Bringing Out the Best in Us (Part 1)
Title: Bringing Out the Best in Us
Pairing/Group: Nakamaru/Massu, unrequited Tegoshi/Massu; NEWS/KAT-TUN
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for je_devilorangel; Prompt was [中丸雄一 brave]. Thanks to my partner in crime, akumanakoi for making this a super fun experience ♥
Some of this piece was inspired by this quote: You cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your own. And…you must first be willing to believe that you have it. -Audre Lorde
Summary: It takes a lot of courage for Massu to wear what he wears, and to speak his mind, even when it appears to be random. However, he wasn’t always this brave and he’s not so courageous in other areas of his life…
~~~
At the beginning of his career, Masuda Takahisa wasn’t quite sure what he expected out of the entertainment industry, if he had any expectations at all. He was kind of just going along for the ride, wherever chance would take him, meeting different people along the way who may or may not stick around. Every encounter was a mixture of surprise and self-reflection. How did I end up surrounded by such interesting and talented people? He asked this question often in the wavering footsteps he first took into the limelight, but he wasn’t alone in his struggles.
Nakamaru Yuichi, who was in the same group of juniors who joined in 1998, experienced a similar kind of uncertainty. After being in the dance group, Pop Jam, back-dancing for Kinki Kids, he wondered if this was something he wanted to do for the rest of his life, or even if he would have that chance. The fans were enthusiastic and he enjoyed being able to challenge himself to do something different, but the future was still unknown.
In these ways, Nakamaru and Massu could really relate and bond, and they soon found out they were quite similar, and not just in circumstances.
One day while they were walking around town, going into various clothing stores to shop, Nakamaru brought up the topic that was weighing heavily on his mind. Massu had just gotten news he would debut with a group called NEWS and Nakamaru’s fate was still up in the air.
“I’m really happy for you,” he began while moving through some shirt hangers.
“Thanks,” Massu said simply, doing the same. “But to be honest, it still hasn’t set it. It feels like another unit, and there’s so many of us! It’s more nerve-wracking than exciting right now.”
Nakamaru nodded, kind of understanding the feeling of being in something new. He would have to prove his worth in the group, but everyone went through that in the beginning, and it wasn’t like anyone would not take their responsibility seriously.
As if reading his mind, Massu said, “I have to figure out a way to set myself apart.”
Nakamaru considered joking that he was weird enough as it was, but he knew it wasn’t quite the right time for that. “I think...it’s ok just to be yourself.”
Massu laughed a little. “I don’t really know what that means yet.”
Nakamaru nodded again. “Hey, how does this look on me?” He had picked out a patterned shirt with differently patterned shorts, and all the colors didn’t match.
“Hmm,” Massu tried thinking of a diplomatic way of telling his friend this.
“It’s not good, is it?” Nakamaru laughed.
“Here, try this.” Massu picked out a blue and white striped T-shirt, with some dark jeans. “This might be a little simple,” he mused and proceeded to pick out more clothes, determined to get to a style that fit Nakamaru’s figure and image, while pushing him a little outside the box.
“I know fashion is supposed to be whatever you like, I’ve seen how crazy some people take it, but I guess it’s kind of an art, isn’t it?”
Massu wasn’t paying attention, still concentrated on the clothes. Nakamaru laughed at the younger kid. This was going to be an interesting friendship.
--
Being thrown in a group with the likes of Yamashita Tomohisa and Nishikido Ryo thrust Massu and the other less popular members at the time into a world of careful footsteps and overly polite language. Even though they were supposed to be a group, they weren’t quite there.
“Hey Massu, could you come over here for a second?” Tegoshi whispered during dance practice one day. The youngest member was standing in the back row trying to follow the choreography, while Massu was rather good at dancing, positioned somewhere in the middle.
“Maaasssu,” Tegoshi said again, a bit louder, and finally the older man turned his head around, looking oddly back at him.
“What did you just call me?” His tone wasn’t one of anger, but of slight confusion.
“Massu. It sounded like a good name for you in my head, so I thought I’d say it out loud. What do you think?”
Ryo and Yamapi stopped mid-step in the front row to check what was going on in the back, so Tegoshi repeated his reasoning, proposing to change Masuda’s stagename to ‘Massu.’ The two older members laughed a little at the innocent, yet condescending nature of Tegoshi’s request. Everyone knew he meant no disrespect by it, and it kind of put everyone at ease when everyone had nothing to say.
Ryo commented first. “I think it sounds all right.” Yamapi nodded in agreement.
“Okaaaay?” Massu simply said, not really having a chance to speak his mind. Not that he minded all that much, but it was one of those moments where you’re not quite sure what just happened.
After practice Tegoshi came over to Massu’s locker wearing a sheepish grin.
“Um, sorry about earlier,” he said.
Massu turned around to look at the younger man. He knew it was both good and bad the kind of attention Tegoshi garnered from everyone, that he was trying not to step on anyone’s toes by the way he naturally talked with people, but at the same time, finding a way to stick out so that he wouldn’t be swept away by the 8 other people in the group. The kind of fame they shared was one of uncertainty, both bonding them together, yet cautiously aware of the light footsteps that needed to be taken to reach a higher peak. Despite this balancing act, it was easy for Tegoshi to be close with Massu, because at least they struggled with the beginner’s steps together.
“S’okay,” Massu replied. “I’ve been hearing you call me that, but it hasn’t really clicked for me. It’s a nice twist to my name.”
“Would you rather be called Takahisa or Taka?” He asked.
Massu thought about it for a moment, thinking back on Nakamaru’s advice to him about being more himself.
“Naaah, I actually like it. Massu’s unique,” he said with a smile.
Little did he know that it would catch on like wildfire and the entire fanbase would be calling him by that name very soon. The transition into calling him Massu was seamless for NEWS’ members and it seemed also for the rest of the entertainment industry, except for Nakamaru Yuichi.
He came up to Massu one day while shooting Shounen Club holding an open magazine, pointing to a specific page.
“You mean to tell me I’ve been calling you the wrong name for the past month?”
It took a couple seconds for Massu to figure out what he was talking about and then laughed.
“Blame Tegoshi for that. It kind of caught on and I forget that some particular people don’t pay attention to the news. NEWS, get it?” Massu started laughing at his own pun, while Nakamaru was still baffled by this information.
