whole time - she’s being paranoid!
"He told me himself that that was all that had been revealed to him. He is preparing us, though for what I do not know."
Mikey: You don’t know much do you?
"He is not preparing you; he is distressing you!" Ansem muttered.
Mikey (as Ansem): And your annoying when you're distressed; can you stop that?
(as Hiromi): Angst!
"All of this nonsense about the future, salvation, and destruction...it will behoove you not to mind what he has said."
Mikey: Pft, she did not just use the word behoove. I’m sorry I need a moment. [laughs his ass off]
Also remind me I have to go and liberate her thesaurus from her evil clutches later.
"Do you honestly believe that he simply wished to distress me?
Mikey: No, you where distressed to begin with. Stop pushing the blame on Merlin to make your angst look realistic. It doesn’t work!
Do you believe that is his motive? You do not know him at all!"
Mikey: He’s the king - Merlin is a great sorcerer who is living in his kingdom! Ansem is this worlds ruler, how the bloody fuck would he not know him well?
Did he say "screw the great sorcerer" or something? Gah, this is stupid? Do you even explain why your sue knows Merlin so well?
"Perhaps I do not know him as well as you do, Hiromi," he acknowledged, "but
Mikey (as Ansem): You know everyone important better than me anyway. I brought you a letter from YOUR friend King Mickey that says how much he adores you!
Of course, that’s only if the sue remembers he exists.
yet I know nonsense when I hear it."
Mikey: And in this case its quite obvious.
[cries] But she’s still going to be right!
She glared at him. "It is not nonsense!"
Mikey: Balderdash, poppycock,. twaddle, rubbish, claptrap, or even jabber; but never nonsense
"You are young, Hiromi, and still naive to the workings of our world. In time, you will learn."
Mikey: Wait, how much older is he than her? Maybe she married him for power? That’d explain the lack of a sex scene…
His voice had softened now, as had his eyes.
Mikey: He is so~ cruel as of late.
Hiromi looked away from him; let him think her ignorant if it pleased him.
Mikey: You are ignorant. [takes a sip of wine]
He had no part in this world's future, or, if he did, it was not quite so large as she had originally thought. His name was not written in its future, perhaps, but his studies had unleashed the darkness; she did not believe that it could be easily controlled.
Mikey: [spits] Did - did I just read that? Is she really saying that his opinion doesn’t matter on the basis of the fact that he doesn’t have a part in the future? He’s your husband and the wise, just ruler of your world and you don’t give a shit about him because apparently he’s not gonna be as great as you thought he was according to the stars?
Oh my god I was right! She’s a power-hungry bitch!
Also Ansem does have a part in the games - A BIG PART! Did you not beat the games? I mean yeah, he’s not the #1 most important, but he’s definitely in the top ten!
Then again; a sue can only settle for the top…
One day, she thought as she lay down once again, with Ansem beside her, you will regret all you have done in meddling with the darkness.
Mikey: And now she’s gloating that as a sue she will be right. I mean yeah, he does in canon. He also works to fix his mistakes, but it’s not like the sue gives a shit about that. Besides, she’s better than him so she’ll live (well probably die) with no regrets.
Will you force your daughter to pay the price?
Mikey: The New York Times raves: a redundant romp for the whole family.
---
[Sighs]
It hurts me to read this shit…
I guess I should just continue, but I wish I had help…
Oh I can‘t forget - [Writes a note to rescue Gethsemane‘s poor thesaurus then sticks it next to his ‘cancel book club meeting‘ sticky note]
By the way - I hate all this Fate shit. I can forgive the use of something like Destiny because that’s usually used to represent something one must do to prevent something bad from happening meaning you can choose not to do it, but you’ll need to face the consequences of such a choice.
I can even accept the concept of SOME things being fated to happen.
However Fate suggest life is predefined and we have no choices; I hate shit like that. The worse part is Gethsemane talks about it as a good thing because she’s written that her damn sues fates are ; of course, to do something great! Personal issue , but I hate her for it…
---
The Door to Darkness 1-5
by ~gethsemane-butler
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. V
Mai Speaks...
She’s the talkative type - as you can see.
Gah! The next part burns to read! Script it!
[six years time skip; Mai is seven now]
Mai: I was innocent and ignorant of destiny [sparkles].
Mikey: Shit about how we are pawns of fate and crap like that. Lots of pointless flowery crap and redundant shit. She mentioned she would have thrown herself off a cliff f she had known - we all wish she did the damn tease.
