How do I Breathe
Title: How do I Breathe [Pt.2]
Character/Pairing: potential!MyungGyu, broken!WooGyu
Rating: PG-15 (for mature themes)
Genre: Angst
Best Read after How (not) to Deal
- Pt.1 -
.
It’s raining when Sunggyu steps out of the building. He only pauses for a split second before continuing on forward, beads of water hitting his skin and absorbing into his clothes but before he can actually say he’s soaked, the raindrops stop and there’s a shadow that appears above him.
He turns to his left where Myungsoo is panting lightly before he looks up, gaze steady.
“Hyung,” there’s a short pause, “here. You’re going to get wet.” Sunggyu arches a brow before the younger male continues (rather awkwardly), “It’s raining. Take it.”
Myungsoo’s already holding out the umbrella for Sunggyu to take and waving it around (and sending rain droplets everywhere), so the older boy merely goes along with the action just to stop the extra drops of water.
“I gotta go, got class, okay? See you.”
“Wait.”
Sunggyu reflexively grabs the younger boy’s wrist and Myungsoo turns around, eyes directed to his hand-Sunggyu immediately lets go.
“What about you?” he manages.
Myungsoo cracks a small smile. “My place is closer than yours, so I’ll be okay.”
There’s a wave and then he’s gone, and Sunggyu frowns. His expression stays dark the whole way home, his thoughts on the expression of Myungsoo’s face when the boy had turned around-the look imprinted in Sunggyu’s mind.
His eyes.
Sunggyu couldn’t figure them out. What had he been expecting? Fear? Anger? Hate? Myungsoo should hate him, so what was it that was confusing the hell out of him? Sunggyu drops his head back onto his shoulders and groans.
It’s still raining when he gets home and it gets even worse once he’s taken a shower and changed. All Sunggyu can think about is Myungsoo and his stupid actions (why did he give him his umbrella?) and his stupid face (stupid and yet so handsome that it makes Sunggyu hate it some more). He can’t erase the boy’s face from his mind, Myungsoo’s expression and flitting emotions a complete contradiction to what he thought would have occurred. Sunggyu was expecting some kind of coldness, some kind of pain or anger (because what Sunggyu has done to him is plain wrong and he deserves the hate).
.
“It’s not your fault.”
Myungsoo tightens his jaw but otherwise doesn’t reply. He’s regretting the words that have already slipped out and Sungjong doesn’t need to know the rest.
“Hyung, it’s not your fault. If you’re blaming yourself, then you might as well blame me too. He’s my cousin after all.”
Myungsoo knows that Sungjong has no such thoughts and sometimes he wonders how Sungjong is younger than him.
“You didn’t do anything.” Sungjong’s arms are crossed, stance firm. “Did you try to get them together? No. Did you force them into the same bed? No. You didn’t do anything.”
“Other than introduce them to each other in hopes they would like each other.”
Sungjong rolls his eyes at the sarcasm laced in Myungsoo’s voice. “You’re being stupid, hyung.”
Myungsoo scoffs and then begins to cough, covering it with a hand. “Whatever. Sungjong-ah, I’m heading off first. Gonna go home.”
He leaves before Sungjong can fit in another word, keeping the scowl off his face with effort. Sungjong touches a little too close to home and there’s another flood of intruding thoughts in his mind.
Only Woohyun has had the power to truly make Sunggyu happy. Myungsoo can only hope to be a replacement so that Sunggyu can get back on his two feet, but-and here Myungsoo swallows, his throat dry-but maybe, Sunggyu will let go, and maybe, Myungsoo won’t have to be just a replacement.
.
“Hyung!”
Sunggyu turns to see Dongwoo jogging over and Hoya in the distance, the latter obviously choosing to walk instead of run. There’s a concerned look etched on the navy haired male and Sunggyu holds back a frown. He’s been getting that expression from too many people on too many occasions.