Nakamaru sighed and made a face. Massu caught his breath, starting to think his friend was really mad at him.
“Sorry,” he said followed by a moment of silence. Nakamaru was one of his closer friends in the agency after struggling through their junior days together. It wasn’t so much the work that was hard, but the combination of the unknown and the idea that the person next to you was both your friend and your competition that really wore on them.
Massu being able to debut that year put a slight strain on their friendship, but he thought there was an unspoken understanding that this was how the entertainment industry worked. Nakamaru was doing well with MCing, but was still waiting to hear news about a potential debut. It had to be frustrating at times, and at moments like this, Massu was afraid he was losing grip of their friendship. He didn’t want that to happen.
Nakamaru nodded, accepting his apology. “It’s okay. I was half joking with you. Also, your pun was lame. Everyone’s already used that too many times now, so it’s old news.”
It was Massu’s turn to make a face, but he burst out laughing a few moments later.
“You’re so bad at keeping a straight face.”
“Honestly, I’m still laughing at my own joke.”
Nakamaru sighed again, shaking his head. “Of course you are. You know, I’m probably the only person here that can tolerate the continuously random things that come from your brain.”
“It’s not random,” Massu defended. “I have my own reasoning. I guess you just get me more than others.”
There was a moment of silence and it was Nakamaru’s turn to crack up. “That was so cheesy.”
“You know you love it,” Massu taunted.
“Yes, my friend, I do.” He laughed. “Okay, I have to head back to prepare a segment with the juniors. Catch up with you later.”
Tegoshi came up to Massu afterwards and asked, “What was that all about?”
Massu looked at the younger man, wondering if it was his imagination or if he really did just a tint of jealous in his voice. “Nakamaru was just commenting on my sudden name change.”
“Ahh, thanks to me,” Tegoshi stated, sounding very satisfied with this.
Massu nodded, smiling. In his mind, he wondered how he ended up being close to one particularly spoiled prince and another endearing goof.
--
Two years after their group debut, Massu and Tegoshi ended up in a duo of their own. It hit them as they arrived at the small intimate venue in Sweden to prepare for their “Miso Soup” debut. Even though they had performed at larger venues with NEWS before, it felt more like their own creation.
“Wow,” Massu gaped at the equipment the band accompanying them had brought along. “This is going to sound really real.”
Tegoshi smiled, holding in his own awe. He picked up one of the guitars and plucked at the strings. “Yep, it’s going to sound great.”
Their manager walked in at this moment, smiling broadly. “Hey guys, looks pretty cool, doesn’t it? We’re going to get started with practice soon. Get some rest, we’ll rehearse for a couple, and then you’ll be ready for tonight.”
Massu and Tegoshi shared nervous glances and then went to drop their stuff off to prepare for rehearsal.
While Tegoshi was messing with his microphone equipment, Massu took the opportunity to sneak away to check the messages on his phone. He hadn’t had the chance to read through all of them before the flight and was honestly a bit nervous about that night’s performance. Usually he would confide in Tegoshi, but he knew the younger man was just as nervous and didn’t want to add to his nerves. He knew Tegoshi trusted in Massu’s aloof, yet steady nature and he didn’t want to shake that trust now.
“Ah, this one’s from Koyama,” Massu said aloud.
Have a safe trip over! You’ll do great! Just try your best and do like you always do in practice. Take care of Tegoshi, okay? :3
~Kei
He laughed to himself. He closed it and clicked the next unread message. A wave of relief washed over him as he saw who it was from and what it said.
Yo! Break a leg (not really). Have a safe flight over and back. I know you’re nervous, so I’m sending you positive vibes. You’ve done this a million times, and if you goof (not saying you will), just play it off. Maybe it’ll help if you think it’s just me in the audience.
Haha, just kidding.
The fans already love you, you’ll do great!
-Nakamaru
Massu couldn’t help the huge smile that was spreading across his face. He wanted so badly to call him and catch up with him, and wish him luck on his activities with KAT-TUN, but knew that would have to wait till he got back.
“What are you smiling about?” Tegoshi asked as he came over to get Massu.
Massu shook his head. “Mmnn, nothing. I just have a feeling we’ll be alright tonight.”
“Did you get a text from Koyama?”
Massu laughed. “Yes.”
“He told me to take care of you.”
Massu snorted. “How about we take care of each other?”
Tegoshi smiled and pumped his fist. “Let’s do this.”
That night’s performance went off without a hitch, and even their short talk segment wasn’t filled with too many awkward silences. Both worked hard to keep conversation going and interesting. They were still experiencing the high of accomplishing their first personal overseas tour (as Tegoshi liked to put it), so they couldn’t sleep. Tegoshi, being tech-savvy, searched for any signs of fan reports or general reviews of their performance from that night. A few people had already put up quick impressions, but most were in English or Swedish so he couldn’t understand them as easily as he’d like.
“Massu, someone thinks you use your hands a lot when you sing,” Tegoshi said while pointing at his laptop screen.
Massu, busy drying his hair, walked to his bed and peered at the screen, squinting.
“That’s Google Translate.”
“Yea, the report was from a foreign fan.”
“Are you sure the translation is right?” He tried to read the original text and couldn’t make any sense of it.
He shrugged. “I hadn’t noticed until they mentioned it. Hey, mind showing me how you usually do that again?”
Massu blinked and thought for a moment. “I guess I hadn’t noticed it too much either, my hands just sort of move along with the music.”
“Are you gonna show it to me?” Tegoshi asked impatiently.
“No,” Massu chuckled. “I’m pretty sure you know exactly how I move my hands and you just want to laugh at me doing it.”
Tegoshi’s sly grin appeared. “Miso soup~tsukuru dewa, yasashiisa ni afureteta…” He paused, hoping Massu would catch on, but he stood there stoically, staring at his partner.
Tegoshi got the point and went back to his laptop, sighing audibly. Massu knew that was not a sign of defeat, but rather one of plotting and waiting for the next opportunity.
And that opportunity came after their trip during a rehearsal for Music Fighter. Massu hadn’t quite forgotten about the comment about his hands, but he had forgotten about Tegoshi’s desire to watch him do it, so he went through his performance as usual.
