The Door to Darkness - Book 1: Hiromi - Chapter 6 & Chapter 7
[Sitting down with a knife still lodged in his head]
Mikey: My doctor told me it was okay to keep sporking as long I don’t touch the knife. He told me he needs special tools to remove it and I’ll need to see him tomorrow.
Until then I can taste purple…
Also I must warn you; this chapter isn’t quite as good as the last…
---
The Door to Darkness 1-6
by ~gethsemane-butler
Mikey: A name that causes hives in the fanfiction community.
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. VI
Ansem started from his thoughts upon hearing his daughter's cries and hurried to her.
Mikey: He had to make sure she was really hurt.
He paused in mid-step, however, upon seeing the boy that lay on the ground in front of her.
Mikey (Ansem): Already starting to rape canon males, you are your mothers daughter!
She had placed her hands on the child and was now looking up at her father, worry etched in her features.
Mikey (Mai): He’s mine to rape! [bares her sue fangs as she unzips his pants] MINE!
But seriously - etched in her features? I imagine that’s a very painful prose-
I mean process.
"What happened?" Ansem asked as he knelt down on the ground beside her.
Mikey (Mai): I summoned him here to be mine~! I mean I found him here…
Mai returned her attention to the boy. "I just found him, Papa. Is he going to be all right? Is he just sleeping?"
Mikey: No he’s dead. [gets up to leave]
Ansem took a moment to examine him as best he could. "Let's take him to the castle. We can take better care of him there."
Mikey: [Sit‘s back down] I’m gonna be here all day!
He lifted the boy gently in his arms and started back towards the castle, Mai on his heels.
Mai: You said you’d stop after she stopped cooing.
Mikey: [angry] Has she?!
Mai: …
Continue. [leaves]
-----
When Ansem and Mai at length returned, they found Hiromi in the foyer.
Mikey: Hiromi is still alive! Can that happen? Can a mother and daughter sue really survive that long in the same fanfic together?
Most certainly Gethsemane isn’t planning to juggle both of them!
Also; is it just me or does that statement make zero sense.
She turned to smile at them, but her smile faded as she saw the boy.
Mikey: Her smile vanished? Yippy, she can’t talk anymore!
Her questioning expression turned into one of horror.
[evil grin]
"What's happened?" she gasped as she flew to them
Mikey: Flew to them? What, she a freakin‘ hummingbird now?
"I found him, Mama," replied Mai.
Mikey (Mai): Can I keep him?
(Hiromi): Well~ you have always wanted one of your own.
"Papa and I went to the spring behind the sakura grove, and I found him lying beside the water."
Mikey (Mai): And I can still just barely form a functioning sentence.
Also isn’t it nice of Gethsemane to tell us again - and again- and again - and again- ad nauseam…
"The poor thing," sighed Hiromi as she gently caressed the boy's forehead.
Mikey: Pedophile alert!
Upon doing so, she frowned. "He's burning up!"
Mikey: Bow chicka chicka bow wow!
But seriously - please stop!
Ansem, with seemingly renewed vigor, carried the boy down the corridor,
0_0
Mikey: I feel dirty. I think I need a shower.
Hiromi and Mai in pursuit.
Mikey: Please stop! Don‘t make this an event for the whole sick family! [crying]
He reached the end of the corridor and opened the door to a guest bedchamber,
Mikey: [covering his ears]
whereupon he laid the boy down upon the fair-sized bed before the hearth. Hiromi then sat beside the boy, gently caressing his forehead once again; it was damp with tiny droplets of sweat.
Mikey: Noooooo~ This isn’t happening- I promise if this stops I’ll cut the running joke!
"Mai,"
Mai: …
Mikey: After that one?
Mai: [leaves]
Hiromi said to her daughter, "go and fetch me a basin of cold water and some cloths."
Mikey: Thank god they are redressing him, my fears where for nothing.
Then again that would have been something in this crappy fanfic.
Mai nodded and abruptly went to do her mother's bidding.
Mikey: Wow! She is a tyrant!
Even other mary sues are forced to serve her as slaves - then again she did kill almost all the servants so someone needs to do something.
Ansem came to stand at the bedside, watching as Hiromi gently removed the boy's sullied white shirt, now almost grey with dust and dirt.
Mikey: How come it’s this dirty? ‘Eh, I stopped caring awhile back, if you still care then you’re in for a very sad ride.