Dongwoo slows when he’s in front of him and leans over to catch his breath, and Sunggyu decides to let the younger male speak first.
“Hyung,” Dongwoo looks up, “how are you?”
Sunggyu can see past Dongwoo’s smile and doesn’t bother giving one of his own. The older male re-adjusts the bag strap across his shoulder as his eyes flick to where Hoya is still walking towards them, face blank.
“I’m fine.”
Something dims in Dongwoo’s eyes and Sunggyu gnaws on the bottom of his lip, avoiding his gaze to pretend as if he hasn’t seen a thing. Hoya is only a few yards off and Dongwoo grabs his attention once again.
“Hyung, where are you off to?”
“I’m going home,” Sunggyu lies, glancing lazily at Dongwoo.
It was almost a routine now for him to not go home after his tutorial classes on Tuesdays. It was the bar for a few weeks, but he’s slowly moved onto simply walking around the school grounds, exploring the park or camping at the small café tucked away in the south-east corner of the campus. He’d been hit with a wave of memories that morning so the bar was his destination for the day-not that he’d let Dongwoo know.
“Ah, okay.”
Hoya finally walks in, slowing his steps and watching Sunggyu with hard eyes. The younger male doesn’t greet him and merely stares, lips drawn in a tight line. There was a time where Sunggyu would berate him for it but right now, he simply doesn’t care.
“Stay away from Myungsoo.”
“He’s sick,” Dongwoo says immediately, his words catching the end of Hoya’s sentence.
There’s dead quiet between the three. Sunggyu doesn’t reply because he’s almost too shocked to do so, but his facial emotions are in check, and that’s all that matters.
Hoya knows and going by the strained expression etched on Dongwoo’s face, so does he. Sunggyu should be feeling like the most fucked up friend who’s ever lived (he’s not even sure he should be using the term friend anymore) yet all he does is stare blankly at the pair.
His mind isn’t there anymore, because did he hear right?
He’s sick.
.
The knocking doesn’t relent and he wearily drags himself from the bed, grabbing a hoodie hanging off the back of his chair so at least he doesn’t look like he’s just woken up (even if it’s the case).
He pulls the black hood over his head just as he opens the door with his other hand and Myungsoo freezes at the figure standing in his doorway. The young man eyes him up and down before crossing his arms over his chest.
“You look horrible.”
Myungsoo doesn’t respond. His head kind of hurts but he blinks through the haze anyway, more awake than before and finally registers that Sunggyu is in front of his apartment. Sunggyu is here?
“Are you going to invite me in or are we just going to stand here?”
Sunggyu is here, and Sunggyu is sober?
He backs up wordlessly and Sunggyu approaches him, removing the door from his grasp and closing it behind him. The older male toes off his shoes and drops his knapsack onto the couch before turning to give him a look.
“Did you eat yet?”
Sunggyu is sober?
“Yah, Myungsoo-ah, did you lose your voice?”
“No.”
Myungsoo is acutely aware that the word comes out hoarse and he attempts to clear his throat, the action itself proving useless (and painful). A cough forces its way out and he keeps his mouth closed to try to muffle the severity of the sound. It doesn’t really work.
“You have such a weak immune system. Why are you out of bed?”
Myungsoo snorts and opens his mouth. “Cause someone wouldn’t stop knocking.”
But Sunggyu is already waving the remark away like it’s not his fault and heading towards his kitchen, placing a small plastic bag on the counter as he goes. When he turns to grab something from his bag they lock eyes and Myungsoo hasn’t realized he’s still frozen to the spot. Sunggyu arches a brow at him.
“What, do you need me to carry you now?”
Myungsoo shakes his head and sniffles. Sunggyu rolls his eyes.
“Serves you right for giving me your umbrella.”
“You’re right, hyung. You’re definitely the one that should be stuck at home.”
Myungsoo knows that Sunggyu’s caught the underlying meaning in his words and the older boy frowns, small eyes narrowed. But there’s just something funny about Sunggyu’s scowl and Myungsoo begins to chortle, laughter bubbling from his chest before it dissolves right back into a coughing fit.