Tegoshi started the bridge off, standing to Massu’s left, “Tokai no hayasa ni”
“Tsukareta toki ha,” Massu smiled warmly at Tegoshi.
“Itsumo koko ni iru kara,” Tegoshi smiled back.
“Kaete oide!” They sang together and at the last two piano notes, Massu moved his hands a little to follow the note down.
From then on, whenever Massu would do a hand movement, Tegoshi would follow it up the next verse. It wasn't until the last harmony did Massu realize Tegoshi was copying his movements and ended the song facing each other, hands both raised at the same height coming down.
Massu quirked his head, momentarily pausing weirdly when he was supposed to be facing the camera, but quickly turned to take his correct positioning. The director took note of that moment and came over to remind Massu of where his line of sight should be.
After the director left, Massu turned to face Tegoshi whose face was a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.
“If I didn’t know you better, I would be angry. Are you happy now?”
Tegoshi laughed out a sigh of relief, in fact fearing that Massu would take it the wrong way. Even though they had worked together for several years now, their friendship was still relatively new.
“Yes, and I kind of understand why you do it. It really flows with the music and goes well with the emotion of the song.”
Massu, who had been ready for a more snarky response, opened his mouth and closed it again. “Okay, then.”
“That comment from that fan bothered you, didn’t it?” It was more a statement than a question.
Massu looked over at the younger man, somewhat surprised at how he could read him so well. Or maybe he was just really bad at masking his true feelings. Either way, he didn’t know what to say to Tegoshi, but he didn’t need a response.
“Don’t be,” Tegoshi stated. “Bothered, I mean. It’s how you perform, it’s unique, like you are.”
Massu wondered why he was always on the other end of Tegoshi’s pep talks. Wasn’t he supposed to be giving him the advice? He sighed. It was just another day in the life with Teogshi, he guessed.
“Besides,” Tegoshi continued, “I just enjoy teasing you.” With that statement, he winked and walked backstage.
Again, what was that all about? Massu thought to himself, but was then ushered by staff to walk backstage and all thoughts went back to work.
When he was done filming, there was one unread message on his phone.
Hey, I haven’t seen you in awhile. Come hang out, I have gyoza.
-Nakamaru
Massu couldn’t help grinning. He certainly knew his way to a man’s heart. Whoa, where did that come from?
He shook the feeling off, explaining it away by thinking it was just a typical saying.
Within half an hour, Massu was knocking at Nakamaru’s apartment door. The older man opened the door quickly and ushered him in. Massu tentatively walked in, on the lookout for Nakamaru’s dogs.
Nakamaru noticed this and chuckled. “They’re in my bedroom, since I knew you were coming over. See how much I like you?”
“Eh?!” Massu almost screamed.
Nakamaru laughed at this. “It’s a joke, idiot. Come on, the food’s getting cold.”
Massu considered it for a moment and didn’t understand why he reacted so strongly to that. It was just another saying, right? That he cared that much about him to consider putting his dogs in another room so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
“Thanks,” Massu said.
Nakamaru smiled and nodded slightly, understanding what he meant. “Tell me what you’ve been up to,” he said as they sat in the cramped dining-living room and munched on the gyoza. Nakamaru sipped the tea he had prepared as he listened to Massu talk about his adventures in Sweden, his jobs lined up with the agency, and various nonsensical topics, the kind that Massu was particularly knowledgeable about.
“I’m jealous~” Nakamaru said. “I would to go on a trip like that.”
Massu’s eyes lit up. “Hey, we can do that. A trip, I mean. We don’t have to go far.”
They were having an excited discussion of what places would be fun and easy to visit when Massu noticed a slight scratching sound nearby. “Eh, what is that?”
Nakamaru got up, following the sound, knowing it was probably his dogs asking to be let out. When he reached the bedroom door, he turned around to look at Massu, silently asking for permission.
For some reason, Massu’s heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t that he was nervous about being around the dogs, even if he admittedly wasn’t fond of furry little animals, but it was more the look that Nakamaru wore for that split second. There was something about the deep level of thought and care that he showed towards him that made him feel...loved. It was a weird sensation and he tried to shake it off. He turned back to the situation at hand and thought, Nakamaru was so considerate about my anxiety that he kept his beloved dogs in his room. I should put my worries aside and at least try to get along with them, right?
Massu felt a bout of courage and nodded. The other man slowly opened the doors.
The little puppies scurried out and immediately scrambled at Nakamaru’s feet, making small happy barks. Massu had to admit it was a cute scene, how they were excited to see their father. One of them headed towards where Massu was sitting, curious about this stranger in their house, and he couldn’t help but back up in his seat a little. His muscles tensed in anticipation of the dog jumping on him, but the little pup merely sniffed at his feet and then sat beside him, waiting to be pet.
Nakamaru chuckled a little at this scene, smiling fondly in their direction. Massu looked up, a bit worried.
“Go on, she’s very friendly. And because she’s my dog, she’s Massu-friendly.”
The other man understood what he meant by that and lowered a hand towards its head. The dog looked at Massu with its big brown eyes in anticipation, panting a little with excitement.
“She’s cute,” Massu said, trying not to let his anxiety show in his voice. His hand hovered over the dog’s head and then stopped.
Nakamaru noticed this and helped him through his phobia. It wasn’t so much the advice that was helpful, but the fact that he stood so patiently and calmly with him, without judgement. Not that he expected anything less from Nakamaru, but it was nice. He managed to pet it a few times before he felt this ‘lesson’ was enough. They had spent a long night together, and it was time for Massu to head home. They would have to make an opportunity to go on a trip together soon, though.
---
As he packed for their trip to Okinawa, Massu thought about a conversation he'd had with Nakamaru the week before while they had been discussing their vacation.
“Aren't you worried?” Massu had asked him, and Nakamaru had given him a funny look.
“Worried about what?”
Massu had simply shaken his head, and wondered if people really were right when they called him 'the worrier'. He folded up a t-shirt and placed it neatly into his suitcase and then he gave it another look and pulled it back out. Was that a stain on the sleeve? Then he realised that two of the other shirts in his case were black, and it was the middle of summer and wouldn't it be far too hot wearing black?