"We should summon Even," Hiromi said. "He'll know what to do."
Mikey: Who the hell is this Even person anyway and who would name their child such a name!? Is it a Kingdom Hearts character I forgot, or someone you pulled out of your ass? (Guess)
Ansem nodded and crossed the room to the door, whereupon he summoned a nearby servant.
Mikey (Ansem): You don’t want to be her next victim do you?
As he was giving instructions, Hiromi continued her examination as a mother would examine her own child after an accident.
Mikey: Proving one of two things-
A) Gethsemane - I mean Hiromi is a good person.
B) She implanting the mind chips to ensure her daughter a good “mate”.
I’d say lover or boyfriend, but let’s be honest - she sees him as a sex toy.
Her eyes came to rest upon a scar on the child's left breast, right above his heart. The scar in itself was oddly shaped, some sort of heart with an odd design in its center.
Mikey: Somehow this seems like it will be important, then again nothing in this fanfic is important so whatever~ I‘m not even gonna care.
The scar seemed to have been in existence for quite some time, as it was pale and slightly raised against his golden skin.
Mikey: I still don’t get how he can have Golden Skin; is he being roasted?
"Ansem," she said softly to him, "what could have possibly caused this?"
Mikey: I’d say he was being cooked and someone was removing non-tasty organs, but I bet it’s something stupider.
Ansem knelt beside the bed to better inspect the scar once the servant had gone. "It is indeed an anomaly; I've never before seen such a scar."
Mikey: How do you know he’s not just crazy and he cut it into himself?
Hiromi's reply was silenced by Mai's return,
Mikey: The sues continue to fight for scene dominance.
with a basin of cold spring water in her hands and three cloths draped upon her small arm.
Mikey: Wait, she took time to run out to the spring to get water? Why, is tap not worthy of being in you precious sue hands?
"Set it there, sweet," said Hiromi gently as she motioned to a small table beside the bed.
Mikey: Sweet? Need I say anything.
Mai obeyed,
Mikey: The sue child is still young so the mother sue’s dominance is still strong, however in a few years the sue should be able to over power it‘s mother.
and Hiromi dipped one of the cloths into the water, wrung it, and gently placed it upon the boy's forehead.
Mikey: That was such an important line…
Moments later, Even, a young man with pale blonde hair and green eyes, entered.
Mikey: Now we’re learning what the guy looks like! Gee, thanks for that!
"You said you wished to see me, Sir?" asked the apprentice in his usual cold voice.
Mikey: Gee, wonder if we’re supposed to dislike him.
"I would like you to examine this young man," Ansem replied. "Mai found him this morning on the bank of the main spring."
Mikey (Ansem): She wanted to keep him and I find myself compelled to listen - damn sue.
But seriously why is he telling him this, did the sueuthor just think we'd forget if she doesn't say it two-hundred times or something.
Even approached the boy and did as his master bade him. Hiromi, Ansem, and Mai exited the room as he worked.
Mikey: Wait why couldn’t Ansem take care of him? At least Hiromi got to put a cloth on the brats head, all we got was Ansem summoning someone else to take care of him. He’s Ansem the Wise, this should be a piece of cake for him!
Also master-bade...
I'm sorry - that joke was beneath me...
---
It seemed an eternity to the three in the corridor while they waited for Even's report.
Mikey: They had decomposed into dust; well rainbow dust.
"Will he be okay?" Mai asked, looking up at her parents.
Mikey (Ansem): No he’s dead.
"I'm sure he will," Ansem replied.
Mikey (Ansem): I’m genre savvy.
Once again I believe this man is self-aware.
Mai looked at the door with a frown. "Even is taking too long."
Mikey (Mai): And I simply can’t get my personality straight!
"Be patient," Hiromi gently admonished. "He won't be that much longer."
Mikey: She knows this because she’s a sue, also how long could she stretch a scene which leads to an awkward romantic moment anyway!
Indeed, Even took only a short while more until he emerged from the chamber.
Mikey: As a butterfly!
Just trying to spice up the story.
"He's awake now. There were no internal injuries,
Mikey: Although someone seems to have given him a frontal lobotomy.
though he appears to be suffering from a case of amnesia.
Mikey: How dramatically convenient!
And there was that strange scar on his chest - I don't know how he could have received that."
Mikey: Scars are so~ mysterious!