“Yah, Kim Myungsoo. Bed.”
.
When Myungsoo stirs awake, it’s still night time. His brow is damp and his breathing is heavy, and Myungsoo can feel the goose bumps that are racing up his arms. His throat is extremely dry and he drags himself upright despite his body’s protests. It’s then that Myungsoo spots the glass of water on his night table, the water catching the moonlight and the glass playing with its reflection.
Myungsoo reaches for it- it’s warm to the touch.
Whether it was hot water that had cooled with time or warm water that had just been placed there, Myungsoo would never know. The liquid slips past chapped lips and slides down a raw throat and Myungsoo downs the whole glass (with difficulty, but he’s thirsty).
Hot or warm, the glass of water wasn’t there when he fell asleep. Did that mean-
His hand suddenly flinches as it visibly starts to shake and Myungsoo doesn’t get to finish the thought. He hears glass shattering (he dropped his cup?) but he’s way too distracted by the trembles wracking his whole body, shudders rolling down his spine.
The light turns on and Myungsoo squints, bleary eyed. His vision is still clouded but he can see Sunggyu standing by the door, his quiet gaze moving across the room to land on him.
Sunggyu?
Myungsoo can’t stop shivering and he feels a little delirious because Sunggyu left hours ago (wait, didn’t he?) after the older male made him seaweed soup, and isn’t it like, the middle of the night?
Suddenly Sunggyu seems a lot closer and Myungsoo can make out the worry lines etched on the elder’s face. They seem a little too clear for him to be imagining them, but then there’s a warm hand against his forehead and Myungsoo’s eyes automatically flutter at the touch (Sunggyu is here?).
He’s right back under the covers but the layers don’t make much of a difference. He feels like he’s been shoved into a freezer and so he curls himself into a ball but damn, he’s just so cold. There are murmurs around him (is someone talking?) but then the lights go out, and suddenly Myungsoo is seven years old again.
Seven years old and getting the chills after hiding outside in the snow for too long. Seven years old and feeling very sick-he can’t stop his body from shaking, it’s hard to breath and his throat is sore. The darkness in his room leaves little of its counterpart, shadows lying in wait in his closet, under his bed. He can see his mother’s face from beneath the thick layer of blankets, her eyes are dim and her face is sad. She’s leaving because work is important and she can’t be late, but mom-
Please, don’t leave.
.
Sunggyu stares at his phone in annoyance, the screen blinking from the ended call. He’s reminded why he found it so relieving to not have his phone on him, but circumstances had him saying otherwise. He scrubs his face with a hand and then yawns, the action so heavy that he feels like it just might dislocate his jaw.
He sinks into the couch, dropping his head back and closing his eyes. He hadn’t slept much last night (or slept at all); he’d been up worrying about Myungsoo and his stupid chills, and then his night sweats and his fever (and his hallucinations-what surprised Sunggyu the most was when the younger male had suddenly teared up, uttering something along the lines of “don’t leave”, and how could he do so when the boy sounded like that?).
The sound of a door creaking open makes him lift his head, finding Myungsoo staring at him with a blanket wrapped over a shoulders, collar bare from his loose shirt and black socks peaking from underneath the cover. He’s squinting from the light, bed hair sticking up and a pink tint on his left cheek.
“Hyung?”
Myungsoo’s voice is still frail and hoarse, and Sunggyu immediately straightens. “How are you feeling? Are you thirsty? You shouldn’t be out of bed.”
Before Sunggyu can get up from where he’s installed himself on the couch, Myungsoo’s already wandered and plopped himself on the opposite end, blanket trailing behind him.
“Don’t you have a class right now?” Sunggyu doesn’t know why he isn’t surprised that Myungsoo knows his schedule. The boy blinks. “Did you stay here all night?”