He let out a sigh, and emptied his suitcase to start again from the beginning.
Have you finished packing? Massu had considered ignoring the message because he was certain it would be the other trying to remind him, and he was totally right.
No.
You started at the same time as me! It's 10pm. I finished at 11am.
Massu began to wonder about the state of Nakamaru's suitcase, how much of a mess it might be. If he had forgotten anything. If he was going to have to walk around with someone whose clothes were creased from being tossed into the case. Staring at his own now emptied suitcase, he considered the stain on his t-shirt, and tossed it into his laundry hamper.
He thought Nakamaru must be very brave not to be worried about these things, to just be able to push his belongings inside and close the lid and head off to Okinawa without a care in the world. His second thought was that maybe people really were right when they called him the worrier.
You packed enough clothes, right?
Worry about your own clothes!
He decided not to reply with 'I am!' and instead tossed his phone on his bedside table and stared down at the mayhem on the bed in front of him.
--
“You did book the hotel, right?” Massu asked as they walked through the hotel’s main entrance. It wasn’t the first time he had asked, even in his own head he realised it was getting towards double figures, but he couldn’t help it. He worried about these things. He had already worried about whether the other had booked their flight right and now they had made it to Okinawa it didn’t seem right not to have anything to worry about so his mind had come up with something else.
“Ah, Nakamaru-san, Masuda-san, we’ve been expecting you,” the receptionist spoke as they approached the desk, clearly recognising who they were, and Nakamaru gave Massu a smug look.
“Yuichi, I told you to get us a room facing the sea...” Massu told him as he stepped onto the balcony of their room. Rather than a view of the sea, they were facing the red brick of the building opposite theirs. Somehow it was almost relieving to have one of his worries actually come true, as annoyed as he was.
Nakamaru was scratching his head as he followed him out. “Oh... well, I asked them for a room facing the sea, I guess they had none...”
“What’s the point in coming to Okinawa if we can’t see the sea?!” Massu replied and he didn’t mean to snap but it had been a long and nerve-wracking day and he was tired, and he wanted to see the sea. He felt a little bad when he saw Nakamaru’s shocked expression, but not enough to apologise, not just now.
“Lets go inside,” Nakamaru suggested in that calm tone that was usually soothing to Massu but not right now.
Massu shook his head. “Not right now. I’m going to stay out here a bit.”
“Okay, do you want me to unpack your -”
“Don’t touch my suitcase,” Massu warned him, and Nakamaru took that as a sign that it was best not to mess with him right now and he turned and stepped back into the room.
Massu wasn’t sure how long he sat out there staring at that wall. He counted all the bricks he could see and then he recounted them and it was a while before he could bring himself to stop. He didn’t know whether he was trying to compensate for the lack of sea out there by trying to make that wall interesting, but somehow counting over and over was soothing. The sun went down and soon it was dark, and he only realised how late it had gotten when he heard some drunk vacationers coming back to the hotel.
He supposed it was time he went back inside. He had expected that Nakamaru would have come out by now to check on him but he supposed he had been rather sharp with him. He didn’t blame him, but he wished he had regardless. There had come a point where his anger had died down and he just wanted that soothing voice to stop him from worrying any more. He stood up from his seat on the balcony and stepped back through the door into their hotel room.
“I’m so-” Massu began, but stopped when he realised the other man wasn’t going to hear it. As he looked across the room, he spotted Nakamaru fast asleep on the bed he had claimed for himself. He was half on his stomach with his legs hanging over the side of the bed, and was still dressed, as if he hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all. Massu realised that Nakamaru had probably been waiting for him to come back in.
He stepped across the room towards the other man and let out a sigh, folding over the quit on the bed until it was covering him, and pushing a pillow under his head. He figured that was the least he could do. He glanced over at his own bed, and then decided against it and perched on the corner of Nakamaru’s bed, running the fabric of the quilt through his fingers as he watched the other man sleeping.
“I’m sorry.” He decided he might as well get it out, even if the other couldn’t hear him. “I’m not great with travelling. And it was hard to accept that you were so brave and calm about it. I want a room where we can see the sea... but more than that, I want to be braver like you. I don’t want it to matter. I’m sorry that I took it out on you. You’re the last person I want to make upset, because -”
He stopped speaking, wondering himself what he had been about to say. Because they were friends? That would be easy, but it wasn’t what was on the tip of his tongue and it had surprised himself. He looked down at the face of the sleeping man, and then sighed and pulled the quilt just a little more up the other’s body to his neck, and then he stood up from his seat.
“Goodnight, Yuichi,” he told him, and then headed over to his own bed and climbed underneath the covers.
The next day, Nakamaru found them a room with a sea view. It wasn’t actually as hard as he expected, which he put down to the perks of being Nakamaru Yuichi and Masuda Takahisa, and Massu breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out onto their new balcony and was faced with a view of the open water.
“This is much better,” he smiled happily and he took a deep breath, taking in the scents of the fresh sea air. “Now we can start to enjoy this vacation properly,” he told Nakamaru who had come out to join him.
“And here I thought the wonderful company should be enough,” Nakamaru joked as he leaned against the balcony wall beside him.
Massu’s face went serious, and he turned his head a little to look at the other. “It is, I -” he started, but Nakamaru laughed and put a hand in front of his face to stop him.
“Hey, I’m just kidding,” Nakamaru told him with a reassuring smile as he lowered his hands.
“Besides, this view is pretty great.”
“I know,” Massu told him, not quite ready to lighten up quite yet. “I just feel bad for getting angry with you last night. I don’t know why it happened, I don’t usually get like that. I just... I don’t like things to go wrong. I’m not brave like you, I can’t just keep going.”
“Brave like the person who sat in our hotel room all evening not daring to come back out to see you because I was worried we might really argue?” Nakamaru pointed out.
“Then I guess we just have to be wimps together,” Massu replied, and he realised he liked the way ‘together’ sounded on his lips.
He shook the thoughts from his mind just as Nakamaru reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “At least we’re wimps with a great view,” Nakamaru pointed out, but Massu wasn’t even thinking about the view anymore, not when there was something even better than the view standing in front of him.
“I’d better go and unpack,” he decided, and with that, Massu turned away to head indoors, trying to hide the red tint to his cheeks.