Mai: But I was a child then, of all but seven years old, when I experienced my first encounter with Destiny.... (What she actually says near the end of this pointless scene that is really just a retread of the prologue)
Mikey: I assume that means she had her first sexual encounter, but that seems so wrong.
Anyway that was much better. I admit I’m happy that sue daughter angst over fate a little - not that it redeems her since it just makes the whole thing even stupider since it only exists to try and make you sympathize with her.
-------
Mai had risen earlier than usual, even before the cold light of early dawn had stretched itself over the land like a misty veil.
Mikey: [Eye twitching] Nothing gets better. Cold light over land like a misty veil!?
She had awoken with a start from a very strange dream,
Mikey: Of course, I’m sure it won’t be prophetic in anyway.
Sora had strange dreams so of course the sues have to, because Sora isn’t half the chosen one they are!
and for a moment she sat upright in her bed, trying to remember what she had dreamt. All she could remember was the sensation of free-falling and the soft murmur of voices, though she could not understand them.
Mikey: Oh my god, it’s not even and original dream - you’re just taking Sora’s. Your mother stole Mickey’s (much more justified) concerns over Ansem’s research and now you’re stealing Sora’s dream from the opening of the first game.
I’m surprised you didn’t just start this chapter by having her land on a stained-glass picture of one of the Disney princesses just to make the thievery complete!
She climbed out of bed and dressed herself instead of calling on her nurse.
Mikey: I’m guessing this is to prove how independent she is, that or because mommy had most of the servants killed for their varies attempts to kill her; the two-bit tyrant.
She ran a brush through her dark hair, wincing when she snagged the tangles.
Mikey: My god, tangles! You poor thing! [rolls eyes]
When she finished, she crept out of her room and into the corridor.
Mikey: That wily tramp - I mean scamp!
All was dark and silent; she assumed that she was the only one stirring within the castle.
Mikey: She was right of course; everyone fled the place during the time skip.
She glanced down the left side of the corridor, then the right. Indeed, she was the only one.
Mikey: Because she peeked down one corridor? How big is this castle?
Gleefully she hurried down the corridor towards the main upstairs hall, and, upon reaching it, turned to her right and dashed down the winding staircase.
Mikey: Tripped and broke her neck - okay I’m outta here! [gets up]
She could not see quite as well in the dark, and nigh screamed when she felt her body slam into a hardened wall of warmth.
Mikey: [Sits] Wow I was right, she’s bleeding to death!
Seriously though, nigh?
The ensuing sound was not a cry of surprise, but a warm chuckle of amusement.
Mikey: Yeah, that’d be me. I couldn’t help but imagine you as a corpse.
"Papa!" Mai cried as she looked up.
Mikey: Gah, to sugary!
Above her towered her father, who smiled down upon her dotingly, his amber eyes warm.
Mikey: His eyes then went blood red and he killed her. His research had proven she was not his daughter, but the evil M. Sue Parasite. With that canon and logic where restored.
"What has you up so early, dear one?" he asked her.
Mikey (as Mai): Well~ I was running around like an idiot for no reason and I tripped - aren’t I endearing.
(as Ansem): No.
"I had a strange dream," she replied. "All I remember
Mikey (as Mai): was stealing plot important events from main characters. I’m also considering stealing plot points from Disney characters, but only if my author finds time between two guys fawning over me. Tee-hee~!”
is falling...and people whispering, but I couldn't understand what they were saying."
Mikey: They where saying - “didn’t this dream happen in the first game?”
"That is a strange dream.
Mikey: Gee, I wonder if it was a strange dream?
Would you like to go for a walk with me? I couldn't get to sleep, either."
Mikey (as Ansem): I was thinking about how I could get rid of you like I did your mother…
Oh come on - the mom is so obviously dead - maybe not right now, but you know she will be!
Mai smiled and nodded. "Okay."
Mikey (Mai): Tee-hee~ !
She placed her hand in her father's, and together they walked into the castle courtyard just as the first light of dawn began to peek over the horizon.
Mikey: Then Mai started to sparkle in the sunlight…
The town was barely beginning to stir when Ansem and Mai entered the marketplace.
Mikey: That’s right, the town wakes up as the sue does!
Merchants were beginning their morning rituals, preparing their wares as the sun began to rise.
Mikey: The slave trade was doing well this morning.
The air smelled sweetly of the many blossoms that populated the town, all fed.
Mikey: You fed the blossoms? You know what, I’ll go with it…
Upon seeing their king and princess, they all bowed deeply and reverently.