Gee, I wonder if that scar will be important to this asinine plot.
"Thank you, Even," Ansem said with a nod. "You may go now."
Mikey (Even): I’m free!
Even bowed and left them. The three entered the room to find the boy was now awake. He was lying down, but looking about him wildly, clearly startled.
Mikey: I’ve spent hours dissecting this and have come to the conclusion that it is - badly written.
"Where-where am I?" he asked.
Mikey: Hell.
He made to sit up, but Ansem gently placed his hands on the child's shoulders, signaling him to lie down again.
Mikey: His daughter prefers you in this position.
"It's best to rest for the time being. What's your name?"
Mikey: Also they’ll need your age, rank, social security number, and your recipe for chocolate chip cookies.
But please do rest…
The boy paused and his face contorted into a look of strain, as if it pained him to try to remember such a simple detail. At length, he replied, "Xeh-Xehanort."
Mikey: Okay I call bullshit! Xehanort people -
X - E - H - A- N - O - R - T
It’s and anagram fro No Heart with an X at the beginning like all the organization members. Except the Organization XIII is made up of Nobodies so~ she’s saying this boy is a nobody.
Spoiler Alert - like I give a shit! Xehanort is the same guy who steals Ansem’s identity before becoming a heartless leading to a Heartless version calling himself Ansem and the Nobody dubbing himself Xehanort. Do I know why? Not really - I guess Xehanort could have had that name as a human, but I doubt it would have been his birth name. Ansem could have given it to him (which is a bit cruel).
On a side note: Xehanort sounds like a Care Bear Villain…
"My name is Ansem. And this is my wife Hiromi and our daughter, Mai."
Mikey (Ansem): They are way~ more important than me!
Xehanort turned his head and stared at the small black-haired girl who stood in front Hiromi. She was looking at him worriedly, though still clinging to her mother as if uncertain whether he was safe to approach.
Mikey: Because her personality changes on a freakin’ dime. One minute she’s wild and carefree if not a bit of a daddies girl; now she’s clinging to mommy in fear the boy with amnesia she chose to bring home might hurt her!
Truly Gethsemane is a master of characterization!
"Do...do I know you?" he asked.
Mikey (Xehanort): “You look a lot like a mary sue.”
His head was now beginning to throb, though the girl looked so familiar to him that he was certain he had known her. As his eyes met hers, that supposition only strengthened.
Mikey: Could this be foreshadowing!?
If it is it’s really badly done.
"No," replied Mai. "I've never seen you before."
Mikey: Well except when you fell from the sky, but I don’t think that counts.
He winced as the throbbing increased in intensity.
Mikey: See, she’d already hurting him.
"You must sleep, now," said Ansem gently.
Xehanort found he had little choice. The pain in his head had intensified to the point he felt as if his skull was splitting open. Sleep would allow him to escape it, if only for a little while...
Mikey: Ending the chapter on a high note, the sue causes her love interest physical pain to be near. That would be pretty interesting, if Gethsemane wasn’t writing this and the characters weren’t so dull.
I mean imagine a love story; well a good love story, in which the two main characters are compatible and truely love one another, but one or both are physiclaly pained to be near the other.
---
Mikey: The taste of purple making me sick - I feel funny… [collapses]
?????: I’m here for book club.
[Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast enters and notices Michael on the floor, she dashes to him.]
Are you okay?!
Mikey: Book - club - can cell-
[An hour later Overlord Mikey has been carted away to the hospital and Belle is sitting in a sporking seat with the sporking staff]
Belle: Well it seems not only was our book club canceled, but Mikey never actually went to the doctor. I’ve been asked to fill in for him because I appeared in Kingdom Hearts. I’ve taken some time to read the fanfic and I’ll try my best so let’s start.
---
The Door to Darkness 1-7
by ~gethsemane-butler
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. VII
All around him he could hear cries and screams, along with a loud roar and a blast of heat at his back. He was breathing heavily; he could feel his lungs burning with every breath.
Belle: As far as I can tell this is a dream sequence, but I‘m not sure what it means.
"What have you done?" cried a raspy voice from in front of him. Smoke swirled wildly about, preventing him from seeing the voice's owner. "What have you done?!"
Belle: She wrote bad fan fiction; oh you mean him. I don't know, the scene had no build up and is far to short and cliche to get anything out of it.