--> Part 2
Pairing/Group: Nakamaru/Massu, unrequited Tegoshi/Massu; NEWS/KAT-TUN
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for je_devilorangel; Prompt was [中丸雄一 brave]. Thanks to my partner in crime, akumanakoi for making this a super fun experience ♥
Some of this piece was inspired by this quote: You cannot use someone else’s fire. You can only use your own. And…you must first be willing to believe that you have it. -Audre Lorde
Summary: It takes a lot of courage for Massu to wear what he wears, and to speak his mind, even when it appears to be random. However, he wasn’t always this brave and he’s not so courageous in other areas of his life…
~~~
At the beginning of his career, Masuda Takahisa wasn’t quite sure what he expected out of the entertainment industry, if he had any expectations at all. He was kind of just going along for the ride, wherever chance would take him, meeting different people along the way who may or may not stick around. Every encounter was a mixture of surprise and self-reflection. How did I end up surrounded by such interesting and talented people? He asked this question often in the wavering footsteps he first took into the limelight, but he wasn’t alone in his struggles.
Nakamaru Yuichi, who was in the same group of juniors who joined in 1998, experienced a similar kind of uncertainty. After being in the dance group, Pop Jam, back-dancing for Kinki Kids, he wondered if this was something he wanted to do for the rest of his life, or even if he would have that chance. The fans were enthusiastic and he enjoyed being able to challenge himself to do something different, but the future was still unknown.
In these ways, Nakamaru and Massu could really relate and bond, and they soon found out they were quite similar, and not just in circumstances.
One day while they were walking around town, going into various clothing stores to shop, Nakamaru brought up the topic that was weighing heavily on his mind. Massu had just gotten news he would debut with a group called NEWS and Nakamaru’s fate was still up in the air.
“I’m really happy for you,” he began while moving through some shirt hangers.
“Thanks,” Massu said simply, doing the same. “But to be honest, it still hasn’t set it. It feels like another unit, and there’s so many of us! It’s more nerve-wracking than exciting right now.”
Nakamaru nodded, kind of understanding the feeling of being in something new. He would have to prove his worth in the group, but everyone went through that in the beginning, and it wasn’t like anyone would not take their responsibility seriously.
As if reading his mind, Massu said, “I have to figure out a way to set myself apart.”
Nakamaru considered joking that he was weird enough as it was, but he knew it wasn’t quite the right time for that. “I think...it’s ok just to be yourself.”
Massu laughed a little. “I don’t really know what that means yet.”
Nakamaru nodded again. “Hey, how does this look on me?” He had picked out a patterned shirt with differently patterned shorts, and all the colors didn’t match.
“Hmm,” Massu tried thinking of a diplomatic way of telling his friend this.
“It’s not good, is it?” Nakamaru laughed.
“Here, try this.” Massu picked out a blue and white striped T-shirt, with some dark jeans. “This might be a little simple,” he mused and proceeded to pick out more clothes, determined to get to a style that fit Nakamaru’s figure and image, while pushing him a little outside the box.
“I know fashion is supposed to be whatever you like, I’ve seen how crazy some people take it, but I guess it’s kind of an art, isn’t it?”
Massu wasn’t paying attention, still concentrated on the clothes. Nakamaru laughed at the younger kid. This was going to be an interesting friendship.
--
Being thrown in a group with the likes of Yamashita Tomohisa and Nishikido Ryo thrust Massu and the other less popular members at the time into a world of careful footsteps and overly polite language. Even though they were supposed to be a group, they weren’t quite there.
“Hey Massu, could you come over here for a second?” Tegoshi whispered during dance practice one day. The youngest member was standing in the back row trying to follow the choreography, while Massu was rather good at dancing, positioned somewhere in the middle.
“Maaasssu,” Tegoshi said again, a bit louder, and finally the older man turned his head around, looking oddly back at him.
“What did you just call me?” His tone wasn’t one of anger, but of slight confusion.
“Massu. It sounded like a good name for you in my head, so I thought I’d say it out loud. What do you think?”
Ryo and Yamapi stopped mid-step in the front row to check what was going on in the back, so Tegoshi repeated his reasoning, proposing to change Masuda’s stagename to ‘Massu.’ The two older members laughed a little at the innocent, yet condescending nature of Tegoshi’s request. Everyone knew he meant no disrespect by it, and it kind of put everyone at ease when everyone had nothing to say.
Ryo commented first. “I think it sounds all right.” Yamapi nodded in agreement.
“Okaaaay?” Massu simply said, not really having a chance to speak his mind. Not that he minded all that much, but it was one of those moments where you’re not quite sure what just happened.
After practice Tegoshi came over to Massu’s locker wearing a sheepish grin.
“Um, sorry about earlier,” he said.
Massu turned around to look at the younger man. He knew it was both good and bad the kind of attention Tegoshi garnered from everyone, that he was trying not to step on anyone’s toes by the way he naturally talked with people, but at the same time, finding a way to stick out so that he wouldn’t be swept away by the 8 other people in the group. The kind of fame they shared was one of uncertainty, both bonding them together, yet cautiously aware of the light footsteps that needed to be taken to reach a higher peak. Despite this balancing act, it was easy for Tegoshi to be close with Massu, because at least they struggled with the beginner’s steps together.
“S’okay,” Massu replied. “I’ve been hearing you call me that, but it hasn’t really clicked for me. It’s a nice twist to my name.”
“Would you rather be called Takahisa or Taka?” He asked.
Massu thought about it for a moment, thinking back on Nakamaru’s advice to him about being more himself.
“Naaah, I actually like it. Massu’s unique,” he said with a smile.
Little did he know that it would catch on like wildfire and the entire fanbase would be calling him by that name very soon. The transition into calling him Massu was seamless for NEWS’ members and it seemed also for the rest of the entertainment industry, except for Nakamaru Yuichi.
He came up to Massu one day while shooting Shounen Club holding an open magazine, pointing to a specific page.
“You mean to tell me I’ve been calling you the wrong name for the past month?”
It took a couple seconds for Massu to figure out what he was talking about and then laughed.
“Blame Tegoshi for that. It kind of caught on and I forget that some particular people don’t pay attention to the news. NEWS, get it?” Massu started laughing at his own pun, while Nakamaru was still baffled by this information.