Sunggyu narrows his eyes at the follow-up question. He’d been by the younger male’s side practically the whole time-he had kept the lights off and used the moon for illumination, dragged a chair next to his bed and was quiet, but that didn’t mean he had been invisible. Sunggyu frowns at the thought and closes the gap between them, pushing a palm to Myungsoo’s forehead, checking it with his own before placing it back against the younger’s head.
“Your fever’s gone down.”
“Did you cut yourself?”
Sunggyu slowly retracts his hand and hides his bandaged finger among his other digits, dropping his gaze to meet Myungsoo’s, surprise well hidden behind his expressionless face. Myungsoo’s eyes have always been the boy’s strong point (and Sunggyu’s weak point)-eyes Sunggyu has difficulty holding-eyes that reveal too much of Myungsoo that Sunggyu can take.
He turns away first, pulling himself up to grab a cup of warm water and giving it to the younger male before proceeding to grab his jacket.
“Howon should be here soon,” he says, gaze averted as he zips up. “Dongwoo, I think, too.”
He swings his backpack over a shoulder and slips on his shoes, but before he can open the door Myungsoo speaks up.
“Hyung.” There’s a pause and Sunggyu turns from the door to face him. “Are you coming back?”
Sunggyu absently tightens his grip around his bag strap. “Do you really want me to?” he responds quietly, part of him hoping that Myungsoo hadn’t heard him.
The younger rubs an eye with the back of his hand, cheeks a little swollen from sleep and Sunggyu is reminded of a toddler who’s just been woken up. “Could you?” Myungsoo whispers back, words almost too faint to hear but Sunggyu still catches them.
There are a plenty of reasons why he shouldn’t, Sunggyu thinks, but there’s something in Myungsoo’s eyes, something in the way Myungsoo is staring at him that says that maybe-maybe-there’s one reason that he should.
“Yeah.”
.
Sunggyu is lying in his couch, the back of his hand dropped against his forehead and eyes staring unfocused at the ceiling. He’s tired-exhausted from taking care of and worrying about Myungsoo all night. He should be sleeping (or attending class) but there’s only one person on his mind-and it’s not Woohyun.
.
His fingers drum against the small dinner table, eyes drifting to the empty seat opposite him (the empty seat that once belonged to Nam Woohyun) and settling further off (beer bottles tucked away into the corner of his kitchen counter).
“Time heals all wounds,” Dongwoo had told him before he’d thrown the younger boy out for not being able to pick a side (and here, Sunggyu chides himself because he can’t blame Dongwoo-it’s Dongwoo-and he and Woohyun are both his best friends).
Time has let those wounds scar over but in that time, Sunggyu concludes that forever is a lie and that love changes (hearts change) so what’s the point? Why should he even bother to think about it if he knows Myungsoo will eventually hurt him, just like Woohyun did? He hates the word, but it’s the only word that will suffice: he’s scared-terrified, because if he opens his heart and trusts again, the repercussions will be as painful-possibly worse-possibly devastating.
(Can he really survive getting hurt a second time?)
His phone lights up, a simple tone ringing into the silence and Sunggyu’s eyes fall to the name on the screen.
Yet why does he continue to call? After all this time, why does he stand Sunggyu's shit? Why does he even bother with him because Sunggyu hasn’t been even remotely close to being a good hyung. Everything Sunggyu’s done to him, why is he still here?
To be honest, Sunggyu is scared because, maybe, he thinks he likes him-it might even be more than that. Sunggyu wants to believe that he can do that (love again, hope, trust again). He’s been quite the bastard lately (messed up and going down rather than going up) so he sees no reason for him to even care for someone like Sunggyu-but then Sunggyu remembers his words, remembers his eyes and Sunggyu thinks that maybe-maybe-it’s possible. Maybe forever is possible.
Stubborn idiot.
Sunggyu answers the call, voice quiet-tentative.
“Hi, Myungsoo.”
*
[a/n]: ended with possibilities? I also think that Woohyun really needs a say in this.