---
Xehanort bolted upright in the bed, his head still throbbing, though not quite as severely. He was breathing heavily and drenched in a cold sweat. The fire that had been burning cheerily in the hearth had withered to ashes.
Belle: Did Mikey already mention an over use of the thesaurus, because she’s starting to make Jane Austin’s work look like beige prose. [The staff seems to twist a little] Is that so, I’ll keep that in mind.
Moonlight streamed in through the windows and danced across the floor. He looked at the clock on the mantle and saw that it was midnight.
Belle: It could be symbolic, but it reads more like a cheap romance novel.
"What a dream," he whispered, placing his hand on his forehead. His fever had gone, though he was still drenched in a cold sweat. "Or a nightmare."
Belle: Once again foreshadowing of the worst kind, try to be a little more subtle.
A soft knock sounded at the door. "Xehanort?"
"Come in," he called.
Mai cautiously opened the bedchamber door. "Are you okay? I heard you talking and moaning."
Belle: Um where exactly is the guest room compared to the other rooms, because a girl her age shouldn’t just be wandering the halls near a strange guy’s room at midnight. Wait, wasn’t she afraid of him last chapter. [Looks at Mikey‘s sporking notes]
Cornflakes and backseats to chop robbers and bongos peas?
Wait; consistency takes a backseat to cheap romance and boring prose.
He blushed. "I'm fine - I just had a strange dream, that's all."
[A recording of Mikey starts playing at the combination of the words I, had, and dream.]
Mikey: Gahhhhhhhhh!~
"Was it scary?"
"I...I don't really know."
Belle: It sounded scary, but you don’t know. Oh god, hand me Twilight, the terrible dialogue is on the same wavelength so they may just deflect each other.
He described the dream to her, or at least what he could remember, and she looked just as confused as he was.
Belle: Everyone in this story is perpetually confused; at least the audience can relate to that.
"How's your head? Does it still hurt?"
Belle: Yes, it does.
"Not as bad as it did."
"That's good."
For a while the two children were silent,
Belle: Sparing us more wooden dialogue about the dream that is most certainly not important.
until at length Mai said, "You asked me earlier if you knew me. This may sound a little strange, but I feel like I've seen you before."
Belle: [check back to the other chapters] You do love to use at length for some reason.
"But you said you hadn't seen me before."
"I know. But I feel like I have."
Belle: It’s probably the old romance short hand called destiny. If your going to go with that, could your characters at least have personalities.
He stared into the cold hearth. "Why do you think that is?"
Belle: I’m starting to this his bed is attached to a fireplace.
Mai shrugged. "I don't know. It's like a dream that I can't remember very well."
Belle: And will probably stay that way.
"Hmm." He fell into thought.
Belle: The sue won't be happy he's deep in thought as that doesn't revolve around her.
"Xehanort?"
"Yeah?"
Belle:: Nothing, she just couldn’t let your mind stay off her too long. Must everything people do revolve around your sues? Don't you want someone who's life is more than just fawning over you?
"Do you remember anything about your home world or your parents?"
Belle: He has amnesia and it pained him to even remember his name, but yes - I’m sure he does.
He shook his head sadly. "No. I was hoping I would remember I'd wake up, but...all I can remember is my name."
Belle: Watch out, it’s a badly written sentence - like all the others really.
"Maybe Papa can help you get your memory back!"
Belle: Maybe you could leave him alone so he could rest? You know how incredibly rude you are being right now, the guy just fell from the sky sickly and suffering from amnesia and your solution is to hound him - at midnight.
He looked up at her, wide-eyed and hopeful. "He can?"
Belle: She said maybe! Gaston listened to me better than you do her; then again given who it is, I don’t blame you for tuning most of it out..
It could be worse, she could imply that memories are stored in the heart or-
She smiled. "Why not? He's researching the heart. Maybe that's where your memories are."
Belle: I’m just gonna stop talking…
"I'll ask him. I want to know who I am. I need to know."
Belle: Which will of course lead into the next pointless chapter.
---
Belle: [looking through Mikey’s notes] I can barely read these with his hand writing.
[The staff twists randomly]
I’m supposed to give a final statement. I suppose I can just mention how badly written this was.
I think I’ll just riffle though some of Michael’s books well I’m here. I doubt he would mind and I could really use something to clear my head of all this.
See you next time!