Nakamaru sighed and made a face. Massu caught his breath, starting to think his friend was really mad at him.
“Sorry,” he said followed by a moment of silence. Nakamaru was one of his closer friends in the agency after struggling through their junior days together. It wasn’t so much the work that was hard, but the combination of the unknown and the idea that the person next to you was both your friend and your competition that really wore on them.
Massu being able to debut that year put a slight strain on their friendship, but he thought there was an unspoken understanding that this was how the entertainment industry worked. Nakamaru was doing well with MCing, but was still waiting to hear news about a potential debut. It had to be frustrating at times, and at moments like this, Massu was afraid he was losing grip of their friendship. He didn’t want that to happen.
Nakamaru nodded, accepting his apology. “It’s okay. I was half joking with you. Also, your pun was lame. Everyone’s already used that too many times now, so it’s old news.”
It was Massu’s turn to make a face, but he burst out laughing a few moments later.
“You’re so bad at keeping a straight face.”
“Honestly, I’m still laughing at my own joke.”
Nakamaru sighed again, shaking his head. “Of course you are. You know, I’m probably the only person here that can tolerate the continuously random things that come from your brain.”
“It’s not random,” Massu defended. “I have my own reasoning. I guess you just get me more than others.”
There was a moment of silence and it was Nakamaru’s turn to crack up. “That was so cheesy.”
“You know you love it,” Massu taunted.
“Yes, my friend, I do.” He laughed. “Okay, I have to head back to prepare a segment with the juniors. Catch up with you later.”
Tegoshi came up to Massu afterwards and asked, “What was that all about?”
Massu looked at the younger man, wondering if it was his imagination or if he really did just a tint of jealous in his voice. “Nakamaru was just commenting on my sudden name change.”
“Ahh, thanks to me,” Tegoshi stated, sounding very satisfied with this.
Massu nodded, smiling. In his mind, he wondered how he ended up being close to one particularly spoiled prince and another endearing goof.
--
Two years after their group debut, Massu and Tegoshi ended up in a duo of their own. It hit them as they arrived at the small intimate venue in Sweden to prepare for their “Miso Soup” debut. Even though they had performed at larger venues with NEWS before, it felt more like their own creation.
“Wow,” Massu gaped at the equipment the band accompanying them had brought along. “This is going to sound really real.”
Tegoshi smiled, holding in his own awe. He picked up one of the guitars and plucked at the strings. “Yep, it’s going to sound great.”
Their manager walked in at this moment, smiling broadly. “Hey guys, looks pretty cool, doesn’t it? We’re going to get started with practice soon. Get some rest, we’ll rehearse for a couple, and then you’ll be ready for tonight.”
Massu and Tegoshi shared nervous glances and then went to drop their stuff off to prepare for rehearsal.
While Tegoshi was messing with his microphone equipment, Massu took the opportunity to sneak away to check the messages on his phone. He hadn’t had the chance to read through all of them before the flight and was honestly a bit nervous about that night’s performance. Usually he would confide in Tegoshi, but he knew the younger man was just as nervous and didn’t want to add to his nerves. He knew Tegoshi trusted in Massu’s aloof, yet steady nature and he didn’t want to shake that trust now.
“Ah, this one’s from Koyama,” Massu said aloud.
Have a safe trip over! You’ll do great! Just try your best and do like you always do in practice. Take care of Tegoshi, okay? :3
~Kei
He laughed to himself. He closed it and clicked the next unread message. A wave of relief washed over him as he saw who it was from and what it said.
Yo! Break a leg (not really). Have a safe flight over and back. I know you’re nervous, so I’m sending you positive vibes. You’ve done this a million times, and if you goof (not saying you will), just play it off. Maybe it’ll help if you think it’s just me in the audience.
Haha, just kidding.
The fans already love you, you’ll do great!
-Nakamaru
Massu couldn’t help the huge smile that was spreading across his face. He wanted so badly to call him and catch up with him, and wish him luck on his activities with KAT-TUN, but knew that would have to wait till he got back.
“What are you smiling about?” Tegoshi asked as he came over to get Massu.
Massu shook his head. “Mmnn, nothing. I just have a feeling we’ll be alright tonight.”
“Did you get a text from Koyama?”
Massu laughed. “Yes.”
“He told me to take care of you.”
Massu snorted. “How about we take care of each other?”
Tegoshi smiled and pumped his fist. “Let’s do this.”
That night’s performance went off without a hitch, and even their short talk segment wasn’t filled with too many awkward silences. Both worked hard to keep conversation going and interesting. They were still experiencing the high of accomplishing their first personal overseas tour (as Tegoshi liked to put it), so they couldn’t sleep. Tegoshi, being tech-savvy, searched for any signs of fan reports or general reviews of their performance from that night. A few people had already put up quick impressions, but most were in English or Swedish so he couldn’t understand them as easily as he’d like.
“Massu, someone thinks you use your hands a lot when you sing,” Tegoshi said while pointing at his laptop screen.
Massu, busy drying his hair, walked to his bed and peered at the screen, squinting.
“That’s Google Translate.”
“Yea, the report was from a foreign fan.”
“Are you sure the translation is right?” He tried to read the original text and couldn’t make any sense of it.
He shrugged. “I hadn’t noticed until they mentioned it. Hey, mind showing me how you usually do that again?”
Massu blinked and thought for a moment. “I guess I hadn’t noticed it too much either, my hands just sort of move along with the music.”
“Are you gonna show it to me?” Tegoshi asked impatiently.
“No,” Massu chuckled. “I’m pretty sure you know exactly how I move my hands and you just want to laugh at me doing it.”
Tegoshi’s sly grin appeared. “Miso soup~tsukuru dewa, yasashiisa ni afureteta…” He paused, hoping Massu would catch on, but he stood there stoically, staring at his partner.
Tegoshi got the point and went back to his laptop, sighing audibly. Massu knew that was not a sign of defeat, but rather one of plotting and waiting for the next opportunity.
And that opportunity came after their trip during a rehearsal for Music Fighter. Massu hadn’t quite forgotten about the comment about his hands, but he had forgotten about Tegoshi’s desire to watch him do it, so he went through his performance as usual.