Character/Pairing: potential!MyungGyu, broken!WooGyu
Rating: PG-15 (for mature themes)
Genre: Angst
Best Read after How (not) to Deal
- Pt.1 -
.
It’s raining when Sunggyu steps out of the building. He only pauses for a split second before continuing on forward, beads of water hitting his skin and absorbing into his clothes but before he can actually say he’s soaked, the raindrops stop and there’s a shadow that appears above him.
He turns to his left where Myungsoo is panting lightly before he looks up, gaze steady.
“Hyung,” there’s a short pause, “here. You’re going to get wet.” Sunggyu arches a brow before the younger male continues (rather awkwardly), “It’s raining. Take it.”
Myungsoo’s already holding out the umbrella for Sunggyu to take and waving it around (and sending rain droplets everywhere), so the older boy merely goes along with the action just to stop the extra drops of water.
“I gotta go, got class, okay? See you.”
“Wait.”
Sunggyu reflexively grabs the younger boy’s wrist and Myungsoo turns around, eyes directed to his hand-Sunggyu immediately lets go.
“What about you?” he manages.
Myungsoo cracks a small smile. “My place is closer than yours, so I’ll be okay.”
There’s a wave and then he’s gone, and Sunggyu frowns. His expression stays dark the whole way home, his thoughts on the expression of Myungsoo’s face when the boy had turned around-the look imprinted in Sunggyu’s mind.
His eyes.
Sunggyu couldn’t figure them out. What had he been expecting? Fear? Anger? Hate? Myungsoo should hate him, so what was it that was confusing the hell out of him? Sunggyu drops his head back onto his shoulders and groans.
It’s still raining when he gets home and it gets even worse once he’s taken a shower and changed. All Sunggyu can think about is Myungsoo and his stupid actions (why did he give him his umbrella?) and his stupid face (stupid and yet so handsome that it makes Sunggyu hate it some more). He can’t erase the boy’s face from his mind, Myungsoo’s expression and flitting emotions a complete contradiction to what he thought would have occurred. Sunggyu was expecting some kind of coldness, some kind of pain or anger (because what Sunggyu has done to him is plain wrong and he deserves the hate).
.
“It’s not your fault.”
Myungsoo tightens his jaw but otherwise doesn’t reply. He’s regretting the words that have already slipped out and Sungjong doesn’t need to know the rest.
“Hyung, it’s not your fault. If you’re blaming yourself, then you might as well blame me too. He’s my cousin after all.”
Myungsoo knows that Sungjong has no such thoughts and sometimes he wonders how Sungjong is younger than him.
“You didn’t do anything.” Sungjong’s arms are crossed, stance firm. “Did you try to get them together? No. Did you force them into the same bed? No. You didn’t do anything.”
“Other than introduce them to each other in hopes they would like each other.”
Sungjong rolls his eyes at the sarcasm laced in Myungsoo’s voice. “You’re being stupid, hyung.”
Myungsoo scoffs and then begins to cough, covering it with a hand. “Whatever. Sungjong-ah, I’m heading off first. Gonna go home.”
He leaves before Sungjong can fit in another word, keeping the scowl off his face with effort. Sungjong touches a little too close to home and there’s another flood of intruding thoughts in his mind.
Only Woohyun has had the power to truly make Sunggyu happy. Myungsoo can only hope to be a replacement so that Sunggyu can get back on his two feet, but-and here Myungsoo swallows, his throat dry-but maybe, Sunggyu will let go, and maybe, Myungsoo won’t have to be just a replacement.
.
“Hyung!”
Sunggyu turns to see Dongwoo jogging over and Hoya in the distance, the latter obviously choosing to walk instead of run. There’s a concerned look etched on the navy haired male and Sunggyu holds back a frown. He’s been getting that expression from too many people on too many occasions.
Dongwoo slows when he’s in front of him and leans over to catch his breath, and Sunggyu decides to let the younger male speak first.