[Looks through Michael‘s book case]
---
Next ->
<- Back
Table of Content
Mikey: My doctor told me it was okay to keep sporking as long I don’t touch the knife. He told me he needs special tools to remove it and I’ll need to see him tomorrow.
Until then I can taste purple…
Also I must warn you; this chapter isn’t quite as good as the last…
---
The Door to Darkness 1-6
by ~gethsemane-butler
Mikey: A name that causes hives in the fanfiction community.
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. VI
Ansem started from his thoughts upon hearing his daughter's cries and hurried to her.
Mikey: He had to make sure she was really hurt.
He paused in mid-step, however, upon seeing the boy that lay on the ground in front of her.
Mikey (Ansem): Already starting to rape canon males, you are your mothers daughter!
She had placed her hands on the child and was now looking up at her father, worry etched in her features.
Mikey (Mai): He’s mine to rape! [bares her sue fangs as she unzips his pants] MINE!
But seriously - etched in her features? I imagine that’s a very painful prose-
I mean process.
"What happened?" Ansem asked as he knelt down on the ground beside her.
Mikey (Mai): I summoned him here to be mine~! I mean I found him here…
Mai returned her attention to the boy. "I just found him, Papa. Is he going to be all right? Is he just sleeping?"
Mikey: No he’s dead. [gets up to leave]
Ansem took a moment to examine him as best he could. "Let's take him to the castle. We can take better care of him there."
Mikey: [Sit‘s back down] I’m gonna be here all day!
He lifted the boy gently in his arms and started back towards the castle, Mai on his heels.
Mai: You said you’d stop after she stopped cooing.
Mikey: [angry] Has she?!
Mai: …
Continue. [leaves]
-----
When Ansem and Mai at length returned, they found Hiromi in the foyer.
Mikey: Hiromi is still alive! Can that happen? Can a mother and daughter sue really survive that long in the same fanfic together?
Most certainly Gethsemane isn’t planning to juggle both of them!
Also; is it just me or does that statement make zero sense.
She turned to smile at them, but her smile faded as she saw the boy.
Mikey: Her smile vanished? Yippy, she can’t talk anymore!
Her questioning expression turned into one of horror.
[evil grin]
"What's happened?" she gasped as she flew to them
Mikey: Flew to them? What, she a freakin‘ hummingbird now?
"I found him, Mama," replied Mai.
Mikey (Mai): Can I keep him?
(Hiromi): Well~ you have always wanted one of your own.
"Papa and I went to the spring behind the sakura grove, and I found him lying beside the water."
Mikey (Mai): And I can still just barely form a functioning sentence.
Also isn’t it nice of Gethsemane to tell us again - and again- and again - and again- ad nauseam…
"The poor thing," sighed Hiromi as she gently caressed the boy's forehead.
Mikey: Pedophile alert!
Upon doing so, she frowned. "He's burning up!"
Mikey: Bow chicka chicka bow wow!
But seriously - please stop!
Ansem, with seemingly renewed vigor, carried the boy down the corridor,
0_0
Mikey: I feel dirty. I think I need a shower.
Hiromi and Mai in pursuit.
Mikey: Please stop! Don‘t make this an event for the whole sick family! [crying]
He reached the end of the corridor and opened the door to a guest bedchamber,
Mikey: [covering his ears]
whereupon he laid the boy down upon the fair-sized bed before the hearth. Hiromi then sat beside the boy, gently caressing his forehead once again; it was damp with tiny droplets of sweat.
Mikey: Noooooo~ This isn’t happening- I promise if this stops I’ll cut the running joke!
"Mai,"
Mai: …
Mikey: After that one?
Mai: [leaves]
Hiromi said to her daughter, "go and fetch me a basin of cold water and some cloths."
Mikey: Thank god they are redressing him, my fears where for nothing.
Then again that would have been something in this crappy fanfic.
Mai nodded and abruptly went to do her mother's bidding.
Mikey: Wow! She is a tyrant!
Even other mary sues are forced to serve her as slaves - then again she did kill almost all the servants so someone needs to do something.
Ansem came to stand at the bedside, watching as Hiromi gently removed the boy's sullied white shirt, now almost grey with dust and dirt.
Mikey: How come it’s this dirty? ‘Eh, I stopped caring awhile back, if you still care then you’re in for a very sad ride.