Tegoshi started the bridge off, standing to Massu’s left, “Tokai no hayasa ni”
“Tsukareta toki ha,” Massu smiled warmly at Tegoshi.
“Itsumo koko ni iru kara,” Tegoshi smiled back.
“Kaete oide!” They sang together and at the last two piano notes, Massu moved his hands a little to follow the note down.
From then on, whenever Massu would do a hand movement, Tegoshi would follow it up the next verse. It wasn't until the last harmony did Massu realize Tegoshi was copying his movements and ended the song facing each other, hands both raised at the same height coming down.
Massu quirked his head, momentarily pausing weirdly when he was supposed to be facing the camera, but quickly turned to take his correct positioning. The director took note of that moment and came over to remind Massu of where his line of sight should be.
After the director left, Massu turned to face Tegoshi whose face was a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.
“If I didn’t know you better, I would be angry. Are you happy now?”
Tegoshi laughed out a sigh of relief, in fact fearing that Massu would take it the wrong way. Even though they had worked together for several years now, their friendship was still relatively new.
“Yes, and I kind of understand why you do it. It really flows with the music and goes well with the emotion of the song.”
Massu, who had been ready for a more snarky response, opened his mouth and closed it again. “Okay, then.”
“That comment from that fan bothered you, didn’t it?” It was more a statement than a question.
Massu looked over at the younger man, somewhat surprised at how he could read him so well. Or maybe he was just really bad at masking his true feelings. Either way, he didn’t know what to say to Tegoshi, but he didn’t need a response.
“Don’t be,” Tegoshi stated. “Bothered, I mean. It’s how you perform, it’s unique, like you are.”
Massu wondered why he was always on the other end of Tegoshi’s pep talks. Wasn’t he supposed to be giving him the advice? He sighed. It was just another day in the life with Teogshi, he guessed.
“Besides,” Tegoshi continued, “I just enjoy teasing you.” With that statement, he winked and walked backstage.
Again, what was that all about? Massu thought to himself, but was then ushered by staff to walk backstage and all thoughts went back to work.
When he was done filming, there was one unread message on his phone.
Hey, I haven’t seen you in awhile. Come hang out, I have gyoza.
-Nakamaru
Massu couldn’t help grinning. He certainly knew his way to a man’s heart. Whoa, where did that come from?
He shook the feeling off, explaining it away by thinking it was just a typical saying.
Within half an hour, Massu was knocking at Nakamaru’s apartment door. The older man opened the door quickly and ushered him in. Massu tentatively walked in, on the lookout for Nakamaru’s dogs.
Nakamaru noticed this and chuckled. “They’re in my bedroom, since I knew you were coming over. See how much I like you?”
“Eh?!” Massu almost screamed.
Nakamaru laughed at this. “It’s a joke, idiot. Come on, the food’s getting cold.”
Massu considered it for a moment and didn’t understand why he reacted so strongly to that. It was just another saying, right? That he cared that much about him to consider putting his dogs in another room so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
“Thanks,” Massu said.
Nakamaru smiled and nodded slightly, understanding what he meant. “Tell me what you’ve been up to,” he said as they sat in the cramped dining-living room and munched on the gyoza. Nakamaru sipped the tea he had prepared as he listened to Massu talk about his adventures in Sweden, his jobs lined up with the agency, and various nonsensical topics, the kind that Massu was particularly knowledgeable about.
“I’m jealous~” Nakamaru said. “I would to go on a trip like that.”
Massu’s eyes lit up. “Hey, we can do that. A trip, I mean. We don’t have to go far.”
They were having an excited discussion of what places would be fun and easy to visit when Massu noticed a slight scratching sound nearby. “Eh, what is that?”
Nakamaru got up, following the sound, knowing it was probably his dogs asking to be let out. When he reached the bedroom door, he turned around to look at Massu, silently asking for permission.
For some reason, Massu’s heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t that he was nervous about being around the dogs, even if he admittedly wasn’t fond of furry little animals, but it was more the look that Nakamaru wore for that split second. There was something about the deep level of thought and care that he showed towards him that made him feel...loved. It was a weird sensation and he tried to shake it off. He turned back to the situation at hand and thought, Nakamaru was so considerate about my anxiety that he kept his beloved dogs in his room. I should put my worries aside and at least try to get along with them, right?
Massu felt a bout of courage and nodded. The other man slowly opened the doors.
The little puppies scurried out and immediately scrambled at Nakamaru’s feet, making small happy barks. Massu had to admit it was a cute scene, how they were excited to see their father. One of them headed towards where Massu was sitting, curious about this stranger in their house, and he couldn’t help but back up in his seat a little. His muscles tensed in anticipation of the dog jumping on him, but the little pup merely sniffed at his feet and then sat beside him, waiting to be pet.
Nakamaru chuckled a little at this scene, smiling fondly in their direction. Massu looked up, a bit worried.
“Go on, she’s very friendly. And because she’s my dog, she’s Massu-friendly.”
The other man understood what he meant by that and lowered a hand towards its head. The dog looked at Massu with its big brown eyes in anticipation, panting a little with excitement.
“She’s cute,” Massu said, trying not to let his anxiety show in his voice. His hand hovered over the dog’s head and then stopped.
Nakamaru noticed this and helped him through his phobia. It wasn’t so much the advice that was helpful, but the fact that he stood so patiently and calmly with him, without judgement. Not that he expected anything less from Nakamaru, but it was nice. He managed to pet it a few times before he felt this ‘lesson’ was enough. They had spent a long night together, and it was time for Massu to head home. They would have to make an opportunity to go on a trip together soon, though.
---
As he packed for their trip to Okinawa, Massu thought about a conversation he'd had with Nakamaru the week before while they had been discussing their vacation.
“Aren't you worried?” Massu had asked him, and Nakamaru had given him a funny look.
“Worried about what?”
Massu had simply shaken his head, and wondered if people really were right when they called him 'the worrier'. He folded up a t-shirt and placed it neatly into his suitcase and then he gave it another look and pulled it back out. Was that a stain on the sleeve? Then he realised that two of the other shirts in his case were black, and it was the middle of summer and wouldn't it be far too hot wearing black?
He let out a sigh, and emptied his suitcase to start again from the beginning.