“Hyung,” Dongwoo looks up, “how are you?”
Sunggyu can see past Dongwoo’s smile and doesn’t bother giving one of his own. The older male re-adjusts the bag strap across his shoulder as his eyes flick to where Hoya is still walking towards them, face blank.
“I’m fine.”
Something dims in Dongwoo’s eyes and Sunggyu gnaws on the bottom of his lip, avoiding his gaze to pretend as if he hasn’t seen a thing. Hoya is only a few yards off and Dongwoo grabs his attention once again.
“Hyung, where are you off to?”
“I’m going home,” Sunggyu lies, glancing lazily at Dongwoo.
It was almost a routine now for him to not go home after his tutorial classes on Tuesdays. It was the bar for a few weeks, but he’s slowly moved onto simply walking around the school grounds, exploring the park or camping at the small café tucked away in the south-east corner of the campus. He’d been hit with a wave of memories that morning so the bar was his destination for the day-not that he’d let Dongwoo know.
“Ah, okay.”
Hoya finally walks in, slowing his steps and watching Sunggyu with hard eyes. The younger male doesn’t greet him and merely stares, lips drawn in a tight line. There was a time where Sunggyu would berate him for it but right now, he simply doesn’t care.
“Stay away from Myungsoo.”
“He’s sick,” Dongwoo says immediately, his words catching the end of Hoya’s sentence.
There’s dead quiet between the three. Sunggyu doesn’t reply because he’s almost too shocked to do so, but his facial emotions are in check, and that’s all that matters.
Hoya knows and going by the strained expression etched on Dongwoo’s face, so does he. Sunggyu should be feeling like the most fucked up friend who’s ever lived (he’s not even sure he should be using the term friend anymore) yet all he does is stare blankly at the pair.
His mind isn’t there anymore, because did he hear right?
He’s sick.
.
The knocking doesn’t relent and he wearily drags himself from the bed, grabbing a hoodie hanging off the back of his chair so at least he doesn’t look like he’s just woken up (even if it’s the case).
He pulls the black hood over his head just as he opens the door with his other hand and Myungsoo freezes at the figure standing in his doorway. The young man eyes him up and down before crossing his arms over his chest.
“You look horrible.”
Myungsoo doesn’t respond. His head kind of hurts but he blinks through the haze anyway, more awake than before and finally registers that Sunggyu is in front of his apartment. Sunggyu is here?
“Are you going to invite me in or are we just going to stand here?”
Sunggyu is here, and Sunggyu is sober?
He backs up wordlessly and Sunggyu approaches him, removing the door from his grasp and closing it behind him. The older male toes off his shoes and drops his knapsack onto the couch before turning to give him a look.
“Did you eat yet?”
Sunggyu is sober?
“Yah, Myungsoo-ah, did you lose your voice?”
“No.”
Myungsoo is acutely aware that the word comes out hoarse and he attempts to clear his throat, the action itself proving useless (and painful). A cough forces its way out and he keeps his mouth closed to try to muffle the severity of the sound. It doesn’t really work.
“You have such a weak immune system. Why are you out of bed?”
Myungsoo snorts and opens his mouth. “Cause someone wouldn’t stop knocking.”
But Sunggyu is already waving the remark away like it’s not his fault and heading towards his kitchen, placing a small plastic bag on the counter as he goes. When he turns to grab something from his bag they lock eyes and Myungsoo hasn’t realized he’s still frozen to the spot. Sunggyu arches a brow at him.
“What, do you need me to carry you now?”
Myungsoo shakes his head and sniffles. Sunggyu rolls his eyes.
“Serves you right for giving me your umbrella.”
“You’re right, hyung. You’re definitely the one that should be stuck at home.”
Myungsoo knows that Sunggyu’s caught the underlying meaning in his words and the older boy frowns, small eyes narrowed. But there’s just something funny about Sunggyu’s scowl and Myungsoo begins to chortle, laughter bubbling from his chest before it dissolves right back into a coughing fit.
