(no subject)
Character Name: Artemis
Series: Gods Behaving Badly, by Marie Phillips
Age: Immortal! Appears as an adult woman.
Job: Dog-Walking Service (with a side of Animal Control)
Canon: The Greek gods used to have it all, but nowadays they're pretty much sunk. Crammed into a delapidated London property that they can't sell or leave, the Olympians have no choice but to put up with each other's terrible modern-day habits. Zeus and Hera haven't come downstairs in decades, Aphrodite's become a phone-sex operator, and Ares is annoyed by the growing epidemic of world peace. Shunted into ancient history by other major religions, the gods also have to deal with their drastically fading powers, and the fear of what will happen to them and to the world when their strength vanishes altogether.
Goddess of the hunt, the moon, and virgin chastity, Artemis has become a professional dog-walker who takes daily runs through the park, sometimes catching and killing small animals for pleasure. She prefers the company of beasts, particularly canines, and can't abide innuendo or sexual language. In these uncertain times, she remains a down-to-earth, authoritatively practical bastion with no patience for nonsense and hysterics, and keeps some semblance of order in the Olympian household. After centuries of experience, she's well-aware of her siblings' foibles and does her best to sort out the major messes they create-in particular, those caused by her thoughtless twin brother, Apollo. Strong-minded, casually stern, and with a penchant for making and enforcing rules, Artemis has her own imperfections (read: inability to treat mortals like they're real people) and insecurities about her loss of power and influence, but she's also the goddess who tries her best to up and do something about them.
Sample Entry:
Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop using the name of this, this camp in my presence. Not only do I find it deeply offensive, but it makes no sense whatsoever. While I've put up with a lot to get here, there are some things I'm simply not going to stand for. That name's the first one. Secondly, I don't know which of you is responsible for defacing the moon, but you'd better put it straight as soon as possible. That's the eighth time it's winked at me tonight.
Thirdly, what are Hades and Persephone doing in the Underworld? Look at this mess-ghosts and undead mortals everywhere. This is what happens when they stop taking their responsibilities seriously. You things can't even keep yourselves together for a moment, and you want to hire me? At least you have the sense to call away for a real professional, as this place certainly needs one, though I have to wonder about your putting animal control at the top of the priority list when you have so many other problems. Let's get one thing straight right now: you're out of luck if you're depending on me to keep the wild gorilla population down. Or the toucan, the squirrel, or the imported tentacle populations, for that matter. While I'm impressed at the range of wildlife you have in this place, I've also made it very clear that I kill for pleasure, not business. The more you misconstrue the word 'pleasure,' the more it puts me off!
And what was the other half of the job description? Walking this...pack of zombie puppies. I see they've developed a habit of chewing on people's ankles-not to mention their other tarsals, their metatarsals, and their toes. There's a fair amount of killer instinct I've got to work with there, at least, though they do seem a bit slow. Oh, I wouldn't call it a bad habit, as such; I'm sure once you've wiped your foot off and reattached everything it'll be as good as new, or at least close. But for now, it's an excellent teaching tool. That's the problem, you say? Nonsense. It's been a while since I've trained some proper hunters, and you're going to give them all the encouragement that they need.
Now. Where were we? Oh, yes, we'll need to establish some ground rules. You'll have to follow quite a few of those if you want my expertise; it's for your own good. Rule number one: I am always right. Rule number two: all parts of your dogs need to make it to me in some sort of cohesive form, every morning at eight-o-clock sharp. I am here to provide proper supervision for your pets, but I'm certainly not obligated to do that sort of picking-up after them. Rule number three: there will be absolutely no usage of laptops while I am providing you with instruction-
-I see. Let's skip straight to rule number thirty-four: that is, there is no such thing as that other rule thirty-four, and you'll regret it if you try to prove otherwise again.
100% IN. AWESOME.