Have you finished packing? Massu had considered ignoring the message because he was certain it would be the other trying to remind him, and he was totally right.
No.
You started at the same time as me! It's 10pm. I finished at 11am.
Massu began to wonder about the state of Nakamaru's suitcase, how much of a mess it might be. If he had forgotten anything. If he was going to have to walk around with someone whose clothes were creased from being tossed into the case. Staring at his own now emptied suitcase, he considered the stain on his t-shirt, and tossed it into his laundry hamper.
He thought Nakamaru must be very brave not to be worried about these things, to just be able to push his belongings inside and close the lid and head off to Okinawa without a care in the world. His second thought was that maybe people really were right when they called him the worrier.
You packed enough clothes, right?
Worry about your own clothes!
He decided not to reply with 'I am!' and instead tossed his phone on his bedside table and stared down at the mayhem on the bed in front of him.
--
“You did book the hotel, right?” Massu asked as they walked through the hotel’s main entrance. It wasn’t the first time he had asked, even in his own head he realised it was getting towards double figures, but he couldn’t help it. He worried about these things. He had already worried about whether the other had booked their flight right and now they had made it to Okinawa it didn’t seem right not to have anything to worry about so his mind had come up with something else.
“Ah, Nakamaru-san, Masuda-san, we’ve been expecting you,” the receptionist spoke as they approached the desk, clearly recognising who they were, and Nakamaru gave Massu a smug look.
“Yuichi, I told you to get us a room facing the sea...” Massu told him as he stepped onto the balcony of their room. Rather than a view of the sea, they were facing the red brick of the building opposite theirs. Somehow it was almost relieving to have one of his worries actually come true, as annoyed as he was.
Nakamaru was scratching his head as he followed him out. “Oh... well, I asked them for a room facing the sea, I guess they had none...”
“What’s the point in coming to Okinawa if we can’t see the sea?!” Massu replied and he didn’t mean to snap but it had been a long and nerve-wracking day and he was tired, and he wanted to see the sea. He felt a little bad when he saw Nakamaru’s shocked expression, but not enough to apologise, not just now.
“Lets go inside,” Nakamaru suggested in that calm tone that was usually soothing to Massu but not right now.
Massu shook his head. “Not right now. I’m going to stay out here a bit.”
“Okay, do you want me to unpack your -”
“Don’t touch my suitcase,” Massu warned him, and Nakamaru took that as a sign that it was best not to mess with him right now and he turned and stepped back into the room.
Massu wasn’t sure how long he sat out there staring at that wall. He counted all the bricks he could see and then he recounted them and it was a while before he could bring himself to stop. He didn’t know whether he was trying to compensate for the lack of sea out there by trying to make that wall interesting, but somehow counting over and over was soothing. The sun went down and soon it was dark, and he only realised how late it had gotten when he heard some drunk vacationers coming back to the hotel.
He supposed it was time he went back inside. He had expected that Nakamaru would have come out by now to check on him but he supposed he had been rather sharp with him. He didn’t blame him, but he wished he had regardless. There had come a point where his anger had died down and he just wanted that soothing voice to stop him from worrying any more. He stood up from his seat on the balcony and stepped back through the door into their hotel room.
“I’m so-” Massu began, but stopped when he realised the other man wasn’t going to hear it. As he looked across the room, he spotted Nakamaru fast asleep on the bed he had claimed for himself. He was half on his stomach with his legs hanging over the side of the bed, and was still dressed, as if he hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all. Massu realised that Nakamaru had probably been waiting for him to come back in.
He stepped across the room towards the other man and let out a sigh, folding over the quit on the bed until it was covering him, and pushing a pillow under his head. He figured that was the least he could do. He glanced over at his own bed, and then decided against it and perched on the corner of Nakamaru’s bed, running the fabric of the quilt through his fingers as he watched the other man sleeping.
“I’m sorry.” He decided he might as well get it out, even if the other couldn’t hear him. “I’m not great with travelling. And it was hard to accept that you were so brave and calm about it. I want a room where we can see the sea... but more than that, I want to be braver like you. I don’t want it to matter. I’m sorry that I took it out on you. You’re the last person I want to make upset, because -”
He stopped speaking, wondering himself what he had been about to say. Because they were friends? That would be easy, but it wasn’t what was on the tip of his tongue and it had surprised himself. He looked down at the face of the sleeping man, and then sighed and pulled the quilt just a little more up the other’s body to his neck, and then he stood up from his seat.
“Goodnight, Yuichi,” he told him, and then headed over to his own bed and climbed underneath the covers.
The next day, Nakamaru found them a room with a sea view. It wasn’t actually as hard as he expected, which he put down to the perks of being Nakamaru Yuichi and Masuda Takahisa, and Massu breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out onto their new balcony and was faced with a view of the open water.
“This is much better,” he smiled happily and he took a deep breath, taking in the scents of the fresh sea air. “Now we can start to enjoy this vacation properly,” he told Nakamaru who had come out to join him.
“And here I thought the wonderful company should be enough,” Nakamaru joked as he leaned against the balcony wall beside him.
Massu’s face went serious, and he turned his head a little to look at the other. “It is, I -” he started, but Nakamaru laughed and put a hand in front of his face to stop him.
“Hey, I’m just kidding,” Nakamaru told him with a reassuring smile as he lowered his hands.
“Besides, this view is pretty great.”
“I know,” Massu told him, not quite ready to lighten up quite yet. “I just feel bad for getting angry with you last night. I don’t know why it happened, I don’t usually get like that. I just... I don’t like things to go wrong. I’m not brave like you, I can’t just keep going.”
“Brave like the person who sat in our hotel room all evening not daring to come back out to see you because I was worried we might really argue?” Nakamaru pointed out.
“Then I guess we just have to be wimps together,” Massu replied, and he realised he liked the way ‘together’ sounded on his lips.
He shook the thoughts from his mind just as Nakamaru reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “At least we’re wimps with a great view,” Nakamaru pointed out, but Massu wasn’t even thinking about the view anymore, not when there was something even better than the view standing in front of him.
“I’d better go and unpack,” he decided, and with that, Massu turned away to head indoors, trying to hide the red tint to his cheeks.
--> Part 2