“Yah, Kim Myungsoo. Bed.”
.
When Myungsoo stirs awake, it’s still night time. His brow is damp and his breathing is heavy, and Myungsoo can feel the goose bumps that are racing up his arms. His throat is extremely dry and he drags himself upright despite his body’s protests. It’s then that Myungsoo spots the glass of water on his night table, the water catching the moonlight and the glass playing with its reflection.
Myungsoo reaches for it- it’s warm to the touch.
Whether it was hot water that had cooled with time or warm water that had just been placed there, Myungsoo would never know. The liquid slips past chapped lips and slides down a raw throat and Myungsoo downs the whole glass (with difficulty, but he’s thirsty).
Hot or warm, the glass of water wasn’t there when he fell asleep. Did that mean-
His hand suddenly flinches as it visibly starts to shake and Myungsoo doesn’t get to finish the thought. He hears glass shattering (he dropped his cup?) but he’s way too distracted by the trembles wracking his whole body, shudders rolling down his spine.
The light turns on and Myungsoo squints, bleary eyed. His vision is still clouded but he can see Sunggyu standing by the door, his quiet gaze moving across the room to land on him.
Sunggyu?
Myungsoo can’t stop shivering and he feels a little delirious because Sunggyu left hours ago (wait, didn’t he?) after the older male made him seaweed soup, and isn’t it like, the middle of the night?
Suddenly Sunggyu seems a lot closer and Myungsoo can make out the worry lines etched on the elder’s face. They seem a little too clear for him to be imagining them, but then there’s a warm hand against his forehead and Myungsoo’s eyes automatically flutter at the touch (Sunggyu is here?).
He’s right back under the covers but the layers don’t make much of a difference. He feels like he’s been shoved into a freezer and so he curls himself into a ball but damn, he’s just so cold. There are murmurs around him (is someone talking?) but then the lights go out, and suddenly Myungsoo is seven years old again.
Seven years old and getting the chills after hiding outside in the snow for too long. Seven years old and feeling very sick-he can’t stop his body from shaking, it’s hard to breath and his throat is sore. The darkness in his room leaves little of its counterpart, shadows lying in wait in his closet, under his bed. He can see his mother’s face from beneath the thick layer of blankets, her eyes are dim and her face is sad. She’s leaving because work is important and she can’t be late, but mom-
Please, don’t leave.
.
Sunggyu stares at his phone in annoyance, the screen blinking from the ended call. He’s reminded why he found it so relieving to not have his phone on him, but circumstances had him saying otherwise. He scrubs his face with a hand and then yawns, the action so heavy that he feels like it just might dislocate his jaw.
He sinks into the couch, dropping his head back and closing his eyes. He hadn’t slept much last night (or slept at all); he’d been up worrying about Myungsoo and his stupid chills, and then his night sweats and his fever (and his hallucinations-what surprised Sunggyu the most was when the younger male had suddenly teared up, uttering something along the lines of “don’t leave”, and how could he do so when the boy sounded like that?).
The sound of a door creaking open makes him lift his head, finding Myungsoo staring at him with a blanket wrapped over a shoulders, collar bare from his loose shirt and black socks peaking from underneath the cover. He’s squinting from the light, bed hair sticking up and a pink tint on his left cheek.
“Hyung?”
Myungsoo’s voice is still frail and hoarse, and Sunggyu immediately straightens. “How are you feeling? Are you thirsty? You shouldn’t be out of bed.”
Before Sunggyu can get up from where he’s installed himself on the couch, Myungsoo’s already wandered and plopped himself on the opposite end, blanket trailing behind him.
“Don’t you have a class right now?” Sunggyu doesn’t know why he isn’t surprised that Myungsoo knows his schedule. The boy blinks. “Did you stay here all night?”