"We should summon Even," Hiromi said. "He'll know what to do."
Mikey: Who the hell is this Even person anyway and who would name their child such a name!? Is it a Kingdom Hearts character I forgot, or someone you pulled out of your ass? (Guess)
Ansem nodded and crossed the room to the door, whereupon he summoned a nearby servant.
Mikey (Ansem): You don’t want to be her next victim do you?
As he was giving instructions, Hiromi continued her examination as a mother would examine her own child after an accident.
Mikey: Proving one of two things-
A) Gethsemane - I mean Hiromi is a good person.
B) She implanting the mind chips to ensure her daughter a good “mate”.
I’d say lover or boyfriend, but let’s be honest - she sees him as a sex toy.
Her eyes came to rest upon a scar on the child's left breast, right above his heart. The scar in itself was oddly shaped, some sort of heart with an odd design in its center.
Mikey: Somehow this seems like it will be important, then again nothing in this fanfic is important so whatever~ I‘m not even gonna care.
The scar seemed to have been in existence for quite some time, as it was pale and slightly raised against his golden skin.
Mikey: I still don’t get how he can have Golden Skin; is he being roasted?
"Ansem," she said softly to him, "what could have possibly caused this?"
Mikey: I’d say he was being cooked and someone was removing non-tasty organs, but I bet it’s something stupider.
Ansem knelt beside the bed to better inspect the scar once the servant had gone. "It is indeed an anomaly; I've never before seen such a scar."
Mikey: How do you know he’s not just crazy and he cut it into himself?
Hiromi's reply was silenced by Mai's return,
Mikey: The sues continue to fight for scene dominance.
with a basin of cold spring water in her hands and three cloths draped upon her small arm.
Mikey: Wait, she took time to run out to the spring to get water? Why, is tap not worthy of being in you precious sue hands?
"Set it there, sweet," said Hiromi gently as she motioned to a small table beside the bed.
Mikey: Sweet? Need I say anything.
Mai obeyed,
Mikey: The sue child is still young so the mother sue’s dominance is still strong, however in a few years the sue should be able to over power it‘s mother.
and Hiromi dipped one of the cloths into the water, wrung it, and gently placed it upon the boy's forehead.
Mikey: That was such an important line…
Moments later, Even, a young man with pale blonde hair and green eyes, entered.
Mikey: Now we’re learning what the guy looks like! Gee, thanks for that!
"You said you wished to see me, Sir?" asked the apprentice in his usual cold voice.
Mikey: Gee, wonder if we’re supposed to dislike him.
"I would like you to examine this young man," Ansem replied. "Mai found him this morning on the bank of the main spring."
Mikey (Ansem): She wanted to keep him and I find myself compelled to listen - damn sue.
But seriously why is he telling him this, did the sueuthor just think we'd forget if she doesn't say it two-hundred times or something.
Even approached the boy and did as his master bade him. Hiromi, Ansem, and Mai exited the room as he worked.
Mikey: Wait why couldn’t Ansem take care of him? At least Hiromi got to put a cloth on the brats head, all we got was Ansem summoning someone else to take care of him. He’s Ansem the Wise, this should be a piece of cake for him!
Also master-bade...
I'm sorry - that joke was beneath me...
---
It seemed an eternity to the three in the corridor while they waited for Even's report.
Mikey: They had decomposed into dust; well rainbow dust.
"Will he be okay?" Mai asked, looking up at her parents.
Mikey (Ansem): No he’s dead.
"I'm sure he will," Ansem replied.
Mikey (Ansem): I’m genre savvy.
Once again I believe this man is self-aware.
Mai looked at the door with a frown. "Even is taking too long."
Mikey (Mai): And I simply can’t get my personality straight!
"Be patient," Hiromi gently admonished. "He won't be that much longer."
Mikey: She knows this because she’s a sue, also how long could she stretch a scene which leads to an awkward romantic moment anyway!
Indeed, Even took only a short while more until he emerged from the chamber.
Mikey: As a butterfly!
Just trying to spice up the story.
"He's awake now. There were no internal injuries,
Mikey: Although someone seems to have given him a frontal lobotomy.
though he appears to be suffering from a case of amnesia.
Mikey: How dramatically convenient!
And there was that strange scar on his chest - I don't know how he could have received that."
Mikey: Scars are so~ mysterious!
Gee, I wonder if that scar will be important to this asinine plot.