Mikey: Mostly out of fear…
Ansem smiled at them,
Mikey: Well the sue just stared malevolently…
taking several moments to converse with each,
Mikey: The king took time to talk to every merchant and villager…
Good to know he put that research aside for this totally meaningful scene~
Also watch as she takes this moment to not mention even one of the many Disney and Final Fantasy characters that lived in this place. Not even Scrooge McDuck who was friends with Ansem and Mickey Mouse. How does one pass up a chance to use Scrooge Mc-fuckin‘-Duck!?
You know what Gethsemane, I think you only notice the pretty boys in this damn game - that’s why Ansem doesn’t seem to get a sex scene in your twisted tale, because he wasn’t a pretty boy! That’s why sue daughter will most certainly have plenty of them with her pretty boys she shall have at her disposal.
You only threw Merlin in to sate those who where wondering if any would show; and even then, just so he could kiss your sues ass an prove to the world that she and her hell spawn are so~ much better than the canon characters and everyone should understand how canon wouldn’t even be without their existences.
Go fuck yourself, bitch - wait no - I don’t think about THAT fanfic.
while Mai stayed dutifully at his side, nodding and replying when she was spoken to.
Mikey: Well guiding her “father” around like a puppet.
She allowed her mind to wander, though for the sake of etiquette feigned interest.
Mikey: Much like how you fake intellect really.
After several moments of conversations with his subjects, Ansem turned and, with Mai at his side, walked towards a small, barely visible path beneath a grove of sakura trees.
Mikey: I don’t remember seeing any Sakura Flowers in the freakin’ Radiant Gardens you little- screw it.
The air here was heavily perfumed with the sweet smell of the blossoms, and all around them floated soft petals that came to rest upon the ground in a sea of pale pink.
Mikey: In a scene stolen from almost every romantic anime - ever, but I’m sure her fans will eat it up - praising her so called “symbolism“.
"I've never been here before," said Mai. "What is this place?"
Mikey: [Sighs] a place Gethsemane pulled out of her ass to make the meeting between you and your sweet heart that much more “meaningful“.
"A large grove of sakura trees. Here is where I asked your mother to marry me," Ansem replied, his expression softening as he reminisced.
Mikey: It’s also where he killed her.
The two continued deeper into the grove until they came to the other side. Echoing all around them was the sound of cascading water. Mai hurried ahead of her father, following the sound until she came to the bank of a small lake,
Mikey: It was there Ansem drowned her.
which was surrounded on all sides, save for the tunnel of sakura,
Mikey: Tunnel of Sakura? Um, okay glancing over the fifty different anime jokes I could make. (I was kind of tempted to do a Cardcaptor Sakura one, but…) Are you suggesting they just walked out of a flowing tunnel of flowers? Please say these blossoms are being used to represent death!
by high walls of rock, down which cascaded a torrential veil of clear, misty water, the very lifeblood of the world.
Mikey: Once again I imagine blood everywhere!
That or Final Fantasy VII; I miss Aries - she was in Kingdom Hearts too...
This was the main spring that fed the town. Beneath this one, she knew, were many other smaller springs that branched from this one.
Mikey: Ignoring the awkwardness of this for fear that my brain would implode- she knows this because she is a sue - and they know pretty much everything. What they don’t know will be handed to them as plot (for the lack of a better word) demands.
Mai looked about for several moments until her eyes fell upon a peculiar shape on the opposite side of the lake's shore.
Mikey: Gee - whatever could it be? Hmmmm, could it be the guy will grow up to be one of your sex toys and kiss your ass well causing you contrived faux angst?
OH my; did I spoil that?
She glanced over her shoulder at Ansem, who stood a small distance away, deep in thought, and hurried over to the figure.
Mikey (Ansem): Now where shall I hide the body?
She found, to her surprise, the figure to be that of a boy, no older than her own age, with golden skin and long silver hair. He was breathing, though unconscious.
Mikey: Hmmmm, could this character be important? Could it be - a canon character for the raping?
"Papa!" Mai screamed. "Come quickly!"
Mikey: And she’s found herself a boyfriend!
And I find myself wishing for alcohol!
-
Next time on The Door to Darkness.
Mai: I’m pregnant - and Minnie’s the father!
Ansem: I’ve got cancer!
Goofy: I’m actually A rocket scientist!
Mikey: I’ll see you - next time [notices the knife is still jammed into his head]
Ouch~ [collapses to the floor]
-
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(Mikey would also like to apologize for taking so long)