Sunggyu narrows his eyes at the follow-up question. He’d been by the younger male’s side practically the whole time-he had kept the lights off and used the moon for illumination, dragged a chair next to his bed and was quiet, but that didn’t mean he had been invisible. Sunggyu frowns at the thought and closes the gap between them, pushing a palm to Myungsoo’s forehead, checking it with his own before placing it back against the younger’s head.
“Your fever’s gone down.”
“Did you cut yourself?”
Sunggyu slowly retracts his hand and hides his bandaged finger among his other digits, dropping his gaze to meet Myungsoo’s, surprise well hidden behind his expressionless face. Myungsoo’s eyes have always been the boy’s strong point (and Sunggyu’s weak point)-eyes Sunggyu has difficulty holding-eyes that reveal too much of Myungsoo that Sunggyu can take.
He turns away first, pulling himself up to grab a cup of warm water and giving it to the younger male before proceeding to grab his jacket.
“Howon should be here soon,” he says, gaze averted as he zips up. “Dongwoo, I think, too.”
He swings his backpack over a shoulder and slips on his shoes, but before he can open the door Myungsoo speaks up.
“Hyung.” There’s a pause and Sunggyu turns from the door to face him. “Are you coming back?”
Sunggyu absently tightens his grip around his bag strap. “Do you really want me to?” he responds quietly, part of him hoping that Myungsoo hadn’t heard him.
The younger rubs an eye with the back of his hand, cheeks a little swollen from sleep and Sunggyu is reminded of a toddler who’s just been woken up. “Could you?” Myungsoo whispers back, words almost too faint to hear but Sunggyu still catches them.
There are a plenty of reasons why he shouldn’t, Sunggyu thinks, but there’s something in Myungsoo’s eyes, something in the way Myungsoo is staring at him that says that maybe-maybe-there’s one reason that he should.
“Yeah.”
.
Sunggyu is lying in his couch, the back of his hand dropped against his forehead and eyes staring unfocused at the ceiling. He’s tired-exhausted from taking care of and worrying about Myungsoo all night. He should be sleeping (or attending class) but there’s only one person on his mind-and it’s not Woohyun.
.
His fingers drum against the small dinner table, eyes drifting to the empty seat opposite him (the empty seat that once belonged to Nam Woohyun) and settling further off (beer bottles tucked away into the corner of his kitchen counter).
“Time heals all wounds,” Dongwoo had told him before he’d thrown the younger boy out for not being able to pick a side (and here, Sunggyu chides himself because he can’t blame Dongwoo-it’s Dongwoo-and he and Woohyun are both his best friends).
Time has let those wounds scar over but in that time, Sunggyu concludes that forever is a lie and that love changes (hearts change) so what’s the point? Why should he even bother to think about it if he knows Myungsoo will eventually hurt him, just like Woohyun did? He hates the word, but it’s the only word that will suffice: he’s scared-terrified, because if he opens his heart and trusts again, the repercussions will be as painful-possibly worse-possibly devastating.
(Can he really survive getting hurt a second time?)
His phone lights up, a simple tone ringing into the silence and Sunggyu’s eyes fall to the name on the screen.
Yet why does he continue to call? After all this time, why does he stand Sunggyu's shit? Why does he even bother with him because Sunggyu hasn’t been even remotely close to being a good hyung. Everything Sunggyu’s done to him, why is he still here?
To be honest, Sunggyu is scared because, maybe, he thinks he likes him-it might even be more than that. Sunggyu wants to believe that he can do that (love again, hope, trust again). He’s been quite the bastard lately (messed up and going down rather than going up) so he sees no reason for him to even care for someone like Sunggyu-but then Sunggyu remembers his words, remembers his eyes and Sunggyu thinks that maybe-maybe-it’s possible. Maybe forever is possible.
Stubborn idiot.
Sunggyu answers the call, voice quiet-tentative.
“Hi, Myungsoo.”
*
[a/n]: ended with possibilities? I also think that Woohyun really needs a say in this.