"Thank you, Even," Ansem said with a nod. "You may go now."
Mikey (Even): I’m free!
Even bowed and left them. The three entered the room to find the boy was now awake. He was lying down, but looking about him wildly, clearly startled.
Mikey: I’ve spent hours dissecting this and have come to the conclusion that it is - badly written.
"Where-where am I?" he asked.
Mikey: Hell.
He made to sit up, but Ansem gently placed his hands on the child's shoulders, signaling him to lie down again.
Mikey: His daughter prefers you in this position.
"It's best to rest for the time being. What's your name?"
Mikey: Also they’ll need your age, rank, social security number, and your recipe for chocolate chip cookies.
But please do rest…
The boy paused and his face contorted into a look of strain, as if it pained him to try to remember such a simple detail. At length, he replied, "Xeh-Xehanort."
Mikey: Okay I call bullshit! Xehanort people -
X - E - H - A- N - O - R - T
It’s and anagram fro No Heart with an X at the beginning like all the organization members. Except the Organization XIII is made up of Nobodies so~ she’s saying this boy is a nobody.
Spoiler Alert - like I give a shit! Xehanort is the same guy who steals Ansem’s identity before becoming a heartless leading to a Heartless version calling himself Ansem and the Nobody dubbing himself Xehanort. Do I know why? Not really - I guess Xehanort could have had that name as a human, but I doubt it would have been his birth name. Ansem could have given it to him (which is a bit cruel).
On a side note: Xehanort sounds like a Care Bear Villain…
"My name is Ansem. And this is my wife Hiromi and our daughter, Mai."
Mikey (Ansem): They are way~ more important than me!
Xehanort turned his head and stared at the small black-haired girl who stood in front Hiromi. She was looking at him worriedly, though still clinging to her mother as if uncertain whether he was safe to approach.
Mikey: Because her personality changes on a freakin’ dime. One minute she’s wild and carefree if not a bit of a daddies girl; now she’s clinging to mommy in fear the boy with amnesia she chose to bring home might hurt her!
Truly Gethsemane is a master of characterization!
"Do...do I know you?" he asked.
Mikey (Xehanort): “You look a lot like a mary sue.”
His head was now beginning to throb, though the girl looked so familiar to him that he was certain he had known her. As his eyes met hers, that supposition only strengthened.
Mikey: Could this be foreshadowing!?
If it is it’s really badly done.
"No," replied Mai. "I've never seen you before."
Mikey: Well except when you fell from the sky, but I don’t think that counts.
He winced as the throbbing increased in intensity.
Mikey: See, she’d already hurting him.
"You must sleep, now," said Ansem gently.
Xehanort found he had little choice. The pain in his head had intensified to the point he felt as if his skull was splitting open. Sleep would allow him to escape it, if only for a little while...
Mikey: Ending the chapter on a high note, the sue causes her love interest physical pain to be near. That would be pretty interesting, if Gethsemane wasn’t writing this and the characters weren’t so dull.
I mean imagine a love story; well a good love story, in which the two main characters are compatible and truely love one another, but one or both are physiclaly pained to be near the other.
---
Mikey: The taste of purple making me sick - I feel funny… [collapses]
?????: I’m here for book club.
[Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast enters and notices Michael on the floor, she dashes to him.]
Are you okay?!
Mikey: Book - club - can cell-
[An hour later Overlord Mikey has been carted away to the hospital and Belle is sitting in a sporking seat with the sporking staff]
Belle: Well it seems not only was our book club canceled, but Mikey never actually went to the doctor. I’ve been asked to fill in for him because I appeared in Kingdom Hearts. I’ve taken some time to read the fanfic and I’ll try my best so let’s start.
---
The Door to Darkness 1-7
by ~gethsemane-butler
Book I: Hiromi
Ch. VII
All around him he could hear cries and screams, along with a loud roar and a blast of heat at his back. He was breathing heavily; he could feel his lungs burning with every breath.
Belle: As far as I can tell this is a dream sequence, but I‘m not sure what it means.
"What have you done?" cried a raspy voice from in front of him. Smoke swirled wildly about, preventing him from seeing the voice's owner. "What have you done?!"
Belle: She wrote bad fan fiction; oh you mean him. I don't know, the scene had no build up and is far to short and cliche to get anything out of it.
---
Xehanort bolted upright in the bed, his head still throbbing, though not quite as severely. He was breathing heavily and drenched in a cold sweat. The fire that had been burning cheerily in the hearth had withered to ashes.
Belle: Did Mikey already mention an over use of the thesaurus, because she’s starting to make Jane Austin’s work look like beige prose. [The staff seems to twist a little] Is that so, I’ll keep that in mind.
Moonlight streamed in through the windows and danced across the floor. He looked at the clock on the mantle and saw that it was midnight.
Belle: It could be symbolic, but it reads more like a cheap romance novel.
"What a dream," he whispered, placing his hand on his forehead. His fever had gone, though he was still drenched in a cold sweat. "Or a nightmare."
Belle: Once again foreshadowing of the worst kind, try to be a little more subtle.
A soft knock sounded at the door. "Xehanort?"
"Come in," he called.
Mai cautiously opened the bedchamber door. "Are you okay? I heard you talking and moaning."
Belle: Um where exactly is the guest room compared to the other rooms, because a girl her age shouldn’t just be wandering the halls near a strange guy’s room at midnight. Wait, wasn’t she afraid of him last chapter. [Looks at Mikey‘s sporking notes]
Cornflakes and backseats to chop robbers and bongos peas?
Wait; consistency takes a backseat to cheap romance and boring prose.
He blushed. "I'm fine - I just had a strange dream, that's all."
[A recording of Mikey starts playing at the combination of the words I, had, and dream.]
Mikey: Gahhhhhhhhh!~
"Was it scary?"
"I...I don't really know."
Belle: It sounded scary, but you don’t know. Oh god, hand me Twilight, the terrible dialogue is on the same wavelength so they may just deflect each other.
He described the dream to her, or at least what he could remember, and she looked just as confused as he was.
Belle: Everyone in this story is perpetually confused; at least the audience can relate to that.
"How's your head? Does it still hurt?"
Belle: Yes, it does.
"Not as bad as it did."
"That's good."
For a while the two children were silent,
Belle: Sparing us more wooden dialogue about the dream that is most certainly not important.
until at length Mai said, "You asked me earlier if you knew me. This may sound a little strange, but I feel like I've seen you before."
Belle: [check back to the other chapters] You do love to use at length for some reason.
"But you said you hadn't seen me before."
"I know. But I feel like I have."
Belle: It’s probably the old romance short hand called destiny. If your going to go with that, could your characters at least have personalities.
He stared into the cold hearth. "Why do you think that is?"
Belle: I’m starting to this his bed is attached to a fireplace.
Mai shrugged. "I don't know. It's like a dream that I can't remember very well."
Belle: And will probably stay that way.
"Hmm." He fell into thought.
Belle: The sue won't be happy he's deep in thought as that doesn't revolve around her.
"Xehanort?"
"Yeah?"
Belle:: Nothing, she just couldn’t let your mind stay off her too long. Must everything people do revolve around your sues? Don't you want someone who's life is more than just fawning over you?
"Do you remember anything about your home world or your parents?"
Belle: He has amnesia and it pained him to even remember his name, but yes - I’m sure he does.
He shook his head sadly. "No. I was hoping I would remember I'd wake up, but...all I can remember is my name."
Belle: Watch out, it’s a badly written sentence - like all the others really.
"Maybe Papa can help you get your memory back!"
Belle: Maybe you could leave him alone so he could rest? You know how incredibly rude you are being right now, the guy just fell from the sky sickly and suffering from amnesia and your solution is to hound him - at midnight.
He looked up at her, wide-eyed and hopeful. "He can?"
Belle: She said maybe! Gaston listened to me better than you do her; then again given who it is, I don’t blame you for tuning most of it out..
It could be worse, she could imply that memories are stored in the heart or-
She smiled. "Why not? He's researching the heart. Maybe that's where your memories are."
Belle: I’m just gonna stop talking…
"I'll ask him. I want to know who I am. I need to know."
Belle: Which will of course lead into the next pointless chapter.
---
Belle: [looking through Mikey’s notes] I can barely read these with his hand writing.
[The staff twists randomly]
I’m supposed to give a final statement. I suppose I can just mention how badly written this was.
I think I’ll just riffle though some of Michael’s books well I’m here. I doubt he would mind and I could really use something to clear my head of all this.
See you next time!
[Looks through Michael‘s book case]
---
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